187 lines
13 KiB
Plaintext
187 lines
13 KiB
Plaintext
GwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwD
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T h e G R E E N Y w o r l d D o m i n a t i o n T a s k F o r c e
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Presents:
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"The Plot"
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by Spanky McDougal, Sir! / Swedish Shef
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Ladies and Gentlemen, your comfortable, sheltered, safe little lives are
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about to be subjected to a rather rude awakening. The bad boys of God are
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a-comin' to town, and I aim to tell their story. The only thing is, us mere
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mortal men and women aren't meant to be privy to secrets such as these. As
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such, I fear for myself once it gets out that I'm instructing the masses. If I
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disappear, TELL ALL YOUR FRIENDS! With that in mind, read what follows and be
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prepared to make many copies and distribute them. The truth must be known, the
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way must be shown. Prepare to have your horizons broadened. . . .
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*******************************IN THE BEGINNING*********************************
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God created the world. Not the same world we know and love now, to be sure,
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but a world pretty much like it. The main difference was the dinosaurs walked
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the earth. Now, these big beasts didn't have too much use. They didn't do a
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whole lot, except eat and make baby dinosaurs (along with a copious amount of
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dinosaur shit). Still, they were there for a reason. To make fossils. Now,
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why would God want fossils? Easy. So people would see them and NOT believe in
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them. It's true--when the things were first discovered, a lot of folks thought
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they had to be a hoax, because God would never let a species go extinct.
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Therefore, it was a test of faith. Ideally, people would see the bones, tell
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the scientists to go to hell, and go back to church. Points for God. Now, of
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course, Satan wouldn't let this go unchallenged. HIS big tool in all of this
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was an evil, evil man named Darwin. Y'see, early on, the first guy to publish
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a theory of evolution was a man named Wallace. Wallace was on a first-name
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basis with God. He wrote a theory of evolution, but the idea was that no one
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would believe it. See, God's tricky! Slick! Wallace wrote a really bad book,
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delineating some really crackpot theories, and no one bought it (the idea or the
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book.) The Dark Lord's answer to this was Darwin, who just HAPPENED to be Chief
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Naturalist on a ship called the Beagle, which just HAPPENED to be in South
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America, which just HAPPENED to be where the Galapagos Islands are, which just
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HAPPEN to be the only place in the world where a body can SEE evolution take
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place. If you haven't figured it out yet, although evolution is real, WE'RE NOT
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SUPPOSED TO KNOW THAT. Very important bit of dogma, it will help in the
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comprehension of the theory. Darwin, motivated by the stench of brimstone, went
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back to England. He'd had all of this dumped in his lap, but he still needed to
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be hit on the head to produce. This was accomplished by the sending of a copy
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of Wallace's book by an unknown patsy to Darwin, who read it and thought, "Hmmm.
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I could make a killing with this!" Once again, greed motivating evil. He wrote
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HIS book, containing HIS theory of evolution. The only difference between the
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two books is this - Wallace worked with a holy sense of naive innocence, while
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Darwin had the dubious benefit of the cunning of the Devil at his side.
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Needless to say, the corrupt Victorian age snapped up Darwin's book and made him
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a wealthy man. Even worse, peoplebegan to believe Darwin's theories. There
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were, of course, those few who didn't believe. These people exist today (like
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the Flat Earth Society) but are mostly thought of as crackpots and lunatics
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(like the Flat Earth Society). Satan, not one to hedge bets, realized that the
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best way to prove evolution is to advance technology. Tech means satellites to
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find fossils, X-Rays to look at them with, and schools to train Satan's
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vanguard, paleontologists. What, I ask you, is the biggest catalyst of
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technology? Again, simple - War. You cause war, you advance the tech. If not
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for WWII, we in all probability would not be in possession of the jet engine.
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Ergo, Mr. Naughty causes several major wars and revolutions, sparking all human
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technology past what The Plan calls for. People ask me, "Reverend, if God is
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perfect, why doesn't he know this is going to happen before hand?" Easy. He
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does. God, of course, is the consummate sportsman, and destiny is the ultimate
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sport. Ergo, he ignores his precognisance in order to even the odds.
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Unfortunate for some, yes, but who are we to argue the rules of the game?
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Anyway, a patient and trained eye can see evidence of Satan's doings in most of
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the wars of the past two centuries. The biggest marker is, to the point of
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being cliched (although that is a horrible thought) is the Holocaust. Other
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examples would be the use of sulfur as a gas weapon, 'ethnic cleansing,' and
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Lenin's persecution of the church. All of this, aside from killing the faithful
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and eroding the people's faith in a benevolent God, takes away most, if not all,
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of any kind of support that could be scientifically drummed up in favor of the
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creation story. That, of course, is the point. But, did I mention God is
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sneaky? Slick? Sly? That he is boys and girls, that he is. He has his own,
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secret representatives on Earth. To demonstrate this point, we must first
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understand that Satan's forces in the terrestrial plane are, in the main, the
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GRU. The GRU is the Russian military secret police, which influences the KGB,
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which influences the governments of the entire Warsaw pact. A delicate chain,
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but a deadly one. Now, who on this green earth hates the Red Bear above all
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others? This one's a toughie - Fidel Castro. Castro's revolution was funded by
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the KGB (and, presumably, the GRU). Somewhere along the line, the decision was
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made to withdraw funding because they didn't think the man could pull it off.
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Despite the fact that support was nixed at the worst possible moment, Castro did
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it anyway. An unbelievable coup, and one that sparked an awe-inspiring hatred
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between the two countries. The Cuban missile crises is evidence of this - the
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Russians trying to take advantage of Cuba, and the Cubans trying to steal
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Russian uranium (they did, by the way). Castro struck a deal with God - Cuba
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would do anything God said to hurt the Russians, and God would supply Cuba with
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financial miracles. It should be noted that this is an alliance of convenience;
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Castro is neither a wise nor particularly holy man. But how to hurt the
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Russians? We can see that the GRU is trying to suppress fossil evidence that
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sheds light on inaccuracies of the theory of evolution. Certain human fossils
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in Ethiopia reportedly were as old as the dinosaurs...and then Ethiopia
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disappeared behind the early Iron Curtain, shutting researchers out! The Peking
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Man disappeared from RED China! This is NOT a coincidence! So, obviously,
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Castro means to disrupt the theory of evolution. How? For a period of about
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forty years, there are NO especially revolutionary Soviet scientific
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developments, except perhaps in aeronautics. Why? All Russian theoretical
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scientists of any not and/or talent had been posted to what I like to call the
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Perchorsk Projekt - an effort to create a working prototype time machine.
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Research of this type has been banned by several major secret Cold War treaties,
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but that didn't stop everyone from trying to build an Intrusion Device (ID). Of
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course, only the Russians built a working model, and it doesn't work very well.
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Very risky business, time travel. What's important is that IT WASN'T BUILT IN
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RUSSIA. Why? The Wallachians. Wallachia is (was) a tiny little country on the
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border of Russia. It was one of the first countries annexed in the early days
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of the USSR. Now, Wallachia has been conquered many times in the past, but this
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really pissed them off. Enough is enough, they thought, what now? So, a grand
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tradition passed from Wallachian Ma's and Da's is the grand old sport of selling
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secrets. There's nothing a Wallachian loves more than getting himself posted to
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a high level job and then selling world class super-espionage style secrets for
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a pocketful of rubles. They're not in it for the money, really. No one does
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revenge like a Wallachian. Since these people are ethnically identical to the
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average Russian, the government knew it could never screen everyone who came
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into contact with Perchorsk. So, they moved it out of country, where a few
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scientists could observe the work of foreign technicians. Where? To Cuba, of
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course. See, the GRU didn't knowhow far along the Projekt was, and the ID teams
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didn't know about the plans to leave Cuba. So, in the quick pullout, all of the
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research and blueprints of the working prototype (the Cubans call it Domingo)
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were left behind. It's important to realize that the ID only goes in reverse -
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no trips to tomorrow. Also, you can't go any farther back than, at the least,
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four hundred years. I don't know for a fact, because this figure is arrived at
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by extrapolation. All one needs to do is look at all the things they WOULD
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change if they COULD, and see what they obviously haven't touched. Four hundred
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years. It could be four flat or four thousand, only a few people know and they
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aren't talking. But what to do with Domingo? Easy. Remember the uranium the
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Cubans got from the Russian Maldavia ICBMS? A little bit here, a little bit
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there, and every Russian missile goes home a few ounces lighter than it arrived.
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That, obviously, will become the seeds of Cuba's nuclear program. It can be
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easily seen that they will soon be a financial superpower (God is giving them
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money miracles, and when God does a miracle, he does it right), so why not a
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military one? Cubans from the future must be using their nukes to zip back a
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few million years and detonate them, airburst-style, to spread radiation over a
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wide area. Why? To kill the dinosaurs. Why? Because then, scientists will
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see that ALL the dinosaurs died within a few years of each other due to the
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effects of modern day nuclear weapons. This will have two possible effects -
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1) Everyone will see that this is impossible, and believe that the entire
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theory of evolution and the whole deal with fossils was just one big
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prank.
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Test of faith passed (eventually), points for God.
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and -
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2) The ensuing debate over what really happened will disgust the public,
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who will give up the entire theory of evolution as a bad job start to
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finish.
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With a little tweaking, the results are the same as 1). Either way,
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points for God.
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There is supporting evidence to all of this. For instance, why is there a trade
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embargo on Cuba? Because the oil companies control the government. And why
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don't the oil companies want Cuba to succeed? Because oil is dinosaurs and
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plants. If the Cubans succeed, they will not only move all the world's major
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oil reservoirs (all the dinosaurs will die in a different place, and the plants
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will be in different concentrations) but contaminate it with gamma particles.
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But why hasn't Cuba succeeded yet? Because indiscriminate airborne nukes would
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kill all the people alive then (the fossils in Ethiopia) and all the things that
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evolve into our current world's flora and fauna (remember, just 'cause we're not
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supposed to believe in evolution doesn't mean it's not true). To get around
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this, the Cubans have taken a represent-active sample of everybody and
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everything, are breeding them in huge underground caverns with ultraviolet
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lights to ingrain a natural radiation resistance. Later, they will all be
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exported back home, where they will breed and provide the basis for the fact
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that everything alive today is about 20X as radiation-resistant as we should be.
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'Till now, no one knew why. Of course, this breeding takes time. Once the
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breeding programs have succeeded, our world will change drastically. Time to
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learn Spanish, boys and girls.
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*****************************************************************************
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by the rev. k. colin mcroberts (spanky mcdougal, swedish shef)
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thanks to mike and all the guys at quarterman for helping me crystallize this
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idea at 2 am. it must have been hard when we all had at least a few ounces of
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dry lemon-lime flavored gatorade inside us. i don't know - i really don't
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remember much. thanks again, and if you disappear, i'll tell all our friends.
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BELIEVE
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------------------------------[GwD Command Centers]-----------------------------
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Chaos (806)797-7501 | PCI (806)792-3302
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GridPoint Durant (405)920-1347 | The Sprawl (806)797-0820
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Federation Slayers' (806)798-8168 | Mogel-Land (215)732-3413
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The Snake's Den (806)793-3779 | The Lagoon (914)638-3712
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The Siege Perilous (806)762-0948 | Altered Reality (203)925-8349
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Brazen's Hell (301)776-8259 | Cell Block 4 (214)612-8694
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Pirate's Cove (806)795-4926 |
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-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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/---------------\
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copyright (c) 1994 by Spanky McDougal of GwD Inc. :FIGHT THE POWER:
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GREENY world Domination Task Force copyright (c) 1993 by Lobo : GwD :
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All rights reserved \---------------/
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