102 lines
5.9 KiB
Plaintext
102 lines
5.9 KiB
Plaintext
GwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwD
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G G
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w _____ ____ 1 4 333 "Pillows" w
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D // | \ 11 44 3 by Bob the Master of the World D
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* || ____ | || | 1 444 333 *
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G || || \ / | || | 1 4 3 issue #143 of "GwD: The American Dream G
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w \\___// \/\/ |____/ 111 4 333 with a Twist -- of Lime" * rel 05/05/05 w
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D D
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GwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwD
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--- -- - -- --- -- - -- --- -- - -- --- -- - -- ---
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I'd like to tell the story of a man named Jack Irrelland. When Jack was a
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small boy, growing up on the West Coast, his mother would often take him on
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walks about the neighborhood. On these walks, a man would often walk in front
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of them with his dog. This man was a large specimen, of Mongo-Jonesian
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proportions. As Jack was but a little fellow, he could see only one thing
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during these walks, this man's enormous buttocks. And day after day, week
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after week, Jack fell in love with those buttocks and hoped that he would
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someday have buttocks like those.
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The years passed, and Jack blossomed into a respectable looking human being.
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However, he lacked the one physical asset he craved, those gargantuan gluteal
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muscles. He looked about for means of obtaining this feature, the object of
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his early love. Due to his heritage, his parents only bought a reasonable
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amount of food, so that he could not consume vast quantities of food in an
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effort to enlarge himself in the hope of consequently enlarging his buttocks.
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One night, as he lay in his bed, he became frustrated with the apparent
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futility of his quest. He took his pillow and began beating on to relieve his
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frustration, when he stumbled upon his solution. Jack quickly moved to his
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closet and retrieved a large pair of pants, a foolish purchase that he made
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while in the grips of his buttocks lust. He put the pants on, though they fit
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him not. He took his two full-sized pillows and placed one on each back side
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of the pants. Eureka! Jack now had the buttocks he long desired.
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Fortunately for Jack, his parents were moving soon, so he wouldn't have to
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explain his new appearance to his classmates. His parents were unconcerned,
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as they had long thought their son a sort of queerish little man. Jack went
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on to earn to attend a prestigious law school on the West Coast. He
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encountered a few difficulties at the school, mostly with finding seating that
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could accommodate his large artificial posterior. He found life in the city
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inconvenient after his transformation. In time, Jack grew to love the sea,
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seeing in it a vastness that could easily deal with his newfound girth in a
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way the land never could. Thus, Jack decided to specialize in maritime law,
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and after three years he graduated.
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Proceeding on to the next duly appointed stage in life, Jack was wed. Before
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he had a chance to conceive a child, however, the government approached him
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and asked if he would take on one of their agents, a small, powerful man who
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had an uncanny resemblance to a young girl, as their child. Jack, honored to
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serve his country, took on the government agent, and with his wife, relocated
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to Lubbock, TX, a city ironically nicknamed Lowbuttocks.
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Jack began to teach at a local high school, where he soon encountered his
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arch-enemy, another boy that Jack's parents might have referred to as a
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"queerish little man." This arch-enemy was mocked by Jack, though unbeknownst
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to Jack, he was already a ruler of the earth. They battled long and often,
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but the arch-enemy's greatest victory came in the discovery of Jack's darkest
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secret: the truth behind his fattish backside. He exposed Jack to his fellow
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classmates, and the name "Pillows" began to be whispered in every bathroom
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stall and lunch line. Jack, devastated by this discovery, knew that he must
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flee Lubbock, lest his other secret, the harboring of a government agent, be
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revealed as well. Thus, on some rather ridiculous pretense of dissatisfaction
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with his employment, Jack returned to the West Coast, with his wife and the
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government agent in tow.
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Did Jack's secret ever lead to his doom? What was the government agent's
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mission, and did he ever succeed? What brand and type of pillows did he use,
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and how often did he need to replace them? Alas, these questions must be
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answered by a different hand. I leave you with this short verse, composed by
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the arch-enemy on the eve of Jack's flight from Lubbock:
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O Pillows, why do you run?
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The time for fear is done
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Remove those foolish things
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We'll forgive everything
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O Pillows, you look absurd
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Though you went to Stanford
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You won't escape my dominion
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Though Spain sank into oblivion
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O Pillows, what will you do?
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The pillows cannot save you
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One day they will get flat
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Then where will you be at?
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Admittedly, the verse is terrible, but the arch-enemy wasn't too bright,
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though he did discover the pillows. Let this tale be a lesson to all those
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who become enamored with the giant ass of a girthful man: one day your secret
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will be discovered, and you must hide in shame with your wife and government
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agent.
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--- -- - -- --- -- - -- --- -- - -- --- -- - -- ---
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Issue#143 of "GwD: The American Dream with a Twist -- of Lime" ISSN 1523-1585
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copyright (c) MMV Bob the Master of the World/GwD Pubz /---------------\
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copyright (c) MMV GwD, Inc. All rights reserved :EAT YOUR FINGER:
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a production of The GREENY world DOMINATION Task Force, Inc. : GwD :
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Postal: GwD, Inc. - P.O. Box 16038 - Lubbock, Texas 79490 \---------------/
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FYM -+- http://www.GREENY.org/ - editor@GREENY.org - submit@GREENY.org -+- FYM
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