225 lines
7.8 KiB
Plaintext
225 lines
7.8 KiB
Plaintext
GwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwD
|
|
G G
|
|
w _____ ____ 1 333 222 "Star Wars Part 77" w
|
|
D // | \ 11 3 2 by Havoc D
|
|
* || ____ | || | 1 333 222 *
|
|
G || || \ / | || | 1 3 2 issue #132 of "GwD: The American Dream G
|
|
w \\___// \/\/ |____/ 111 333 222 with a Twist -- of Lime" * rel 06/10/03 w
|
|
D D
|
|
GwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwD
|
|
--- -- - -- --- -- - -- --- -- - -- --- -- - -- ---
|
|
|
|
[Yet again, fair use and whatnot as far as celebrity names and such are
|
|
concerned. Parody, satire, yes indeed.]
|
|
|
|
-+- "What You Wanted To See" -+-
|
|
|
|
Submitted for your approval...
|
|
This story started because of a familiar burning sensation...not the penis
|
|
this time, just anger.
|
|
|
|
You watched 'Phantom Menace' and were left with an empty feeling, like you had
|
|
been ripped off. Later you watched the show 'Survivor' and somehow that same
|
|
feeling crept into your soul once more.
|
|
|
|
So...to fix this, we have a new script, yo! Check it one time.
|
|
|
|
Setting : the Rockies
|
|
Actors / Contestants:
|
|
|
|
Tribe Name : Chalupa
|
|
Samuel L. Jackson (he had to have top billing 'damn right')
|
|
Jesus Christ
|
|
Penn and Teller
|
|
Jenna Jameson
|
|
Kurt Warner
|
|
Mohatma Ghandi
|
|
General George S. Patton
|
|
Bill Clinton
|
|
Everett (Havoc's old boss)
|
|
|
|
Tribe Name : Doesn't Matter
|
|
3 whiney bitches
|
|
1 fairly buff guy...obviously gay
|
|
1 disgruntled 'dot com' owner
|
|
1 cowboy from North Dakota
|
|
1 punk rocker
|
|
1 newly divorced couple
|
|
|
|
Day 4 of Survivor
|
|
The day begins as Howard Cosell brings the tribes together to explain the
|
|
challenge of the day.
|
|
|
|
Cosell : Good morning everyone, how did you sleep?
|
|
|
|
John (the newly ex-husband) : Hell, I couldn't sleep with her for five years,
|
|
why should I start now?
|
|
|
|
Susan : Well, that's pretty obvious with the 6 extra children isn't it?
|
|
|
|
The couple rages into a fury of insults and cat-calls.
|
|
|
|
Samuel L. Jackson : "Yo! Chill that bitch out!"
|
|
|
|
Susan : "Who are you callin a bitch?"
|
|
|
|
Lightsaber flashes its menacing red glow...
|
|
|
|
Samuel L Jackson : "Bitch, I'm talking to your ass...now ask me again and see
|
|
if I don't kill every motherfucker standin up in here."
|
|
|
|
Bill Clinton : "Word, G."
|
|
|
|
Samuel L Jackson : "Don't speak to me motherfucker! I swear to god I'll smoke
|
|
your ass!"
|
|
|
|
Jesus Christ : "You really shouldn't swear."
|
|
|
|
Everett : "That's right!! To quote from the book of James chapter 5..."
|
|
|
|
Lightsaber slashes through the air and removes Everett's head.
|
|
|
|
Samuel L Jackson : "Still think I'm jokin motherfucker? Oh!!! You aint laughin
|
|
now are you bitch? Any you other motherfuckers wanna speak to me?"
|
|
|
|
Suddenly, General George S. Patton leaps through the air trying to grab the
|
|
lightsaber away from the Jedi....
|
|
|
|
Jackson has more than enough time to dodge the would-be hero, and smacks him
|
|
across the face.
|
|
|
|
Jackson looks down at the General and turns off his light saber.
|
|
|
|
Samuel L Jackson : "All you motherfuckers are crazy!"
|
|
|
|
He drops the weapon in front of the General.
|
|
|
|
Samuel L Jackson : "Now, does that me less dangerous, or more dangerous?"
|
|
|
|
General Patton grabs the weapon and brings it up to defend himself...however
|
|
he can't figure out how to turn it on. The Jedi master raises his hand, and
|
|
General Patton feels the pressure around his neck increase tremendously...
|
|
until finally the General falls to the ground.
|
|
|
|
Samuel L Jackson: "You motherfuckers don't understand the situation you are
|
|
in...Well, let me break it down for your ass. This game is called 'survivor',
|
|
and I'm gonna win it and take my ass to the bank. If that means killin all you
|
|
bitches, then I'm gonna kill every last one of you motherfuckers...or you can
|
|
shut up and stay the fuck out of my way."
|
|
|
|
Jenna Jameson : "But Jesus can be brought back from the dead."
|
|
|
|
Jesus Christ : "Bitch, when was the last time you were in church? Now shut the
|
|
fuck up up, or I'll let the coon kill your ass!"
|
|
|
|
Samuel L Jackson : "Coon?? Oh that's right motherfucker...it's on now!"
|
|
|
|
The lightsaber zips into the waiting hand of the Jedi and comes to life
|
|
instantly.
|
|
|
|
Samuel L Jackson : "We're about to have us one cut savior!"
|
|
|
|
Jesus picks up a branch from the ground and poses to defend himself.
|
|
|
|
Kurt Warner : "Fifty bucks on the Jedi."
|
|
|
|
Jesus Christ : "Oh you ungrateful fuck...see if you get to the superbowl
|
|
again!!!"
|
|
|
|
Mohatma Ghandi : "Everyone please...we must find peace."
|
|
|
|
Samuel L Jackson : "Fuck you, skinny mother fucker!!"
|
|
|
|
Bill Clinton moves to the side and puts his arm around Jenna Jameson.
|
|
|
|
Bill Clinton : "Hehe that's one pissed off Jedi...you ever see a white guy
|
|
whip a black guy?"
|
|
|
|
Jesus Christ : "Ok, fuck the lot of you!!!"
|
|
|
|
Jesus raises his staff and Bill Clinton falls dead.
|
|
|
|
Kurt Warner : "Yeah!! Way to go Big J !!"
|
|
|
|
Jesus Christ : "Oh no...you're fucked Warner!!! Little bitch can't throw a
|
|
Goddamn pass to save his...."
|
|
|
|
At this moment the lightsaber comes sweeping through the middle of Christ's
|
|
body, cutting him in half.
|
|
|
|
Kurt Warner : "YEAH!! You go boy!!!"
|
|
|
|
Suddenly the lightsaber whips through the air as it is hurled to meet Kurt's
|
|
chest burning a hole in the middle of his embroidered number 13.
|
|
|
|
Samuel L Jackson : "Who's next?? Come on bitches!! Come fuck with me!"
|
|
|
|
Penn : "Yo...word to your mom, brother."
|
|
|
|
As Penn is talking to the pissed off black man, Teller walks slowly over to
|
|
Kurt Warner's corpse and looks as if he is in mourning over the body. Slowly
|
|
he palms the lightsaber and hides it in his coat pocket. Penn pulls his nickel
|
|
plated .45 used in his act.
|
|
|
|
Samuel L Jackson : "Yo bitch, we all know that shit is fake..."
|
|
|
|
Penn slowly squeezes the trigger and the gun responds with a huge explosion of
|
|
force.
|
|
|
|
The Jedi is thrown backwards to the ground...his arm bleeding.
|
|
|
|
Samuel L Jackson : "Son of a Bitch!!! That shit hurts motherfucker!!! Oh I'm
|
|
gonna get yo ass now...you know the rule...you shot me!"
|
|
|
|
Jackson stands and waves his hand summoning his lightsaber. Teller comes
|
|
flying towards the Jedi, being pulled by his jacket pocket.
|
|
|
|
Samuel L Jackson : "Oh you thievin mother fucker!!!"
|
|
|
|
The Jedi turns the lightsaber on from inside the jacket pocket, and slowly the
|
|
lifeless body of Teller falls to the ground.
|
|
|
|
Samuel L Jackson : "Don't eva steal my shit!!!"
|
|
|
|
Penn : "NOOOO!!!!"
|
|
|
|
The grief stricken Penn fires his weapon repeatedly at the Jedi, round after
|
|
round....The Jedi easily deflecting the bullets with his saber.
|
|
|
|
The familiar 'click' finally sounded, and Penn knew he had an empty gun in his
|
|
hands.
|
|
|
|
Penn : "Oh well that's just great!"
|
|
|
|
He hurls his gun at the Jedi.
|
|
|
|
The gun pauses in mid air and turns on its owner.
|
|
|
|
Samuel L Jackson : "You just the fool, you done killed these other
|
|
motherfuckers for me."
|
|
|
|
Penn looks slowly around and sees lifeless bodies lying all around him.
|
|
|
|
Penn : "Oh well that's just perfect! Fuck it...fuck it all!!! Now I can't do
|
|
my show in Vegas next week."
|
|
|
|
Samuel L Jackson : "Vegas? Shit negro, that's all you had to say...Lets go
|
|
roll up on some fine honies and get the Jedi groove on..."
|
|
|
|
Penn : "Aw shit yeah..."
|
|
|
|
Howard Cosell : "What the fuck just happened here?"
|
|
|
|
Penn : "Black man won."
|
|
|
|
Samuel L Jackson : "Word."
|
|
|
|
--- -- - -- --- -- - -- --- -- - -- --- -- - -- ---
|
|
Issue#132 of "GwD: The American Dream with a Twist -- of Lime" ISSN 1523-1585
|
|
copyright (c) MMI/MMIII Havoc/GwD Publications /---------------\
|
|
copyright (c) MMIII GwD, Inc. All rights reserved :LASERBEAM BOZOS:
|
|
a production of The GREENY world DOMINATION Task Force, Inc. : GwD :
|
|
Postal: GwD, Inc. - P.O. Box 16038 - Lubbock, Texas 79490 \---------------/
|
|
FYM -+- http://www.GREENY.org/ - editor@GREENY.org - submit@GREENY.org -+- FYM
|
|
GwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwD
|