79 lines
4.0 KiB
Plaintext
79 lines
4.0 KiB
Plaintext
GwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwD
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G G
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w _____ ____ 1 222 333 "Me and Mongo Jones" w
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D // | \ 11 2 3 by Ciacco the Hog, Lobo Licious, and D
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* || ____ | || | 1 222 333 Bob the Master of the World *
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G || || \ / | || | 1 2 3 issue #123 of "GwD: The American Dream G
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w \\___// \/\/ |____/ 111 222 333 with a Twist -- of Lime" * rel 05/17/02 w
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D D
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GwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwD
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--- -- - -- --- -- - -- --- -- - -- --- -- - -- ---
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Have you never heard of Mongo Jones?
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Mongo Jones was born in late 1997. His actual birthdate is unknown, as is his
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actual place of residence. He is somewhat of a distributed entity. Though
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only five years old, he is already 4'11" and encroaching on a deuce and a half
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(250 pounds for you stupid fucks). You may say to yourself, "How could this
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be? A child of only 5 years weighing so much. Who were the parents? What
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the fuck is going on? Child abuse!"
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To see who the parents are, perhaps you should look in the mirror while
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comparing your once-willowy figure to an old High School yearbook. The
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"Freshman 15" inadequately describes the horrors of post-high school obesity.
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Yes, my friends, Mongo Jones is YOU. And me. And all the others who have
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packed on the pounds since the glory days. While individually, we may call
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our fattishness by special names like "Lionel" (Lobo Licious's gut), "Nigel"
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(Ciacco the Hog's girth) or "Gaylord" (j3ph's belly), collectively, they are
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known as the infamous Mongo Jones. We have found through careful study that,
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despite the fact that most of us have graduated from college, Mongo continues
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to grow at an exponential rate. By the time we reach 30, Mongo Jones will be
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unstoppable. Or we'll all be morbidly obese. Perhaps our high school reunion
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will be held at the Fat Farm.
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Contributors to Mongo Jones (approximate weight gain - may vary day to day)
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---------------------------------------------------------------------------
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Ciacco the Hog (25 pounds)
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Lobo Licious (30 pounds)
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Bob the Master of the World (25 pounds)
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Seth The Man (35 to 100 pounds)
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Yancey Slide (30 pounds)
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Rear Admiral Muldoon... (-10 pounds - How the hell did this happen?)
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Sir Flea (40 pounds)
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Frank Ferra (50 pounds)
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Bruno (2 pounds)
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Bill Hooper (5 pounds of pure muscle mass)
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Snotty (15 pounds of tits and ass)
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MONGO'S TOTAL WEIGHT TO DATE: 247 to 312 pounds
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Look around at your friends from High School, and observe the protruding guts.
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While you may not have contributed to Mongo Jones, you have most likely
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contributed to one of the following entities: Girthy Sam, Tubby Smith, Fatty
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Lumpkin, Bulbous Bill, or Hey-Hey-Fat Sarah.
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The fattishness must be stopped. Or not.
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We'd write more, but Mongo Jones needs to eat.
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[The food and alcohol Mongo consumed during the writing of this file were
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provided by: Giorgio's, Don Pablo's, Bigham's Smokehouse, the Cellar
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Beer-barn, Krispy Kreme, Amante, Taco Bell, Whataburger, One Guy from Italy,
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Denny's, more Denny's, IHOP, and numerous other kept in business by Mongo's
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insatiable appetite.
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No guts were harmed in the making of this file.
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Food contributions must be sent to the address below.]
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--- -- - -- --- -- - -- --- -- - -- --- -- - -- ---
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Issue#123 of "GwD: The American Dream with a Twist -- of Lime" ISSN 1523-1585
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copyright (c) MMII Mongo Jones/GwD Publications /---------------\
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copyright (c) MMII GwD, Inc. All rights reserved :SEND MORE MONEY:
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a production of The GREENY world DOMINATION Task Force, Inc. : GwD :
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Postal: GwD, Inc. - P.O. Box 16038 - Lubbock, Texas 79490 \---------------/
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FYM -+- http://www.GREENY.org/ - editor@GREENY.org - submit@GREENY.org -+- FYM
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