85 lines
4.9 KiB
Plaintext
85 lines
4.9 KiB
Plaintext
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= F.U.C.K. - Fucked Up College Kids - Born Jan. 24th, 1993 - F.U.C.K. =
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Got What I Want
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You know its sad, I have finally achieved everything I wanted,
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in my mind and yet I am miserable. When I came to college I had all
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these ideals and expectations, and all of them where destroyed within
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the first week. I came to school knowing where I came from, where I
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wanted to go and what I wanted out of life, I am about to leave it
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hollow and empty, all because I sold out. I have become now
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everything that I hated three years ago, and I want to kill myself
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because of the self betrayal I feel.
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When I first got to college I listened to my music, had my
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strong religious and philosophy beliefs and now I am about to leave it
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with everyone elses. When I came to college an individual was inside
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of me and now I am part of the popular crowd and I can't even look
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myself in the mirror any more because of it. I went to a job
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interview yesterday and the man that was interviewing me said that I
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looked like a clean cut all-American man, I wanted to jump out of the
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window right then and there. See people in high school always want to
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belong, one way or another, and I was never one of those people. I liked
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being different, I feed off of listening to strange music, reading
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philosophy while everyone else was reading the sports page, I revelled
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in my understanding of things that most people in high school didn't
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give a shit about, now I read the fucking newspaper and have yet to
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pick up a good book about human nature in two years.
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To pinpoint the exact time and place would be impossible, I
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would say that one of the major ones was joining a fraternity. This
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fraternity claimed that they where different, that they liked
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uniqueness, but last night it dawned on me how much the same they
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really are, the whole fucking lot of them. When someone made the
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comment "Chicks and Sports are a huge part of fraternity life", I
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thought to myself what the hell have I fucking done? I am now apart
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of the machine that I hated for so long, I have sold my soul, for
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what? I came home after that conversation and looked at myself in the
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mirror, I noticed my clean shaven face, my clean cut haircut and I
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asked myself, "what the hell have I become?" When did sports and
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chicks make up who the hell I am? Don't get me wrong, I love women,
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but they don't define me as a man, and I don't need to sleep with one
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on a weekly basis to prove who the hell I am. When did sports become
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a part of my life? What the hell is going on here? In a fit of rage
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I shaved my head and flushed my brother badge down the toilet. My
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soul now feels lost, hell last week I purchased the soundtrack to GO
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for god's sake. One of the biggest mistakes I did was join Lambda
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Conform Alpha, and I wish that I never did it. They say they are new,
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and different, they say that they are about diversity and knowledge,
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its a bunch of shit. It is like the church asking you to pay your way
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into heaven, its a crock. They are like the rest of them, they belive
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in sex as a status symbol, they use sports as their proving ground and
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drinking for their brotherhood.
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Ignoring the fraternity what else has happened? I see so many
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small incidents, and choices building up over time, now I regret them
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all. I hate my "friends" I hate my life, I hate it all. I have what
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I want now, and I would give it all back to go back three years and
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stop the starting of selling out of my soul and my integrity, if
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anyone else is struggling with this, remember what made you strong, as
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I will in the near future.
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-Maxell
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= Questions, Comments, Bitches, Ideas, Rants, Death Threats, Submissions =
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