137 lines
7.4 KiB
Plaintext
137 lines
7.4 KiB
Plaintext
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= F.U.C.K. - Fucked Up College Kids - Born Jan. 24th, 1993 - F.U.C.K. =
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A Question Answered
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Why do females compare themselves to supermodels, actresses, and music stars?
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The answer to that question has transpired to myself today, and I am going
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to share that with you this night.
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Earlier today I came home from work. No one was really around to do
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anything with so I figured I might as well check out a friends web page
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that had just been re-done. Going through the different pages, I found one
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that held pictures (images) of different females that he thinks are
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beautiful, or what he finds attractive. No wonder him and I never amounted
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to anything more then friends.
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Even though he is not one to only be with girls that look a certain way,
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going through the page, and looking through the pictures, I started doing
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something that I have not done in a long time - compare myself. Of course
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the pictures are re-touched, buffed, airbrushed, or perhaps some of them
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actually manage to be real - either way though, I look nothing close to how
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they do. Some of them, there are flaws or things I can see that I like
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better about myself, or at least that I do not like about them. However,
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for the majority, I wish I could look that good to someone else.
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There are two things I pride myself on, though I rarely get the chance to
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show off as I would like to and that is my hair and my ass. I know I have
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great hair, and I have a great little ass. Though that does not catch the
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eyes usually like a girl that has a great set of eyes, or whatever. The
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rest of me is in great shape. I know this. As time goes by, it will
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continue to get in better and better shape as I continue to work out and
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keep with my new way of living.
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The last few months though, I have not been able to work out like I
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promised myself I would (which I had stuck to fairly well, up until then).
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My stress and tension has been building up inside of me, and has not only
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resulted in headaches more frequently (usually I never get headaches),
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scattered thoughts (not so much writing), inability to concentrate as much
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as I should, and now troubled sleep. All of those put together, for this
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length of time turns out a very unhappy sort of girl. One that is crabby
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or snappy, one that does not smile as much, and one that sighs now more
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then talks. I hate how I have allowed myself to come. What can I do?
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Tomorrow I will be going to a doctor, and hopefully will get the go ahead
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to being able to work out again. If not, I better get a damn quick remedy
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to the reason that has been keeping me from being able to do my usual
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routine. Three months is _too_ long of a time!
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"I like you when you're angry", "You're cute when you're upset." Oh,
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that's a _great_ reason to push my buttons. If it wasn't for the fact that
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I knew the person was just trying to get to me, because they think I get
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cute that way, I would beat them. Goodness knows I have beaten others, why
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should they be any different? Because they are just trying to lighten up
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my mood.
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A question answered ... "Why do girls always compare themselves?" Hate to
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say it, but it's not just media such as television, movies, and music, it's
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how males and females alike react to the ones that are in the media. The
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'media' and 'society' are just as guilty of it as the ones of us that are
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reading this file. We have all done it. Thought, spoken, gesture, etc.
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first instinct or impulse, thinking someone is awesome looking, great, or
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wanting to get to know them based off of how they look or act - not based
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off of what we know.
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Going through the links on the page, there are little titles with the
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pictures, saying what he likes about the different pictures. I would say I
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would think it would make them feel like a goddess having someone do that
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to them, though I know better than that, too.
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Having yourself dissected in front of however many people is not a
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compliment, but a way to rip apart someone from their very spirit. It
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hurts more then compliments. It can be laughed off, shrugged away, or
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forgotten, but somehow heard or seen enough it seeps in - leaving an effect.
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When males (or females for that matter) glamorize the other (stars of some
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sort), how can we not look at ourselves and compare? It's only natural.
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Natural ways though are not always the most uplifting, and there must be
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some way of snapping out of it. Not letting yourself be dragged through
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the mud. Each of us are created looking slightly different and some of us
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greatly different from others. That should be a plus not a strike against us.
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Yet, there I was, comparing myself to them. How they had their hair, wore
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make-up (which I do not even wear, though maybe I should?), dressed, and
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just overall looked. It's not healthy, it's not wise, and it^<5E>s not good.
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Though how could I help myself. Thoughts started slowly slipping into my
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mind "No wonder he didn't like my eyes." in reaction to seeing how the
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girls eyeliner seemed to be almost a 1/4 inch thick around her eyes. "My
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hair looks like that and I'm told I look too submissive for anyone's
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liking." Yeah right.
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Maybe my attitude is a bit large, or overwhelming, though when I have not
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had it at times, people miss it and encourage me to have it again. If it
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weren't for how I am, I would not be me. There is no one else that I would
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rather be, yet I find myself wondering what it would be like to be someone
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that this person would find beautiful.
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"I'm not beautiful to some people." "Isn't it the point of the person doing
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the picture to show your true beauty?"
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Cut the hair, dye the hair, buy new lipstick, start doing heavy eye makeup.
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All things that I could do, and have done. Is it worth it in the end? No.
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The pictures are just what he found to be beautiful; it's not limited to or
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all-inclusive. Remembering though, that numerous people have often
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wondered what makes a girl think less of herself, or why they sometimes
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compare themselves to others, I figured I might as well help Answer that
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Question. Since I finally realized I held a piece of the answer, tell me -
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is the Question Answered?
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- Me, Myself, and I
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11/09/98
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