110 lines
6.3 KiB
Plaintext
110 lines
6.3 KiB
Plaintext
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= F.U.C.K. - Fucked Up College Kids - Born Jan. 24th, 1993 - F.U.C.K. =
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Another Massacre Would Be a Nice Change
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Anyone who's read my previous postings knows I don't enjoy holidays.
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Anyone who knows me knows that I'm a wet blanket for celebrations or
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occasions in general...Naw, screw that. I'm more than a wet blanket. I'm
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a massive body of water with some string and shards of cloth floating in it.
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Holidays and occasions in general are depleting and gratuitous, and the
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bulk of them are whipped up with more marketing intent and less meaning
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than if the Messiah's return was a Pay-Per-View event. What's worse, the
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vast majority of you monkey-breeders have the audacity to make me feel as
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if I'm a jaded gloom-monger for having the self-dignity to stand up and
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urinate verbally on what you've been conned into dishing out cash for as an
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annual event.
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Phew...with THAT off my chest...
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I've come out against birthdays, and the subsequent greeting-card industry
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that has most of you grazing on meager scraps of holidays like "Boss's Day"
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and fit to be sheared. For all of my bluster about Catholic-abandoned and
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profiteer-adopted holidays like Xmas and Easter, at least their premise was
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built on a two-century old, widely-accepted scrap of Euro-promoted
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folklore. Besides, since I'll still be seeing Xmas lights in my
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neighborhood until April (and turned ON, no less, you mind-wiped,
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brainwashed, Patty Herst-esque drones), I'll only swallow my tongue in
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ostentatious-induced disgust.
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No, in truth, there is nothing more reprehensible than the mass-appeal of
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the Madison Ave holidays. How can you distinguish them from normal, event
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or commemorative-related holidays? How about this as acid kool-aid test:
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If you get your mail, and the banks are open, IT'S NOT A @(*#! HOLIDAY! To
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put it even plainer than that: NO CAR DEALERSHIP "EXTRAVAGANZA" = NO
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HOLIDAY.
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There is one that stands out in my mind when I started this, and one more
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profit-motivated than post-Civil War carpetbagger with a quota:
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Valentine's Day.
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This card-and-candy concoction is why I haven't a doubt in my mind that if
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Orson Wells were still alive, he could get you people to form militias
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against an invading horde of Leprechauns. I know it's based on a saint and
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some-event-or-another, but you know for a fact nobody's celebrating this to
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pay homage to his long-dead ass when about half the Hallmark cards and
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jewelry store promotions have dropped the "Saint" without most of you even
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noticing it. Even the drunkest Irishman pays enough respect to another
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meaningless holiday to never wish you a "Happy Patrick's Day".
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Additionally, aside from obvious marketing-mongering involved, it's how
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engrained this holiday has become in society's expectations. I mean, if
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you're single, you are left to feel like the loneliest soul in the world
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for an entire day - and probably wouldn't even feel comfortable
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masturbating within that 24hr period guiltlessly unless you bought yourself
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a card first. Even then, if someone does happen to get you a card because
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you have NO one, then you are miraculously transformed from "loneliest" to
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"most pitiful" in your self-evaluation of how you fit in with pop culture.
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For those folks, I think they should feel obliged as part of a social
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damage-control to put anti-depressants into those candy hearts that pop up
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every year like Australian rabbits, with messages like "TAKE THE GUN OUT OF
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YOUR MOUTH".
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In some ways, it probably easier to endure this indignity alone rather than
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as part of a couple. At least when you're single, you can fill a mug of
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tears among fellow commiserators and make the best of hanging out,
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dateless. If you're IN a relationship, watch out...
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Being forced to romance on demand is second in performance anxiety to
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having to fill the cup at a physical exam. Just TRY and let this one slip
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by in most relationships, and you might as well try to sneak into the Oval
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Office wearing a turban with an AK-47 stuffed up your butt. What's worse is
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that this V-day they dropped the statistic into circulation that men spend
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over $100 on this holiday as opposed to women's $50. Well thank you very
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fragin' much, 6 o'clock news...now if I can't at least be statistically
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comparable, I might as well throw in the towel as far as sexual intimacy
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goes rather than waiting to get turned down.
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Face it folks, you've been had. I'm sure a number of you would rear the
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ugly head of "so what if it's not real holiday? I think it's a nice
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sentiment..." Really? Then I wish people would set up a holiday for
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whoever the Patron Saint of the Mute and Tongueless is, and spend a day
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expressing nothing at all.
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capone
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= Questions, Comments, Bitches, Ideas, Rants, Death Threats, Submissions =
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= Mail: jericho@dimensional.com (Mail is welcomed) =
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= "subscribe fuck". If you do not have FTP access and would like back =
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= issues, send a list of any missing issues and they will be mailed. =
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= AnonFTP FTP.DIMENSIONAL.COM/users/jericho/FUCK =
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= FTP.SEKURITY.ORG/pub/zines/fucked.up.college.kids =
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= FTP.GIGA.OR.AT/pub/hackers/zines/FUCK =
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= FTP.ETEXT.ORG/pub/Zines/FUCK =
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= WWW http://www.dimensional.com/~jericho =
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= http://www.reps.net/~krypt/fuck.html =
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= http://www.simunye.com/fuck =
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= http://www.dis.org/se7en/fuck =
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= (c) Copyright. All files copyright by the original author. =
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