147 lines
8.2 KiB
Plaintext
147 lines
8.2 KiB
Plaintext
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= F.U.C.K. - Fucked Up College Kids - Born Jan. 24th, 1993 - F.U.C.K. =
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Why I Stayed
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Many times I've been asked by friends (guys and girls) why females
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stay with guys that treat them like shit. It wasn't until recently
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that I fully understood something - that once again I was staying with a
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guy that was treating me like shit, or at least not the way that I should
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be treated.
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One of the things I noticed within the many files of F.U.C.K. is that a few
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guys have taken the time and voiced their opinion about why they think and
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what they think they can do in regards to why girls stay with guys that are
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jerks. And, this file is partially dealing with that same issue. However,
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from the point of view of the girl that stayed with the guy that treated her
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like shit.
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I've been through a lot in my life. I don't want pity or sympathy, but that
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is a fact of my life - it's never been that easy for me. However, I am not
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complaining, just letting you know more of where I am coming from on all of
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this ...
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A little over three years ago, I started going to chat, and I fell in with
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a group of people that quickly accepted me into their group of friends and
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made me feel very welcome. It was not that long after that a friend of mine
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introduced me to a friend of his, that he thought I'd get along with great.
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J. ended up coming up and visiting me, but he brought a friend with him.
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That friend, had a live-in girlfriend at the time, but that night when we all
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met, that didn't really seem to matter that much, because we flirted just
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the same. J. and I didn't click at all face to face - for numerous reasons.
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However, the friend and I did - wonderfully!
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As time went by, the friend got rid of his live-in girlfriend. They had
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grown apart, etc. And, at that time he admitted that he had had feelings
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for me since the first time he had ever seen me. That one night so long
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ago, he started to like me, and knew for sure he wanted me in his life
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forever.
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Years went by and we were best of friends, I was totally open and honest with
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him, and shared the most parts of my life with him, more than I had ever done
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with anyone else before, including the various guys that I dated throughout
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that time.
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It is only now, after finding out that he has lied to me for the last year
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or so, about how he felt for me, what he wanted for 'us' and everything else
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that I really realize now, that I was nothing more for him then a simple
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convince. Someone that he could call up and talk with whenever he wanted,
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I'd drop whatever else was going on, and talk with him. If I was tired, it
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wouldn't matter I'd still talk.
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When he came and saw me the last time, he treated me like a COMPLETE
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princess, bought and paid for everything and we were able to do whatever
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I had wanted to do! I was on cloud nine! However, little did I know that
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his promise of returning within the next six months would not happen, nor
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did I really think much of it when he somehow 'forgot' my 21st birthday,
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even though he had remembered every day that we had talked until that day.
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Whenever he wanted things worked out, he would get his way. Now that
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I look back on it, it's very sickening. Then a couple of months ago,
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things started to change, and I started to call him once in a while,
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instead of just waiting for him to answer my pages, which would sometimes
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take up to a few days.. because he was "so busy".
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Finally, after numerous talks, something had to change that last week,
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I had had it. Having talked with a few friends of mine, and finding out
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that he had been telling them the very same thing though the only
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difference it was about them, instead of him and I ... and I confronted
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him again about something of the sort, which of course he denied, I couldn't
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take it anymore. So, last night I called him and said good-bye to him,
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one final time.
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He supposedly never wanted to hurt me, he never wanted to make me feel like
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a luxury - but maybe that is how he looked at it. Maybe he was trying
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to get me mad at him, etc ... that's what he thought might have happened.
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But the thing was, that I had told him, and everyone else knows, if you
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don't shoot straight with me, you're not going to stay in my life. And,
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I had kept him in my life way longer than I should have, that's for sure!
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The times we'd talk and the days that we didn't I'd get more and more
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emotional, and things kept seeming more and more wrong. Though, whenever
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we talked, I thought things would be fine. I had been through enough
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relationships to know that this one was headed for trouble.
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Now, we never committed, but when you talk about yourself and someone in the
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sense that he and I talked about 'us' there is a certain level of trust or
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commitment made. The kind of commitment you wouldn't refer to two girls
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the same way at the same time as.
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Why did I stay with him and put up with everything for so long? Because, I
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kept thinking that things could be different ... and that maybe I just needed
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to wait things out.
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But, you know what? Nothing was going to change. And, I got sick of waiting
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around for 'someday' to finally come.
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I lived three years of my life, waiting for 'someday' to come, only to have
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my heart and life totally shattered, I am through waiting like that again,
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only to end up broken in the end. So finally I said good-bye and get out of
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my life.
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When your gut tells you things aren't right, they aren't right. When you
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find yourself thinking one thing while alone, and not being able to stand
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your ground when that one is around, things aren't right. When it's
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really right you don't lose yourself, instead you share yourself and
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the other person shares themselves with you, and together you become two
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that are so much more complete and more whole than ever before.
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Why I stayed, I hope to never repeat again. And, I hope if you are staying
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because you think things will change or get better, you realize it a lot
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sooner than later - and get out. Remember, there is no angel that will
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lend her hand down to you and help you get out, you need to do it yourself
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and those that truly care will support you. Even if there is no one that
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will support you, deep down in your heart you will know you are finally
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doing the right thing and not stay.
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-Kamira
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January 24th, 1998
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Please note: That staying in bad relationships doesn't necessarily mean just
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romantic/sexual ones. Friendships and other types of relationships, or ones
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that are somewhat borderline (like the one I am talking about above) can be
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just as damaging to you and your life, if you don't get out.
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=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
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= Questions, Comments, Bitches, Ideas, Rants, Death Threats, Submissions =
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= Mail: jericho@dimensional.com (Mail is welcomed) =
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= To receive new issues through mail, mail jericho@dimensional.com with =
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= "subscribe fuck". If you do not have FTP access and would like back =
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= issues, send a list of any missing issues and they will be mailed. =
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= AnonFTP FTP.DIMENSIONAL.COM/users/jericho/FUCK =
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= FTP.SEKURITY.ORG/pub/zines/fucked.up.college.kids =
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= FTP.GIGA.OR.AT/pub/hackers/zines/FUCK =
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= FTP.ETEXT.ORG/pub/Zines/FUCK =
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= WWW http://www.dimensional.com/~jericho =
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= http://www.reps.net/~krypt/fuck.html =
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= http://www.simunye.com/fuck =
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= http://www.dis.org/se7en/fuck =
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= (c) Copyright. All files copyright by the original author. =
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