97 lines
5.6 KiB
Plaintext
97 lines
5.6 KiB
Plaintext
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= F.U.C.K. - Fucked Up College Kids - Born Jan. 24th, 1993 - F.U.C.K. =
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My Sin
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------
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Each morning I wake to the sight of my puter, sitting proudly beside me,
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waiting eagerly to be lit... It beckons to me.. Calls out.. Begs me to
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play with it once again.. And then it happens... I become her once
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again.... and my puter beeps it's pleasure...
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There was this time when I would wake up in the morning, look out my window
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and think that it was good to be alive... And now.. She calls out to me..
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Takes me into that place that I fear the most.. Exposes me for the fraud
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that I am... And the truth envellops me....
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I am not longer the person who was born to my name some twenty years ago..
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I am no longer the smiling, laughing little girl, who used to look forward
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to each new challenge... Once exposed to the heat of the underground life,
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I stopped to exist... And she took over...
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Deep down, I truly belive that everyone has another persona just waiting to
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come out into the fresh air.. To take over and heal all the hurt.. To
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weave a new life from the torn cloth that was your life... And, once they
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immerge, it is impossible to push them back.. It is too... simple... too
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easy... to let them handle all the pain.. Too easy to let them take over
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and care for you... To smother you in love... Well... at least to smother
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you....
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She came out nearly six years ago now... I cannot make her leave me be...
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And yet, I do not want to... I know that were she to leave, I would be
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alone again.. The hurt would rush back and consume me... That I would have
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to truly kill myself this time...
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That bastard made her exist... She was quite content to sit back and let
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me fuck my own life up by myself... Until he took me.. Invaded me...
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Flooded me full of his essence... Claimed me as his... And then left me
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when better goods came along...
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There was a time when I thought that I would give my virginity to the man
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that I would marry... What a fool I was.... The bastard came and took it
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from me.... He didn't even ask... He just took... Like all men... Take
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and take until nothing is left... Taking until you bankrupt yourself...
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But, she came and made it better.... Jade.... She made it better....
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She walked in and saw the mess that was looming... She smiled patiently
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and held me while I cried... She told me that all would be alright... She
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gave me the strength to survive once more... She showed me that I was not
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wrong.. That that bastard was to blame... And that he would pay... And
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she made him pay..... So, so dearly...
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I have always wondered if the rumours that Heaven exists are true... If
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there truly is one onmipotent Being who will take away all the sorrow and
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replace it with only joy... That for the rest of time, we may live in the
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Light, and not have to cower in the Dark anymore... Somehow, I think that
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it is all just some trick... A trick to get us to congregate ourselves
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into little herds so that we might be eliminated in groups as opposed to
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one by one... If this is all a rumour, if there is no Heaven, what sick
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bastard thought it up in the first place? Should we not all hunt him down
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and slaughter him as he has done to us? He, who would rip our hope from
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ourselves and place it into the hands of others? How dare he do that to
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us... How dare we believe him?
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I know now that if there truly is a Heaven that I will not be there... I
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know that the Darkness will consume my flesh as it has my soul... I only
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wonder what I would be like had that bastard not taken my heart from me...
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Had he not taken the hope of a child away from her, where would I be now?
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Would I be like this? Would I be... happy? Can I even ever be happy
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again? Will I even know how to tell? She took most of my memoried from me,
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she did, in order that I might survive.... The only sad part is that the
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happiness had to go with it... I should be thankful... I am alive, right?
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- Jade
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= Questions, Comments, Bitches, Ideas, Rants, Death Threats, Submissions =
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= Mail: jericho@dimensional.com (Mail is welcomed) =
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= To receive new issues through mail, mail jericho@dimensional.com with =
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= "subscribe fuck". If you do not have FTP access and would like back =
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= issues, send a list of any missing issues and they will be mailed. =
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= AnonFTP FTP.DIMENSIONAL.COM/users/jericho/FUCK =
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= FTP.SEKURITY.ORG/pub/zines/fucked.up.college.kids =
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= FTP.GIGA.OR.AT/pub/hackers/zines/FUCK =
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= FTP.ETEXT.ORG/pub/Zines/FUCK =
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= WWW http://www.dimensional.com/~jericho =
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= http://www.reps.net/~krypt/fuck.html =
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= http://www.simunye.com/fuck =
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= http://www.dis.org/se7en/fuck =
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= (c) Copyright. All files copyright by the original author. =
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