94 lines
5.6 KiB
Plaintext
94 lines
5.6 KiB
Plaintext
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= F.U.C.K. - Fucked Up College Kids - Born Jan. 24th, 1993 - F.U.C.K. =
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It Was Only a Nightmare
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It is one of those surreal days again. I'm driving around yet I don't
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quite feel alive. It is like I'm in a semi dream state or maybe you
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could say I was half awake. Course I just got nine hours of decent sleep
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and didn't drink the night before so the dream effect came as a surprise.
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These type of days get me think about life and what the hell I'm doing.
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At the time I was heading to the grocery store but life was telling me
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something only I couldn't figure what it was trying to say.
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It is another one of those days where I say to myself that maybe I'm just
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having a nightmare. Or perhaps I bumped my head and I'm in a coma.
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Pretty soon I will wake up, or someone will wake me, and I will be six
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years old again. Yep, I will be six and will have just awaken from a bad
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nightmare. And in a few hours, as I head off to preschool, I will have
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forgotten all about the nightmare. However, it is hard to imagine
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forgetting about a twenty-one year nightmare.
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It is one of those days where you want to rewind the clock and start
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over. Six sounds like a good age so I guess that is the time frame my
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mind puts me waking up. I wouldn't call it nostalgia because I don't
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"yearn for the old days." I tend to believe it is the parental security
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and the idea that I can start over. Too change my life and to do some
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things differently. Kind of like the movie Groundhog Day with Bill
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Murray where he repeated the day over and over again. Each day he tried
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something different and by trial and error he finally got things "right."
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In the end he became a better person and more importantly got to see the
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results of his actions he wouldn't normally have tried. That gets me
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thinking that maybe there are too many choices to be made these days.
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Ever see the movie THX 1138? Briefly it is a movie where all your
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choices are made. It is big government ruling at an extreme. In fact
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they go to such an extreme that your wife is chosen for you. How is that
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for making some of life's tough decisions a little easier? The little
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guy in me wants to wake up six years old again have some of those tough
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decisions off his shoulders and be able to do things a little
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differently. If everyone wanted an easier life something like the movie
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THX 1138 would be the result. Some people might even argue that things
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are already getting that way. Or that whiners like me, who are
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indecisive, are getting all these horrible laws passed which allow the
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government to make too many decisions for us already. Perhaps some day
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the George Lucas world will become more real then we can or would like
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to imagine.
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Unfortunately, though I can relate to movies better then the real world
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outside my door, I have to accept the fact that reality is the here and
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now; not twenty-one years ago nor several hundred year in the future
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like in THX 1138. I won't be waking up today or any day as a six year
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old thinking about the nightmare I just had.
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In a way it is a good thing that I can't or won't be going back to being
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six because I don't know if I could do High School and College again even
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if I did do things a little differently. Plus there have been a few
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tough decisions I've made during my limited years. Maybe, given a second
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chance and knowing the results, I wouldn't make the same choices I've
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made in the past. Choices that have not only affected my life but have
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touched a few others as well.
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So my desire to start over is more of an ideal that I would perhaps be
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better off today by having made other choices then I did. I have yet
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to find my purpose in life and something keeps telling me I missed a
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turn somewhere along the road twenty-one or so years ago. Physically
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or mentally I'm told I need go back and find the road untaken. When I
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do perhaps I will learn why it is, was, or could have been such an
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important part of my life.
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Out Of Time,
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Pallbearer
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= Questions, Comments, Bitches, Ideas, Rants, Death Threats, Submissions =
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= Mail: jericho@dimensional.com (Mail is welcomed) =
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= "subscribe fuck". If you do not have FTP access and would like back =
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= issues, send a list of any missing issues and they will be mailed. =
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= AnonFTP FTP.DIMENSIONAL.COM/users/jericho/FUCK =
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= FTP.SEKURITY.ORG/pub/zines/fucked.up.college.kids =
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= FTP.GIGA.OR.AT/pub/hackers/zines/FUCK =
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= FTP.ETEXT.ORG/pub/Zines/FUCK =
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= WWW http://www.dimensional.com/~jericho =
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= http://www.reps.net/~krypt/fuck.html =
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= http://www.simunye.com/fuck =
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= http://www.dis.org/se7en/fuck =
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= (c) Copyright. All files copyright by the original author. =
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