109 lines
4.2 KiB
Plaintext
109 lines
4.2 KiB
Plaintext
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= F.U.C.K. - Fucked Up College Kids - Born Jan. 24th, 1993 - F.U.C.K. =
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[ X ]
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-----
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"get out of the garbage can, this is
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psychodrama, dammit! you are supposed
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to use this for healing!"
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i sat limply inside of a garbage can,
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forty hands pushing on my shoulders.
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i felt trapped, and i suddenly
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remembered other hands that held me
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down. tears sprang unbidden to my
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eyes. i did not want to rise. it was
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too easy, too comfortable to be here,
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held down, not in charge of my own
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destiny. the disease, i could blame
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it on the disease.
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day in day out. i took my meds like a
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good little psych patient, joked
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with the mental health workers,
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dutifully signed out my sharps. i did
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my homework in the allotted hour and
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snuck cigarettes in the bathroom. i
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only got caught once. my disease was a
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weight on my shoulders that i ignored.
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i sat in group and smiled while digging
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my fingernails into my hands. i wrote
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incessantly about blood. people watched
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me take a piss. there was no privacy.
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there was no touching. no human contact,
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no love. there was nothing but group and
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meals and the pure outpouring of raw
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emotion from 7 a.m. until 10 p.m. Blood
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was drawn, weight was written down,
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i went to therapy three times a week.
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pure monotony.
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but i learned some things. i learned that
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modern psychiatry is bullshit, and that
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mental hospitals are crap. nothing good
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comes out of it.. they put you in your
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own little world, a world that is NOT
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a microcosm of the real world, but rather
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a simulated, comfortable surreality that
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doesn't do shit to help you. they scar
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you.
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funny how it will grab me. i was walking
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down the street, and i saw a couple
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holding hands. i was filled with a sense
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of wrong, and a thought flashed through
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my mind.
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no pc allowed.
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i had to shake my head, remind myself that
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in the real world, people are allowed to
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touch each other.
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funny, treatment takes almost as long as
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it takes for your insurance to run out.
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greedy bastards... they fuck kids up for
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money, and they don't even help them.
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parents don't know this, but the kids who
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have no privacy and are treated like animals
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do.
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so i sit here and write, and i am doing
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a thousand things that i would not be allowed
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to do in a psych ward. i ask, why? why
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couldn't i smoke? drink coffee? watch a
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movie that has violence in it? swear?
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these things happen in the real world,
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and nothing they do in this places
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helps you deal with it, much less the
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things that threw you in there. how can
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i deal with being beaten by my lover if
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i am not allowed to see a violent movie
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because it might hurt my tender money
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producing sensibilities?
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demonika
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= Questions, Comments, Bitches, Ideas, Rants, Death Threats, Submissions =
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= issues, send a list of any missing issues and they will be mailed. =
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= FTP.SEKURITY.ORG/pub/zines/fucked.up.college.kids =
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= WWW http://www.dimensional.com/~jericho =
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= http://www.reps.net/~krypt/fuck.html =
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= (c) Copyright. All files copyright by the original author. =
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