100 lines
5.2 KiB
Plaintext
100 lines
5.2 KiB
Plaintext
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= F.U.C.K. - Fucked Up College Kids - Born Jan. 24th, 1993 - F.U.C.K. =
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I don't like chick-flicks
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How can you say that, as a guy, and not get "the look". How can you 'fess
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up to the fact you don't like sappy, romantic, heart-felt films without
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looking the standard issue, testosterone-fueled, remote-hogging,
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car-fixing, sports-watching, Arine-cheering, guy? It's simple - I don't
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like chick-flicks.
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I didn't like "Sleepless in Seattle", I didn't like "Pretty Woman", I won't
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see "Steel Magnolias", and I can't STAND "Ghost". I don't like 50% of the
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"romantic comedies". I did like "When Harry Met Sally", but let's not push
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it. If there is woman, a man, and romance at risk facing almost
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insurmountable odds, I'd just as soon be on HOLD with Microsoft tech support
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than sit through the *@&%!# credits of "Beaches".
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Why? Well back off already, 'cause it's NOT for the reason you think. I
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also don't need 8,300 rounds of ammo and the explosion of the Nagatomi
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building to make a film; It's not because I'm "afraid to love" (hel-lo
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1980's...); and it's not because I'm worried about having the 'guys' catch
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me weeping at the end of "Tears of Endearment". So then, why?
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Because they are not realistic. I'd believe that "Return of the Jedi" was
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based on actual events before I'd find chick-flicks believable.
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Let's take "Pretty Woman" as an example. First off, I found pairing of
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Stallone and Estelle Getty more convincing in "Stop or MY Mom Will Shoot"
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(and to save my credibility, no, I didn't see it...), than the billionaire
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and the hooker-with-a-heart-of-gold combo. Secondly, if Bill Gates can
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hook up, I am POSITIVE that lonely billionaires can meet women without
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resorting to prostitutes.
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It's not really the discrepancies that make these movies so bothersome
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either. I'd just as soon try to explain the physical realities in a Road
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Runner cartoon than take action/adventure head-to-head with romantic-drama.
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I think it's the standard you are suddenly held to that makes them to
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painful to bear.
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Gentlemen, how many times have you seen a click-flick with a girlfriend,
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and suddenly been faced with the question, "Why don't you do that for me?"
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"Do what? Propose to a hooker?"
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"NO, I mean romance me like that."
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"I dunno...maybe because you weren't a hooker?"
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"I'M NOT SAYING THAT. I MEAN would you do all that for me?"
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"You mean pick up a hooker?"
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You get the idea.
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See one of these movies, and suddenly you're romantically inadequate. All
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of the sudden you are expected to fill a room with roses, fly in by
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helicopter to propose, or travel cross-country on a moped to say you're
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sorry. I can't deal with the stress. At least when I see Bruce Willis
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escape an explosion attached to a fire hose, I KNOW that there is NO WAY
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I'll been held to that standard anytime soon.
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The closest I want to get to a chick-flick is "The Crow". Why? Because
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if my girlfriend asked me "Would you come back from the dead to avenge my
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death?", I could say "Yes" and sit on my laurels after that. You know
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why? 'CAUSE I'LL NEVER HAVE TO! In fact, I'd be MORE than glad to send
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a gang of thugs to their graves for m'lady - but cut this "meet me on top
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of the Empire State at such-and-such remote-date-in-the-future" shit in
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order to prove my affections.
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I've got nothing against this type of movie if I see it alone. When I'm
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not watching with my girlfriend, at least I can't but it in the proper
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prospective as far as being a work of fiction. But if this shit doesn't
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let up, next time I see "Raiders of the Lost Ark", I'M gong to start asking
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why SHE won't drink a bunch of guys in Nepal under the table, mow down a
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group of Nazis with anti-aircraft gun, and find religious artifacts with
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me anymore....
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- capone
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= Questions, Comments, Bitches, Ideas, Rants, Death Threats, Submissions =
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= issues, send a list of any missing issues and they will be mailed. =
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= Files through AnonFTP FTP.DIMENSIONAL.COM/users/jericho/FUCK =
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= FTP.SEKURITY.ORG/pub/zines/fucked.up.college.kids =
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= FTP.GIGA.OR.AT/pub/hackers/zines/FUCK =
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= FTP.ETEXT.ORG/pub/Zines/FUCK =
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= Files through WWW: http://www.dimensional.com/~jericho =
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= http://www.reps.net/~krypt/fuck.html =
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= (c) Copyright. All files copyright by the original author. =
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