155 lines
9.0 KiB
Plaintext
155 lines
9.0 KiB
Plaintext
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= F.U.C.K. - Fucked Up College Kids - Born Jan. 24th, 1993 - F.U.C.K. =
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While the cats away...
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My boyfriend has an interesting job, to say the least. For roughly
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20 days out of the month, he's off flying somewhere. I knew this when I got
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involved, in fact I pushed him to keep working like this. Having him home
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all the time would drive me nuts. I need my space. He got upset one night
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when we were coming home from being gone all day in San Francisco. I wanted
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to go for a walk, he didn't. He threw that "You don't love me!" saying it
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with a grin. He wants to spend all of his time with me. Nothing wrong with
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that, BUT, somehow I couldn't make him see that I had my own identity.
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How we met is interesting, to say the least. I was getting flamed hot and
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heavy on a list because I more or less am pretty opinionated and I don't
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-really- care what people think of me. I was pissed, people were being
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idiots. He flamed me and I flamed back. He emailed me privately, and the
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next thing I know we shifted out 500k worth of email within two days.
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He pissed me off, to say the least. I knew about his girlfriend. He told me
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the story. I don't know why to this day why he chose to confide so much to
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a stranger (ie me). He said that he trusted me, and I wasn't afraid of who
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he was. He could fuck up my world and it didn't bother me one bit.
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He also knew about my 'boyfriend' (nice way of saying my fucktoy). He would
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taunt me, saying "You use him!". I would reply back in kind "Your
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girlfriend uses you! That is like the pot calling the kettle black!". He
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got mad. We argued. We were 'nothing' to each other. Two strangers who were
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emailing each other in the middle of the night. And the night turned into
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days, and the days turned into weeks.
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I couldn't take it anymore. I was becoming too dangerously close to him. I
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could see my heart being broken when later on he could very rightly say
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"thanks for the trip!". Fuck email/irc relationships. I knew that many
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people had success with them. I did not. I need someone here. With me.
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No word from Mr Prick (my nickname for him) in days. I wonder whats going
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on. I break it on down and send him email. No word. Fuck'em and feed'em
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fish heads. No rice. No beans.
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I pop my email a few nights later. Mr Prick has sent me numerous letters
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from another account. "You don't love me anymore!" he pouts. I sigh
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heavily. Men are such children. He already has a girlfriend, what does he
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want with me? I jump on the irc server that we use. He starts being even
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more of a prick. I keep telling him to fuck off. He gets mad. I say look,
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and tell him how I feel about us being 'friends'. Being so honest it almost
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hurts. He asks to be excused and comes back and breaks it on down for me.
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He is interested in me...I became paranoid...I don't trust people.
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Suddenly he wants to see me, not later, but NOW! He threw out dates he was
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going to be 'close' in geography to me..I ponder about such things. "What
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about your girlfriend?" I ask most innocently. "I will tell her after we
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have met". Uh huh..sure...I can see where this is going..I hold back, he
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pushes more, suddenly I am 'something' to him.
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I don't want anyone to know we are even friends. Its a ruthless world out
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there, makes me nervous. I don't know all these people that claim to be my
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"friend". Its too loosely used word, "friend", like saying "I love you". I
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hate that. People say "I love you" akin to saying "Pass the sodium free
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salt". Bullshit, plain bullshit.
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Next thing I know, he is pulling out all stops to ship me 2300 miles to San
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Francisco. I get on said jet. I fly, I meet him at the airport. He's cute,
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physically not my type..but we have 'something' other then just physical
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attractiveness. We board the shuttle to go to his place..I go down on
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him..he freaks..my my my..I really do come through now don't I?
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Now its a week and a half later. I am -living- with him, literally. My
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stuff is being shipped across the US as we speak. Unfortunately for UPS,
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they lost all of my lifes belongings (valued at 10,000 American
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Dollars..majority of it computer equipment..isn't it how sickening how we
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have to value everything to the dollar?). I ask for two simple things: 1.
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tracking numbers for all 10 boxes and 2. A receipt so that I can be
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reimbursed by my employer. I call my 'fucktoy' (whom I convinced to stay
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with my stuff). Houston, we have a problem. I call UPS, big fuck up. I
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wasn't listed on the manifesto in Grand Rapids to be picked up. Only
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through bitching was my fucktoy able to get them to pick it up. They
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didn't give him a reciept or tracking numbers. Wonderful. I call UPS, a
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nice man sorted everything out. "We will call you back within the hour". I
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wait. My phonelines were just installed. I wait some more. No call back. I
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call back and get a stupid ass moron named Hayward Green. He asks me for my
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zip code. I ask him, three times, "Do you need sending or recieving zip
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codes?" He says "You called earlier, you know which one." We start arguing.
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I can't get him to tell me "which" zip codes he needs. I become frustrated.
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A frustrated simunye is not a happy simunye.
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I ask to speak to the supervisor. "She's out to lunch" came the reply. Uh
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huh, I know there is more than one supervisor. I prove myself correct when
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he goes "I will have my manager take a look at this". I pipe in "I thought
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she was out to lunch?" "She is", came the reply, "this is a different
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one." Uh huh, sure. I yell and scream. Sure Ms. Rabey, we will give you a
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call back within the hour, utmost urgency.
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Its now three hours later, and still no call back. I call my fucktoy again.
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(Or at this point, should I say, ex fucktoy) and he tells me UPS has been
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calling him. Great. He's got the reciept, but no tracking numbers. I get
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angry. I get really angry. I am debating on whether or not I should call
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UPS, depending on how high my blood pressure is at this point.
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Back to the task at hand. My bf is out of town. I get nosy and prowl
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through his machine. I wonder if I am breaking any trust laws here ;) I
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found out that I am not. hehehe..Nothing interesting, in fact, he wiped it
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clean before I moved. Last night I hung out with our housemates. The female
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spilled the beans on him. *laugh* She likes me, and everything I *felt*
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about him was confirmed through her. I wonder if men really know how silly
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they actually are... ;)
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And this rant is more or less a cornicopia on whats going on in my mind
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during the day. Nothing is coherent or even really related, except for very
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indirect ideas. But can you imagine if life was really that simple?
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Sometimes the fact that I just upped and moved 2300 miles without a care in
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the world frightens me. I wonder if I really am that careless. I wonder
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about responsibilities. In June I will be 25, and that scares me. Said bf
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keeps telling me that its all down hill from here on in. I take away his
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sparkle fun toothpaste (which I bought no less!) and tell him to bite me.
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I don't want to grow old and I surely don't want to be old.
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And said bf is also pushing 30, which he will be next year. Its funny how
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childlike we are. He loves his 'wowwies' and it is nothing for me to buy
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bags of them to shut him up when he's being grouchy. He acts like a little
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'puppy' and for all his bravedo, and all his talk, I wonder WHAT his
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friends would think if they knew he was really like this..a big giant teddy
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bear ;)
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I laugh when I think about the dangerous game I am playing. I've stolen his
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heart haven't I? And now what do I intend to do with it?
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Well boys and girls, that would require a lifetime of thinking.
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simunye
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5-13-97
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= Questions, Comments, Bitches, Ideas, Rants, Death Threats, Submissions =
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= Mail: jericho@dimensional.com (Mail is welcomed) =
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= To receive new issues through mail, mail jericho@dimensional.com with =
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= "subscribe fuck". If you do not have FTP access and would like back =
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= issues, send a list of any missing issues and they will be mailed. =
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=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
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= Files through AnonFTP FTP.DIMENSIONAL.COM/users/jericho/FUCK =
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= FTP.SEKURITY.ORG/pub/zines/fucked.up.college.kids =
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= FTP.GIGA.OR.AT/pub/hackers/zines/FUCK =
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= FTP.ETEXT.ORG/pub/Zines/FUCK =
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= Files through WWW: http://www.dimensional.com/~jericho =
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= http://www.reps.net/~krypt/fuck.html =
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= (c) Copyright. All files copyright by the original author. =
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