202 lines
7.5 KiB
Plaintext
202 lines
7.5 KiB
Plaintext
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= F.U.C.K. - Fucked Up College Kids - Born Jan. 24th, 1993 - F.U.C.K. =
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emotional skin
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"jesus christ michelle, it's like walking on eggshells around you.
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can't you ever just take what i say literally? why do you have to
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twist everything that i say?"
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oh no, here she goes again. fuck. michael ran his hand through
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his long dark hair in frustration and looked at his girlfriend,
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who was sprawled on the couch, idly smoking a cigarette, her grey
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eyes flat and uncaring.
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"i am not twisting anything, michael. i can just tell how
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you feel. you don't even have to say anything. i just know. and you
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think i am a total bitch, don't you? don't you? tell me the truth. i
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want to know."
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fuck, fuck. all i want to do is go out with my friends,
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and she keeps pulling this shit on me. what the hell is wrong with
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her?
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"what do you want me to say? if i say no, you'll say i am
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lying. if i say yes, you'll leave and do something stupid. the same
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cycle, over and over again michelle. what do you want me to say?"
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"i want you to tell me what you really think. i want you to
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be honest with me. fuck, michael. what will it take to just get you
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to fucking be honest?"
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michael squeezed his eyes shut and imagined slapping some
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sense into her. compassion won.
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"i can't be honest with you. i don't even know how i feel
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anymore. you twist things around so that i don't know what is me
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and what it you."
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michelle put out her cigarette, stretched, and stood.
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her eyes were still dead, but a single tear escaped.
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"that's it. it's over. you obviously can't deal with me.
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not like you promised. not like you said. you are a fucking asshole.
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you abandoned me! you gave up on me. and you promised you wouldn't.
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i hate you, michael."
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huh? what did i do? abandon her? when i am just going out
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for the night? what the fuck is she talking about?
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michelle plucked her jeans off of the floor and put them
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on.
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"i'm going out for awhile."
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michael looked at her in amazement. how did we get from there
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to here? well, fuck her.
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"michelle..."
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michelle slapped him once, hard.
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"don't talk to me, asshole. go to your little group of friends,
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who hate me anyway, and leave me alone."
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i'll never understand this girl.
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then she walked out.
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emotional skin, part ii
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michelle laid on the couch and lit a cigarette and looked at
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her boyfriend, who was getting ready to go out with his friends. she
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hated it when he went out with his friends. she knew that they hated
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her, and she knew that they said shit about her behind her back.
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"michael, why don't you stay here tonight? you know, you, me,
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together? alone?"
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michael sighed.
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"michelle, i already made plans. you do this all the time."
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anger boiled up inside of michelle, a murderous rage. how
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dare he? he doesn't love me. his friends are more important than i
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am.
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"oh, so now you think i am a bitch. just because i wanted to
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spend the evening with you. fuck you."
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"jesus christ michelle, it's like walking on eggshells around you.
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can't you ever just take what i say literally? why do you have to
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twist everything that i say?"
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michelle closed her eyes. not again, no not again. why do
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i have to be so sick? why do i have to think this way? she opened
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her eyes and watched michael run his hands through his hair and
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sigh. great, now he is really mad at me.
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"i am not twisting anything, michael. i can just tell how
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you feel. you don't even have to say anything. i just know. and you
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think i am a total bitch, don't you? don't you? tell me the truth. i
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want to know."
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"what do you want me to say? if i say no, you'll say i am
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lying. if i say yes, you'll leave and do something stupid. the same
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cycle, over and over again michelle. what do you want me to say?"
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i want you to tell me that you love me, that you accept me
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for who i am, that you will not abandon me. i want you to care about
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me forever. i want you to tell me that i am ok, that you understand.
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michelle sighed and opened her mouth, teeth gritted.
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"i want you to tell me what you really think. i want you to
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be honest with me. fuck, michael. what will it take to just get you
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to fucking be honest?"
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"i can't be honest with you. i don't even know how i feel
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anymore. you twist things around so that i don't know what is me
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and what it you."
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sure, blame it on me. as usual. you typical fucking freak.
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michelle put out her cigarette, stretched, and stood. her eyes were
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were still dead, but a single tear escaped.
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"that's it. it's over. you obviously can't deal with me.
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not like you promised. not like you said. you are a fucking asshole.
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you abandoned me! you gave up on me. and you promised you wouldn't.
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i hate you, michael."
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michelle plucked her jeans off of the floor and put them
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on. will he care enough to stay? to talk to me? to help me with my
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pain? to deal with my aloneness?
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"i'm going out for awhile."
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"michelle..."
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michelle slapped him once, hard. please pay attention to me.
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"don't talk to me, asshole. go to your little group of friends,
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who hate me anyway, and leave me alone."
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then she walked out.
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emotional skin part iii
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"you have no armor, michelle. you have nothing to protect you
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from emotional elements."
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michelle glared at her therapist, bored with the same old same
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old.
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"i know that. give me prozac and i will be on my merry little
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way."
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michelle's therapist sighed, wrote out a prescription, and
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handed it to her.
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"you know, you really need to combine..."
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"medication with therapy, pure medication is contraindicated
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with borderline personality disorder. yeah, i know. but guess what,
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doctor? i've been doing this for 10 years, and i really don't have
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faith in the oracle of bullshit anymore. thank you, doctor. when
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you find a cure, let me know."
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"you need therapy."
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"yeah? tell my insurance company. thanks for the drugs, doc."
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then she walked out.
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- Palpable Obscure
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= Questions, Comments, Bitches, Ideas, Rants, Death Threats, Submissions =
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= issues, send a list of any missing issues and they will be mailed. =
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= Files through AnonFTP FTP.DIMENSIONAL.COM/users/jericho/FUCK =
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= FTP.SEKURITY.ORG/pub/zines/fucked.up.college.kids =
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= FTP.PRISM.NET/pub/users/mercuri/zines/fuck =
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= FTP.WINTERNET.COM/users/craigb/fuck =
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= Files through WWW: http://www.dimensional.com/~jericho =
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= (c) Copyright. All files copyright by the original author. =
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