87 lines
4.9 KiB
Plaintext
87 lines
4.9 KiB
Plaintext
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
|
|
= F.U.C.K. - Fucked Up College Kids - Born Jan. 24th, 1993 - F.U.C.K. =
|
|
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
|
|
|
|
The Talking Cure
|
|
----------------
|
|
|
|
I've done it again. Blood is so warm and vibrant, and long
|
|
sleeves are in fashion. I made the phone call, but I'm not into
|
|
it. Personally, blabbing about my inner hell to a paid stranger
|
|
feels like a failure. Teenage angst has evolved into adult illness,
|
|
but who am I to complain? There are thousands out there like me,
|
|
thousands who write poetry about their writhing souls and the
|
|
emptiness therein.
|
|
|
|
I guess you think things change. You kind of go along in
|
|
a happy daze until you realize that your personal demons have
|
|
been whispering to you, cutting through the daze like a dull knife.
|
|
Suddenly, you notice that they have been cutting at you for
|
|
months, and that they have already won. I acquiesced. It is easier
|
|
that way. You see, everyone has demons. You have them. Your parents
|
|
have them. Your partner has them. But the demons wear different
|
|
costumes for different people and some have more demons than others.
|
|
|
|
So I'm off to see the Wizard of Id, Ego, and SuperEgo.
|
|
I doubt he'll work any magic for me. You see, I don't trust anyone
|
|
anymore. I have learned that the only way others can endure the
|
|
gaggle of imps that follow me is to disguise them as angels, or
|
|
something even more frightening than angels. Then they will run
|
|
away. But I have learned that I can never be me again. I learned this
|
|
lesson a final time about 3 months ago, and there is no turning
|
|
back. To be raw, exposed, emotionally naked - these are things I
|
|
can no longer enjoy because I arouse fear in others. It is time
|
|
for my mask, and my wall, to return. Suddenly I will transform
|
|
into The Picture of Normality, and only I will know who I truly
|
|
am.
|
|
|
|
You see, that's what The Talking Cure is for. It doesn't
|
|
matter that I know what he is going to say. They use a fierce and
|
|
honest logic that I know better than my own, but somehow the
|
|
predictability gets you back in the Habit of Being Emotionally
|
|
Well. I guess life is merely the process of answering your own
|
|
questions, and the Wizard can help you pretend that your questions
|
|
are normal. They like to talk about spectrums of normality, and
|
|
they paste you onto the spectrum somewhere in the normal range
|
|
just so you can feel guilty about seeking help when the Abnormal
|
|
need it much more than you do. They smile quietly and tell you
|
|
that you are ok, and that all you have to do is put things into
|
|
perspective. They direct your sessions and make notes on yellow
|
|
pads, and you can see your life outlined neatly between the cage
|
|
of those thin blue lines. They write numbers on your insurance
|
|
claims, and, if you look them up in the Big Blue Book, you will
|
|
see your problems explained in thinly disguised clinical terms.
|
|
Borderline Personality Disorder. Clinical Depression. Bipolar
|
|
Disorder. They ask questions incessantly. Biting questions, the
|
|
kind that make you buy tissues before your next session. And then
|
|
you write them a big check, and you have to smile knowing that
|
|
you are essentially paying someone to be your best friend. Yet
|
|
all of this is worth it, somehow. It is easier to label yourself
|
|
with Mental Illness, because then you can hide behind it forever.
|
|
|
|
My friends think I am crazy. I know I am.
|
|
|
|
|
|
Palpable Obscure.
|
|
|
|
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
|
|
= Questions, Comments, Bitches, Ideas, Rants, Death Threats, Submissions =
|
|
= Mail: jericho@dimensional.com (Mail is welcomed) =
|
|
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
|
|
= To receive new issues through mail, mail jericho@dimensional.com with =
|
|
= "subscribe fuck". If you do not have FTP access and would like back =
|
|
= issues, send a list of any missing issues and they will be mailed. =
|
|
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
|
|
= Files through AnonFTP FTP.DIMENSIONAL.COM/users/jericho/FUCK =
|
|
= FTP.SEKURITY.ORG/pub/zines/fucked.up.college.kids =
|
|
= FTP.PRISM.NET/pub/users/mercuri/zines/fuck =
|
|
= FTP.WINTERNET.COM/users/craigb/fuck =
|
|
= FTP.GIGA.OR.AT/pub/hackers/zines/FUCK =
|
|
= ETEXT.ARCHIVE.UMICH.EDU/pub/Zines/FUCK =
|
|
= Files through WWW: http://www.dimensional.com/~jericho =
|
|
= http://www.prism.net/zineworld/fuck/ =
|
|
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
|
|
= (c) Copyright. All files copyright by the original author. =
|
|
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
|
|
|