169 lines
10 KiB
Plaintext
169 lines
10 KiB
Plaintext
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= F.U.C.K. - Fucked Up College Kids - Born Jan. 24th, 1993 - F.U.C.K. =
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Doin' it in Texas
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Here it is, the file to break my writer's block. No matter what,
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this will be the time to get past over four months of no serious writing.
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You never know exactly why it happens, and normally you can't tell what
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it is that makes you break out of that cold room and begin to throw your
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thoughts out to the world. So this time.. lets try forcing it.
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Sleep no longer comes easy to me. In the past I haven't been one
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to sleep the days away or anything, as I usually get somewhere between
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two and six hours a night. These days, things have been different. For
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the past month and a half, I have spent my nights in a hotel in another
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state. That may be one of many things lending to my sleepless nights.
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Every night I fall asleep to music, typically something very calm and
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relaxing to make the transition from chaos to rest as smooth as possible.
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These past few weeks I find myself staying awake listening to
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entire CDs, getting up, changing discs, and listening to more. Every
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night I can tell something is missing from my life but I can't put my
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finger on it. I know what isn't missing, and I know what I flat out don't
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want. I have friends, at least all I could want right now. It isn't
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female companionship right now, as I have no real desire for any
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relationship or commitment.
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Something out there is missing.. its out of my grasp. My hobby
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has turned into my job and I enjoy working more than ever before. I see
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my family and aquaintences frequently, so no on that one. I keep running
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down a list of things that might be that missing link, but I still can't
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put my finger on it. I know motivation in certain areas is right out
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the door. I have been sitting on a ton of writing projects that I will
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someday get to. Oh well, just a a matter of time. Until then, onward..
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more things annoy me.
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What else is up. Got to spend thanksgiving down here in Texas
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at my boss's house (My boss down here that is). Other than that I have
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spent my weekends with some really good guys, all of which I have met
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through the internet. Just happens that quit a few live within a couple
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hours of where I am which makes the weekends much more interesting than
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sitting in the hotel room watching overpriced pay per view movies.
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Back to music real quick. My latest interest has been in the
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various femme singers. Tori Amos, Sophie B. Hawkins, Poe, Milla, Suzanne
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Vega, Jewel, Enya, Shakespear's Sister, and others. Something about
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these artists is just really impressive and worth listening too. For
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most of them, not only the incredible voices, but exceptional lyrics
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and great instrumental backup. I have thought a little about trying
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to put words to express the feelings that kind of music brings about
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in me, but just can't do it. Anyway, if my word means anything, go out
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and purchase large quantities of music by those artists.
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Been doing mass quantities of that email thing. I have always
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been one for writing rather than talking on the phone. Since I am now
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out of touch from most of the people I know, I have relied on mail as
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a quasi-escape from hotel life. It works. Every day I would guess
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my friends and I write well over 50k (about five times the length
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of this file) back and forth talking about the normal stuf. Kinda funny,
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how distance affects email. While in Denver, it always seems mail is
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much shorter and much more to the point. I guess it is just knowing
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that you can pick up the phone and make a local call if you have to,
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or something else. Maybe it is just feeling that distance.
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So what the hell is the point of this whole file? Who cares.
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I learned long ago that expressing your daily thoughts like this
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does wonders to help you clear your mind, see your own thoughts, and
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more. Just knowing that other people will read your raw emotions
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makes you feel kinda weird, at least it makes me feel that way. Think
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about it; a dozen, hundreds, maybe thousands of people reading what
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is beyond second nature to you. So next time you are out on that
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newsgroup, or on some BBS, or in mail with a friend, just write about
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what is on your mind. About once a week I get a piece of mail like
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that from someone who has read a newly released file, had some thoughts,
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and turned it into a healthy letter about what is on their mind.
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I read and respond to all mail so feel free to write.
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I'm a computer geek if you haven't been able to tell. Don't
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exactly look like one (at least the stereotypical one). Found out
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two things that really annoyed the hell out of me yesterday. I use to
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play a lot of sports, everything from soccer to rugby to baseball to
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tennis to just about everything else. So I went down to play basketball
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at the little court here at the hotel. Met a co-worker and we shot for
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a while before a couple more guys joined and asked to play a game.
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Both of these kids were younger than I, one was much bigger but looked
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pretty dense. The first thing that annoyed me was their style of playing
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ball. This wasn't a friendly pickup game, this was a battle to the death.
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It was obvious they took it a lot more serious than I did, but there is
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a line that needs to be drawn.
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I couldn't help but think of how much they imitated the basketball
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players on TV, talked about them, and everything else. Its funny watching
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them try to be like them, but knowing how pathetic they are at the sport.
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I'm not saying I am better than they are (even though my outside shot
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puts them to shame), but all they could do was elbow their way under
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the basket and throw up a little layup for two points. Also funny how
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they never called their own fouls even though I did, kept encouraging
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each other to drive in on me since I wasn't playing as active defense
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as my partner, or hit half of their outside shots. So overall they
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annoyed me.
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The other major thing that annoyed me was myself. A few years back
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I found out I had excercise induced asthma which really puts a downer
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on any sport. I played the two-on-two game for maybe fifteen minutes
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before I was coughing and wheezing trying to catch my breath. I really
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do like sports too, and really wish I could partake a little more often.
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So until some miracle cure comes out, more billiards and computing for me.
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Welp, now I get to flip a coin. Heads I release this to the world,
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tails, you never see it. I wonder how many other people do that with
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their writing. I also have to wonder if people even know that this is done
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with some of my files. No idea how many I have deleted because of the
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toss of a coin. Not a lot or anything, but a few. Not wasted thoughts either,
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but more a mental release than anything.
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So, after all is said and done, is my writer's block gone?
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Who knows, but I certainly hope to hell it is. Although it isn't the
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worst thing as I have had some great writers pick up the duty. Hopefully
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they will keep writing and sharing their thoughts with the rest of us.
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Things are most definitely not diminishing...
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I'll wrap it up here, and leave you with this thought:
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"As I stand in darkness, I feel the warmth of the light upon my
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skin and I know my face is turned toward the sun. I can look into
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the sun, for my eyes are forever shrouded by darkness. But if you
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who can see look too long in the sun, you will lose your sight,
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just as those who live too long in the darkness will gradually lose
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theirs."
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Weis & Hickman
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- dis
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shout outs: Major, Plexor, Vidiot, z3ns, Apok, El_jefe, Dave_SOB,
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Capone, T*P, Voyager, Patty, Rage, Daemon9, se7en,
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Freya, Presence, all the fans of the zine, the users of
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'The Lemming', all my cats, and then some.
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=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
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= Questions, Comments, Bitches, Ideas, Rants, Death Threats, etc etc... =
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= Internet : jericho@dimensional.com (Mail is welcomed) =
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=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
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= gote land +27.31.441115 =
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= Arrested Development +31.77.3547477 =
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= Global Chaos +61.2.681.2837 =
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= Chemical Persuasion 203.324.0894 Undrgrnd Indust/Inc. 207.490.2158 =
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= Damnation 212.861.0580 Damnation -Toll Free 888.803.8490 =
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= Hacker's Haven 303.516.9969 Unholiness Rising 303.980.2404 =
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= E.L.F. (NUP) 314.272.3426 Misery 318.625.4532 =
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= Dungeon Sys. Inc. 410.263.2258 Psykodelik Images -- Down -- =
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= Paradise Lost 414.476.3181 Black SunShine 513.891.3465 =
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= underworld_1995.com 514.683.1894 Digital Fallout 516.378.6640 =
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= PSYCHOSiS 613.836.7211 Bad Trip 615.870.8805 =
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= Plan 9 716.881.3663 suicidal chaos 718.592.1083 =
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= Damaged 801.944.7353 The Death Star Bar 805.872.3151 =
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= Purple Hell 806.791.0747 BloodNet 901.872.8615 =
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= Atrocity Exhibition 905.796.3385 Phoenix Modernz 908.830.8265 =
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= The Keg 914.234.9674 that stupid place 215.985.0462 =
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=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
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= Files through AnonFTP FTP.DIMENSIONAL.COM/users/jericho/FUCK =
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= FTP.LEMMING.COM/pub/zines/fucked.up.college.kids =
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= FTP.PRISM.NET/pub/users/mercuri/zines/fuck =
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= FTP.WINTERNET.COM/users/craigb/fuck =
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= FTP.GIGA.OR.AT/pub/hackers/zines/FUCK =
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= ETEXT.ARCHIVE.UMICH.EDU - /pub/Zines/FUCK =
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= Files through WWW: http://www.dimensional.com/~jericho =
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= http://www.prism.net/zineworld/fuck/ =
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=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
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= (c) Copyright. All files copyright by the original author =
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=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
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(12/4/96)
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