212 lines
11 KiB
Plaintext
212 lines
11 KiB
Plaintext
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= F.U.C.K. - Fucked Up College Kids - Born Jan. 24th, 1993 - F.U.C.K. =
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Overman
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-------
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Many of you have read my previous works in F.U.C.K., particularly
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F.U.C.K. #164, where I relate the mean tales of my youth. How then, you
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may wonder, have I come up from whence I was born? How is it that my
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situation in life has changed? Or has it changed? Am I now the same
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mental, emotional and physical weakling that was me as a child?
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No. I am not. I have changed. I have changed considerably. I am now
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a veritable mental giant, yet not without the ability to explore and
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learn afresh. I am emotionally invulnerable, yet I easily become soft
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and tender when the time arises. On a physical level, I am now the
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hunter, no longer the hunted. I do not fear a mental challenge, nor an
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emotional challenge, nor a physical challenge.
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What has caused these changes? How did I raise from the small inner
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city child with no social skills, no friends, no future and no value to
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become the god of myself and my environment that I am now? How did I
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attain such mastery of man and machine as I now posess?
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Did I win the lottery?
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No.
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Did I inherit a million dollars?
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No.
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Did I find God?
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No.
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Did I find the answers in the writings of L. Ron Hubbard?
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No.
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Did I travel to the Far East and study Buddhism?
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No.
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Was I a six million dollar federal research program?
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No.
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Was I kidnapped by space aliens and sent back to conquer Earth?
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Not even close.
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It was none of these. I was none other than a will to power. Yes, a
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simple act of human will.
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Previously, in my weak and pitiful state, I looked to a divine being to
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aid me through this world. I looked to the next world as a place of
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rest, a place where I would be safe from the dangers of this life.
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This was nothing more than dangerous escapism. This divine being did
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nothing but keep me from acting on my own. If god was here to take care
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of me, what need did I have to take care of myself? If god was here to
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set my ethical and moral standards, what need did I have to think for
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myself? Until I escaped this self defeating philosophy, I was doomed to
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a life of failure.
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Atheism brought me out of this. Athiesm forced me to think of this
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world as the first and final battleground. No longer would I have an
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afterlife to look forward to. This life would be the only one I would
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get, and I had better make it count. No longer would I be able to
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accept defeat here, knowing that I would be safe and protected in the
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afterlife. If I was to rise victorious, it would be in the here and
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now.
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Athiesm forced me to think for myself. No longer could I simply look at
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an ancient tome to tell me what was right and what was wrong. Instead,
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I was forced to examine every bit of life itself and determine for
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myself the true nature of right and wrong. I was forced to become my
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own god.
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No longer was a divine being responsible for my creation, my life, and
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my destruction. I was now in charge of me. This engendered a strong
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sense of personal responsibility in me. *I* was responsible for myself,
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no one else. My actions would ultimately lead to my success or my
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failure. And that success or failure would be final, no more would I be
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granted a second chance in the afterlife.
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I stopped accepting defeat. No one would best me, no matter the cost.
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This affected more than the combative side of my interpersonal
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relationships. I saw through my previous failures and realized that
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many of my previous violent confrontations were the result of the
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failure of my own social skills. This must be cured, I realized.
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Furthermore, I must cure it myself, as there was no longer a divine
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being to assist me or comfort me if I failed.
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I fought, fought my way free of the social and socioeconomic state I was
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in. I learned computer science as a tool to move myself up on the
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economic scale. With only one formal class in computer science, I
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aquired employment teaching computer science at a state college. How
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did I do this? Hard work, led by force of will. Hard work, and the
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mental agility built by the rigors of defining my own system of ethics
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and morals. After you have created your own philosophical system,
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computer science is childs play!
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I fought to meet people and to interact with them successfully. I
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fought with myself, with my poorly developed skill set. Now that I was
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free of the horrid judeao-christain concept that sex was evil, I fought
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to learn how to interact on an emotionally intimate level with women.
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Free of the sexism inherent in any religious system based upon judaism,
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I was now able to interact with females on an equal intellectual level.
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All of these changes made me free of my previous environment. No longer
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would I interact with the people I had interacted with before, nor would
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I interact with people the same way as I had before. I met new people,
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people who had not known me before. People who saw the new me and
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judged me for what I was at that time, not what I had been before.
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It took two years from the time I started until any appreciable changes
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were noticable by those around me. It took another two years before the
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new me dominated the old me. I took another two years before I was able
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to finish the process. Another 6 years has passed in my life, where I
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continue to change and to grow with each passing year.
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I cannot compare my life now with my life growing up. If I had to do it
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all over again, I might choose to take my own life instead. It was
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hard. I would not wish my tribulations on the worst of my enemies.
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However, the times and events of my early life have given me a tough
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inner strength. Nothing I face now causes me fear, because I know I
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have survived the worst that life has to offer. I am invulnerable.
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My life now is quiet and peaceful. At times, I have difficulties
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dealing with the adjustment. I no longer constantly fear for my life,
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and was the case for the majority of my youth. I no longer engage in
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constant conflict with the people around me. I create conflict when I
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wish to create conflict, and peace when I wish to create peace. I no
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longer travel the world alone, just me and my imaginary god. I am able
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to share my emotions with those few people whom I choose to become
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intimate with. I do not fear their rejection, because I know the value
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of myself. I have found hapiness, I created it for myself.
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You too can obtain the happiness that I now posess. Take control of
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your own life. Stop blaming others for your life. Stop relying on god,
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your parents, or the welfare state. Do not let any of these take care
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of you, physically, mentally, or emotionally.
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If your parents take care of your physical needs, they will also create
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a framework for your mental and emotional life. If the state takes care
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of your physical needs, it will do the same. The state teaches people
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that they are subservient to it. The check every month is a periodic
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reminder of who is in control. If you give the state nothing, and the
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state gives you money, you are a child of the state. How then can you
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have a sense of your own self worth, if you have no value to the state?
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How can you have a true sense of your own self worth if your life is
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subsidized and managed by your parents? Only when we struggle and
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succeed on our own can we know our true value. Only when we know and
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appreciate our true value can we guarantee our own mental strength.
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Only when these two are fortified can we ensure our emotional
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well-being.
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Live your own life. Create your own path. Do not rely on other men for
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anything. Not for your physical needs, not for your morals, not for
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your ethics, not for your ideas of right and wrong, not for your mental
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training and education, not for your sense of self worth, not for your
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emotional health, not for anything.
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Rely only upon yourself, and you will grow until you are able to provide
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for yourself. You will grow until you no longer need other men to
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provide for you. Not for your physical needs, not for your mental
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needs, not for your emotional needs. When this comes to pass, you will
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have conquered yourself. Once you have conquered yourself, nothing else
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will be able to arouse fear in your heart. You will never face a
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tougher opponent, nor will you ever find a more sweet victory.
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- Voyager
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=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
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= Questions, Comments, Bitches, Ideas, Rants, Death Threats, etc etc... =
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= Internet : jericho@dimensional.com (Mail is welcomed) =
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=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
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= gote land +27.31.441115 =
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= Arrested Development +31.77.3547477 =
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= Global Chaos +61.2.681.2837 =
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= Chemical Persuasion 203.324.0894 Undrgrnd Indust/Inc. 207.490.2158 =
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= Damnation 212.861.0580 Damnation -Toll Free 888.803.8490 =
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= Hacker's Haven 303.516.9969 Unearthly Shadows 303.683.1443 =
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= E.L.F. (NUP) 314.272.3426 Misery 318.625.4532 =
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= Dungeon Sys. Inc. 410.263.2258 Psykodelik Images -- Down -- =
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= Paradise Lost 414.476.3181 Black SunShine 513.891.3465 =
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= underworld_1995.com 514.683.1894 Digital Fallout 516.378.6640 =
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= PSYCHOSiS 613.836.7211 Bad Trip 615.870.8805 =
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= Plan 9 716.881.3663 suicidal chaos 718.592.1083 =
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= Damaged 801.944.7353 The Death Star Bar 805.872.3151 =
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= Purple Hell 806.791.0747 BloodNet 901.872.8615 =
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= Atrocity Exhibition 905.796.3385 Phoenix Modernz 908.830.8265 =
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= The Keg 914.234.9674 that stupid place 215.985.0462 =
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=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
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= Files through Anon FTP FTP.DIMENSIONAL.COM/users/jericho/FUCK =
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= FTP.PRISM.NET/pub/users/mercuri/zines/fuck =
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= FTP.WINTERNET.COM/users/craigb/fuck =
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= FTP.GIGA.OR.AT/pub/hackers/zines/FUCK =
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= ETEXT.ARCHIVE.UMICH.EDU - /pub/Zines/FUCK =
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= FTP.DIMENSIONAL.COM - /users/rage/zines/fuck =
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= Files through WWW: http://www.dimensional.com/~jericho =
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= http://www.prism.net/zineworld/fuck/ =
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=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
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= (c) Copyright. All files copyright by the original author =
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