173 lines
9.1 KiB
Plaintext
173 lines
9.1 KiB
Plaintext
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
|
|
= F.U.C.K. - Fucked Up College Kids - Born Jan. 24th, 1993 - F.U.C.K. =
|
|
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
|
|
|
|
What is a Twit?, Are You a Twit? ³
|
|
--------------------------------
|
|
|
|
* Twits love DOWNLOADING. Uploading is for simpletons who can't tell
|
|
whether they are coming or going. If Twits designed modems, we'd all
|
|
have one which downloaded at 18.2 K-Baud, and uploaded at 300 baud.
|
|
If Twits wrote protocols, the smallest block they could receive would
|
|
be 10 megs.
|
|
|
|
* Twits can't READ or COUNT. This is evidenced by their total inability
|
|
to comprehend System Rules, or Upload/Download Ratio's. But, for some
|
|
strange reason, they can still use a computer.
|
|
|
|
Because of this handicap, most Twits are unemployed. It is a miracle
|
|
that most of them haven't been retained by the State to pick up trash
|
|
on the expressways. They'd gladly volunteer for it, if it could be
|
|
done with a modem and they were called "Remote-Trash Downloaders".
|
|
|
|
* Twits feel that the proper way to leave a board is to drop the
|
|
carrier. They do this because they don't want to waste their valuable
|
|
time exiting via the "Goodbye" command, when they could spend that
|
|
time calling another board.
|
|
|
|
* Twits NEVER leave messages, unless it is rude, crude, or socially
|
|
unacceptable. If an exception to this exists, it will probably be a
|
|
creative one-liner such as
|
|
"Hi!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!". Twits rarely reply to
|
|
messages. Unless they enter a one-liner such as the one above.
|
|
|
|
* Twits NEVER communicate with SysOps, unless it is to ask WHY such and
|
|
such a file is unavailable, to demand access to the "Pirate-Board",
|
|
or to gripe about something. Mail from the SysOp is considered to be
|
|
the electronic equivalent of "Junk-Mail", and should be ignored. In
|
|
fact, there should be some form of law to stop it from being written.
|
|
|
|
* Twits NEVER pay for access to a computer system. They see themselves
|
|
as latter-day "Robin-Hoods", taking from the rich (SysOps) and giving
|
|
to the Poor (Themselves). Their motto is: "If it isn't free, it isn't
|
|
worth having."
|
|
|
|
* Twits NEED multiple logon codes. This is the measure of their
|
|
Twit-dom, and reflects their true status in the Twit-community. A
|
|
Twit with only ONE logon code is a FAILURE, and faces censure and
|
|
possible expulsion from their peer group. (It is no wonder that Twits
|
|
exhibit schizo-tendencies)
|
|
|
|
* Twits know EVERYTHING. Just ask them. But, it'd take a crow-bar and
|
|
dynamite to get any useful information out of them. These
|
|
self-professed "experts" will RARELY stoop so low as to assist
|
|
someone who may genuinely need some help. After all, a REAL "hacker"
|
|
never needs or asks for help.
|
|
|
|
* A Twit would not be caught dead using their REAL NAME when calling a
|
|
BBS. In fact, Twits refuse to leave anything more involved than a
|
|
handle when registering with a BBS. (EVERYONE knows who "Slinky Toy"
|
|
is!!!)
|
|
|
|
The ONLY exception to this rule is that they will often use SOMEONE
|
|
ELSE's real name. Or, they may use the name of a Heavy-Metal rock &
|
|
roll group. (Imagine a system where everyone is named "Guns&Roses")
|
|
|
|
* Twits NEVER register their Shareware. Cash is what they use to buy
|
|
faster modems. Program authors are neurotic-compulsives, and if they
|
|
did not serve a purpose, Twits would have them abolished completely.
|
|
|
|
* Twits ADORE Sprint, MCI, and other long-distance credit card numbers,
|
|
IF they belong to someone else. This also applies to COMPUSERV,
|
|
SOURCE, etc. Their motto is: "If you can't steal it, it can't be much
|
|
fun".
|
|
|
|
* A Twit is a "BBS Connoisseur". They KNOW how your system SHOULD look
|
|
and run. They will not hesitate to inform you if it fails to meet
|
|
their demanding and rigid expectations. (They consider this a "Public
|
|
Service") However, they would NEVER trouble themselves to run their
|
|
OWN BBS. That might take valuable time away from their duties as
|
|
"Remotes" on the 30 or more systems they spend all their waking
|
|
moments calling.
|
|
|
|
* Twits LOVE to page the SysOp, often just for the sheer hell of it.
|
|
They are most fond of "Late-Night" paging. This is the perfect time
|
|
for them to explain the infallable logic as to why they should be
|
|
given Remote-SysOp access to your system. Their second most favored
|
|
reason for wanting to chat is "Just checking to see if you were
|
|
THERE!"
|
|
|
|
* Twits cannot comprehend WHY the IBM program they just downloaded
|
|
won't run on their Atari 800. After all, programs are programs,
|
|
right? And, any fool knows that a 32K machine can hold a 200K
|
|
program.
|
|
|
|
* Twits can't TOLERATE seeing a command that they can't use. Their
|
|
motto is "try, try again". If it didn't work the first time, it HAS
|
|
to work on the second, third, fourth, etc. No self-respecting SysOp
|
|
would intentionally offer them anything less than TOTAL ACCESS.
|
|
|
|
* Twits are FASCINATED by DOS. Their quest for it rivals the search for
|
|
the legendary "Holy-Grail". They MUST reach it, through their modem,
|
|
or all is lost. What they would do with it if they reached it, is
|
|
probably a lot like what a dog who chases cars would do with one if
|
|
he managed to catch it. (Pee on the tires?)
|
|
|
|
* Twits are totally ENGROSSED by hardware. They can conceive of the
|
|
most unorthodox, outrageous, and potentially lethal contraptions
|
|
known on Earth. Occasionally, these "time-bombs" actually work. Any
|
|
difficulties they experience with their computers will fall under the
|
|
heading of "Miscegenation", or "Poetic Justice".
|
|
|
|
* Twits CRAVE the LATEST version of "Goober-Pods", or "Space-Weenies".
|
|
To reward the SysOp for access to such mega-byte gems, they will
|
|
upload VALUABLE and USEFUL programs in return. Such as
|
|
"Weasel-Stompers" for the Commodore-64, providing it is less than 10K
|
|
in size.
|
|
|
|
* A Twit NEVER uses applications programs, and NEVER writes programs.
|
|
(Programs are what Twits DOWNLOAD, and most can just BARELY write or
|
|
spell) Their motto: "If you don't need a joystick to play it, it
|
|
isn't worth having".
|
|
|
|
* A real Twit will FLATLY REFUSE to use ANY compression method on files
|
|
they intend to upload. After all, SysOps sit and twiddle their thumbs
|
|
waiting on something to do, and should be GRATEFUL that they get ANY
|
|
uploads, EVER! They also refuse to upload documentation. (It is
|
|
crutch for weak minds and the hallmark of the Geek.)
|
|
|
|
* Twits SUFFER if there are no "NEW" files on the system. There may be
|
|
a correlation between "NEW" files and Twits, much as there is one
|
|
which exists between dog-excrement and flies. The only difference is
|
|
that flies usually leave after eating their fill. Twits don't.
|
|
|
|
* Twits desperately NEED to become Remote-Sysops. They KNOW that
|
|
EVERYONE else on the system has SysOp capabilities, and don't want to
|
|
be excluded from all the fun! (Are all Twits created equal?)
|
|
|
|
* Twits think that the "Caps Lock" key must be activated in order to
|
|
properly leave a message on a board. They think that their message
|
|
is of such great importance that it must be screamed at everyone.
|
|
|
|
* Occasionally an above average Twit who discovers that modeming can be
|
|
a two way street will attempt to get around upload\download ratios by
|
|
renaming the same program fifteen or twenty times and using it to
|
|
fill the sysop's hard disk with redundant programs. After all, rules
|
|
were meant to be broken, right?
|
|
|
|
Author Unknown : 02-10-91
|
|
|
|
Note: The original format of this file has been modified to fit the
|
|
format of F.U.C.K.
|
|
|
|
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
|
|
= Questions, Comments, Bitches, Ideas, Rants, Death Threats, etc etc... =
|
|
= Internet : jericho@netcom.com (Mail is welcomed) =
|
|
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
|
|
= Chemical Persuasion 203.324.0894 Celestial Woodlands 214.252.6455 =
|
|
= Ionic Destruction 215.722.0570 Hacker's Haven 303.343.4053 =
|
|
= E.L.F. (NUP) 314.272.3426 Misery 318.625.4532 =
|
|
= Dungeon Sys. Inc. 410.263.2258 Psykodelik Images 407.834.4576 =
|
|
= Paradise Lost 414.476.3181 (Your Board Here!@#$!) =
|
|
= Digital Fallout 516.378.6640 Bad Trip 615-870-8805 =
|
|
= Plan 9 716.881.3663 Deadly Intoxication 801.553.8644 =
|
|
= Purple Hell 806.791.0747 Logikal Nonsence XXX.XXX.XXXX =
|
|
= PuRe EViL (NUP) 905.XXX.XXXX The Keg 914.234.9674 = =
|
|
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
|
|
= Files through Anonymous FTP: FTP.NETCOM.COM - cd /pub/il/illusion/fuck =
|
|
= FTP.FC.NET - cd /pub/deadkat/misc/fuck =
|
|
= FTP.WINTERNET.COM - cd /users/craigb/fuck =
|
|
= http://www.ora.com:8080/johnl/e-zine-list/zines/fuck.html =
|
|
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
|
|
|