234 lines
14 KiB
Plaintext
234 lines
14 KiB
Plaintext
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= F.U.C.K. - Fucked Up College Kids - Born Jan. 24th, 1993 - F.U.C.K. =
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The Art of Begging
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Begging is a method by which one can procure the funds necessary to
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sustain one's self virtually indefinitely, at almost no personal cost, except
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humiliation. By utilizing proper begging technique, very good yield can be
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obtained. The main discourse which will be covered in this tutorial, and by
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far the most important in the actual begging procedure, will be the proper
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mental manipulation of the Funder (he who funds the Beggar) by the truly
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skilled Student of Procurement Arts, or the Beggar. These skills have long
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proven themselves invaluable when exercised in the correct locale, at the
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proper time interval.
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Part 1: (in)Famous Beggars
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The art of begging is not a new one, but one which has been practiced
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for many a year, by many a once poor, (or even once rich) and currently
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extremely prosperous soul. Many a Beggar have found within begging the means
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to obtain houses otherwise unavailable to their childhood friends who decided
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to choose the unfortunately straight path in life, and actually work for their
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income. These suckers now live in the trash neighborhoods, while the Beggars
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are able to afford mansions in the plush, inner-city playgrounds of the rich.
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Case Study #1:
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Locale: San Fransisco, California
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Beggar Type: Beat Box Dancer
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Beggar Name: Unknown
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Beggar's Racial Background: Black
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Information: This Beggar dances in San Fransisco on the harbor, on a
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milk box. He has a boom box playing rap tunes, and whenever someone drops
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money within the overturned box at his feet, he does a little "robotic" dance
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to the rap tune, complete with servo and engine noises emitted from his mouth.
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This probably mainly works because of his black racial background--he is able
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to keep to the beat of the tune, and not mess up his dance. He dresses
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slightly shabbily when he works, but it is known that he owns a mansion in
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wine country, as well as a yacht in the harbor. This man is a true example
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of proper begging skills.
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Case Study #2:
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Locale: Denver, Colorado
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Beggar Type: Story Teller
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Beggar Name: Unknown
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Beggar's Racial Background: Apparently White
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Information: While traversing the 16th Street Mall in Denver, we came
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across several Beggars of all types, yet none seemed to know proper begging
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skills, and would simply request money of our party. Eventually, we were
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approached by a man who did, in fact, know his skills, and was very proficient
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at the practicing thereof. Instead of requesting monetary funds immediately
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of our group, he began with a story of his demise, beginning with a horrible
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drug addiction, highlights in clinics, and the military, and ending when his
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social security was no longer redeemable, and he was finally forced to live
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out his days on the streets. He claimed to have finally reformed, and kicked
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the drug habit, and just wanted a few dollars to buy a meal. How could anyone
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refuse someone like this after he took the time to tell a story like that?
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(Took over 4 minutes!) Excellent technique.
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Case Study #3:
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Locale: Washington, D.C.
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Beggar Type: Pamphlet Seller
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Beggar Name: Unknown
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Beggar's Racial Background: Black
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Information: Free pamphlets are available throughout the D.C. area for
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tourists, such that they can know which tourist sites to visit while they're
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in the area. This Beggar took advantage of the situation, and turned it
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around such that these "free" pamphlets would give him much income. By
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obtaining large stacks of these free pamphlets from their distribution
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centers, and then offering them for sale on the street, he was able to create
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his own personal business opportunity. He approached our group wearing a
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brightly colored outfit, and offered us pamphlets for $5 each. Seeing that
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these were the same pamphlets I could obtain from my hotel, I declined his
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offer, but realized that most tourists would not, as they have not the
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intellect to do so. Doing some quick calculations, I determined that in
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a good location, during the day, with only 100 tourists passing per hour,
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and 75 of these purchasing the pamphlets, our Beggar could make $375 per
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hour! In a better location, such as in between some of the Smithsonian
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buildings, our Beggar may be able to encounter as many as 400-500 tourists
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per hour, perhaps with a bit lower tourist:purchase ratio, and make as much
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as $1250 per hour! This technique is obviously enhanced even more greatly
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when our Beggar reinvests his funds and creates an appearance for himself
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as if he works for the city, such that he will gain the trust of the
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Funders. This technique is, perhaps, the best available for quick
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profiteering through semi-legal, and/or begging means. By working in a
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prime spot for only two-three hours a day, this Beggar could procure more
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funds in one day than a large percentage of the population makes in one MONTH!
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Case Study #4:
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Locale: Denver, Colorado
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Beggar Type: Gimme A Quarter
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Beggar Name: David
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Beggar's Racial Background: Apparently White
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Information: David has enough money provided by his parents to afford
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medial needs, and definitely lives well above sustenance level. However, when
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pocket cash becomes low in supply, David has found a way to purchase what he
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needs without breaking into his bank funds. By asking for a quarter--no more,
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no less, from those he passes in the hall of George Washington High School, he
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is able to appeal to the fact that most don't consider amounts less than one
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dollar to be of great value. David has been able to make up to five dollars in
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less than ten minutes, a very nice yield for a small-time, low-level Beggar.
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David is also a good example of how a Beggar must present the correct
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atmosphere to his Funder for good usage of his begging skills. Recently,
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while begging, David accidentally opened his hand, which happened to be full
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of funds he had procured, while soliciting a possible Funder. This was his
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major mistake, as, upon seeing that David already had sufficient funds in hand,
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the Funder had a change of heart, and gave David instead, an offer to kiss
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her ass. Small time begging is great for those moments in which the Beggar
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has plenty of funds in the bank, but isn't in the mood to visit the ATM
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machine.
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Part 2: Begging Methodology
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Now that we have reviewed some techniques of frequent, and skilled
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Beggars, we will break these down and form a general plan from which all
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begging solicitation can take place. This plan will enable the prospective
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user to form his own mold, specific to his particular situation and begging
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needs.
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As seen in Case Study #1 and Case Study #3, the Dancer and the Seller,
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respectively, Funders who have large pockets want to get something in return
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on occasion. The Dancer gave his Funders a bit of entertainment value, namely
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the music from his box, and his robot dance, which can be seen to be of slight
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interest to those with nothing better to do with their time. The Seller, on
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the other hand, offered his funders a tangible good, the pamphlet which he
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attempted to pawn off upon them. This allowed the Funders a feeling that they
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had actually procured something of value for their money, and were not simply
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putting it into an empty expenditure. This helps when begging, because many
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Funders wish to know where their Funds are headed.
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We can break down these skills even further, by stating that most
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basic skills that a potential Beggar may posses can be utilized for purposes
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of fund procurement. I'm sure that most who will read this have, at some time,
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seen a low-level Beggar utilizing these techniques, performing in the street
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with a guitar, or with one's voice. This is very effective, but has inherent
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errors in most basic techniques. Mainly, this is derived from the fact that
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the said Beggars usually leave their gained funds out in the open, for any
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potential Funders to take a glance at. This will inherently endanger the
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Beggar if too many funds are left to view, or if not enough are seen. Too
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many, and the Funder will assume that enough has been given to the Beggar
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already to placate his needs. Not enough, and the Funder will tell himself
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that if indeed no one else has donated to the said Beggar, why should he?
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Thus, when offering service as the begging technique, a certain amount of
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funds, usually specific to the target Funders, and/or the locale, should
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be displayed in order to prompt further fund generation. In addition,
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services provided should be simple, and extremely easy for the Beggar to
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reproduce, such that not too much work will have to be done in order to
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prompt the Funder into generosity.
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Case Study #2, the Story Teller, shows that one of the most effective
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forms of begging come from appealing to the basic human need to feel
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compassion. By telling his life's story, a disaster in the making, he is able
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to perfectly fit into this niche, and create an atmosphere in which the Funder
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can all but give the beggar his entire wallet, else he will feel bad about not
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having helped the Beggar for the rest of the day. This technique is excellent
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in that a given story is not hard to generate, and within a few nights, it can
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be memorized such that it will sound completely natural, and can be very
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effectively told in order to correctly fool the Funder into granting the very
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funds which the Beggar hopes to receive. To further enhance this method, the
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Beggar may utilize Dirt, Grime, and Oil in order to soil his clothes and self,
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presenting a great atmosphere of need about him, causing the Funder to feel
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that without funds, the Beggar will fail to survive. Very few possible
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Funders want to feel as though they have allowed someone to die because of
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their lack of generosity.
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Case Study #4 is by far the most unskilled form shown within the Case
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Studies. However, it shows that by using small monetary values in one's
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technique, one can appeal to Funders who would previously not have been so
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generous to the Beggar. It is very important, however, that one not mix up
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the techniques presented in Study #4, and those presented in Studies #1 and
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#3. The prime difference in these solutions is that under Cases #1 and #3,
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a service is offered, and there is a necessity for showing that some service
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has already been granted (however, not too much), by allowing the Funder to
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see a certain amount of income. Under Case Study #4, if income is shown to
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the Funder, the Funder will surely feel that he need not continue the income
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flow of the Beggar, thus eliminating himself from the Funder/Beggar chain.
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By not showing any funds, or furthermore, by stating that absolutely no funds
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exist, and that he has been very unlucky, the Beggar using Case Study #4 to
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his benefit can convince the Funder that he is absolutely necessary to the
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short-term livelihood of the Beggar. This, of course, presents an opening,
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as the Funder is only granting a very small amount of money to the Beggar,
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which gives him the feeling that he is helping someone, without having to
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manipulate him much, as well as giving him the feeling that he is the only
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one who can help the Beggar, making him even more susceptible to giving
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funds to the Beggar.
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Certain methods of different Case Studies can be intermixed within
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others, but sometimes this should not be done in order to correctly manipulate
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the Funder for maximum Funding. For instance, Case Study #4 can very easily
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be intermixed with Case Study #2, in that the wearing of soiled garments can
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aid in the begging process of both. However, Case Study #4 and Case Study #3
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should not be intermingled, in that no funds should be shown to the Funder
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when using Case Study #4. Case Studies #2 and #3, also, should not be used
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as one. This mainly relates to the clothing used, as in Case Study #2,
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grungy clothes help the cause, yet in Case Study #3, in order to gain the
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trust of possible Funders, clean, city-worker-type clothes will be much
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more acceptable. By using one's common sense, it is determinable which
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methods should be used under a given situation.
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Conclusions:
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By using one's begging skills, great deals of income can be generated,
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if needed; or, if needed, only small amounts can be gained. Whatever one's
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needs, whatever one's situation, begging can be used.
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I'd like to thank all the Beggars who I was able to analyze in order
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to aid in the breakdown of begging technique, with a special thanks to David,
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who's begging gave me inspiration to write this guide.
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*
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MoRP/HEuS
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*
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iN_EFFECT
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=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
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= Questions, Comments, Bitches, Ideas, Rants, Death Threats, etc etc... =
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= Internet : jericho@netcom.com (Mail is welcomed) =
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= Chemical Persuasion 203.324.0894 Celestial Woodlands 214.252.6455 =
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= Ionic Destruction 215.722.0570 Hacker's Haven 303.343.4053 =
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= E.L.F. (NUP) 314.272.3426 Misery 318.625.4532 =
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= Dungeon Sys. Inc. 410.263.2258 Psykodelik Images 407.834.4576 =
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= Paradise Lost 414.476.3181 (Your Board Here!@#$!) =
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= Digital Fallout 516.378.6640 Bad Trip 615-870-8805 =
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= Plan 9 716.881.3663 Deadly Intoxication 801.553.8644 =
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= Purple Hell 806.791.0747 Logikal Nonsence 814.861.7282 =
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= PuRe EViL (NUP) 905.XXX.XXXX The Keg 914.234.9674 = =
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= Files through Anonymous FTP: FTP.NETCOM.COM - cd /pub/il/illusion/fuck =
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= FTP.FC.NET - cd /pub/deadkat/misc/fuck =
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= FTP.WINTERNET.COM - cd /users/craigb/fuck =
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= http://www.ora.com:8080/johnl/e-zine-list/zines/fuck.html =
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