130 lines
7.7 KiB
Plaintext
130 lines
7.7 KiB
Plaintext
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= F.U.C.K. - Fucked Up College Kids - Born Jan. 24th, 1993 - F.U.C.K. =
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So You Wanna Be Cool
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Wanna be cool? Here it is, step by step.
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1. Get a beeper. All cool people have beepers. This shows
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that you are important enough, and need to be reached
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so often. Of course, you can save a little money if you
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want, and not take the service. Just make sure that it
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can beep when you press the button. Now, go in the corner
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and act like you are talking to someone you think is
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cool. Practice moving your arms in a way so that you
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can hit the button and make it beep, without anyone
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seeing it. Also practice your sayings should your beeper
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go off. Here are a few cool ones you can try:
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- "Man, wonder what my bitch wants now."
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- "I'll talk wit ya in a sec, gotta call my nigga."
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- "Another deal?"
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- "Shit, Tyrone can wait."
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2. Now get a mobile phone. All cool people have mobile phones.
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Of course, since you will barely use it, don't get the service
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with it. Just make sure the lights can light up. While
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walking around, especially in malls, hold it up and pretend
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you are actually talking to someone, so you look important.
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If someone should ask to use your phone in an emergency, just
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reply "Sorry, my batteries are dead."
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3. Jewelry. All cool people have pretty jewelry. Go to Spencer's
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and look for a nice big gold chain. If it has a '$' symbol on
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it, that is all the better. If it is just a plain chain, then
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go ahead and get it. Wear it at all times now, and if someone
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should ask, it is 14 karat gold.
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4. Clothes. All cool people wear name brand, expensive clothes.
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I would recommend any name brand that costs more than 35
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dollars an item, like Guess or Boss. When you wear get your
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pants, make sure you buy 2-8 sizes too large, so that they sit
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on your hips, and sag in back. When it comes to shoes,
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you need to look around and try to figure out who is the
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basketball player of the month. Usually some rookie that comes
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in the NBA and does really good, then you never hear about
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them anymore. Anyway, buy whatever shoe they sponsor. Jacket.
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This is the tough part. You have several choices when it comes
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to your jacket. You can play it safe, and buy a popular team
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jacket. Something like the Bulls, Raiders, etc. Just as long
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as the team is really popular. If that isn't your liking, then
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you may wish to get a jacket with a lesser known team, and
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try to be original. Be careful! Someone might ask you a question
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about the team, so you have to know the starting line up, etc.
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If you actually have money, you may wish to buy a leather
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jacket. This is always popular, and shows everyone else that
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you have money. To the intelligent people this shows you found
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it on sale, and used lay away.
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5. Cash. All cool people have a big ole wad of cash. When you pull
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it out to pay for something, you have to be able to thumb
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through two large bills, a few smaller, and finally some ones.
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Save up though! I recommend this line up: 100, 50, 20, 20, 10,
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10, 5, and as many ones as you can scrape together. Using this
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order, and amount, it shows you are really cool! Of course,
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a little less than that won't hurt, but make sure you have the
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ones to make it look good. I know it doesn't look good, but
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everyone with a wad of cash does it, so you need to learn
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how to do it to. When you enter a store, clothing especially,
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you have to be an asshole to the salesman. If you actually
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plan on buying something from the store, take it to the register,
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put it on the counter, with one hand pull out your impressive
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wad of cash, and wait for the total. After the salesman tells
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you how much it will be, act disgusted, and say something like
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"Fuck dat! You gotta knock some bones off that for a brother!"
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or some other phrase that shows you are special and deserve
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a discount that employees don't even get.
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6. Weapon. All cool people have a weapon. You have three basic
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choices now. First, you can tell everyone that you know
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some martial art. This can be very effective if you can
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do a small imitation of the Karate Kid or something.
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Second, you may wanna carry a knife. Watch out though, if
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you decide on a butterfly knife, it will take some practice
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working with it, so that when you take it out, you look
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like you know what you are doing. Third, you can carry a gun.
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Remember, it takes no prior experience to pull a trigger.
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Just get a 22, a 9mm, or some other gun that can be concealed.
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Carrying a concealed gun into public places is probably
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the coolest thing you can do.
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Now that wasn't so hard was it? Now take everything you have
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bought, and wear it all at once, and strut down the mall or some other
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place. When others dressed exactly like you pass, you can nod, and say
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"that person is cool!" and have the warm feeling that they said the
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same thing too!
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Be careful though, a lot of people are gonna call you names
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even when you aren't looking. Words like 'Nigga', 'Wigger', 'Wannabe',
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and 'Gangbanger' might be heard, but don't worry! That is just other
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people's way of calling you cool!
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Hope all this helps YOU become cool. If you have any questions,
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or need advice on how to be cool, just look for someone described above,
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and go up to them and say "How can I be cool like you?" and they
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should be able to help out.
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=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
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= Questions, comments, bitches, ideas, etc : z1max@ttuvm1.ttu.edu :FUCK =
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= Official F.U.C.K. Distribution sites and information =
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= Board Number Other =
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= ----- ------ ----- =
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= Ionic Destruction 215.722.0570 Eastern HQ =
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= Flatline 303.466.5368 Western HQ =
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= Purple Hell 806.791.0747 Southern HQ =
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= Culture Shock 717.652.5851 Dist. =
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= PCI 806.794.1438 Dist. =
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= Ole Buzzard's 303.447.8906 Dist. =
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= Celestial Woodlands 806.798.6262 Dist. =
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= Accounts NOT guaranteed on any F.U.C.K. distribution site. If you are =
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= interested in writing for, or in becoming a distribution site for =
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= F.U.C.K. call the Woodlands, and apply for an account, or mail Max =
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= at z1max@ttuvm1.ttu.edu or on the Woodlands. Knowledge is power... =
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