177 lines
12 KiB
Plaintext
177 lines
12 KiB
Plaintext
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The following sermon was delivered by Rev. Korda at the MIT Electronic
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Research Society on May 15, 1998. The sermon was preceded by a video
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presentation on the declining parrot population, and a reading on male
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sexual non-performance. The parrot decline was blamed on loss of
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habitat due to deforestation and a pet parrot craze, while male
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ineptness was linked to widespread ignorance about female genitals.
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And I'd like to bring a few things together for you here. The bottom
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line is, as we all know, people are having sex. More every day, and
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there's also a lot less parrots... [What's your position on that,
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Reverend?] I was speaking to Michael outside on the landing there, and
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he said we've already wiped out 15 species of parrots, we didn't get
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into the numbers all that much, but there's only about 300 species left.
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That sounds like a lot, but in fact a parrot only, a parrot might live
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as much as a hundred years, so there's really no way to tell how many
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parrots there are, because they might not have anywhere to breed at this
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point, so they could all just vanish because we're cutting down all the
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trees. Now what's the point? Well, the point here is that the parrots
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are vanishing, people are having sex... Can somebody spell out for me
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what the connection could be here? [Too many people!] Thank you.
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Exactly, there's too many people and as proof of this, as you know kind
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of uh, I hold up the smoking gun, I have here a flyer from the Sierra
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Club, I don't know, some of you may be familiar with the environmental
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movement, you may know that the Sierra Club are sworn enemies of the
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Church of Euthanasia, they are the most, bar none, they are the most
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conservative environmental organization I've ever heard of. They pretty
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much encouraged the Forestry Department to go in and cut down most of
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the old growth forest in the United States and haul it off and sell it
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as timber. That was cool, that was no problem, that was what they call
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"wise use." So you know these guys are real hard-core assholes mostly,
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worse than ZPG, worse that any of the environmental groups I've ever
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dealt with, and they now have this nifty flyer: "Defusing the Population
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Bomb." Now, this is big news, you won't hear about this in the Boston
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Globe, but this is big news. What this means is that even within the
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most conservative environmental circles in the United States, it has
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become totally acceptable and mainstream to talk about limiting
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population growth, even right here (gasp) in the United States. Yes,
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American humans actually not having children. So what do they say?
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They say this, I mean this is quite something, they say, "Human
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population growth undermines both natural and man-made
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communities"--read "parrots"--"and contributes to virtually all global
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environmental problems." Okay? "global warming, deforestation,
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desertification, extinction of species" (extinction of parrots) "can all
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be traced to the addition of"--get this, I hadn't thought of it this
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way--"the addition of 4.5 billion people to the earth over the past 160
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years." Okay? 160 years, that's, you know, that's not much longer ago
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than the Civil War, that's really very recent history. We're talking
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about having added basically two-thirds of all the people on the planet
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in the last 150 years or so. But they say, well, you know the
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population of 5.8 billion will double in the next half century. They
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ask the big question, "Will humans survive? The loss of natural
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ecosystems and uncontrolled population growth drives them to the very
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edge of the last wilderness in search of precious natural resources..."
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I DON'T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT THAT! Come on! I mean does any of this make
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sense? The question is not will humans survive, the question is will
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parrots survive. Right? I mean that's what nobody associates... even
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no matter how, you know, "good" this is, I mean I applaud the Sierra
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Club, even though their membership voted down any efforts to suppress
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human population, this flyer was really, you know, before that happened,
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none the less, they're still missing the point, no matter what, whether
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the Sierra Club is in favor of or against population growth, they're
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missing the point. The point is not whether humans will survive. We
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already know that humans are like cockroaches, they're like rats, I mean
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they can survive anything, they can survive in outer space, they can
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survive on the surface of the moon. It's perfectly possible they could
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survive underground, like THX-1138 in giant bunkers and there won't be
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anything left on the surface of the earth except desert. Right? That's
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totally believable, that's what they're softening you up for on those
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space age shows on TV. [chuckling from the audience] You watch that
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Next Generation shit on TV, and you think you're watching about outer
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space in 2000 years, you're watching about now, that's about earth.
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That's what life is going to be like on earth after we make the surface
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of the planet uninhabitable by spewing fossil fuels into the atmosphere,
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okay. So the question has nothing to do with human survival. Humans
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are going to survive one way or the other, although it's very possible
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that the earth will take steps to reduce our population, we're very
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clever, we're very smart... my money is on the humans, not the earth,
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okay? It always has been. That's why I founded the Church of
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Euthanasia. The Church of Euthanasia is about making people aware that
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it's humans that are the problem, right? The humans get bigger, the
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other species get smaller. More humans, less trees. Less trees, less
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fucking parrots. It's really that easy, okay? So that's what all this
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has to do with sex. So you know it's cool, I'm fine with female sex
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whatever, you know, vibrators, groovy. We like vibrators, we like
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masturbation, we like it all, sexual pleasure is cool. The Church of
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Euthanasia is not anti-sex by any stretch, this is a misunderstanding.
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We're pro-sex, [one little yelp of glee from Marilyn] we're
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pro-sex-for-pleasure, okay? That's what this is all about. So, the
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Church of Euthanasia, you all should be lifetime members, it's that, I
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mean really, you all should be, I'm preaching to the converted. Raise
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your hand if you're not going to have children. Really. Come on, this
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is not a joke, raise your hand if you're willing to do that much for the
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fucking planet. You should all have your hands up. Be proud of it!
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It's something to be proud of, it's something to be proud of! That's
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what membership in the Church of Euthanasia is, it's taking a lifetime
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vow to not have children, to do at least that much, if nothing else.
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Fuck recycling, you can drive your car, you can keep your microwave, I
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don't care about that! [laughter] You can sit in front of your computer
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until your little eyes pop out of your head, I don't care about that
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either. It's okay, I can't expect you overcome all of your social
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conditioning in one lifetime. You've been conditioned to work with
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machines and... operate in a totally robotic society and that's okay,
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that's the way things have worked out, you know, we used to like hang
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out and bang on rocks with sticks and now we sit in front of computers
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all day and send each other email. I can't change that, it's too big.
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Nobody can change that, okay? But this much you can do, this much you
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can change. You can not have children. It's not a big sacrifice, in
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fact it's not even a sacrifice. Look around at your friends who've had
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children, what do they have? Headaches! Nothing but headaches! Do you
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know how much it costs to raise a child to be an American consumer?
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Jesus Christ! Think of all the plastic toys, baby clothes, fucking
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play-pens with trendy shit, all that stuff... You go down to Memorial
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Drive on the weekend and you will see breeder heaven. I mean you've
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never seen so many breeders in your life! And they're all there on
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their fucking rollerblades, right? And they've all got like strollers
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this wide, you know, not one, not two, but three or even four wide. And
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they're like power strolling, they're cruising down the road with these
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things, on their rollerblades. It's like, where the fuck is all this
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stuff going to come from so that those kids can go to Harvard? Where is
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it all going to come from? They're all going to have cars, right?
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Everybody in China is going to have a car too... it's not going to
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happen, it's not going to work like that. What's going to happen is
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there's going to be massive deforestation, global war, disease, famine,
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all kinds of horrible shit that's already happening to just about
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everybody but us, right? We, we don't care, we don't give a shit
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because we're still hanging out here sending each other email and having
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a good time, but everywhere else in the world everything's fucked! I
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mean you think it's a joke but it's not. It really is, read the papers!
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There's mudslides, and the weather is insane and there's global warming,
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and there's, the rivers are running black, and in China the river
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doesn't even run. I read in the paper the other day there is no Yellow
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River. The Yellow River has stopped running, because they sucked too
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much water out of it. They've got to get their water from somewhere,
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right? All those people have got to have water. They've got a billion
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people, that's a lot of fucking water they need, right? So what? We
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make more water. No, we don't make more water, wrong! There are limits
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to human ingenuity, right, there are limits. You can't make fresh
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water, it's very difficult. The amount of energy you would require to
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make fresh water makes it not a reasonable thing, you can't do it
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really. So, in fact, humans are already way over the limits of what we
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can draw down from the planet. We're way beyond our carrying capacity
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and nature has a very important lesson for what happens to a species
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that exceeds the carrying capacity of its environment. Generally
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speaking what happens, in fairly short order is, extinction. (Chuckle)
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Bye-bye! It doesn't work, you know you just, you can go for a little
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while and you think, wow, this is groovy, we're exceeding our carrying
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capacity, we're exceeding our carrying capacity, it's cool, and the cops
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haven't caught us, we're getting away with it, [more laughter] yeah,
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we're really getting away with it, those ozone holes, don't worry about
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that, don't worry about those ozone holes, FUCK THAT! I'm telling you,
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I'm telling you, those ozone holes are real. That happened in your
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lifetime. You saw it. You read it in the papers, you saw it on TV. It
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wasn't some story, it wasn't science fiction, like all that bullshit
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we're constantly being inundated with every day, fantasy, fantasy,
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fantasy. It was REAL! The ozone really did get fucked up, and the
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water really did get fucked up, and the species really did get wiped
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out... AND IT'S NOT FUNNY! IT'S NOT FUCKING FUNNY! How can I get
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through to you?! It's happening. It's happening in your lifetime and
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only you, only you the intelligent, articulate, sensitive, educated
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humans who actually understand what I'm saying can ever fucking do
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anything about it. Nobody else can do anything about it. You think
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people in Ethiopia can change this? You think they can do a fucking
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thing to change this? You, the brightest, the best, the smartest, the
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educated, the people who went to MIT, who have learned everything there
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is to fucking know about every technology in the world, you are the only
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people who can stop it from getting worse. And the first fucking thing
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you can do is make an example of yourself, to everybody who ever meets
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you, to everybody who ever fucking KNOWS you, BY NOT HAVING ANY MORE OF
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YOURSELF.
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----------------------------------------------------------------------
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The Church of Euthanasia http://www.envirolink.org/orgs/coe/
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P.O.Box 261 ftp.etext.org /pub/Zines/Snuffit
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Somerville, MA 02143 coe@netcom.com
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