206 lines
11 KiB
Groff
206 lines
11 KiB
Groff
IF YOU WISH TO REMOVE YOURSELF FROM THIS LIST FOR ANY REASON
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just send an email to listserv@netcom.com containing only the line:
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unsubscribe snuffit-l
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DO NOT WHINE TO THE FUCKING POSTMASTER! YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!
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Dear Brethren,
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Today, once again, we are honored to have $aint @ndrew as our guest speaker.
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But before we wheel him out, I'd like to read an e-mail I received from
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someone who wishes to be known only as Jeremy. I think it accurately
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reflects our feelings about the Net and the various groups and individuals
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who would like to see us banned from it.
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>I think the advertising thing is great... let's all start posting
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>advertising. I know I'm not upset about getting a couple of messages in my
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>mailbox. I can easily hit the 'delete' key. Others, apparently, are
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>delete-key impaired and get terribly whiny when they receive tons of
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>unsolicited messages about nothing of interest. I think these people are
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>losers succumbing to the media hype about the 'net; they don't know what the
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>hell they're even doing on the net. They just want to be here, to be cool,
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>or something. These people suck. War-mail the hell out of them.
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>Spamming is awesome. A few days ago, a friend of mine and I were talking
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>about a little "email" triangle between three U.S. Freenets. As you
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>probably know, CWRU's Freeport BBS software allows email forwarding to any
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>valid Internet address. So what I plan to do is this:
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>I have three Freenets: A, B, and C. Mail that enters my box at A is
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>forwarded to B, B to C, and C back to A. In this manner the mail never
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>stops circulating. Then I was going to just drop in a file or something
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>every few days to build up the load. Eventually the load would be
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>overbearing and undoubtedly cause crashes.
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Well, we're all for it, and the sooner the better. Why be content with
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just peeing on the information highway when there's a way to DESTROY IT?
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The sooner the Internet dies, the sooner the people who spend all day
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masturbating themselves with it will wake up, and possibly even realize
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that they are living in a dream world. That's right! I'm talking to YOU!
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WAKE UP! Something's burning! I think it might be your MIND!
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Let us now read aloud the holy words of the greatest living sodomite,
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our exalted spiritual leader and sacred poet, Allen Ginsberg:
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What sphinx of cement and aluminum bashed open their skulls and ate up their
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brains and imagination?
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Moloch! Solitude! Filth! Ugliness! Ashcans and unobtainable dollars!
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Children screaming under the stairways! Boys sobbing in armies! Old men
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weeping in the parks!
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Moloch! Moloch! Nightmare of Moloch! Moloch the loveless! Mental Moloch!
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Moloch the heavy judger of men!
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Moloch the incomprehensible prison! Moloch the crossbow soulless jailhouse and
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Congress of sorrows! Moloch whose buildings are judgement! Moloch the vast
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stone of war! Moloch the stunned governments!
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Moloch whose mind is pure machinery! Moloch whose blood is running money!
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Moloch whose fingers are ten armies! Moloch whose breast is a cannibal dynamo!
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Moloch whose ear is a smoking tomb!
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Moloch whose eyes are a thousand blind windows! Moloch whose skyscrapers stand
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in the long streets like endless Jehovahs! Moloch whose factories dream and
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croak in the fog! Moloch whose smokestacks and antennae crown the cities!
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Moloch whose love is endless oil and stone! Moloch whose soul is electricity
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and banks! Moloch whose poverty is the specter of genius! Moloch whose fate
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is a cloud of sexless hydrogen! Moloch whose name is the Mind!
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-Howl, part ii.
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That's RIGHT! Moloch whose name is the MIND! Come on! Let's hear it!
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SAVE THE PLANET! KILL YOUR *SELF*!
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SAVE THE PLANET! KILL YOUR *SELF*!
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SAVE THE PLANET! KILL YOUR *SELF*!
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And now, for the continuing edification of God-fearing Christians everywhere,
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I give you: the one and only $aint @ndrew!
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Greetings Lemmings and Lemmingettes:
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At a local event, I was given the opportunity to try to explain the core
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beliefs behind The Church of Euthanasia. I was confronted by two "born-again"
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Christians (*) who spotted me out for the Kevorkian Records "Save The Planet,
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Kill Yourself" T-shirt I happened to be wearing at the time. They didn't
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understand the basic premise of the Church, nor its four easy to understand
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guidelines. I'll try to relate some of the highlights of our conversation to
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you. Perhaps it may help clarify any questions that you have about the Church
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in the back of your mind. Perhaps it will make you want to put Hershey's
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Chocolate Kisses in your left ear. Perhaps it will do neither of these things.
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In any case, a simple Q & A follows:
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Q: "The Church of Euthanasia?! As in mercy-killing? Death?" A: Yes. The
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Church of Euthanasia. We are an organization, unlike yours, that believes that
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death is always a viable option to the woes human existence throws our way.
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Q: "I don't think I like this. What's the main belief in your Church?" A:
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There is one commandment, and that is "THOU SHALT NOT PROCREATE". Beyond that,
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there is a basic platform of four different guidelines. They are Suicide,
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Abortion, Cannibalism, and Sodomy.
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Q: "Okay, first off, is this some kind of Satanic Church? Who is your god?"
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A: [laughter] It figures. The first moment you hear anything that doesn't
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agree with your propagate-the-species-in-the-name-of-Yahweh ideology, you
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consider it satanic. NO, we are not associated with your belief system in any
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way shape or form. YES, we are aware that in the eyes of your system, we are
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heathens and sinners. NO, we don't think that we should repent and fall back
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into what we consider the ways of Moab, and YES, we think that it is your
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belief system that is essentially killing the planet. As for a god, each
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member of the Church of Euthanasia has his or her own belief system. The
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overall product, however, is under the umbrella of our commandment and our
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guidelines.
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Q: "You keep saying that your guidelines are just that, guidelines. With a
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name like the Church of Euthanasia, wouldn't killing yourself be your first
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priority?" A: We've heard this argument before. Essentially, 'if you folks
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preach about killing yourself, then why don't you take your own advice?'. That
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sort of thing. It's very simple. Right now, the earth is overpopulated. We
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cannot continue to live our lifestyles and expect the resources of the planet
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to not run out. A viable solution to this is to lessen the population of
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humans on this planet. Suicide is a way to do that. However, we also realize
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that through simply not reproducing, mayhaps the other, more radical platforms
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of the Church need not be carried out. Our main concern is lowering the
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population quickly. Now, before you get the wrong idea, the Church of
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Euthanasia condones only *voluntary* forms of population control. Our
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commandment: THOU SHALT NOT PROCREATE is a personal choice. It's very simple.
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No kids. Do not reproduce. If we can sway enough people to make a moral
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commitment for the good of the planet, the population will reduce to a level
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where humans can live on this planet without destroying it. Our guidelines
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further clarify this. Suicide is not mandatory, but condoned: one less mouth
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to feed. Abortion is encouraged because of its direct relation to our
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commandment. Before you go off on your "abortion kills a beating heart" thing,
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let me add that this part wouldn't even be necessary if only proper precautions
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were being made about using contraceptives. Think about it: you christians
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abhor the use of birth control, but you get all up in a fit about the subject
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of abortion. Sounds like an oxymoron to me. But anyway, back to the
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platforms... Cannibalism: instead of leaving the flesh in a putrid state,
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utilize it to help keep others alive. Again, I see so many outreaches by you
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christians about helping all these starving kids... which would you rather
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see? Your little laws obeyed and kids going hungry, or kids with a full
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stomach? You decide that on your own time. Sodomy: Yes, we know that you
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only condone vaginal intercourse. This we don't agree with. Our main thoughts
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are for our commandment, these are just means to an end... again, it's a
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personal choice. No one has to follow any of these guidelines if they don't
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want to, so long as they keep the one commandment at the top of their minds.
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We don't advocate forced killing, forced sterilization, or forced population
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control. We trust that people will be altruistic enough to make the moral
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choices themselves. Does this help you any?
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Q: "What I want to know is why you believe humans to be such a scourge? We
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were placed on this planet to procreate and glorify God. Genesis says that God
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told us to "go forth and multiply". Don't you realize that this is part of His
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plan and what you believe is against His plan?" A: Two times two is four.
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Four times four is sixteen. Sixteen times sixteen is two hundred and fifty
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six. See how quickly the numbers grow? That's called exponential growth.
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Now: One plus one is two. Two plus two is four. Four plus four is eight.
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Eight plus eight is sixteen. Imagine that to be the amount of food, and the
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exponential to be the population growth. If that really is part of your god's
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plan, then he's going to have to send down christ again, we're gonna need a lot
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more miracles at the Mount [loaves of bread and fishes].
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[there was a lot more, but for courtesy's sake, I'll stop there.]
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(*) "Born-Again" Christians. Just the term "born-again" seems to me to mark
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them as antagonistic to our belief system. Isn't it bad enough that we were
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born once into this world?
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The final result of the conversation was that I will be damned to everlasting
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pain and suffering in a hell that I personally don't believe exists, but even
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if I am, at least I know that I have helped in a small way to save this hell of
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overpopulation that we live in now.
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The main key lesson here is that as advocates of the Church of Euthanasia, we
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will be confronted by those who believe in the old ways. With patience,
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insistence, perseverance, and well-thought out arguments, we can stand our own
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and perhaps reach someone else with the message: WE ARE RUNNING OUT OF TIME.
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So, go out there! Proclaim it in the streets, go tell it on the mountaintop!
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SAVE THE PLANET! KILL YOURSELF!
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Kill me, $aint @ndrew
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"I still find myself rather charming."
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-Tristan Tzara
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If YOU would like to deliver a Sunday e-sermon, e-mail the proposed text to:
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snuffit-l@netcom.com
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If your text is approved, we will schedule the e-sermon. You will be
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notified either way.
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-------------------------------------------------------------------
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Rev. Chris Korda The Church of Euthanasia
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ftp: ftp.etext.org /pub/Zines/Snuffit
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gopher: gopher.etext.org Zines/Snuffit
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gopher.well.sf.ca.us Zines/On-line Zines/Snuffit
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www: http://paranoia.com/other/
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To receive the printed version of _Snuff It_, send $2 to:
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C.O.E., Box 261, Somerville, MA 02143
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SAVE THE PLANET! KILL YOURSELF!
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