116 lines
5.4 KiB
Plaintext
116 lines
5.4 KiB
Plaintext
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IF YOU WISH TO REMOVE YOURSELF FROM THIS LIST FOR ANY REASON
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just send an email to listserv@netcom.com containing only the line:
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unsubscribe snuffit-l
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DO NOT WHINE TO THE POSTMASTER. DO NOT SEND UNSUBSCRIBE MESSAGES TO:
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snuffit-l@netcom.com, listserver@netcom.com, coe@netcom.com
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Dear brethren, these are difficult times we live in. I'm sure that Wednesday's
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bombing in Oklahoma leaves us all with a deep uneasiness about our future here
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in the Land of Opportunity. The Dollar is dropping precipitously against the
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Yen, unemployment keeps rising no matter what President Clinton says, the
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streets are dirty and dangerous and crawling with crazed crack pushers, even
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the atmosphere is full of holes . . . it's enough to make any decent citizen
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depressed. But don't despair! No matter how overwhelmed and powerless you
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might feel in the face of such adversity, there is something you can do, right
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here, maybe even right now, to help solve all of these problems, and ensure
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your happiness and the happiness of generations to come: you can have a baby!
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That's right, it's time to raise a family!
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That woke you up, didn't it? I saw you snoozing there in the back row.
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Pay attention! This is important! Now, you've heard the politicians
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complaining about the decline of the family, and the collapse of moral values,
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right? And how many of them are doing their share? Not many! They're too
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busy driving their fancy cars, and besides, half of them are closet queers!
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They can complain until they're blue in the face, but they're not going to save
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the world. It's time to take matters into our own hands! If you're a guy,
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punch some holes in those rubbers, or better yet, throw them out the window,
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and tell your beloved to expect a little visit from the stork! She'll
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understand, and what's more, she'll respect you for it. If you're a girl, stop
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taking those poisonous birth control pills, today! Wait for the right time of
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the month, ask your mother if you don't know what I mean, and then slip your
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boyfriend's penis into your vagina. Don't be shy about it, just slide it in
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and out until his sperm shoots right up into your cervix! He'll fall asleep,
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and you can rejoice in the absolutely certain knowledge that you are carrying
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out God's Plan on Earth!
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Think of all the years you've wasted, flushing that sperm down the toilet,
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in condoms or wads of kleenex, wiping it off your chin with a t-shirt, or even
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swallowing it, when you could have been helping to save the world! But that's
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okay, because with today's modern scientific miracles, it's almost never too
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late! Soon you'll be making up for lost time, with a little cutie-pie on each
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nipple and a bun in the oven. What joy! There's no cure for the blues like
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hungry mouths to feed. You won't have time to feel depressed anymore! You'll
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be pumping out copies of yourself like there's no tomorrow, and if your man
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doesn't like it, well, you'll just have to find another one! Slap him in the
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face! Tell him to snap out of it and deliver the goods, because only a crazy
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man would stand in the way of God's Plan! That's grounds for divorce in any
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state, and worse if he's not careful!
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The Founding Fathers of this great nation made laws to protect us against
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men and women who use their sex organs for lewd, disgusting perversions instead
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of procreation. God doesn't like people who masturbate, or engage in unnatural
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acts, with members of the same sex no less! God hates these wicked people, and
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strikes them down with terrible diseases like herpes and AIDS! They are even
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lower than animals, almost as low as abortionists, and the Founding Fathers
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knew this and created sodomy laws so these foul creatures could be safely
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locked away, or killed like rabid dogs. Don't let it happen to you! Would you
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rather rot in a filthy jail cell, or follow the path of righteousness? Would
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you rather roast in the electric chair, or help build the new Jerusalem? You
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know the answer, so what are you waiting for? Put your sex organs to work for
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Jesus!
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Hear me brethren, God needs warm bodies, right now! God wants us have more
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babies than fingers! God wants us to fuck like bunnies until there's no room
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for anything else, not even animals! God doesn't love animals! God wants us
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to push the cows and pigs and chickens into the sea, and still keep on fucking,
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until there's no more space left on Earth, until we tear into each other's
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flesh like rats in a cage, because GOD LOVES PEOPLE!
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And now dear brethren, let us rise, and sing along with the Borg:
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No animals.
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No animals.
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No cats to purr.
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No dogs to scratch.
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No birds to sing.
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No cows to kill.
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Dream, dream, we can dream,
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We can dream.
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(Wolf! Sheep! Wolf Sheep!)
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No lions to tame.
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No cocks to crow.
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No mice to trap.
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No deer to kill.
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Dream, dream, we can dream,
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We can dream.
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No animals.
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No animals.
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Thanks to TMax and Izzy for translating the preceding
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hymn from the Borg Collective. They can be reached at:
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The Noise
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74 Jamaica Street
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Jamaica Plain, MA 02130
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-------------------------------------------------------------------
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Rev. Chris Korda The Church of Euthanasia
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ftp: ftp.etext.org /pub/Zines/Snuffit
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gopher: gopher.etext.org Zines/Snuffit
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www: http://www.paranoia.com/coe/
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To receive the printed version of _Snuff It_, send $2 to:
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C.O.E., Box 261, Somerville, MA 02143
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SAVE THE PLANET! KILL YOUR *SELF*!
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