280 lines
14 KiB
Plaintext
280 lines
14 KiB
Plaintext
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\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\' //////////////// .ao0.//////////
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Editor: 0000Q\'d@@@@D/// 0000@@@@@P//////// @@@@@@@.
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Access Denied 000@@@@@@@@P'/// 000@@P//////////// .d@@@@@D X Marks The
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d00@@@@@@@P'//// d00@@@a///////// d@@@@@@@@@' Shit
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D a m n e d F u c k i n g S h i t
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- Presents -
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Issue #51
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Date: 4/23/95
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Title: Concordant Opposition's Rumors
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Author: Callers Of Concordant Opposition
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Concordant Opposition's Rumors
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"I was looking at her tan line"
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Post or you will cease to exist.
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Press [R] to enter a /<-k00lie rumour! [its tradition!]
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it's okay to eat fish cause they don't have any feelings
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Meet James Ensor: Belgium's Famous Painter
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Concordant Opposition: So powerful it could liquify a bass!
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What manner of man are you, who can summon up fire without flint nor tinder?
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He wants a shoehorn, the kind with teeth.
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I promise not to kill you.
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What a cute parana. Is he friendly?
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Hookt an foniks wurkt for mi.
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Always look on the bright side of death..
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How can you just sit there and masturbate when theres work to be done!@?#!@?
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What is that?... I thought you were asexual!
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Howling at the moon!!
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She's a sad tomato..
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If a tree falls in the forest and no one's around, will it still be on the test
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I can't think of anything short enough to fit in here. @#@$!
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Nothing on the top but a bucket and a mop and an illustrated book about birds
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What if hypothetical situations didn't exist?
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DAVEDAVEDAVEDAVEDAVEDAVEDAVEDAVEDAVEDAVEDAVEDAVEDAVE smokes crack
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Everybody wants prosthetic foreheads on their real heads.
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I rock ruff and tuff with my afro puffs
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Magic man, egocentric plastic man..
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I want to tell you something, but noone ever told me how to type..
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I'm the boss.. this is champange.. merry christmas
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Access Denied blows goats.
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What's left when you've misplaced half of nothing?
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Did you ever wonder where those little styrofoam peanuts come from?
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If you don't know, I'm sure as hell not going to tell you.
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Promise me something, never breed.
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Mindless violence is my forte.
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Destuction of the innocents is necessary for Utopia, we don't need them here.
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WHy the hell would you name a bus company "Lamers"?
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Fuck the symbolism, I'm going home.
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It begins to rain fish.
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If you're happy and you know it, slap a fish.
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All you need is love, but money, that's what I want.
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Sensory Overload sux. DFS can kick SO's ass ANYtime.
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I wish I was an oscar myer weiner
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How much catsup would it take to sink a battleship
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DP you will die for spreading such blasphemy about SO!!()*&$@()*&#()*&$#
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If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
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I'm still trying to get out of THIS virtual reality...
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Do not adjust your mind <20>- the fault is with reality.
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Despite the cost of living, it still remains popular.
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It's the poor tool that blames its workman.
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The Universe is not limited by your perception of it.
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The earth is 98% full. Please delete anyone you can.
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Reality is a constant intrusion on my dreams.
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"Two wrongs don't make a right, but three lefts do."
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You can't have everything ... Where would you put it?
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A man without god is like a fish without a bicycle
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KEVORKIAN VIRUS: Helps your computer shut down whenever it wants to.
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The Earth is like a tiny grain of sand, only heavier.
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What has four legs and an arm? A happy pitbull!
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Save trees! Eat beavers!!
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Men in masks are not to be trusted.
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(((YOU)))(((ARE)))(((FEELING)))(((SLEEPY)))
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Don't sweat the petty things, pet the sweaty things.
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He who laughs first generally gets shot.
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Its ok to prick your finger, but not to...
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Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit sniffin' glue!
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Never, never, NEVER moon a werewolf!!
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NueroToxin Lite: Great taste, less drooling.
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Psychology: The art of turning stupidity into illness.
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Rap is to music as Etch-a-Sketch is to art.
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Sects! Sects! Sects! Is that all monks think about???
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Tuna doesn't taste right without the dolphin.
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These cookies don't taste anything like girlscouts!!
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In this world man must either be hammer or anvil.
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I am NOT an animal!! I am... well, not an animal!
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Keebler Elves are real!
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Where are those flashbacks they promised me?
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The early bird catches the worm, the early worm gets eaten.
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Is it progress if a cannibal uses a knife and a fork?
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When in doubt, run in circles and scream.
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If pro is the opposite of con, the progress is the opposite of...
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76.4% of all statistics are meaningless.
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I have the heart of a boy in a jar on my desk.
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Gays, ewww.... Not that there is anything wrong with that - Seinfeld
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Programming is like sex... one mistake and your supporting it for life.
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Life is like a spoon: Nourish the world or poke your eye out with it.
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WORK HARDER!... Millions on welfare depend on YOU!!!
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Radioactive halibut will make fission chips.
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Some days you're the dog, some days you're the hydrant!
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Where am I going? And, WHY AM I IN THIS HANDBASKET?????
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Politics defined: Poli=many tics=blood suckers
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Never send a monster to do the work of an evil scientist.
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Error: Computer Possesed. Load EXOR.SYS? [Y/N]
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Quick!!! Act as if nothing had happened!
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Software: Fast, Cheap, Good. ... Choose any two.
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Bit - The increment by which programmers slowly go mad.
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Overflow on null device; please empty the bit bucket.
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You are in a twisty maze of little passages, all alike...
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WORKERS OF THE WORLD... UNITE!!!
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Sleep is a totally inadequate substitute for caffeine....
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"She turned me into a newt!" - "A newt?" - "Well, I got better."
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"Didn't mean to?! You put your sword right through his head!"
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I'd change the world, but I can't find the source code.
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A KGB keyboard has no <ESC> key!
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Are we saved by the words of bastard saints? Do we live in fear or faith?
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Let him who is stoned cast the first sin.
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I'll have what the guy on the floor is having.
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Who you callin' "argumentative", Bucko?
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If at first you don't succeed - Suck Suck again!
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Beauty is in the hand of the beer holder.
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You're only young once. You're immature forever.
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Jesus loves you. But then again, so does Barney.
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Wanted: Guillotine operator...good chance to get ahead!
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Unzip, Expand, Explode... who's the pervert behind this?!
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Grow your own dope; Plant a politician.
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Facts are nothing but barriers to liberals.
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Been there, seen it, done it.......got six months :-(
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So, you have kleptomania. Take something for it.
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Never screw your legs into you arm sockets, It don`t look good!!!!
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ORG.ASM not found. Girlfriend not happy...
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The polls show 8 out of 5 schizophrenics agree.
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Everybody's got something to hide, except me and my monkey...
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I wanna wrap it up and swim in it until I drown...
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Turn off your mind, relax and float downstream...
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In the .EXEs of Life, he had more NOPs than most.
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if(!strcmp(tagline,"humorous")) steal(); else next_msg();
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Athiests are thinkers, not believers!
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I didn't make it, I just live in it.
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Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
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What's worse than a man with a gun? A man with a bible and a gun.
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Pretend to spank me - I'm a Psuedo-Masochist
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Jet engine theory: Suck, Squeeze, Bang, Blow...
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Whats a dead boys best friend? A dead puppy, of course!
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... ... ... ... Excuse me, I'm having my period ... ... ... ... ...
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Kill a Feminist Today!
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Go to work, go to sleep and get shot in the head. What a day :(
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Why do dead women taste like veal? :7
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If Dot is cute, and Yakko yacks. The shouldn't Wakko WACK?!?
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A blonde counts to two by taking off her shirt.
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The chief cause of solutions is problems.
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!sdohtem noitpyrcne devorppa-tnemnrevog troppus I
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If there IS a god, he screwed up the Plattipus pretty bad!
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I don't talk to strangers... unless they have candy.
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Do you like candy? Do you have any?
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Jane says, "Have you seen my wig around? I feel naked without it."
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Life is like......an analogy.
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I used to be an atheist until I realized I was God.
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Mexico's Largest Export - Their Population
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Hey Santa, how much for your list of naughty girls?
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She was unhappy just as you were.
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If you call Dead fans Dead heads, what do you call Dick Tracy Fans?
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On the other hand....There are five fingers also!
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"Hey, baby, ya wanna struggle with my oppressed mass?" - Karl Marx
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He's dead, Jim...kick him if you don't believe me.
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A cynic is an optimist that got a faceful of reality
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Never knock on Death's door. Ring the bell and run! Death hates that.
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Very funny, Scotty... Now beam down my clothes!
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When going for a job interview, be sure to ask if they press charges.
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If Hellen Keller fell down in a forest, would she make a noise?
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Don't be homophobic. Fags hate it.
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Jesus saves! He passes to Moses! He shoots.. HE SCORES!!!
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If you're an example of civilized man, I'll stay a primate, thanks.
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Life is a short warm moment. Death is a long cold rest.
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No shirt, No shoes, No dice!
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You have a great face for radio.
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Please return stewardess to original upright position.
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Programmer infected with virus.
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Prophet? Profit? Hmmm...
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A penny saved is a Congressional error
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"Uhh, huh huh 2400 baud connects suck!" -- V.Bis & Baudhead
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Axe: Best way to stop a baby from crying.
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Whats 12", stiff and makes a woman scream? - Crib death
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It takes 5 babies to make just one bottle of baby oil.
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Whats pink and spits? - A baby in a frying pan.
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69 + 69 = a meal for four.
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Update! Fag fired from spermbank! Caught drinking on job!
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Beer: Gods way of getting fat girls laid.
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Nightcrawler: A hooker with no legs.
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Trip Trip to a dream dragon, Hide your wings in a ghost tower....
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Eagles may fly, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
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You never give me your money, you only give me your funny favors...
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Does a radioactive cat have 18 half-lives?
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The Hubble works fine, all the stuff IS blurry.
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After we pull the pin, Mr. Grenade is NOT our friend!
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"Safe Sex" used to mean "Ask them for their name first".
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Help! I've fallen and can't get ... Hey, nice carpet!
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He's not dead, Jim, he's just metabolically challenged.
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God created Heavan and Earth, the Dutch created Holland.
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666A, 666B - Tenants of the Beast
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Do unto others before they can do unto you.
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Sometimes the truth is the worst horror.
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Why is "little" twice as big as "big"?
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I'm looking through my unique blue tube watching everything you do.
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Trust me, I'm a doctor. Now take your clothes off.
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As Tchaikovsky once said, " !"
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If you strangle a Smurf, what color does it turn?
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Arkansas Foreplay - You awake, sis?
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Prevent noise polution: Shoot a rapper!
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Confucius say: He who stand on toilet, high on pot.
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First we rape, THEN we pillage, THEN we burn. Get it right this time.
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Handcuffs... for a truly binding relationship
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I'm not tense, just terribly alert.
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Six million sperm, and *YOU* were the fastest???
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Transistor: A nun after a sex change.
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The Bible for Blondes: "Oral Sex Techniques" by N. Onegulp
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Home Safety Tip for Men #1: Don't iron when naked.
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I just tested out my pit bull. Ever heard a mime scream?
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Actually, there IS a banana in my pocket.
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I've gotta slip into another state of mind to let you know that I am real.
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Why can't women remember to put the seat back up?
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I came real close to seeing Elvis, but my shovel broke.
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Only the mediocre are always at their best.
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Math problems? Call 1-800-2x[3y+a]sin/(5x)
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As long as you don't scream, Darling, you'll be fine.
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Nail [nayl] : Cure for a headache
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"If I give you three nails, will you put me up for the night?" - Jesus
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Do Unto Others... repeatly
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Hoard your bread, you may not walk this way again.
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Don't be snotty, have a tissue...
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A freak a day.. would keep ME away!
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The Godfather Virus: Makes you a buffer you cant reuse.
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Math is the square root of all evil.
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Gee officer, the icepick just FLEW out of my hands.. 17 times.
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All I ask is to prove that money can't make me happy.
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A hippie leaves no turn unstoned.
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Bad command. Bad command! Sit! Stay! Staaay...
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meow
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asleifueyglkadjhadlksubliminalasl;dkfujopiewugl;qowi;lkgfhhasiu
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the rumors work again! post rumors!
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Find DFS On These Fine Systems (When they're up...)
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==========================================================================
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| Paradise Lost +1.414.476.3181 DFS World HQ |
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| Temporary Insanity +1.414.666.WHEE DFS Affiliate HQ |
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| Arcane Asylum +1.414.PSY.CHOS DFS Thingy HQ |
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| Plan 9 Information Archives +1.716.STILL.UP? DFS Southern HQ |
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| Arrested Development +31.77.547477 DFS European HQ |
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| Under World Element +1.203.STILL.UP? DFS Eastern HQ |
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| Shattered Attic +1.216.STILL.UP? DFS Ohio HQ |
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| Lucifer's Exile +1.513.ITS.DOWN DFS Midwest HQ |
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| Twilight Of The Idols +1.613.STILL.UP? DFS Canada HQ |
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| |
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| ASCII Art by Incarnate |
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| AE - Plan 9 Information Archives - Login: DFS (If it's still up...) |
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| FTP - etext.archive.umich.edu - /pub/Zines/DFS |
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| To submit, call Paradise Lost and log on as DFS. The password is: |
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| JINGLE JINGLE |
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==========================================================================
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