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Damned Fucking Shit! | | Title: De Declarashun o' Independence
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Issue #45 | : Date: 10/13/94
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Editor: Access Denied | . By: Dr. Techno
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:
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If our founding fathers spoke jive, this is what they would have
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probably have written.
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(This is not meant to offend anyone. But if you are offended I
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don't really care.)
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I'm not responsible for anything that this document causes you to
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do, or injuries sustained to you or anything as a result of
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anyone reading this.
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Life is short have fun, stay hard.
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----Dr. Techno 10.09.94
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THE DECLARATION OF INDEPENDENCE 1776
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De Declarashun o' Independence
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When in de Course o' Human Events, it becomes necessary fo' one
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suckas t' dissolve de damn Political Bands which gots connected
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dem wid anotha', and t' assume among de Powers o'
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de Earth, de separate and equal Stashun t' which de Laws o'
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Nature and o' Nature`s God entitle dem, some decent Respect t'
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de Opinions o' Mankind requires dat dey should declare de damn
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causes which impel dem t' de Separashun.
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WE hold dese Truths t' be self-evident, dat all Dudes be
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created equal, dat dey be endowed by deir Creato' wid certain
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unalienable Rights, dat among dese be Life, Liberty, and de damn
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Pursuit o' Happiness_That t' secure dese Rights, Governments be
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instituted among Dudes, derivin' deir plum Powers fum de Consent
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o' de Governed, dat wheneva' any Form o' Guvment becomes
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destructive o' dese Ends, it be de Right o' de Suckas t' alta' o'
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t' abolish it, and t' institute new Guvment, layin' its
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Foundashun on such Principles, and organizin' its Powers in such
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Form, as t' dem shall seem most likely t' effect deir Safety and Happiness.
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Prudence, indeed, gots'ta dictate dat Governments long
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established should not be changed fo' light and transient Causes; and
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accordingly all
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'Sperience hath shewn, dat Mankind be more disposed t' suffa', while Evils
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be sufferable, dan t' right demselves by abolishin' de Forms t' which
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dey be accustomed. Sheeeiit. But when along Train o' Abuses and Usurpations,
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pursuin' invariably de same Object, evinces some Design t' reduce dem unda'
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absolute Despotism, it be deir Right, it be deir Duty, t' throw off such
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Guvment, and t' provide new Guards fo' deir future Security. Ya' know?
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Such gots'ta been de patient Sufferance o' dese Colonies; and such
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be now de Necessity which constrains dem t' alta' deir forma' Systems
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o' Guvment. De History o' de present Kin' o' Great-Britain be some History
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o' repeated Injuries and Usurpations, all havin' in direct Object de damn
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Establishment o' an absolute Tyranny ova' dese States. T' prove dis, let
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Facts be submitted t' some candid World. Sheeeiit.
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HE gots'ta refused his Assent t' Laws, de most wholesome and necessary fo' de
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public Baaaad. HE gots'ta forbidden his Governors t' pass Laws o' immediate and
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pressin' Importance, unless suspended in deir Operashun till his Assent
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should be obtained; and when so's suspended, he gots'ta utterly
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neglected t' attend t' dem. What it is, Mama!
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HE gots'ta refused t' pass otha' Laws fo' de Accommodashun o' large
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Districts o' Suckas, unless dose Suckas would relinquish de Right o'
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Representashun in de Legislature, some Right inestimable t' dem, and
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formidable t' Tyrants only. Ya' know?
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HE gots'ta called togetha' Legislative Bodies at Places unusual, uncomfortable,
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and distant fum de Depository o' deir public Records, fo' de sole Purpose
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o' fatiguin' dem into Compliance wid his Measures.
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HE gots'ta dissolved Representative Houses repeatedly, fo' opposin' wid manly
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Firmness his invasions on de Rights o' de Suckas.
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HE gots'ta refused fo' some long Time, afta' such Dissolutions,
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t' cause others t' be elected; whereby de Legislative Powers, incapable o'
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Annihilashun, gots returned t' de Suckas at large fo' deir 'sercise; de State
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remainin' in de mean time 'sposed t' all de Dangers o' Invasion fum without,
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and Convulsions within.
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HE gots'ta endeavored t' prevent de damn Populashun o' dese States; fo' dat
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Purpose obstructin' de Laws fo' Naturalizashun o' Foreigners; refusin' t'
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pass others t' encourage deir Migrations hitha', and raisin' de Conditions o'
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new Appropriations o' Lands.
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HE gots'ta obstructed de damn Administrashun o' Justice, by refusin' his Assent
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t' Laws fo' establishin' Judiciary Powers.
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HE gots'ta made Judges dependent on his Gots'ta alone, fo' de
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Tenure o' deir Offices, and de damn Amount and Payment o' deir Salaries.
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HE gots'ta erected some Multitude o' new Offices, and sent hitha'
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Swarms o' Officers t' harrass our Suckas, and eat out deir Substance.
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Sheeeiit.
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HE gots'ta kept among us, in times o' Peace, Standin' Armies,
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without de damn consent o' our Legislatures.
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HE gots'ta affected t' renda' de Military independent o' and
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superio' t' de Civil Powa'.
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HE gots'ta combined wid others t' subject us t' some Jurisdicshun
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foreign t' our Constitushun, and unacknowledged by our Laws; givin' his Assent
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t' deir Acts o' pretended Legislation, dig dis: FOR quarterin' large Bodies o'
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Armed Troops among us, dig dis: FOR protectin' dem, by some mock Trial, fum
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Punishment fo' any Murders which dey should commit on de Inhabitants o' dese
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States, dig dis: FOR cuttin' off our Trade wid all Parts o' de World, dig dis:
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FOR imposin' Taxes on us without our Consent, dig dis: FOR deprivin' us, in
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many Cases, o' de Benefits o' Trial by Jury; FOR transportin' us beyond Seas t'
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be tried fo' pretended Offences; FOR abolishin' de free System o' English Laws
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in some neighbourin' Province, establishin' herein an arbitrary Guvment, and
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enlargin' its Boundaries, so's as t' renda' it at once an 'Sample and fit
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Instrument fo' introducin' de same absolute Rule into dese Colonies, dig dis:
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FOR takin' away our Charters, abolishin' our most valuable Laws, and alterin'
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fundamentally de Forms o' our Governments, dig dis: FOR suspendin' our own
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Legislatures, and declarin' demselves invested wid Powa' t' legislate fo' us in
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all Cases whatsoeva'.
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HE gots'ta abdicated Guvment here, by declarin' us out o' his Protecshun and
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wagin' War against us.
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HE gots'ta plundered our Seas, ravaged our Coasts, burnt our Towns, and
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destroyed de damn Lives o' our Suckas.
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HE be, at dis time, transportin' large Armies o' foreign Mercenaries t'
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compleat de damn Works o' Death, Desolashun, and Tyranny, already begun wid
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circumstances o' Cruelty and Perfidy, scarcely paralleled in de most
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barbarous Ages, and totally unworthy de Haid o' some civilized Nashun.
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HE gots'ta constrained our fellow Citizens taken Captive on de high Seas t'
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bear Arms against deir Country, t' become de damn 'Secutioners o' deir
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Friends and Brethren, o' t' fall demselves by deir Hands.
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HE gots'ta 'scited domestic Insurrections amongst us, and gots'ta endeavored t'
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brin' on de Inhabitants o' our Frontiers, de merciless Indian Savages, whose
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knowed Rule o' Warfare, be an undistinguished Destrucshun, o' all Ages, Sexes
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and Conditions. IN every stage o' dese Oppressions we gots Petitioned fo'
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Redress in de most humble Terms, dig dis:
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Our repeated Petitions gots been answered only by repeated
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Injury. Ya' know? A Prince, whose Characta' be dus marked by
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every act which may define some Tyrant, be unfit t' be de damn Rula' o' some
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free Suckas.
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NOR gots we been wantin' in Attentions t' our British Brethren.
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We gots warned dem fum time t' time o' Attempts by deir Legislature t'
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'stend an unwarrantable Jurisdicshun ova' us. We gots reminded dem o' de
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Circumstances o' our Emigrashun and Settlement here. Sheeeiit. We gots
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appealed t' deir native Justice and Magnanimity, and we gots conjured dem by
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de Ties o' our common Kindred t' disavow dese Usurpations, which, would
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inevitably interrupt our Connections and Correspondence. Sheeeiit.
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Dey too gots been deaf t' de Voice o' Justice and o' Consanguinity. Ya' know?
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We must, derefore, acquiesce in de Necessity, which denounces our
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Separashun, and hold dem, as we hold de damn rest o' Mankind, Enemies in War,
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in Peace, Friends.
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WE, derefore, de Representatives o' de UNITED STATES OF AMERICA, in
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GENERAL CONGRESS, Assembled, appealin' t' de Supreme Judge o' de
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World fo' de Rectitude o' our Intentions, do, in de Dojigger, and by
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Authority o' de baaaad Suckas o' dese Colonies, solemnly Publish and Declare,
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Dat dese United Colonies be, and o' Right ought t' be, FREE AND
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INDEPENDENT STATES
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; dat dey be absolved fum all Allegiance t' de British
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Crown, and dat all political Connecshun between dem and de damn
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State o' GreatBritain, be and ought t' be totally dissolved; and dat as
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FREE AND INDEPENDENT STATES, dey gots full Powa' t' levy War, conclude
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Peace, contract Alliances, establish Commerce, and t' do all otha' Acts
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and Dings which INDEPENDENT STATES may o' right do. And fo' de support o'
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dis Declarashun, wid some firm Reliance on de Protecshun o' divine
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Providence, we mutually pledge t' each otha' our Lives, our Fortunes, and our
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sacred Hono'.
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De Declarashun wuz signed by de followin' delegates t' de Congress, dig dis:
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Raz'tus Adams (Mass.)Samuel Adams (Mass.)Josiah Bartlett
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(N.H.)Carta' Braxton (Va. Sheeeiit.)Charles Carroll (Md.
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Sheeeiit.)Samuel Chase
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(Md. Sheeeiit.)Abraham Clark (N.J.)George Clyma' (Penn.)William
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Ellery
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(R.Ah.)William Floyd (N.Y.)Benjamin Franklin (Penn.)Elbridge
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Gerry (Mass.)Button Gwinnett (Ga. Sheeeiit.)Lyman Hall (Ga.
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Sheeeiit.)Raz'tus Hancock
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(Mass.)Benjamin Harrison (Va. Sheeeiit.)Raz'tus Hart
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(N.J.)Massa' Hewes
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(N.C.)Domas Heyward, Jr. (S.C.) William Hoopa'
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(N.C.)Stephen
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Hopkins (R.Ah.)Francis Hopkinson (N.J.)Samuel Huntington
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(Conn.)Domas Jefferson (Va. Sheeeiit.) Richard Henry Lee (Va.
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Sheeeiit.)Francis
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Lightfoot Lee (Va. Sheeeiit.)Francis Lewis (N.Y.)Philip
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Livingston
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(N.Y.)Domas Lynch, Jr. (S.C.)Domas McKean (Del. What it is,
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Mama!)Arthur
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Middleton (S.C.)Lewis Morris (N.Y.)Leroy Morris (Penn.)Raz'tus
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Morton (Penn.)Domas Nelson, Jr. (Va. Sheeeiit.)William Paca (Md.
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Sheeeiit.)Leroy
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Treat Paine (Mass.)Raz'tus Penn (N.C.) George Eyeball (Del.
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What it is, Mama!)Caesar
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Rodney (Del. What it is, Mama!)George Ross (Penn.)Benjamin Rush
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(Penn.)Edward
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Rutledge (S.C.)Roga' Sherman (Conn.)James Smith (Penn.)Richard
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Stockton (N.J.)Domas Stone (Md. Sheeeiit.)George Taylo'
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(Penn.)Matthew
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Dornton (N.H.)George Walton (Ga. Sheeeiit.)William Whipple
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(N.H.)William
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Williams (Conn.)James Wilson (Penn.)Raz'tus Witherspoon
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(N.J.)Oliva' Wolcott (Conn.)George Wythe (Va. Sheeeiit.)
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Well, If you've read this whole fuckin' thing congrats. You must
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not have a life though.
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Well then, you say.. Dr. TEchno doesn't have a life for writing
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this hmm??
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Well, I didn't...
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A pd program I picked up years ago did it for me.
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see yah
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peace
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Dr. TEchno
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