85 lines
4.5 KiB
Plaintext
85 lines
4.5 KiB
Plaintext
DDDDD FFFFFFFFF SSSSSS
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D D FF S
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D D FFFFF S
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D D FF SSSSSS
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D D FF S
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DDDDD FFFF SSSSSSS
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(ASCii By AD!)
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Damned Fucking Shit
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Editor: Access Denied
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Issue #39
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Title: The Adventures of Power Wedge Man
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Date: 7/17/94
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By: Ares
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------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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The Adventures of Power Wedge Man
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Sort of high above the streets I was perched, scanning the metropolis
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for any signs of trouble. Gripped in my hand was my Surefire 250X graphite
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handled #5 iron. 2.83 pounds of the most butt kicking sand throwing action
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ever to be used off the golf course. My long luxurious blonde pony tail was
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tonight covered by the camouflage pull-over mask I've become so accustomed to.
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I am POWER WEDGE MAN!!! Defender of the MEEK and LARGE BREASTED!!!
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Just as a chill night breeze wafted through my body I caught the sight
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of a woman jogging through the park. I tracked her for a minute but my
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attention was soon stolen from the well-rounded figure only to be placed upon
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the dark shadowy man approching her. The woman thought nothing of him but I
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have seen this man before...
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As the man approached her I lept from the top of my 2-story apartment
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building. Realizing that I was falling out of control, a manly squeal
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escaped my lips that was soon silenced as my face mashed into the apartment's
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lovely maggot-infested compost heap. I would have loved to stay and wallow
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in the sweet smell of decomposing kumquats, but I had work to do.
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The man grabbed the woman and I heard her cry for help. I sprinted
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at the struggling couple with all of my might. I screamed, "FACE MY WRATH,
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SCUM!!!" And at that, my beloved wedge landed full force on the side of his
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neck. A loud snap was heard and the twisted figure collapsed to the ground,
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jerking and convulsing as the last breath of live was sucked from his body.
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The woman looked up, and at the sight of my masked face she let out
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a shriek of terror and kicked my croch with animal-like ferocity. As I felt
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my balls proceed to rise into my stomach by sheer inertia alone, A whirling
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roundhouse smashed across the side of my face. Nuts in hand, I fell
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to the ground. As she ran away, I managed to wheeze, "No need to thank me,
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Madam!!!" I got up, and with my last bit of strength, I hurled the power
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wedge in her general direction. It struck her in the small of her back and
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she plummeted to the ground. I walked -well, limped anyway,- over to the
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quivering figure on the ground. I picked up the wedge and said, "You're
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WELCOME, dammit!" I heard police sirens and thought, "well, I've had enough
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thanking for tonight, I wouldn't want them to think I was the hero that
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saved this woman." With a yell of triumph, I returned to my beautiful
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compost heap!!!
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Written by: *-=ArEs=-*
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Original character inspired by: DeMeNTia PRaeCoX
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Find DFS On These Fine Systems
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==========================================================================
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| Paradise Lost +1.414.476.3181 DFS World HQ |
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| Temporary Insanity +1.ITS.NOW.DOWN DFS Affiliate HQ |
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| Plan 9 Information Archives +1.716.881.FONE (3663) DFS Southern HQ |
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| Arrested Development +31.77.547477 DFS European HQ |
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| Under World Element +1.203.740.9571 DFS Eastern HQ |
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| 7th Heaven +1.216.464.6789 DFS Ohio HQ |
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| Lucifer's Exile +1.513.459.1278 DFS Midwest HQ |
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| Twilight Of The Idols +1.613.226.3386 DFS Canada HQ |
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| AE - Plan 9 Information Archives - Login: DFS |
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| FTP - etext.archive.umich.edu - /pub/Zines/DFS |
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| VMB - 1.800.298.6245 x3508 |
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| To submit, call Paradise Lost and log on as DFS. The password is: |
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| JINGLE JINGLE |
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==========================================================================
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