230 lines
7.9 KiB
Plaintext
230 lines
7.9 KiB
Plaintext
DDDDD FFFFFFFFF SSSSSS
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D D FF S
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D D FFFFF S
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D D FF SSSSSS
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D D FF S
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DDDDD FFFF SSSSSSS
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(ASCii By AD!)
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Damned Fucking Shit
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Issue #28
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Title: The 2600 Meeting
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Date: 6/7/94
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By: Access Denied
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------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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The 2600 Meeting
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[Editor's note: Well some people have been wondering how the new 414 2600
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meetings have been going. This is about how they usually go.]
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[Location: AD's room. Day before 2600 meeting.]
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AD: [To self] Hmm.. let's call Incarnate.
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AD's phone: beep beep beep, beep beep beep beep [random DTMF tones]
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Telco op: Sir, sir.... you can't use those tones...
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AD: FUCK OFF BITCH!!!
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AD's phone: [more DTMF tones.. correct ones this time]
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ring... ring... ring...
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Voice: Hello??... Hello??? What the fuck are those monks chanting for???
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AD: Hey Inc.
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Inc: Oh.. it's you. Just a sec. [click] ok Dementia Praecox is here.
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DP: Once, there was this boy who
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Got into an accident and..
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AD: Blah. Shut up... So Inc, do you still need a ride to the meeting?
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[Fearing that his line is tapped...] NOT THE 2600 MEETING. IT'S NOT BEING
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HELD AT MAYFAIR MALL. IT'S AT THE CORNER OF 23RD AND CENTER [a ghetto for you
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non-414's] ON THE 18TH OF JUNE, 1998! LET'S GO NOW INCARNATE. Er.. anyway.
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Inc: Like I can get there on my own. Gimme a fucking ride!!!!!!! And you have
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to give DP a ride too!
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AD: Fuck off. He lives 20 miles from me.
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Ahh.. fuck this.. who cares about a lame conversation.. well the FBI for one..
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but that's irrelevant.
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Anyway.. so I actually go and pick up these two l4m3rZzz. I fuq'n got lost.
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Shit fucks. So we finally get the the 26oo meeting. NO ONE IS FUQ'N THERE!
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So much for planning ahead.
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Inc: Hey. Since no one's here, let's go cause random anarchy in the mall!!!
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DP: Whee!!!
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AD: You nut fuck! I still have to eat dinner.
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So they went off and beat off in the corner while I hardened my arteries eating
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some McDoodles crap.
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"BANG BANG... YOU FUCKING MORONS! GET THE HELL OUTTA HERE!!!!!!!"
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Oh.. just Incarnate and DP fooling around with some cops. Shit, serves them
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right for carrying live ammo.
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So I'm eating my cholesteral and who walks by? Some fat ass lady with droopy
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TiTzzzZZ in spandex... er.. some other haqr/phreqr d00dzz I mean. It was none
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other than Lexicon Devil <LexicnDvl for you iRC f00lZ>, The Shadow, Entropy,
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and Necronomicon.
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AD: ARGH!!!!!!!!!!
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Inc: Why are you hiding under the table AD???
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AD: Er.. I umm... dropped a french fry.. yeah.. french fry.
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Shadow: So where the FUCK have you been???!?!
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[Yeah yeah.. so we were two hours late.. who gives a fuck?]
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Shadow: You missed all the fun! See that fat ass lady in the spandex?
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AD: You mean the one with the dr00py TiTzZZ??
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Shadow: Yeah! We raped her!!!
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AD: And you didn't fucking save any for me??!?!? p3n1s!
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Shadow: Go get her AD!!!!!
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AD: Ohh.. ohh..
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Whoops... wrong story. Getting back to the topic..
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AD: Well were all here now!
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Lex: No. You missed Cade. He was here already but got shot in the leg by a
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fuq'n cop.
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DP: YOU MOTHER FUCKING COPS!!!!!!! DIE ASS HOLES!!!!!
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AD: Well everyone else is here!
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Inc: I love you, you love me, were one great big family.. URK.. hey quit
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hitting me with the salt shaker DP!!!!!!! ARGH!!!!
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[Incarnate is now under the table with AD.. that's sick. Incarnate is now
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under the table by himself, scoping out the fat lady in the spandex. (Her name
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is Buelah).]
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So Lex pulls out his new Radio Shaq tone dialer!
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AD: MUTHER FUQR!!! Where'd you get that?!?!?
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Lex: Er.. Radio Shack.. where else?
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AD: I knew that...
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So anyway, I go running over to Radio Shack... my last tone dialer.. er..
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anyway. The fuq'rs are out of them. So I robbed the place and set fire to the
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mall and that's the end of the story... or something.
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AD [returning to table, sobbing]: Th.. th.. they didn't ha.. ha.. have one!!!
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[AD is consoled by others in the group.]
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AD: Get yur FUQ'N hands off me FAGS!!!
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Entropy: Yeah but I got this c00l fone to be converted into a beige box!
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AD: YOU FUCK HEAD!!!!! Where'd you get it?!?#@&*^@&*(
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Entropy: [Smug grin] Radio Shack.
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It's at this point that I killed Entropy. So I ran over to Radio Shack again.
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Shit, that was more exercise then I'd had in months.
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AD to Radio Shack employee: Where's [pant pant] the.. [pant] fone [argh pant].
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I need [pant] the FONE!!!!!!###&*!@%($&*^$I ARGH!JJL!!!!!!!!:KUJ [AD starts
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spasming on the floor]
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Employee: We're out.
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AD: ARGHHH!*@#&&
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So who knows how I made it back to the food court. But I got back and sat down
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and went and raped Buelah.
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Nec: Well guyz.. I gotta go. I promised my gril friend I'd go fuq her tonight.
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Gotta go!
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DP: You mean girl friend right?
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Nec: Hey.. some people like girls.. I prefer... other things. Now.. bye!
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All: We LUV you NEC!!!
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Nec: ARGH!!!!!
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[Necronomicon goes jumping off a balcony to his death, his brains splattering
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like a water balloon all over the tiled floor below us. A dog trots over and
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begins licking them up. An old lady with a walker slips on them and falls and
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breaks her neck. A cop shoots her to put her out of her misery. The bullet
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ricochets off of the tile floor and blows the cops head off too. Everyone at
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the 26oo meeting laughs.]
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Lex: Well that was cool.
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Shadow: [Holding up a plastic box] Now this will be put on your houses quite
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soon by the telco. They'll say it's for the new fiber, but really it's a bomb.
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Don't worry, it will kill you.
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All except Shadow: Uh.. yeah.. we have to go now...
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Lex: Well I'm going to build a red box.
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AD: Hurrah!!!
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Lex: I have the dialer... now all I need is a crystal...
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Entropy: Oh here.. I have one in my pocket... five bucks please.
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Lex: Blah.. oh well.. fine. [Gives him five dollars.]
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Ok.. now let's go grab a soldering iron from Radio Shit... and some
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solder, and a screwdriver set and some wire and a few batteries.. let's
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see..... it should cost us... FREE!!!
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[So we rob Radio Shack.]
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[Now we're back at the food place.]
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Inc: Quick, plug the soldering iron in and let's get this shit going!
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DP: Fire!!! Fire!!! Huh... huh huh... huh...
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[AD proceeds to slap DP]
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Er anyway.. so we waste a few hours and build a red box that never works that
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night. Ugh.. anyway... ahh... then we get arrested for prowling and kill ten
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police with our Glock-7's and our 9mm Beretta's but who cares about all that?
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Killing cops is part of life. So that's a regular 2600 meeting I guess...
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pretty c00l eh? Ahh fuck me or something.
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Find DFS On These Fine Systems
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==========================================================================
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| Paradise Lost +1.414.476.3181 DFS World HQ |
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| Temporary Insanity +1.ITS.NOW.DOWN DFS Affiliate HQ |
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| Plan 9 Information Archives +1.716.881.FONE (3663) DFS Southern HQ |
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| Under World Element +1.203.740.9571 DFS Eastern HQ |
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| 7th Heaven +1.216.464.6789 DFS Affiliate |
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| Twilight Of The Idols +1.613.226.3386 DFS Canada HQ |
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| |
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| AE - Plan 9 Information Archives - Login: DFS |
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| FTP - etext.archive.umich.edu - /pub/Zines/DFS |
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| IRC - #DFS (Whenever Access Denied or Incarnate is on) |
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| |
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| To submit, call Paradise Lost and log on as DFS. The password is: |
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| JINGLE JINGLE |
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==========================================================================
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