152 lines
5.6 KiB
Plaintext
152 lines
5.6 KiB
Plaintext
ÚÄÄÄ¿ ÚÄÄÄ¿ ÚÄÄÄÄÄÄ¿
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ÚÙ À¿ ³ ÀÄÄÄÄÄÄ ³
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³ ÀÄ¿ ³ ÀÄÄÄÄ¿
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³ À¿ ÃÄÄÄÄ¿ ÀÄ¿
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³ ³ ³ ÀÄÄ À¿
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³ ³ ³ ÚÙ
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³ ÚÄÙ ³ ÄÄ¿ ÚÄÄÙ
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ÀÄÄÄÄÄÄÙ ³ ÀÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÙ
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Damned Fucking Shit
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Edited by Access Denied
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Issue #16
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Title: How To Be Polite
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Date: 1/6/94
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By: Access Denied
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¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯
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How To Be Polite
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So you want to be polite to people? Ok. Well this issue of
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DFS will tell you how to be polite in certain situations.
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Q: What if I'm walking down the street and some people are walking
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in front of me at a slower pace? What should I do????
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A: Forget about them. Who needs them? If they're moving to slow
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for you, just push your way past them. If they complain, shoot
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them.
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Q: What if I'm driving down the street and there's a huge traffic
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jam?
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A: Just plow through all the cars. No one cares about them. If
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the drivers complain, shoot them.
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Q: What if I'm at a store and I don't like the price of something
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I want to buy?
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A: Who cares? Steal it. And if the owner or guy who works there
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says something, shoot him.
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Q: What if I'm at school and the teacher starts yelling at me for
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smoking my weed?
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A: Finish smoking it. If the teacher complains, shoot her.
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Q: What if I'm hacking into NORAD and the police break down my door
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and try to arrest me?
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A: They don't know shit. Tell them you're just calling up the
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military to complain about some hackers. If they don't believe
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you, shoot them. (Note: You may need something a little more
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powerful unless you are a very fast and accurate shot.)
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Q: What if I'm walking down the street naked and someone tries to
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rape me?
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A: Let them. If you're reading this magazine you probably have no
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life and are butt-ugly and deserve to be raped. Then shoot them.
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Q: What if I'm blue boxing to Andorra and the fucking intercept
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operator breaks in on me?
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A: Why the HELL are you blue boxing to Andorra in the FIRST
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place?!?!? There's nothing there!!! Well if this happens, tell
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the operator she's a bitch. Then go over to your CO and shoot
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someone.
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Q: What if I'm breaking into someone's house and they wake up/come
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home and see me?
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A: Shoot them.
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Q: What if I'm in my favorite porno movie theater and I can't hear
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the movie because of all the moaning from the audience?
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A: Tell them to shut up or you'll whack off what they're whacking
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off with your knife. If they don't stop, shoot them.
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Q: What if I'm at school and some ugly shit-fuck girl asks me to
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the next dance?
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A: Tell her to fuck off. If she keeps bothering you, shoot her.
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Q: What if I'm walking down the street and a monkey tries to rape
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me?
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A: Tell it to fuck off. If it keeps bothering you, shoot it. Then
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eat its heart.
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Q: What if I'm in a church and the minister starts yelling at me
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for chanting Satanic stuff?
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A: Draw a big pentagram out of blood on the floor of the church.
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Then shoot the minister.
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Q: What if I'm in a church and a monkey tries to rape me?
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A: Give it to the minister. Then shoot them both.
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Q: What if I'm in a church and the minister tries to rape me?
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A: Give him to the monkey. Then shoot them both.
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Q: What if I'm dancing with German men in my underwear?
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A: Shoot yourself.
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Q: What if I'm playing my favorite ]<-RaD PiRaTeD WaReZzzZZZz GaMe
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called CaStLe WoLFeNstIEn at school and some dicklick tries to kick
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me off the computer because he has to "word process"?
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A: Tell him to lick himself. Then take his "floppy" and shove it
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up his ass. Then give him to the monkey. Then shoot him.
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Q: What if I'm sitting on my lawn and I realize that the world is
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out to get me and that no one is my friend?
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A: Shoot everyone.
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Well FoLKs!!1`11111!!!1 Now you know how to be polite!!!!!11111
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I suggest you go practice somewhere!!!!!11!!!!!!!~`11! LaTeRZZz!!!
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[Editor's Note: The last issue of DFS titled "AT&T Access Numbers"
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was noted as being written by Wonko The Sane of 414. He totally
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denies writing this. Well some shitweed is being a nutfuck. I
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don't mind publishing AnOnYmOuS crap but if you say you are someone
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else, FUCK OFF. The validity of those numbers given cannot be
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certified by DFS or its editorial staff etc. So if they don't work
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for you, TOO BAD SCHMUCK! Oh, and say hi to the guyz in
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PyroTechnikS or whatever the fuck name they have now. Ye Gads...
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they should either quit or try to join ACiD... and the guys who I'm
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talking about know which they should do. Any way L8Rz M0n!!!!!]
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Find DFS On These Fine Systems
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=========================================================
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| Paradise Lost - +1.414.476.3181 |
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| Ti - (Private) |
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| Realms of Decadence - +1.216.671.0078,,t66 |
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| Plan 9 Information Archives - +1.716.881.FONE (3663) |
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| AE - Plan 9 Information Archives - Login: DFS |
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| FTP - etext.archive.umich.edu - pub/Zines/DFS |
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| To submit, call Paradise Lost and log on as DFS. The |
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| password is JINGLE JINGLE. |
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=========================================================
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