146 lines
7.4 KiB
Plaintext
146 lines
7.4 KiB
Plaintext
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T ||==\\ || || ||==\\ ||==|| || || B L E N D E R C O R P O R A T I O N
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|| || || || || || || \\ // ------------------------------------
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H || || || || ||==// ||=|| >|< >>> Presents <<<
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|| || || || || \\ || // \\ CLOWN2BE.DBC
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E ||==// \\==// || \\ ||==|| || || #021-RT05 -- [03/10/92]
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______________________________________________________________________________
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A Commentary of Sorts #1:
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"Clowns TO BE Evil"
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by Random Tox
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When I was young, I wanted TO BE a scientist, like my father. I
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respected my father then, and I still do. Or at least I believe I do, whether
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or not reality says otherwise. I don't want TO BE a scientist anymore. I
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don't know what I want TO BE. I'd just like TO BE. Just that.
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-----------
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Social Commentary:
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Phoo.
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Bhaz.
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Zevuum.
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Shingdanziowvizzianggg!
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Thank you for your time.
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I hate it when people ask me, "What do you want TO BE when you grow up?"
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Alive, dammit. What else?
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A clown once became a scientist in order to develop a healthier form of
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facial makeup for circus performers. He WAS tragically killed in a car
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accident a year later, on the verge of his big breakthrough. WAS he a clown
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or a scientist? If he WAS both, then I suppose he WAS a Clown- Scientist. But
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what if he WAS a Scientist- Clown? What if he also fixed shoes? A Cobbler-
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Clown- Scientist. He WAS also a human. He WAS alive. This would give him a
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long name. The only way to truly name him or at least identify him would BE
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with his DNA. Thus, all our DNAs ARE unique, (chances against that ARE beyond
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miniscule) we ARE all ourselves and cannot BE otherwise fully and accurately
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described or named with any accuracy.
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I think humans ARE too organized. This will lead to the eventual
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elimination of true freedom as we edge closer and closer to order and
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discipline. Hence, Disorder should BE introduced to society to lessen the
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aneristic damage by the world's orderlies. However, it must BE proactive
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chaos, so as to add to the value of the world. Almost every form of
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destruction IS out and out wrong. It is said that "We must first destroy
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before we can build." Deconstruct the old order, do not dsestroy it. Creation
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IS the greatest gift, whether it IS life or a plastic model of an orangutan.
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Order can portray the destruction of disorder as a positive thing. Thus, we
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try to make disorder as appealing as possible in an effort to thwart the
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controllers. There is both constructive and destructive order. Make the right
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choice. Good humour, my children. Good humour.
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With the advent of science, clowns have had one more thing to laugh at.
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Nobody WAS laughing at the Cobbler- Clown- Scientist- Human- Person- Male-
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RedHaired- Funny- Smart's funeral. (Sorry for the generalities.)
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Ricky felt like a happy little boy until the accident. In a splintering
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explosion of glass, metal, flesh and burned rubber, the car ended its temporal
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existence as a Hyundai, and resumed it as a multitude of flaming bits in the
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span of 23 seconds, at which time Ricky stepped on a rusty nail, contracted
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gangrene and died three days later when he cracked his head on a newly waxed
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hospital floor.
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I don't enjoy the presence of smelly people. I know that people can
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construe it as politically incorrect, and that it makes me "prejudiced"
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against unwashed bodies, but dammit... People who don't wash _reek_, and I
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don't like the stench of sweat and urea.
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Neither of the the above two paragraphs use the verb TO BE. Things can
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only BE what they already ARE. So the verb TO BE can effectively go into
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retirement.
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The Emergency Medical Technicians left the ambulance, toting Hefty(tm)
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Cinch Sacks, and proceeded to pull the various pieces of a scorched
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Scientist-Clown (and more....) from the damp, smouldering wreck of a Hyundai.
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A fire engine pulled out, its job done. A dark pool of water on the highway
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gave mute testimony to their work. A policeman stood and redirected traffic
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around the accident area.
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A noted linguist (I forget his name) developed what he calls "E-Prime."
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E-Prime consists of the english language, minus one thing... The verb TO BE.
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Besides that singular omission, E-Prime shares all of English's pecularities.
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Why do that? It forces one to rethink sentences before saying them, which can
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prevent rash remarks, and it clarifies speech in general (Use the "Active
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Voice" whenever possible). It forces one to take responsibility for
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feelings. The world doesn't have enough responsibility. I wish I had more
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responsibility. I wish I could speak E-Prime with ease.
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I just noticed that two paragraphs up, the verb TO BE WASN'T used. It
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WASN'T used in the above paragraph either. It IS used in this one, though.
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Sorry.
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Ricky hopped up and down in pain and tried to think of a way to explain
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his presence in the attic, where he had been searching for his father's
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Playboy Magazines. He decided not to tell his parents and ran to the bathroom
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where he soaked his foot in towels and crept into his room with a bottle of
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aspirin. He wriggled into bed, mumbling from the pain, and fell asleep after
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two hours of delirium from the pain.
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Leon Horowitz has little to say or do with any of this, but we'll mention
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him here. He IS a tired CPA. He makes good money, but feels no love for his
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job. He feels no love for anything. He IS too tired from work and worry. He
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simply comes home every evening and stares blankly at the television before
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falling asleep on his bed. His money IS useless, and happiness has eluded him.
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The Clown- Scientist- Cobbler- Human-(etc.) IS dead. Ricky IS dead. The
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verb TO BE. Are they the same? Which Ricky died? IS the reference made to
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*another* Ricky? Perhaps the Clown- Scientist's name WAS Ricky. Maybe the
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Clown- Scientist in the car wreck WAS a different Clown- Scientist- Cobbler-
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(etc.) than the aforementioned one. After all, positive DNA I.D. WAS never
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given. At any rate, they ARE dead, and I still don't care for the verb TO BE.
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There IS nothing more to say. Zeno's Paradoxes ARE clever, but silly.
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[This is our 21st text release. Hurrah for us. Whee. Be careful not to
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care. Durex does this primarily for our own entertainment and edification.
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Oh yeah, zpecial thanks to the Cult of the Dead Cow, my favorite tfile group,
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which was (and is) a major influence on all of us at Durex. - RT]
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_____________________________________________________________________________
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(C)1992 by The Durex Blender Corporation & Random Tox
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All Rights Purely in the Group Mind of Durex.
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*** Turnex, the Blender that turns into a most powerful Vacuum Cleaner! ***
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The Durex Blender Corporation : Boston (617) 696-8156 - 24oo/8N1 - 24 hours
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