292 lines
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Plaintext
292 lines
15 KiB
Plaintext
þþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþ
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þþþ CYBER_PHUCK MAGAZINE ISSUE FIVE þþþ
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þþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþ
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This is issue FIVE of CYBER_PHUCK Magazine. I hope you enjoy it.
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1. How Wine Is Made And How To Make Your Own!
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2. How To Sucker Punch Somebody And Get Away With It.
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3. How To Make Cookies and Other Baked Goods Out of WORMS!
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þþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþ
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How Wine is Made and How To Make Your own
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Damage Inc.
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Cyber BBS 513-863-0447
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Red wine is made from Red Purple and Blue grapes.
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White wine is made from green grapes.
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Wine can be made from any sugary fruit, honey, or sugar water (kool aid).
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The grapes are picked by illegal immigrants. They are put in giant
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hoppers and smashed. Red grapes are smashed into juice with a lot of
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the pulp and stems still floating in it. White grapes are smashed and
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the pulp and stems are strained away so the wine will be clearer. The
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stems and seeds and skins from red grapes give red wines it's woody and
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bitter taste. Storing wine in wooden barrels also ads to it's woody taste.
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The juice is pastuerized. This kills naturally occuring yeast but also
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kills bacteria. In ancient times, the naturally occuring yeast on the
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grape skins provided the yeast that caused it to ferment, but sometimes
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bacteria (also on the skins etc) got into the wine. Bacteria in the wine
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will make it taste like vinegar YECH!. Pasturizing is a technique invented
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by Louis (louie) Pasture who discoved that quickly passing the fresh juice
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over hot metal plates killed the vinegar bacteria.
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After the juice cools, special super-duper wine yeasts are added.
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Different yeast give different tastes to wines. Some yeast work better
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at different temperatures than others. Some yeasts can survive in wine
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with higher alcohol levels before the alcohol kills the yeast. Champagne
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yeast can stand very high alcohol levels but tastes nasty. The juice
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bubbles when it's fermenting and gives off C-O2. This gas will explode
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if you let it build up. Special traps are used to vent the wine by allowing
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gas to escape the fermentaton chambers but not allowing dusty bacteria
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laced air to enter the fermentation vessles.
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The yeast bacteria or mold or whatever they are, eat sugar and shit
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alcohol. When the sugar runs out, or the alcohol levels get too high
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and kill the yeast. Fermentation stops.
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Fermentation is measured with a Hydrometer. A hydrometer is a glass tube
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sealed on both ends that floats in wine. It looks like a big ass rectal
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thermometer for a horse but doesn't have anything inside it but a paper
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with numbers on it.
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The hydromter floats in the juice. When the sugar is convereted into
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alchohol, the "specific gravity" of the juice/wine changes. Basically
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the surface tension of the wine/juice changes so that the hydrometer
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floats deeper or less deep in the juice depending on the ratios of sugar
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to alcohol in the wine.
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Sweet wines have so much sugar in the juice that it didn't get all converted
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into alcohol before the yeast quit working because the alcohol level
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killed the yeast. Sweet wines are good dessert wines or non-grape fruit
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wines.
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Dry wines had just enough sugar in them to produce about 12 % alcohol before
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the yeast quit working because there was no sugar left to convert into
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alcohol. Dry wines are good for dinner wines. Red wines are good with
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spicey food, and white wines are good with other foods.
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The wines are stored in giant tanks and wooden barrels. White oak is the
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wood of choice for storing wines. It ads a wood taste to the wine and
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which is known as "tannic acid". Storage in giant tanks and barrels also
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allow the sediment in wine to sink to the bottom or float on the top so
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that only the most clear wine can be taking out from the barrels for
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longer storage and bottling.
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WINE TASTING.
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Wine tasting is fun and educational. Be aware that if they are trying to
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sell you cheap bad wine, that they will serve cheese with the wine. If the
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wine is excellent killer shit, they will serve bread with it. Cheese
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covers the taste of wine, while bread compliments it.
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*************************************************************************
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OPENING WINE BOTTLES.
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Most good wines have corks. However some good Italian dinner wines are
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screw top so don't be fooled thinking they're not good. Corkscrews are
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a bitch and you need a really fancy one to keep from destroying the cork
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and having it fall into the wine. The BEST cork remover isn't a cork
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screw at all! For about 2 or 3 $ you can get a really good cork remover
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that works great and impresses your friends. They have a handle on top,
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and two flat pieces of metal that slide down along side opposide sides of
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the cork and then you twist the cork out real neat like.
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************
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************
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| |
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| | actual size
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| | <----------knife flat metal things
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| | push into wine bottle with
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| | a rocking motion SLOWLY. The
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prongs should be kept clean and
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slippery. Clean them with a metal
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pad so they are slick!
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1. Clean the knife like prongs on the thing with a green scrub
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pad so that they're spotless and slippery.
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2. SLOWLY ease the prongs into the bottle lightly rocking the
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tool back and forth, pushing one probe then the other then the other
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then the other back and forth deeper and deeper into the bottle
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along the cork.
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3. Then TWIST and pull at the same time.
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4. Right before the cork is all the way out, hold the prongs with your
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finger so they don't chip the bottle when the ends of them come out.
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***********************************************************************
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The best way to learn about good wines is to ask to try different ones
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from different countries and tell them you don't want to spend more than
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10$ a bottle. If they know this you'll end up with some costing between
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8 and 12 bucks a bottle. Go to a shop that specializes in wines. If they
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try to tell you to buy anything more than 12 bucks, please tell them to
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stick a cork screw up their ass.
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********************
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IF YOU WANT TO MAKE YOUR OWN WINE.
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Go to a shop that specializes in that. You can improvize a lot of equipment
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though so the first thing you should do is look at a number of books. For
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each batch of wine, you should use a recipe. You'll need to buy yeast from
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a supplier. Espernay or MountRachet is good yeast. Champagne yeast tastes
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like shit. Bread yeast from the grocery will ruin your wine. Try making
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wine out of juices from the grocery, and yeasts from a wine making shop.
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Sweet wines are fun to make. Cherry and cranberry juice makes some fun
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wines. You don't have to age wines like this and if you drink some of the
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wine before it's fully fermented it's kind of fizzy and contains TONS of
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B vitamins and is happier tasting than ANY you can buy. A hydrometer is
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good to have, and a thermometer is good to have but not as necessary. Don't
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go crazy trying to figure out the hydrometer. Keep it fun, and learn to
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use your taste to make wine. Large plastic 5 gallon jugs are the best with
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special taps near the bottoms so you can let the sediments settle and tap
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the wine just above that. If you have a lot of wine fermented already,
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you can stick the whole container in the freezer and stir it every half
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hour or so until it's frozen into a slush. Then strain or drain the fluid
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part off leaving the ice behind. The liquid you drain off will contain
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a LOT more alcohol than the original stuff. This is how apple jack is made
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from apple wine.
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þþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþ
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How To Sucker Punch Somebody
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Cyber BBS 513-863-0447
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Damage Inc.
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***********************************************************************
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CAUTION! SOME OF THE FOLLOWING TECHNIQUES CAN CAUSE DEATH AND PERMANENT
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INJURY IF PROPERLY CARRIED-OUT. If you use the following technique
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on anybody, Damage Inc is not responsible. Remember that Jeffrey Dahmer
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was a very good killer and openly admitted his guilt, while O.J. Simpson
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didn't have the balls to admit to his deeds. These techniques should
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only be used when you are faced with fear of loosing your life or fear
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of loss of life or limb of somebody in your family.
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***********************************************************************
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1. State of mind is important in the sucker punch more than any other
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detail. The blow to the opponent (who will be refered to as "victim"
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from now on) must be a complete surprise to achive maximum effect.
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Rules and principles of psychology, misdirection, and being a tricky
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unpredictable bastard apply.
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2. The Elbow: The Elbow is your most powerful weapon. The elbow should
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be bent and the blow executed from behind the victim solidly again his
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head between the ear and the eye. This also works is the person is
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standing aside you. A good technique is to ask the victim permission
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to talk to them aside from other people or in a different area. Asking
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their permission makes them feel like they're dominant. As soon as they
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think they're in charge and turn to walk with you, bash them hard and
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repeatedly. When they hit the ground you may choose to kick them in
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the back. The spinal area is the most effective area to apply blows to.
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The human body is designed to greet violent blows from the front. Avoid
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hitting anybody from their front.
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3. When you make solid contact with the elbow blow, or any blow, continue
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to keep hitting again and again and again. Do not permit them a chance
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to fight back because they're likely to be really pissed off. The initial
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blow to the side of the head injures the ear, the vision, the balance
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and sometimes the ability of the colon and blatter to hold waste. It
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is likely to cause unconsciousness and serious damage.
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4. Maintain Balance at all times. Do not bend over. Keep your feet spread
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wide. Boots are a great weapon in a fight, probably of a great advantage
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than a knife.
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5. Speed is your greatest friend. After a blow the victim is off balance
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for a undetermined amount of time. And so are his friends. The quicker
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you put him down the quicker you can defend yourself.
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6. The sucker punch should always be directed and completed against the
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victims head, for maximum success and quick and complete knock down.
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You should kill or incapacitate the victim before their body has a chance
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to go into an automatic fighting mode, when they might not feel pain
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as readily.
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7. Leave the area quickly. If you feel that the police will become involved
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ALWAYS contact a lawyer before speaking or going to the police. Do not
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go to your home. Police are stupid and will probably want to book you
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for murder even though it was clearly self defense. The sucker punch
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as self defence is much better defense than if you kill or injury
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with any weapon especially a gun or knife. If you have any of these,
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guns or knives, dispose of them and NEVER acknowledge ownership of any
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such device. A deep river or lake is an ideal disposal area. Tell the
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police (WITH YOUR LAWYER PRESENT) that you remember feeling that you
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were going to loose your life, and then you don't remember anything after
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that. Fear causes more loose of memory than anger.
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8. PEE YOUR PANTS! If police ask why you were mad, tell them you NOT MAD
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AND THAT YOU WERE SO SCARED THAT YOU PISSED YOUR PANTS. Angry people
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don't piss their pants but scared people do. Pee your pants before the
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police get to you. They play the game every day are have the advantge
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so you have to mainpulate things some yourself. When the police search
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your room for weapons and drugs and stuff, it will help if they find
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soiled clothing on the bed in a plastic bag where they can't miss it.
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And the plastic bag will make it easy for them to take it as evidence
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without being repulsed so much that they just leave it.
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8. PRACTICE PRACTICE PRACTICE!!! Consider what will happen if they duck
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at the last moment. A broken glass bottle is a better weapon than
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a knife. A stun gun is a defense weapon unlike a handgun. If you hold
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a knife or glass bottle in a fight,, do NOT hold it like in the movies.
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Hold it in your fist with the blade pointed DOWN, as if you were going
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to stick the knife in a table. This is much better for fighting than
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holding it like a girl in a movie. A kick won't dislodge it and any
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blows against your opponent will cut the shit out of them.
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9. Remember that the only defense is "self defense" and if you pee your
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pants it indicates fear, while the police, the judge, the jury and
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everybody has tons of expereience in making you look guilty even though
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you aren't. It's like when rape victims go to trial and end up being
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on trial. You make feel silly with soiled pants, but you'd look sillier
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getting fucked in the ass in prison just because you didn't want to die
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at the hands of some psycho.
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10. If you in a place where an altercation takes place. Be prepared to
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ask yourself, "what were you doing there".
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þþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþ
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How to make bread and cookies out of worms.
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DAMAGE INC!
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Cyber BBS 513-863-0447
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1. GET SOME WORMS, regular ones work good. You can raise them in
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old cardboard and dirt. Of you can run electricity through wet
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dirt and they come a crawling out.
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2. WASH THEM OFF with lots of water in a strainer in the sink.
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3. BAKE AT 350f in a shallow pan until they are crispy but not burned.
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4. GRIND IN A BLENDER. Add yeast and baking powder making bread just
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like with regular flour except your flour is made from dried and
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ground-up worms. Yummy!
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5. -OR- Using a COOKIE RECIPE and the worm flour as a substitute
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for regular wheat flour makes some good cookies too!
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6. Take your worm baked goods to school or work and tell all the people
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you hate, that you're on a diet but you love to cook. This stuff is
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supposed to be as good or better for folks than wheat flour. Some good
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dips can be made from pet food, but we'll go into that in the next issue.
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(name of author not given for odvious reasons!)
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þþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþ
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I hope you enjoyed issue five of CYBER_PHUCK Magazine. If you have
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questions, comments, suggestions, contributions -monitary or literary-
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send 'em to the head chef at tline@iglou.com or call the Cyber BBS
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at 513-863-0447. Happy Christmas to you.
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Tom Line
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Head Chef
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Damage Inc Ohio
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tline@iglou.com
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cyber bbs 513-863-0447 USA
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