141 lines
5.9 KiB
Plaintext
141 lines
5.9 KiB
Plaintext
Ü ÜßÝ Ü Ü Ü
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ßÝ ßÝ Ý Ý Ý
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Ý Û Ý Ý Ý
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BLaH Ý ß Ý ÜßÜ Ý Ý
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File ÝßÜ Ý ÜÝ ÝßÝÜÝ Written March 20th, 1993
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#036 Ý Ýig Ýong ÜßÝ Ýnd Ý Ýairy
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Ý Ý Ý Þ Ý Ý Ý
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ÝÜß ÝÜÜÝ ßÜÜßÞ ÜÝ ÞÜ
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Presents
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Ú ÄÄ ¿
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"Fear and Loathing in Cyberspace"
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³ by ³
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Constantine
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À ÄÄ Ù
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Fear and Loathing in Cyberspace
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Part One : Gibson Rolls in His Grave
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I hate these undercover jobs. There I was, sitting at the bar
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at a seedy dive called Pandora's Box, surrounded by 12-year-olds
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packing heat. Most of them had credits that they hung on their
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handles like war medals-- FTL, ThG, PaNzY-- mine were fake, but
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they got me through the front door. If any of these people
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found out I was a field reporter for BLaH, I was as good as
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formatted.
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Next to me, a kid by the name of HaCkErSuPrEmE was bragging
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about his latest score-- he had a pirated copy of Little People
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Farm II, BEFORE it had been programmed. Attempting to make
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friends with the locals, I patted him on the back and said,
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"Hey, you're a K-RaD d00d!"
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All sound in the bar stopped, as a hundred pairs of eyes
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turned to regard me. I realized my cover had been blown as
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the kid squinted at me and said, "What do you mean, K-RaD?"
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"Well, you know... K-RaD."
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"No, I _don't_ know. Maybe it's me, I'm a little fucked up
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maybe, but what do you mean K-RaD?"
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"Well, like how you trade warez and things..."
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"Hey," said another geek from the back, "He didn't mean
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anything by it--"
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"Shut up, Foster!" the kid said, turning back to me. "K-RaD
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how? Like I'm a fucking WareZ geek? Like I'm here to upload?
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What do you mean, K-RaD?!"
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Our eyes locked, and I suddenly realized he had been putting
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me on. I started to laugh hysterically.
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That's when he pulled the virus on me.
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I knew it was going to be a bad day.
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***
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Earlier that morning, I had woken in my chambers at Evermore
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Keep [312/476/1508[ShamelessPlugNote[TM]]] to find a piece of
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email from our fearless leader, Guido Sanchez, shoved under my
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door. It read:
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"Connie:
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Some new warez group called PeNiS claims that they're
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going to destroy the world in two weeks. Phrack and 2600
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are trying to get an interview with their leader, who is
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purportedly protected by a web of intrigue, a network of
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fanatically loyal assassins, unlimited resources, eighteen
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miles of barbed wire fencing and minefields, and a really
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big dog. Would you pop on over there sometime before lunch
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and get an exclusive interview? Thanx,
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Gweed."
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I deleted the email and cursed under my breath-- this was
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DEFINITELY going to put a dent in my TradeWars game.
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***
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I got off the barstool and stared the punk down. He had a
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Saturday Night Special, an over-the-counter virus that reeked
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of VCL 1.0 coding. No matter, it could still put a hole in me
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that all the cheap WareZ in the net couldn't fix. Reflecting
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that this might not have been the best place to come for
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information, I quickly pulled out my own trump card. There
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was a chorus of gasps from the crowd.
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"It's a Whore virus!" cried one dough-faced warez geek.
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"That's right," I snarled, waving the Whore at the crowd, "You
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know the reputation this thing has, and you know what it can do
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to you. One false move and I format this whole bar!"
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The punk held steady. Our eyes locked.
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"Feeling lucky, geek?" I said.
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He put the virus down, reluctantly. I quickly sucker-punched
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him and ran for my life, leaping over the bartop and out the
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back door as the WareZ geeks howled for my blood.
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My term program was waiting outside, a cherry '91 Telemate 2.0
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Registered with the motor running. With the squeal of 2400-baud
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tires, I was out of there in a flash.
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***
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Back at BLaH headquarters in Evermore, a familiar face was
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waiting for me.
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"Hey!" I cried with joy, "Nowhe--"
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"SHHH!" he said. "I'm incognito. Call me Lemuel."
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"Le Mule?"
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"Lemuel."
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"Whatever turns you on. Have you got any info on PeNiS?"
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"Well, it's rather large and--"
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"The GROUP!"
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"Oh... Ever heard of the Obloid Sphere?"
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I had. It was a nightclub downtown, undergoing some
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high-speed remodeling. People said he was turning Elite.
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"I know of it."
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"The sysop's a guy named James Hetfield. Sounds like someone
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is putting the strongarm on him to go 14.4-- check it out."
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"Could be a PeNiS behind it... I'll see you later."
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***
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It was a short jaunt to the Obloid Sphere [708/965/3098[Extra
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ShamelessPlugNote[TM]]], and a shorter jaunt to the back door,
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where my credentials as a Telegard Team member let me in. The
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place was thick with the dust of new construction work, and I
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saw something like file vaults being built in the back of the
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room.
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"Son of a bitch," I said, "He's going WareZ."
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That was all I got out before a trojan horse hit me from
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behind, sending me crumpling into blackness...
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TO BE CONTINUED...
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Stay tuned for the next installment of "Fear and Loathing in
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Cyberspace", coming soon to a BLaH Sig(h)t near you! Next up:
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Part Two-- Superman's Rotting Corpse!
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(---End of File. Propaganda Ensues.---}
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Huzzah for Connie for releasing another file.. if you haven't gotten the
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BLaH Ejaculation file that heralds our cumback, check it out at THESE
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BLaH <sigh>ts..
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Battle of Evermore <312>476-1508
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The Obloid Sphere <708>965-3098
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Nun-Beaters Anon. <708>251-5094
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He wants the eggdish... I am the waitress!
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{---I don't think they're doing it on PURPOSE... ---}
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