163 lines
6.2 KiB
Plaintext
163 lines
6.2 KiB
Plaintext
Ü ÜßÝ Ü Ü Ü
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ßÝ ßÝ Ý Ý Ý
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Ý Û Ý Ý Ý
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BLaH Ý ß Ý ÜßÜ Ý Ý
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File ÝßÜ Ý Ý ÝßÝÜÝ Written Sept. 29th, 1992
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#035 Ý Ýig Ýong Üßß Ýnd Ý Ýairy
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Ý Ý Ý Þ Ý Ý Ý
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ÝÜß ÝÜÜÝ ßÜÜßÞ ÜÝ ÞÜ
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Presents
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Ú ÄÄ ¿
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"A Twit for All Seasons"
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³ by ³
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Constantine
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À ÄÄ Ù
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Some issues back, fellow BLaHster Chessman introduced the Twit of
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the Month, an award given to only the most obnoxious and pathetic of BBS
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vermin. Well, I'd like to introduce the September Twit, a chap who goes
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by the name "Rex". Rex hangs out on a certain Southwest Florida public-
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domain wasteland that shall remain nameless, not to protect it, but in
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the hopes that it sinks into eternal obscurity...
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In order to find the perfect Twit, I logged onto the aforementioned
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dating board as "Sandra", a perfectly-figured redhead who, as I wrote in
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the on-line questionaire, "loves to FUCK and oter [sic] wild stuff with
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whipped cream and vegetable oil!". Then, feeling thankful for sysops who
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give instant access, I cruised the chat channel for grazing twits.
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This is actually more of an indictment of "Dial-Your-Match" boards
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and the idiots that call them than any individual lamer. We're dealing
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with entire groups of balding, horny men who think single women infinitely
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more attractive then themselves are not only going to spend their free
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evenings calling these boards, but are going to be incredibly turned on by
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drooling spuds dragging them into chat mode and telling them how long their
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willies are. And they NEVER learn, no matter how many times you make idiots
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out of them.
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And YOU thought k-rad boards were dangerous!
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---------
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Hi, everyone!
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(Rex 416): Hey, baby! <--Dear Gods, it's the seventies.
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(Wintermute 138): Hi, Sandra <--An "in-the-know" BLaH fan.
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(Chuckie 112): Hi.
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Any HORNY studs out there tongiht? <--Obvious ploy
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(Rex 416): I am! WOW! <--Obvious moron
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(Wintermute 138): I'm not. I like Chuckie.
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(Rex 416): p/do you like SEX? <--Not with you, it's just my job.
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(Chuckie 112): I'm horney <--Hi, I'm Connie. <name joke>
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[Chuckie, Chuckie Bo buckie.. Fanana nana fo...--gweed]
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(Rex 416): p/this is private they cant hear me <--No shit, sherlock.
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p/416 do you?
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(Rex 416): p/nine inches of fun! <--They ALWAYS measure, THEN lie.
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(Chuckie 112): p/Wanna go private chat?
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p/112 No, I'm an exhibitionist.
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p/416 Oooh! Get me HOT baby! Yea! <--Here we go...
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(Chuckie 112): p/So you take your cloths off in public?
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[yes, I only wear wash cloths..--gweed]
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(Wintermute 138): Goodnight, Sandra. Have fun.
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(Rex 416): p/I bet you could suck it all <--He sure knows how to get
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a woman aroused...
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p/416 I'd love to suck your massive peewee monster!
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---Wintermute 138 has left chat mode---
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(Chuckie 112): p/What are you wearing?
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(Rex 416): p/Sucking it up and down, till i CUM <--What a Don Juan...
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p/112 A nun's habit, and YOU'RE going to hell! <--Let's eliminate
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Chuckie, eh?
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p/416 Ooh, baby! Cum all over me! I wanna slurp it all down!
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(Rex 416): p/Yeah, take it all! Lick me hard again so I can ride you
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p/416 Your the biggest stud! <--"your"; dumb men like
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dumber women.
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(Rex 416): p/I'm gonna ram it in till you cum screaming <--This is just
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SO romantic.
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p/416 Oh, yeah! I love your weewee! <--And he STILL doesn't get
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it.
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(Chuckie 112): p/R U really a nun?
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/p112 You're going to BURN IN ETERNAL HELLFIRE!! Your cock will shrivel up
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and you will have ELEPHANTITIS until BOB comes back!! And then things are
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just gonna get WORSE!!
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---Chuckie 112 has left chat mode---
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[what, doesn't it turn him on when you talk dirty, conn? --gweedagain]
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(Rex 416): /ptake my cock baby I'm cummminggg <--Typed with one finger,
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long pause followed.
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Rex? Did you achieve orgasm?
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(Rex 416): That was great, Sandy! Wanna go voice?
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That's SANDRA, you cheap bastard.
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(Rex 416): HUH?
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Smile, Rexy-poo. You're on BLaH camera. <--Smile!
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(Rex 416): Whts blah?
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An organization dedicated to eliminating vermin like yourself from the face
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of the earth. In mere days, a text file containing this entire conversation
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will be circulated across the globe, so all REAL bbs users can see what a
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gullible schmuck you are. By the way, you're also a sexist pig and you come
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WAY too soon.
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(Rex 416): FUCK YOU BITCH <--What a guy!
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I don't think you get the point. <--Ending our sad chronicle.
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[connie.. that's not all he doesn't get..--gweed]
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---------
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And I didn't even get the chance to tell him that he's our monthly
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Twit! A few threatening letters to "Sandra's" mailbox followed, then
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nothing. Not even a "thank-you" note.
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{-End of File...Safe-T-Little12YROldUsingModemForSex says "6339" Bytes Total"-}
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jeez.. and I thought I was sexually depraved by taking 'phone sex' a little
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too literally <watch for me at the 2600 meetings>
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BLaH <sigh>ts are..
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708-251-5094 ! Nun-Beaters Anonymous - BLaH WHQ [IL]
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708-965-8965 ! Carbon Nation [IL]
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305-927-3028 ! The Insane Asylum [FL]
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419-475-3089 ! The Realm Of Death [OH]
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819-778-0454 ! Brain Damage [QC]
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{---The Flying Pig line.'the line was 350ø and he was up there for 3 hours'--}
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