417 lines
15 KiB
Plaintext
417 lines
15 KiB
Plaintext
...and there'll be songs to sing
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in a dog-eared fake book.
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Hey, Bif Naked.
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What -- Ever.
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\ /\ /
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\/ \/
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235 0008052055
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,
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_ || ' What is
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< \, =||= \\ the color
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/-|| || || of pain
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(( || || || is it
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\/\\ \\, \\ democrat
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or republican?
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- - - - - - - - - - - - - -
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axl rose, can you say anagram?
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- - - - - - - - - - - - - -
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dedicated to author Epcot Fitzgerald
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Hello there, I'm prime anarchist, and I'll be your
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sewer guide through this, the music industry as it
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stands. One forNicATION, indistinguishable, under
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gold, with Faberge, and just us for all.
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Jenifer Love Hewit. Pinky swearing Marie Osmond
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that she'll go on the Screamer for her 21st (did you
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say 27th?) alcohol-free birthday party. Um, can you
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say affected???
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The 597 words you can't hear on CD.
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"Earlier in the day, eight arrests had been made
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at a much smaller demonstration outside city hall
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as protestors denounced the Army's School of the
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Americas and blocked traffic by lying down in the
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street.
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The 597 words you can't hear on TV.
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"The school, at Fort Benning, GA, has long been
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the subject of complaints that it trains Latin
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American soldiers in combat methods often used in
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human rights abuses to protect dictatorships. The
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demonstrators opting for non-violent civil disobedience,
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were accomodated by the police, who made fast arrests."
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--NYTimes 1Aug00 pg a17
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The 597 words you can't hear in a movie.
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Federal law provides for a $432,964 fine for tampering
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with the smoke detector in this lavatory.
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The 597 words you can't hear in print.
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BP Amoco - Beyond Petroleum
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Beaucoup prices, Boistrous and petty, Badly polluted,
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Barely positioned, British privy, bogus pride, Bush
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plummets, Butthead proliferates.
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Prime Anarchist will levy a $7 surcharge against anyone
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insisting on choosing the word "lavatory" verbally or
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in print
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Hasbro +1/8
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Seagrams -7/16
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TRIVIA QWESTION -=- Which band members have sued each other
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more times in their 40 year histories.
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Jefferson Airplane/Starship/Volunteer/Balin Kantner or
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John CreedenceClearwater/UpAroundTheBend/Revival Fogarty
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or does it even matter?
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Delta Airlines - Ready when you are. Home of the world's
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smallest #1 plastic bottle of spring water. 8 ounces of
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pure Amerikan TruthInAdvertising abuse.
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"The sensor-activated video screen jumps to life when you
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assume the position at the urinal."
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[i'm not making this up] -- adbusters aug/sep 2000 p 16
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You are watching ENN. (Elevator News Network)
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"He says he remembers your bra hanging from the cockpit."
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--flight attendant on her cellphone waiting in Cincinnati
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for the plane to get cleaned. (not making THIS up either!)
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Mary is her name. I've never stayed on a plane between flights
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before. Quite the experience. Now Mary's complaining about
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having had to clean up baby barf. Quite a caste system we've
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built here, huh?
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"We don't clean THAT," she says motioning first to the
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girl in charge of carpet sweepering the floor and changing
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the garbage bags, then motioning finally to the guy who's
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replacing the sodas and springwaters, sandwiches and bags
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of peanut.
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I've concluded once and for all that the purpose of any
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airline is to sell books and magazines. I'm on my first one
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hour plane delay in a very long time. There are more book
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stores in here than people, methinks.
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Noah, of ark fame is a complete typographical misprint.
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Just thought I'd better tell you. It's rather how Wisconsin
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people pronounce "No." Noah. No.
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I'm prime anarchist, and I said all that.
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#'s http://www.mp3.com/stations/marcos_ampstuff
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http://www.freshpoetry.com/slamamerica
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http://www.hoe.nu/twbs/twbs03.txt
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http://www.dkp-ml.dk/mp3/folk.htm
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http://www.webzine2000.com
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http://www.slaminatrix.com
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http://www.dsl.org/copyleft
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http://linux1285.dn.net/napster
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http://www.playwrightstheater.com
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http://www.subrevolt.com/index2.html
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http://www.ravenswoodinc.com/edit.htm
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http://musicdish.com/genome/index.php3
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http://www.bbzzz.com/musings/sysop.html
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http://www.contentbiz.com/sample.cfm?contentID=617
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http://www.objector.org/before-you-enlist/myths.html
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http://www.ardmoreite.com/stories/070198/liv_salsa.html
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http://www.phoaks.com/phoaks2/newsgroups/comp/society/cu-digest
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http://www.hpoo.com
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L E T U S
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The shutdown of Napster has been brought to you by
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the RIAA, original sponsors of HR 2911.
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HR 2911 would have added a tax on blank tapes and
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recording equipment. The proceeds would have went to
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the record companies in the "war on piracy".
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Just wanted to let you know.
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Patrick (662)
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Hey - just saw 231, one of the funnier ones I've seen in a while.
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I've never written to you I don't think, though I've read yer 'zine
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forever since the BBS days now and then.
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I'm the guy that started the cDc thing.
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You're out in Rhode Island? I was wondering if you're planning on
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attending 2600's 'HOPE' convention thing here in NYC in a week?
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[ati wasn't able to go to this OR webzine2000.]
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[hopefully next year. burning man neither...]
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If so, you should introduce yourself. Jello Biafra is doing the
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keynote speech and we're gonna do some crazy show thing on Saturday,
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it should be a hoot.
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Anyhow- just wanted to say I've been digging ATI.
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G. Ratte'/cDc
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to ati@etext.org
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Shut the fuck up
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T.J. Pianto
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to ati@etext.org
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I saw your listing on the internet.
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I work for a company that specializes
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in getting clients web sites listed
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as close to the top of the major
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search engines as possible.
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Our fee is only $29.95 per month to
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submit your site at least twice a
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month to over 350 search engines
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and directories.
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To get started call our toll free...
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Mike Bender
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[dear mike, look at where we sit in]
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[the search engines, then consider]
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[how much we paid (0.00), then refer]
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[to what the last reader suggested.]
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[no, never mind. I did not say that.]
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[[smile]]
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Dick Cheney, the added-value candidate.
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Think I heard his daughter is gay...
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any reality to that?
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Akira
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[seems to be. interesting which pundits
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it matters to and which ones it doesn't.]
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WE DON'T DO MUCH WITH 4-WARDED SCHTUFF, BUT THIS 1 HAD
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"ADDME" WRITTEN ALL OVER IT!
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>leaders of the Evangelical Laodicean Church in Canada last week
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>announced the publication of a new hymnal. "This is truly a hymnal
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>for the new century," said Presiding Bishop Luke W. Armm.
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>
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>"This collection of hymns really captures the essence of our tradition,"
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>Bishop Armm explained. "At the core of our belief is the motto,
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>'Moderation in all things,' and that applies to our faith life as well.
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>We just don't like to get carried away." When asked if the new hymnal
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>will help the Laodicean Church attract new members, Bishop Armm
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>replied, "People in today's society get kind of uncomfortable with too
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>much talk about things like commitment and dedication. They'd much
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>rather have a religion that they can turn on or off at will. Our church
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>seeks to meet that need. This hymnal will help with that, I think."
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>
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>Editor in chief of the new hymnal, Priscilla ("Presh") S. Moment,
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>explained some of the difficulty the committee had in choosing hymns.
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>"Many of the old favourites just won't cut it among Laodiceans," said
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>Moment. "We had to change a lot of the wording to make them fit with
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>our style. We tried to incorporate some new songs into the book, but we
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>had trouble finding Laodiceans interested in writing new music."
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>
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>The title of the new hymnal, Church Songs, was chosen very carefully,
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>explained Moment. "We didn't want to turn anybody off with threatening
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>words that no one understands any more like 'Worship' or 'Hymn.'" Here
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>is a partial list of titles included in the new Laodicean hymnal:
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>
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> A Comfy Swedish Mattress Is Our God
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> Above Average Is Thy Faithfulness
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> All Hail the Influence of Jesus' Name!
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> Amazing Grace, How Interesting the Sound
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> Be Thou My Hobby
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> Blest Be the Tie That Doesn't Cramp My Style
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> Go Tell it on the Speed Bump
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> He's Quite a Bit to Me
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> I Lay My Inappropriate Behaviours on Jesus
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> I Love to Talk about Telling the Story
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> I Surrender Some
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> I'm Fairly Certain That My Redeemer Lives
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> It Is My Secret What God Can Do
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> Joyful, Joyful, We Kinda Like Thee
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> Just as I Pretend to Be
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> Just as I Am, with Lots of Excuses
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> Lord, Keep Us Loosely Connected to Your Word
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> My Hope Is Built on Nothing Much
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> My Faith Looks Around for Thee
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> O, God, Our Enabler in Ages past
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> Oh, for a Couple of Tongues to Sing
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> Oh, How I like Jesus
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> Onward, Christian Reservists
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> Pillow of Ages, Fluffed for Me
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> Praise God from Whom All Affirmations Flow
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> Self-Esteem to the World! The Lord Is Come
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> Sit Up, Sit up for Jesus
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> Spirit of the Living God, Fall Somewhere near Me
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> Take My Life and Let Me Be
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> There Is Scattered Cloudiness in My Soul Today
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> There Shall Be Sprinkles of Blessings
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> We Are Milling Around in the Light of God
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> What an Acquaintance We Have in Jesus
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> When Peace, like a Trickle
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> When the Saints Go Drifting in
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> Where He Leads Me, I Will Consider Following
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& ON THIS WEEKEND IN HISTORY:
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[thank yous to Dustbunny]
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All in the Family's Carroll O'Connor,
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who played the beloved Archie Bunker is 76 today.
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Tony Bennett, is 74.
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James Hetfield of Metallica, is 37.
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Cult movie director, Kevin Smith, is only 30. Baby.
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1951 - "I've Got You Under My Skin," entered the pop charts.
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1979 - The Knack's Get The Knack, goes Platinum.
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Then they kinda fall from existence, sort of. I mean,
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everyone knows the song "My Sharona," but they could've
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been a bigger band, no?
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1986 - Weird Al Yankovic records "Addicted To Spuds" and
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"Living With A Hernia."
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1996 - Another group that sadly went out of existence is
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Los Del Rio. Their "Macarena (Bayside Boys Mix)" was #1
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on this day on the pop charts. I remember going to my friend's
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prom and having to learn that dreaded dance. I can still do it,
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and I'm sure that you still do it when you're alone in your
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room. Don't lie.
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1975 - Only because he's a genius, David Bowie's "Fame,"
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entered the Top 40 chart.
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1986 - Only because they're Christians, Stryper's
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"Live In Japan" video was released.
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1991 - Only because they sucked, Metallica's
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Metallica album was released.
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1962 - Marilyn Monroe found dead of apparent
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self-inflicted drug overdose.
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Beat Generation Godfather, William S. Burroughs,
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died this weekend in 1997 at the age of 83.
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Sock Puppet Godmother, Shari Lewis, died on this day
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in 1998 at the age of 65.
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[side reference]-[http://cosmos.lod.com/~ati/ati76.html]
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(someone just informed me I mixed her up with the)
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( romper broom lady. oh well... )
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And now, another ATI quick TAB.
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AA, CC, GG, AA.
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AA, CC, DD, AA.
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[voiceover:] When you want dirty football socks
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to look their whitest, just use twice as much GAIN.
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So what for eczema, athlete's foot and diaper rash.
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axl rose.
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OK, one last hint
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axl rOSe one more?
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ok: 374 2156
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And we end this ATI with a poem reprint.
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****** ******** ********
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** ** ** **
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******** ** **
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** ** ** **
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** ** ** ********
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A Commercial Interlude
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by Pete Dolack
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Come on down!
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We've got the best selection around!
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No defense contractor can beat Bombs 'R Us
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Heat-seeking missiles, tanks, spy planes - we've got 'em all
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Whether you're installing a puppet government
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or eliminating enemies of the state
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We're making deals like crazy
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At Bombs 'R Us, our customer satisfaction is guaranteed
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our weapons will kill more people
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than our competitors' weapons
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Or double your money back
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Don't forget our 1960's Nostalgia Night next Friday
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When Napalm and Agent Orange will be 50 percent off
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Dress like your favorite South Vietnamese dictator
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and we'll throw in a free pistol holder
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And don't worry about your citizens finding out
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what you're up to
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Because we've extended our 2-for-1 special on all shredders
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Autographed by Oliver North
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Bombs 'R Us
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Our killing is insane!
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! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !
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^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^
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Send anything to:
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ati@etext.org
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Go ahead, you know you wanna...
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Get back issues of our Zine at:
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http://www.angelfire.com/wi/kokopeli/cygnus.html
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and remember the yiddish proverb, "a thousand
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corporations can tie down a Rosie O'Donnell..."
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****** ******** ********
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** ** ** **
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******** ** **
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** ** ** **
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** ** ** ********
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OK... One more. Same writer!
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this 1's called:
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"Coke Isn't It
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A trip to the supermarket to buy a six-pack of coke
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What could be simpler? I turn down the soda aisle
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There are shelves full of coke
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Which should I get? There's classic coke, new coke, diet coke,
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Okay, I'll grab some diet coke
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Then there's caffeine-free diet coke, classic diet coke,
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low-sugar diet coke, new diet coke
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This is getting more difficult than I thought
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Okay, I'll just buy some caffeine-free diet coke and get out of
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here, but wait, there's low-sugar caffeine-free diet coke
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All right, this is it
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I reach for the low-sugar caffeine-free diet coke
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I'm finally done
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No, it cant' be
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It is
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Sweat starts streaming down my face as I see strawberry
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low-sugar caffeine-free diet coke, cherry low-sugar caffeine-
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free diet coke, classic low-sugar caffeine-free diet coke, and
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orange low sugar caffeine-free diet coke
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I didn't know what I was going to do until I saw a sign
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Can't decide?, it said, We can help
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Dial 1-800-coke -- cola counselors are standing by
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It was my only chance
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When the operator came on, I almost couldn't speak
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It was just too much
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Don't worry, the soothing voice said
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We'll put you in touch with a diet coke specialist
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The counselor listened to my story
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She said we're recommending a consumer training class
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And you're just in luck, there's one convening this afternoon
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I took down the address and headed over
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Several people were already seated when I arrived
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But a few minutes later, an armed guard closed the door
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And locked it.
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Someone wearing a paramilitary uniform stood at the front
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Nobody leaves this room without submitting their will to coke
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You will know the difference between the different cokes
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You will drink only coke
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You will spread the word of coke to all you meet
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Every waking hour will be spent in the service of coke
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I knew I had to find a way out but security guards
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ringed the room so I tried to create a diversion
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I stood up and said, 'I have reason to believe
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there is a pepsi lover in our midst'
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A gasp went up from the crowd as a man turned toward me
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and admitted to once drinking a pepsi
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Take him away! the leader screamed
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Security guards grabbed the man
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and took him away for interrogation
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It was now or never as I charged the window and leapt through
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An hysterical voice on a loudspeaker called for all hands
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To hunt down the escapee as sirens blared
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I ran as hard as I could to escape the dogs
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Finally, out of breath and thirsty,
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I wound up at the same supermarket
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This time I decided to avoid the coke aisle
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I asked the stock clerk where I could find bottled water
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Oh, do you want bottled water with carbonation, bottled water
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with low sodium, bottled water with lemon, bottled water
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with a lime twist,
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Before he could go further, I ran out of the store and headed
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home
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Where I decided to stay until Presidential Election Day
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Because then there would finally be no choice. |