1061 lines
50 KiB
Plaintext
1061 lines
50 KiB
Plaintext
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EEEEEEEE
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EEEEEEEE
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EE
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EEEEE
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EEEEE ## ## ## ##
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EEEEEEEE ## ## ## ##
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EEEEEEEE ### ## ######
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AAAA
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AAAAAAAA
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AAAAAAAAAA ## ## ##### ##### ## #####
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AAAAAAAAAA ### ## ## ## ## ##
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_ _ _ _ _ ___
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|_| |_| |_ |_ |_ |\ | |
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#############################################################
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########### |_| |\ | |_| |_| | |_| | |_ | | | ##########
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############################################################
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############ ___ _ _ _ _ _ ##########
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############ | |_ |\ | |\ |_ |\ | | | |_ |_ ##########
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############ | |_ | \| |/ |_ | \| |_ | |_ _| ##########
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############ ##########
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############################################################
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----------------------------------------------------------------------
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T H E E V I L A N G E L ' S ###### ##########
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. ##### #########
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. | ### #####
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. V V . ### ##| #### ####
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. |_| . . o ## #### ####
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\|| |/|| . . . ,_____+_< _##_____ # # #__##
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|___ ___| . . '------X\/ ) | \ /\ | ### ___#
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. > x| . . ___\_/__|____ \/\ \_____| |
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. \_/. /\ \__/\/ | |
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. \/__________________/_____ |
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__ ___ | | /\/\ |
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| \ _|_ / | | |FF| |
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| | __ | | __, , _ __ ^'^ | |JA| |
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|__/ /__\ | --- | / | |/ \ / \ /x x\ | \/ |
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| \___ | | | | | |--/ ==o== | |
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| \___ \__| | \__ _\/U\/_ | |
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________ || || | ___
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/________\ | | MM MM | #####
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||v v| | |\ /| | o | | |O ###
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||o o| | | \/ | A N U A L | | | /_ ##
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|| < | | CH! | | //| |\\ | ) |
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|\\_// | REEE | | M | | M | _\ /_
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|_\_/____| C ________ \_/ | / __ |
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| ____ |S |DANGER| | |/ / |
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._|_/ - \_|_, | # # | . | / / |
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| |- - | | | o , . O @@@ | XX/ |
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| | - | | | # O O | , _/o@X@ ______ | |
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|__| - - |__| |______| | | O /_ @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ @|----|
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##========## | || |o| | | \___@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@=| |
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## _ ## \ __||||_||| @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ | |
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| __o #_ _______./ | | |'|-|---_ @@@@@@@@@@@@@ \ |
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| # |o| _) _|\. __- @@ WW@@ | /
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| |__ |o| | \_ |___ -____ @@ @@ | |
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| _/ |o| | \ < x\ _- || || _|__|
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/ \___|o| ___ /__ \___o ______-- /_| /_| (____)
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| '-| | _| | ---------
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/ (__) (__)
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----------------------------------------------------------------------
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====================
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Ring these boards!
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====================
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Zen BBS. 899-6180 All Speeds Running TBBS
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on 4 lines.
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The Twilite Zone. 562-0686 300/300 1200/1200 24 hrs a day!
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Doodz Domain. 646-5861 All Speeds 23 hrs a day!
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6463171
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Furthur Regions. 725-1923 All Speeds 23 hrs a day!
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The Crossover. 367-5816 All Speeds 23 hrs a day!
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----------------------------------------------------------------------
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=================
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W A R N I N G !
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=================
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Read only under the supervision of adults.
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Keep out of reach of Children.
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Consult a doctor if pain persists.
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---------------------------------------------------------------------
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=================================
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Pets for Profit! Killer Koalas.
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=================================
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By Lightening Bolt
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Introduction.
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-------------
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Due to the inhibitive costs and the general community's negative
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opinion towards conventional weapons, there has developed a new
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trend in the terrorist, religious fanatics, minority group and
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now police and military arms markets.
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Until now, weapons have relied heavily on either high technology,
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which is expensive, or the spontaneous reactions of chemicals to
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cause damage which is, although effective, clumsy, not totally
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reliable and often traceable.
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There is now a pollution free, untraceable, reliable, cheap and
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effective method of inducing havoc. The Koala, among other
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animals, is viewed as the harmless, cuddly animal that munches on
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gum leaves all day long. That is until now.
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The breeding and training of such deadly animals is becoming one
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of the world's most lucrative businesses. The major advantages to
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entrepreneurs is the low capital investment, high profit margins
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and the vast potential market.
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When trained, these animals are not just animals, they're BEASTS!
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Before you begin.
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-----------------
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Before you begin, you should do some research into your
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clientele. It is good business to have your stock ordered before
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they are actually ready to be delivered, it is also much safer.
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It is also wise to specialise in one market. Supplying both the
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terrorist and anti-terrorist markets could lead to embarrassing
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confrontations and possible defamatory accusations.
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What You Will Need.
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-------------------
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1. A plentiful supply of food.
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2. A plentiful supply of Fosters Lager.
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3. Military Grade Fencing.
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4. A Shot Gun (Self preservation purposes only).
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5. Good breeding stock.
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6. GUTS!
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Breeding/Training Camp.
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-----------------------
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<--------------- 100 Metres ----------------->
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_________________________________________________________
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|4 | |4 |
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|__| ............................................. |__|
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| ..1.......................................... |
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| ............................................. |
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| ............................................. |
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| ............................................. |
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| ............................................. |
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| ________ |
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| 3 |2 | |
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| | | |
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|__ |________| __|
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|4 | |4 |
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|__|___________________________________________________|__|
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Area 1:
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-------
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One of the more important factors in the training of the Koala is
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the habitat. The average backyard usually isn't big enough, nor
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is there usually a sufficient food supply. This is one of the
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reasons that this is a professional industry, and not really
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suitable for the home hobbyist.
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You should allow at least a ten metre square plot of land for
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each Koala you intend to train. It must be heavily planted with
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gum trees, and it is vital that the perimeter be fenced off,
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preferably with 3 metre concrete barricades, but industrial
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strength cyclone fencing is sufficient to begin with, but
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seriously consider military standard electric fensing.
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That area will be the Koala's off duty and relaxation area where
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they can eat, sleep and do whatever else Koalas do after a hard
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day's training. I cannot stress enough how important it is that
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this area be as comfortable as possible for the Koalas, as a
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psychologically balanced Koala is far more efficient in combat.
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A plentiful supply of Fosters Lager should be placed in
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convenient branches throughout this area. Victoria Bitter is also
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acceptable. Under no circumstances should imported beers be used,
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especially Kiwi Lager! Death or even worse, phycological damage,
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may result.
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Area 2:
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-------
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The Koala breeding area. This area MUST be securely barricaded
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from the rest of the compound. It would be disastrous if one of
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your less desirable male Koalas ruined your breeding program.
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Area 3:
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-------
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This is the training area. It should contain various articles of
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equipment with which the Koalas can improve their skills for the
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environment in which they will ultimately be unleashed.
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The usual rope bridges, fences, obstacle course items are a good
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place to start. If you use your imagination you'll probably find
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many of those articles you've had stuck in your garage for years
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that you thought you'd use one day, will actually be able to
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utilized here. I don't recommend you use vaulting horses, but if
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you do, watch out for unusual enthusiasm on the Koalas' behalf,
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and do regular head counts.
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This area should also be used for getting your Koala's accustomed
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to being shot at, bombed etc. A good exercise for this is to put
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a grenade into a stuffed baby Koala, giving it to a dingo, and
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unleashing your Koala's on the dingo. The point of the grenade is
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twofold. One, the Koalas become accustomed to explosions. Two, it
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is a humane way of destroying the dingo should it somehow survive
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the Koala attack.
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Area 4:
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-------
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Guard towers. As a precautionary measure to give advanced warning
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of impending legal matters, and more importantly to keep a
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watchful eye on the compound. It could lead to difficult
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questions being asked of your activities if several blood hungry
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Koala's escaped and began slaughtering the neighbours.
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Breeding.
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---------
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The most important aspect of this business is a well planned
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breeding program. The best stock to use is the Tasmanian Koala.
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Recognised worldwide for their superior qualities, especially
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their swimming abilities and heavy vehicle dodging abilities.
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Once a suitable breeding pair is found, you should begin your
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breeding program as soon as possible. It will take at least three
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generations of carefully monitored breeding until you have a born
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and bred Killer Koala.
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With that in mind, you may be interested in trying cross breeds,
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depending on your target market of course. For amphibian attacks,
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you could try crossing a Koala with a Platypus. Consider the
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abilities of this creature; the Combat Koalapus.
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Other Things To Try.
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--------------------
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Instead of breeding Koalas, there are many other animals that can
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be bred and trained for equally devastating results. Sometimes
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Koalas just aren't suitable for the climate, the terrain or other
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factors degrading their performance. Here are some other animals
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you may consider experimenting with:
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Location Animal Comments
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-------------- ------------ --------------------------------
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Rainforests Sloths Only with an ample amphetamine
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supply.Has the advantage of
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surprise.
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Oceans Self Detonating Hunt in schools. Has great
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Sardines learning abilities. Devastating!
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Just ask the Titanic's Captain
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how close that ice berg was.
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Lochs Ness-Monsters Breeding stock hard to find.
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Cities Guinea Pigs Awesome abilities to penetrate
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high security areas undetected.
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Readily available from pet shops.
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Good for the home hobbyist.
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Lemmings Once re-educated are excellent
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for sky-scraper assaults.
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Enemy Animal Comments
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-------------- -------------- --------------------------------
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Tanks Wombat Excellent Anti-Vehicle creatures.
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Guerillas Leeches Excellent ambushing capabilities.
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Tough training them to tell the
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difference of friend & foe.
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Aircraft Seagulls Excellent Anti-Turbine creatures.
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New Zealanders Sheep Need I say more?
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Potential Markets.
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------------------
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In the domestic market there are hundreds of unexploited
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opportunities waiting for your attention. Perfect for the home
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enthusiast, or someone without sufficient capital to invest in a
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large scale operation. All you require is inventiveness and a bit
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of ingenuity.
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Once you have the domestic market in your grip it is time to
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expand. The religious fanatics, minority groups, terrorists and
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mafia/triads are just waiting to be introduced to the marvels of
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modern creatures of destruction.
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Why stop there? Why not become an international arms
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supplier. There are a multitude of emerging nations without
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sufficient funds to employ full scale armies to conquer their
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enemies. An inexpensive alternative is their only option, and you
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can provide that alternative. With the correct contacts [Also
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read as Bribes - Ed] you may even be able to attain a Federal
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Government Export Assistance Grant.
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Think of it. A thousand Attack Armadillos, supported by 500
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Kamikaze Kangaroos attacking some unsuspecting troops armed only
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with grenades, machine guns, rocket launchers. Pity them!
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Ideas
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-----
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The Mormon Market: After the door is slammed in their face,
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they open their briefcase with one of your Hyperactive
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MegaTermites. Once the door is down, they set loose one of your
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Atheist Seeking Aardvarks, and they're 90% of the way to another
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successful conversion.
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The School Market: The fat kid that is always getting picked on
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one day just can't take it any longer. He saves up his lunch
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money, and buys one of your Homework Hungry House Mouse. He goes
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to school as usual, but the first kid that calls him "fatty"
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today will have to think of a better excuse than Joe's mouse ate
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all my homework.
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---------------------------------------------------------------------
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==========
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Petcare.
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==========
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By SYN ...
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Choosing a Pet.
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---------------
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It is very important when choosing a pet to take into
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consideration all aspects of keeping that pet happy and healthy.
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You must select the pet that is right for you! [Is that why
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SYN ... has a dog? - ED]
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FISH.
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-----
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These must be amoung the easiest of pets to keep. Once an
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aquarium has been set up they are both cheap and quick to look
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after. [I look at my fish tank after sex, what about you
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SYN ...? -Ed]
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If you find a few fish lying on the bottom with slightly twisted
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backs, then it is an indication that the water is polluted or that
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you forgot to feed the fish for the past two months. [God! My
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fish karked it after only two weeks without food - Ed.]
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When you find that all the plants have died and that you can no
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longer see through the glass then it is time to clean the tank.
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It is an idea to remember to remove the fish from the tank
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before draining out the water. [So that's what I did wrong! -Ed.]
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Oh, above all else, don't forget; don't eat the green ones, they
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aren't ripe yet! [Witty isn't she? -Ed.]
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BIRDS.
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------
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Another hint for the animal lover who does not wish to spend a
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great deal of time in upkeep of their pet(s). Quite deceptive
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really, caged birds make more mess than an elephant in a
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strawberry patch. [And slightly less than a baby in a food
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processor with the top left off! -Ed.]
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If you wake up one morning to find your birds a little cold and
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stiff it is a sign that you forgot to wash the spray off the
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lettuce leaves you gave them the night before. [Or that you left
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the gas oven on, and it wasn't alight. Don't light up a cigarette
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to test which it was! -Ed.]
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Budgies: If you ever need to catch them, make sure you have
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rubber hands or cast iron gloves- they bite! [I know women like
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that! -Ed.] One small problem incurred is that they don't always
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let go when you do [Are we talking budgies or the women I
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know? -Ed.], and shaking your hand vigorously to flick them off
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does wonders to the quality and quantity of stock as they are flung
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against the wall. Also, be careful not to give into the
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tempation of strangling the rotten little sods when you find
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their beak comming through the other side of your finger.
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[That narrows it down to 3 women I know. -Ed]
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All this too much to cope with? How about you befriend some of
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the local inhabitants of the area. [If they're female I know
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most of them already. -Ed] All those bird scraps just
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crumble and sprinkle on the verandah. You will soon be mates
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with many a sparrow, their brothers, sisters, aunts, uncles,
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cousins, friends etc etc. Just remember not to sit or lean on
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the railings anymore.
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Ever thought how nice it would be to have a feathered friend
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keep you company when you went for a swim? [I've been swimming
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with birds before! -Ed] Well, a duck is the pet for you. [I
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haven't played that game before. Sounds almost as much fun as
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Plat-A-Pussy! -Ed] This time, just remember not to walk on your
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lawn bearfoot anymore.
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Your alarm clock doesn't work any more? Get some chooks! Without
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fail, your new rooster will graciously awake you at dawn, and
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this multi-purpose pet will even more graciously appear as
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Sunday's dinner within the month.
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And if you feel that birds alone are not enough for you, never
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fear! Within a few weeks your aviary or garage can become the
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new home for all the local mice and their offspring.
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DOGS: (Man's best friend - How's that for original!?)
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-----------------------------------------------------
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[And I thought there were better things in life than dogs!? -Ed]
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Exercise is the most important thing besides everthing else. [? -Ed]
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Depending on the weather and time of day will result in how your
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dog wishes to exercise you. Most likely it will wish to give you
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a 10 mile run when it's 35 degrees outside. [I thought a hundred
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push-ups at 3am while stark naked was bad enough! SYN ..., I'm
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not going out with you ever again if that's what it takes! -Ed]
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And of course many cross country tracks that you never dreamed
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of trecking will be followed as your dog races after rabbits or
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the local cat. [And I thought dogs liked playing with balls! -Ed]
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AND remember, your dog is the most lovable just when you have
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given it a bath. [Showers aren't that bad either. Especially if
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you've got a bottle of baby oil. -Ed]
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If you like playing golf, then be sure to get your dog when it
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is still young. By the time it's grown you will have your very
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own 32 hole golf course in the back yard - free of charge.
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(4 Pages of really boring comments that I couldn't make any
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statements about were deleted here. In short, dogs dig up your
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garden, make a mess of your lawn, have problems having puppies
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and are still loved by some people. -Ed]
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Miscellaneous.
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--------------
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After a generous, caring pet? How about a guinea pig? They will
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undoubtedly leave you with a lovely(?) warm feeling in your lap
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after petting them. [I really think I should leave the gaffer
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tape joke out of this... but REALLY SYN ..., I expected better
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from YOU! -Ed]
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Want to get rid of that unused look of your new sofa? Then a cat
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will be your choice. It will quickly select your sofa as it's
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bed and a great means of sharpening it's claws. [I've had my
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sofa messed up by a pussy or two myself! -Ed]
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Goats are great when you are spring cleaning. You might leave
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clothes lying around for some variety in their diet.
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Rabbits are good for an inexpensive irrigation system in your
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back yard and under your house. [Plus you can offer someone you
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really hate some cheat sultanas. -Ed]
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Sheep are great for keeping the lawns down. (Anohter multi-
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purpose pet?) [Is that why New Zealanders have such well kept
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lawns? -Ed]
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Conclusion.
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-----------
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Well folks, I hope you are slightly more informed as to which
|
|
pet is best suited to you.
|
|
|
|
Things to remember:
|
|
|
|
* Don't forget to feed.
|
|
This can be determined with practice. Increase food
|
|
when you have trouble seeing your pet.
|
|
|
|
* Don't overfeed!
|
|
You have overdone it a little when your pet can no
|
|
longer move.
|
|
|
|
* Give plenty of exercise.
|
|
It is best to put a leash around your pet galah's
|
|
ankle, unlike a dog.
|
|
|
|
* Choose your pet according to your facilities.
|
|
- Don't be so inconsiderate as to purchase a duck
|
|
without a swimming pool!
|
|
- A dog if you don't have a garden it can excavate.
|
|
- A puppy if you don't have new carpets - oh, and
|
|
don't forget to leave your new Ug Boots lying around
|
|
either!
|
|
|
|
Have Fun choosing your new pet now! SYN ...
|
|
|
|
[I don't think I'll buy a SYN ... after all -Ed.]
|
|
|
|
---------------------------------------------------------------------
|
|
=========================
|
|
The Theory of Evolution
|
|
=========================
|
|
by
|
|
Charles Melbourne, or Perth. One of those big cities, anyway!
|
|
___
|
|
/ \
|
|
\ /
|
|
.__| |__,
|
|
| |
|
|
| | | | MAN
|
|
| | | |
|
|
\_/ \_/
|
|
| | |
|
|
| | |
|
|
_| | |_
|
|
(___|___)
|
|
|
|
|
\|/
|
|
|
|
|
| Here, at the time of the advent
|
|
| of computers, two species appear.
|
|
+-------+------+
|
|
NON-COMPUTER USERS | |
|
|
| | COMPUTER USERS.
|
|
\|/ \|/
|
|
| |
|
|
| |
|
|
__ +--->---+---<--+
|
|
/ o\___ | | |
|
|
| ____) | | |
|
|
\ ,---' | \|/ |
|
|
@ ____ | | | | | Here two more distinctly
|
|
@@@/ \/ / | | | different species emerge.
|
|
/ / / | | +-<+>-------------------------+
|
|
/ \ / | ------+ | | NERDS, LOSERS, ETC... |
|
|
\ /_/ | | | By some sick quirk of |
|
|
\_______/ | | evolution, these |
|
|
| | | | undesirable computer |
|
|
'E'E | | users survived. |
|
|
| | |
|
|
DODO: Some humans | | |
|
|
failed to become | | ________ |
|
|
computer users because | | /________\_ |
|
|
of a low learning | | / o\ ---------+
|
|
capacity | | \__________o/ |
|
|
| | \________/ |
|
|
| | |
|
|
| | SOFTWARE LEECHES. |
|
|
___________ | \|/ These users do nothing |
|
|
/ __ \_ | | but latch onto any |
|
|
| / \ x \ ---------+ | passing BBS's and suck |
|
|
\/ ___ \ \ \ | out several times its own |
|
|
/___ \__\ \__\| | body weight of software, |
|
|
\\\ \\\ | giving nothing in return. |
|
|
| ) ( |
|
|
THE MOLE: As the name | ( _ ( |
|
|
suggests, this is an | /#\ ) |
|
|
inflitrating animal, which is +-+ |#| ( |
|
|
believed to be a cross between | |#| ) ^_ |
|
|
a computing animal and a | \#\________/ o\ |
|
|
non-computing animal. The mole's | \######### _> --------+
|
|
function seems to be to burrow | | _____ ___/ |
|
|
into BBS's in search of illegal | | / | / |
|
|
activities which cannot be | |__) |__) |
|
|
mentioned here. Some say the mole | |
|
|
is a pest that should be | Many undesirable users |
|
|
irradicated, as they can | are possibly related |
|
|
completely undermine a board and | to the SKUNK, for people|
|
|
cause it to collapse and shut | tend to avoid, at all |
|
|
down, but they do have a good | costs, being in their |
|
|
point: they devour parasites | presence. The nerd call |
|
|
that could otherwise make a BBS | is an easy one for the |
|
|
die a slow, diseased death. | young zoologist to learn |
|
|
| and spot: "Hey, wot |
|
|
+----<----+ computa U got man!??!?" |
|
|
DESIRABLE USERS: | |
|
|
| #### |
|
|
It is difficult to | _ ###### |
|
|
say which animal is most| ______/o\ ######## |
|
|
like a desirable BBS user. / _= /##### --+
|
|
Take the females for example, \_|__|_/\_/########
|
|
[and who wouldn't like to take |_ |_ ######
|
|
the females?] at different times ####
|
|
they have been told/described/asked:
|
|
"You, my dear, are an The Scarab or DUNG BEETLE
|
|
utter BITCH!" has the odd habit of
|
|
"Oh, she's an old COW." turning a ball of dung
|
|
"Why won't you come to bed over and over to lay their
|
|
with me, my little TADPOLE?" eggs in. These creatures
|
|
... and so on. It is interesting are very similar to losers
|
|
to note how the males of the in the BBS world, because
|
|
Desirable BBS User species vastly THEY certainly manage to
|
|
outnumber the females. This leads spin a lot of.............
|
|
to much rivalry between the males
|
|
whenever a new female appears.
|
|
(eg Julie Alderman). Observations suggest that when a new
|
|
female appears the males all fight to win her over. What they
|
|
do is they all send as many sexually-orientated message as they
|
|
can. The female shows she has accepted a certain mate by
|
|
telling him in a public message to stop it. This way everyone
|
|
knows she made her decision, and everyone knows who it is.
|
|
In the Julie Alderman case, she appears to have chosen
|
|
Fearless Fred as her partner.
|
|
|
|
The distinctions between the male and the female of the
|
|
species are difficult to spot at a distance. On numerous
|
|
occasions the males have made passes at a feminine-sounding
|
|
user, only to find to their great embarassment "she's" really
|
|
a guy.
|
|
|
|
FURTHER EVOLUTION:
|
|
|
|
There is one other species which is even more advanced than
|
|
the desirable user in terms of evolution. This is the SYSOP.
|
|
|
|
ANATOMICAL DATA: SYSOP
|
|
|
|
Head: Right Side. /--a-\ a. Brain. Much more
|
|
/ @@@ b\ developed than that
|
|
ILLUSTRATIONS |@@@@@=0c of the normal user.
|
|
FROM AN EARLY |@@/ _> b. Optic nerve.
|
|
20th CENTURY BOOK \ X| |\_ c. Eye.
|
|
ON NATURAL HISTORY. \X|d| / d. Throat.
|
|
eX| || e. Spinal cord.
|
|
|X| ||
|
|
_____
|
|
/ a a \
|
|
d@ 0 0 @d Head: Frontal View. Hair shaven off for
|
|
| <b | clarity.
|
|
| ___c|
|
|
\ / a. eyes, myoptic through constant
|
|
| | viewing of a computer monitor.
|
|
b. nose.
|
|
c. mouth for sighing when the hard disk
|
|
crashes.
|
|
d. ears for ignoring the chat bell.
|
|
|
|
BREEDING: Despite the fact that most SysOps behave like the
|
|
proverbial rabbits when it comes to breeding, there
|
|
are still very few of them.
|
|
This may be due to the glaring absence of female
|
|
sysops; there are few if any, so SysOps sometimes
|
|
get on with non-SysOps, leading to the cross-breed
|
|
called the Assistant SysOp.
|
|
|
|
|
|
---------------------------------------------------------------------
|
|
=======================
|
|
LETTERS TO THE EDITOR
|
|
=======================
|
|
|
|
If you would like your views publicised, feel free
|
|
to drop me a line C/o Fearless Fred - 562-0686
|
|
|
|
Please keep your letters short.
|
|
|
|
-----------------------------------------
|
|
|
|
Dear Sir,
|
|
|
|
I would like to make a complaint on the morals of our society.
|
|
I was walking along one day, in Carlton it was, minding my own
|
|
business (walking on the other side of the street where the
|
|
50 wogs were standing waiting for the painters to do their
|
|
room) when I saw this most despicable thing. This old lady was
|
|
ACTUALLY GIVING MILK TO A STRAY CAT!! The obscenity of the scene
|
|
was almost too much to bear.
|
|
|
|
I went over to the little old dear and kicked her in the guts and
|
|
asked her what the fuck she was feeding the cat for? She groaned
|
|
and said "Because it is a nice thing to do." I know that if you
|
|
were there then you too would have kicked her too. I picked up
|
|
the cat and hurled it into the oncoming traffic and had my efforts
|
|
gratified by seeing it run over by a semi.
|
|
|
|
I hope you will join me in helping to rid the world of kind little
|
|
old ladies who feed cats and have little yapping terriers that
|
|
don't shut the fuck up.
|
|
|
|
Yours Faithfully,
|
|
|
|
________
|
|
| \ | | |\ /|
|
|
| \ _|_ | __ | \ / |
|
|
| \ ___ ___ | |/ \ | \/ | ___ __
|
|
| / (___) ___) | | | | | ___) |/ \
|
|
| / (___, (___) \/ | | | | (___) | |
|
|
|_______/ | |
|
|
|
|
|
|
-----------------------------------------
|
|
|
|
Dear Mr Death,
|
|
|
|
It is heartwarming to read that there are still some people
|
|
in this world with enough moral fibre to make the effort,
|
|
cross the road and actually right such wrongs.
|
|
|
|
Pity you didn't have an uzi, you could have wiped out the
|
|
wogs at the same time.
|
|
|
|
Sincerely, Ed.
|
|
|
|
---------------------------------------------------------------------
|
|
=======================
|
|
This Edition's Awards
|
|
=======================
|
|
|
|
Pissed off Sysop of the Month............... Craig Bowen
|
|
|
|
Drunken sysop of the month.................. Fearless Fred
|
|
(AGAIN!)
|
|
|
|
Bastard of the month........................ The Masked Avenger
|
|
(AGAIN!)
|
|
|
|
Tree Stump Award............................ The Lensman
|
|
|
|
Big Tits Award.............................. Julie Alderman
|
|
|
|
Midwife Award............................... SYN ...
|
|
|
|
Midwife with Big Tits Award................. WOODY!
|
|
|
|
Have Phone will Conference Award............ Disk Destroyer
|
|
|
|
Disgusting Award............................ Lounge Lizzard
|
|
|
|
Boss of the Month........................... Nixx
|
|
(Where would the AT files be if I couldn't
|
|
write and edit them at work?)
|
|
|
|
Fuckwits.................................... Conan
|
|
Blue Thunder
|
|
Phoenix
|
|
|
|
I Had A Bright Idea, But... Award........... Brett MacMillan
|
|
|
|
I Thought He Had A Bright Idea Too Award.... The Mentat
|
|
|
|
---------------------------------------------------------------------
|
|
========================
|
|
Quotes for this month.
|
|
========================
|
|
|
|
Craig Bowen: "I've got a throbber!"
|
|
|
|
Lounge Lizzard: "Why buy a hanky when you're wearing a shirt?"
|
|
|
|
Lounge Lizzard: (To Disk Destroyer) "What are faggots good for?"
|
|
|
|
Disk Destroyer: "They'll pick you up, they like doing that."
|
|
|
|
"Don't fuck with (Radio Active), he's not the
|
|
one to fuck with."
|
|
|
|
Fearless Fred: (To Disk Destroyer) "Is Robbie one of your faggot
|
|
friends?"
|
|
|
|
Disk Destroyer: "He's one of them."
|
|
|
|
Fearless Fred: "Monk, how many inches have you got?"
|
|
|
|
Thelonius Monk: "I've got one."
|
|
|
|
Killer Tomato: "I woke up not feeling myself, in fact I was
|
|
a little stiff."
|
|
|
|
Killer Tomato: "It's not as stiff as it was."
|
|
|
|
Ford Prefect: "I'm affraid I don't understand that last
|
|
statement."
|
|
|
|
Mandi: (To Disk Destroyer) "Do you have a dick?"
|
|
|
|
Disk Destroyer: "No fucking way!"
|
|
"I don't have one."
|
|
"It's not fair!"
|
|
|
|
Vagabond: "I've got things coming out of my ass."
|
|
|
|
SYN ...: "I can't remember anything!"
|
|
|
|
Mandi: "Get off my candle!"
|
|
|
|
Thelonius Monk: "I hate it when you go to the toilet and
|
|
you're really feeling out of it, and your
|
|
dressing gown is just draping around and
|
|
you piss on it."
|
|
|
|
Thelonius Monk: "If I had any sense of decency I'd be disgusted."
|
|
|
|
Disk Destroyer: "That's a quote, that's a quote!"
|
|
|
|
Disk Destroyer: "Where's the Whiz Fizz?"
|
|
|
|
The Lensman: (To Royna) "I'm making to hard for you
|
|
aren't I?"
|
|
|
|
---------------------------------------------------------------------
|
|
=================
|
|
YOUR STAR SIGNS
|
|
=================
|
|
|
|
Sorry folks, this month Ze Prophet is on holidays, so he
|
|
hasn't been able to write up your star signs this month.
|
|
He did, however, send us a postcard for publication. - Ed.
|
|
|
|
|
|
Darlings! You should see all the hunks on the beaches here,
|
|
I think I must have died and come to heaven.
|
|
Sorry I haven't had time to write the star signs this month,
|
|
but Bruce is so energetic he just wears me out.
|
|
I shall be back next month though with a guide to your
|
|
perfect match.
|
|
|
|
Till next time huneeth....
|
|
|
|
XXXXXXXXOOOOOOOOOXXXXXXXXX
|
|
Ze Prophet.
|
|
|
|
---------------------------------------------------------------------
|
|
======================
|
|
The Classified Pages
|
|
======================
|
|
|
|
For Sale: One Pacific Island.
|
|
Comes with a heap of users, and a
|
|
heap of cops watching them.
|
|
|
|
Credit Cards NOT welcome!
|
|
--------------------------------------------------
|
|
Wanted: Good lawyer. Contact: Brett MacMillan.
|
|
--------------------------------------------------
|
|
Wanted: Sum Sicopaths.
|
|
Dad pays BIG BIG munee 2 keep me happy
|
|
Lamers will die!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
|
|
Don't call me, i phreak U.
|
|
[tc!]
|
|
--------------------------------------------------
|
|
Wanted: Sex Manuals. Contact: Dick Destroyed.
|
|
--------------------------------------------------
|
|
Wanted: Julie Adlerman's phone number.
|
|
Or preferably Julie Alderman.
|
|
We'll pay heaps!
|
|
Contact: Fearless Fred / The Lensman.
|
|
C/o The Twilite Zone. (03) 562-0686
|
|
--------------------------------------------------
|
|
|
|
If you wish to advertise here, please contact:
|
|
|
|
Fearless Fred. C/o The Twilite Zone 562-0686
|
|
|
|
---------------------------------------------------------------------
|
|
====================
|
|
Defamation Corner.
|
|
====================
|
|
|
|
A while ago we promiced to publish a certain photo revealing
|
|
a certain well known and documented nerd after he held a well
|
|
known and documented communist for ransom. After the relevant
|
|
legal authorities heard we had such a photo we were unable to
|
|
publish it, until now.
|
|
|
|
##################
|
|
+----------------------+ ####################
|
|
| +------------------+ | ###################
|
|
| | >g | | | ____ #######
|
|
| | ???????? logging | | | / __ \ #######
|
|
| | off (any BBS). | | \ / \ #######
|
|
| | | | | |o | ######
|
|
| | Your stats for | | | \__/ #####
|
|
| | today: | | / ___/ ####
|
|
| | | | /__ |
|
|
| | Uploads: 0 Kb | | \, __ _ |
|
|
| | Downloads: 9334Kb| | /\ =======\ /
|
|
| | Stop sponging! | | / \ \__ /
|
|
| | | | | | / \_ _
|
|
| +------------------+ | ____| |__ \ _ / \
|
|
| AMIGA 1000 | ____|# |___\_ \
|
|
+----------++----------+/____###_______| / ______ \
|
|
| +--+ || +--+ || ___)# ||_ _| | / \ \
|
|
| ==|__|== || ==|__|== || ___) | |__| | | | \
|
|
| o +--+ || o +--+ |\____) |---------| | | \
|
|
+----------++----------+ |FP| | | | |
|
|
|\ ============= ____| ###########_ | | / |
|
|
| \____________ _/ _ \_ / \_ \ | |
|
|
|\|__________ _/ ( ) \_ | ___ \ | | |
|
|
| | / ( O ) \_ `_| |_/ \_/ | |
|
|
| | / (_) \_ | | \ / |
|
|
| | +----- / \_ ( ) \ / |
|
|
| | | / \___,__/ \ _/ |
|
|
| | | / _ __ _ \ \____/ |
|
|
| | | / ( ) / | ( ) \ |
|
|
| | | / ( O ) | \ ( O ) \ |
|
|
| | | | (_) / | (_) \ |
|
|
| _____/ \__ | \ \ |
|
|
/ \__/ | \ /
|
|
| | \ \ /
|
|
\____________/ |____________|_______________/
|
|
|
|
|
|
We wont say exactly who this is, but if you can't guess you're
|
|
a bigger fucking loser (sorry LAMER) then he is.
|
|
|
|
---------------------------------------------------------------------
|
|
========================
|
|
E V I L A N G E L S
|
|
========================
|
|
|
|
At present the Evil Angels team consists of the following:
|
|
|
|
Founder: The Masked Avenger
|
|
|
|
Editor: Fearless Fred (Lightening Bolt)
|
|
|
|
Authors: Fearless Fred
|
|
Ford Prefect
|
|
|
|
Artist: Ford Prefect
|
|
|
|
Programmer: Vagabond
|
|
(BSF Boys)
|
|
|
|
Other Members: Thelonius Monk
|
|
The Lensman
|
|
Lounge Lizzard
|
|
Death Man
|
|
Nixx
|
|
SYN ... (We're a little bit sexist!)
|
|
Disk Destroyer (Sort of.)
|
|
Ivan Trotsky
|
|
Sprite (Pending)
|
|
|
|
Favourite people: Taxi Cab Blue Fox
|
|
(To hassle.) Captain Chaos Simply Sparks
|
|
Fire Fox Vagabond
|
|
Raster Blaster SYN ...
|
|
Disk Destroyer Ice Man (and Robbie)
|
|
Royna Masked Avenger
|
|
Julie Alderman
|
|
|
|
You too can help rid the world of nerds. By purchasing any of
|
|
the following quality official Evil Angels Products.
|
|
|
|
"I Hate the Masked Avenger" Badges $ 3.00
|
|
|
|
Evil Angels Badges $ 3.00
|
|
|
|
Evil Angels Windcheaters... $25.00
|
|
|
|
Bi Bi P.I. Video $25.00
|
|
|
|
All sizes, all colours, design is:
|
|
_______ _______
|
|
/ \______/ \
|
|
/ \ /|
|
|
/___/| Evil Angels |\___\ / |-------- NOW
|
|
| ______ | \ |-------- AVAILABLE!
|
|
| / E.A. \ | \|
|
|
| | Logo | |
|
|
| \______/ |
|
|
| Ridding the |
|
|
| world of nerds!|
|
|
|________________|
|
|
|
|
Printed versions of Anarchistic Tendencies Parts 1-9: $18-00
|
|
|
|
Remember... donations to Evil Angels are NOT tax deductible,
|
|
but will help rid the world of nerds!
|
|
|
|
---------------------------------------------------------------------
|
|
|
|
Anarchistic Tendencies IX
|
|
(C) January 1989
|
|
YOU HAVE NO GODDAMNMUTHAFUKING RIGHTS!
|
|
|
|
**************************************
|
|
* NO PART OF THIS FILE MAY BE *
|
|
* PUBLISHED IN MASS MEDIA WITHOUT *
|
|
* THE AUTHORS' WRITTEN PERMISSION *
|
|
* AND HALF OF THE AUTHORS CAN'T *
|
|
* WRITE. THE OTHER HALF ARE *
|
|
* USUALLY DRUNK! *
|
|
* *
|
|
* That's a god-dammed warning! *
|
|
* *
|
|
**************************************
|
|
|
|
::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
|
|
YOURMOTHERSUCKSCOCKSINHELL
|
|
::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
|
|
|
|
---------------------------------------------------------------------
|
|
Disclaimer: The authors have gone to a hell of a lot of trouble to
|
|
ensure that this file contains no offensive material. However, should
|
|
you find anything which you object to, STIFF SHIT! You can't sue us!
|
|
This file is written with the intent of producing a
|
|
humorous file which will be enjoyed by everyone, and no offense is
|
|
intended towards any person(s) or creatures however much they are
|
|
mentioned, abused or complimented.
|
|
And if there are any Animal Liberation Activists reading
|
|
this, HA! Go liberate the little bastards and let us get on with
|
|
the job of shooting the fury little buggers.
|
|
---------------------------------------------------------------------
|
|
Donations and payments can be sent:
|
|
C/o Craig Bowen,
|
|
P.O. Box 125,
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Balwyn, 3103.
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Evil Angels will return with Anarchistic Tendencies 10
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The Defence Case of a Dipsomaniac.
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(Fearless Fred's Trial.)
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