104 lines
4.5 KiB
Plaintext
104 lines
4.5 KiB
Plaintext
The Facts About ANUS
|
|
by Captain Crapp
|
|
|
|
The American Nihilist Underground Society is an
|
|
organization that applies the philosophy of nihilism to the
|
|
Houston modem arena. Since most of Houston's boards and
|
|
users are completely worthless and cause prolonged and
|
|
violent vomiting on contact, ANUS was formed one night in an
|
|
alcoholic haze by myself and two other resourceful
|
|
individuals to combat this growing trend of mediocrity in
|
|
modeming.
|
|
ANUS recognizes the following facts about modeming and
|
|
laws:
|
|
(1) There is no basis for knowledge or truth over
|
|
phone lines. Nor is there any application of the rights
|
|
guaranteed in the first ten amendments to the U.S.
|
|
Constitution. Also, most Houston sysops wouldn't recognize
|
|
the truth or a truthful user if one came up and bit them on
|
|
the ass. Many of them participate in active disinformation
|
|
campaigns, and fabricate stories to keep their users in a
|
|
near-catatonic state of blind acceptance. Doubtless Big
|
|
Brother would have had a Tequila Festival over this
|
|
situation.
|
|
|
|
(2) Nihilism also calls for a rejection of customary
|
|
beliefs. ANUS rejects the following beliefs: (a) you can
|
|
judge a user as bad/good beforehand on basis of age, race or
|
|
religious beliefs, (b) any user with an open mind is an evil
|
|
user, (c) Southwestern Bell is our friend, (d) obscenity is
|
|
evil, (e) anyone who listens to music with distortion or
|
|
isn't a Southern Baptist Lobotomite (SBL) is also evil, (f)
|
|
having a penis is a bad thing. ANUS also unilaterally
|
|
rejects the idea that another GBBS board is a good thing to
|
|
have around.
|
|
|
|
(3) Currently, there is no purpose or direction at all
|
|
to having and using a modem in Houston, especially if you
|
|
call any Apple boards. Sysops are either just idiots, or
|
|
too restrictive or too paranoid. ANUS is aiming to change
|
|
this, but currently we have a few suggestions for
|
|
"responsible modem use": (a) doorstop, (b) micro-waveable
|
|
plate, (c) nightime bedwarmer, (d) portable sperm bank, (e)
|
|
frame it and hang it in the bathroom, and (f) have a good
|
|
game of frisbee with it.
|
|
|
|
In the grand tradition of nihilists past, ANUS believes
|
|
in the use of any means possible to obtain objectives,
|
|
whether considered moral and right by Houston's sysops or
|
|
not. Basically, since most of these people have nothing to
|
|
say, there is no point in listening to them.
|
|
|
|
ANUS would also like to make another point - the
|
|
definition of a munchkin, or "munchie" as used in local
|
|
slang. See also "m0e."
|
|
|
|
munchie, n, (muunchee) - a user who consistently attempts
|
|
harm, ill will or stupidity on a bulletin board system.
|
|
These people are usually inexperienced, but occasionally you
|
|
will actually find one who just likes to try and destroy
|
|
something good, open-minded, and unconventional.
|
|
Onfortunately, Houston is filled to overflowing with both
|
|
kinds.
|
|
|
|
munch, v, (muunch) - to commit acts cognizant of a munchie
|
|
(see munchie) or to do something incredibly stupid or
|
|
immature. See also Skeeve-0.
|
|
|
|
However, Houston sysops have interpreted the above
|
|
definitions to mean any user with either opinions differing
|
|
from those of the sysop, or a mind that is more open the the
|
|
sysop's in addition to the two classical definitions above.
|
|
In essence, anyone the sysop doesn't like or wants to pick
|
|
on is automatically termed a "munchie." ANUS prefers the
|
|
more enlightened definitions of "gremlin" and "loser," since
|
|
these are more descriptive and let you know if the guy is
|
|
malicious or just stupid.
|
|
|
|
To show our defiance of Houston's sysop-cliches and their
|
|
accompanying useless organizations and propaganda, we set up
|
|
a board dedicated to being offensive and supportive of free
|
|
speech and other forgotten rights. Numerous births of cows
|
|
were reported among individuals branded with large "L"'s on
|
|
their forehead ("losers"). Houston sysops banned our ads.
|
|
But, as a result, Houston's modem community grouped itself
|
|
into an organization separating the conservative idiots
|
|
("buttheads") from the rest of us. Needless to say, we're
|
|
quaking in our boots, since we really don't need or care
|
|
about their organization or their boards, so we're content
|
|
to watch them make fools of themselves.
|
|
|
|
In the meantime, ANUS has a bevy of ongoing projects
|
|
guaranteed to make modeming in Houston at least more
|
|
interesting than it used to be, and hopefully more
|
|
worthwhile.
|
|
|
|
If you are interested in becoming an ANUS member, get into
|
|
contact with Chromatic Death or Captain Crapp/Crude on a
|
|
decent Houston board. Chances are we'll be there.
|
|
|
|
Captain Crapp
|
|
ANUS
|
|
|
|
09/04/89
|