68 lines
4.0 KiB
Plaintext
68 lines
4.0 KiB
Plaintext
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The World According To Student Bloopers
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It is truly astounding what havoc students can wreak upon the
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chronicles of the human race. I have pasted together the following
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"history" of the world from genuine student bloopers collected by teachers
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throughout the United States, from eighth grade through college level.
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Read carefully, and you will learn a lot:
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Ancient Egypt was inhabited by mummmies, and they all wrote in
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hydraulics. They lived in the Sarah Dessert and traveled by Camelot.
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The climate of the Sarah is such that the inhabitants have to live
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elsewhere, so certain areas of the dessert are cultivated by irritation.
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The pyramids are a range of mountains between France and Spain.
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The Egyptians built the pyramids in the shape of a huge triangular cube.
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The Bible is full of interesting caricatures. In the first book
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of the Bible, Guinessis, Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree.
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One of their children, Cain, asked, "Am I my brother's son?"
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God asked Abraham to sacrifice Isaac on Mount Montezuma. Jacob,
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son of Isaac, stole his brother's birthmark. Jacob was a patriarch who
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brought up his 12 sons to be patriarchs, but they did not take to it.
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One of Jacob's sons, Joseph, gave refuse to the Israelites.
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Pharaoh forced the Hebrew slaves to make bread without straw.
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Moses led them to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread, which
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is bread made without any ingredients. Afterwards, Moses went up on Mount
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Cyanide to get the ten commandments. He died before he ever reached Canada.
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David was a Hebrew king skilled at playing the liar. He fought
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the Finkelsteins, a race of people who lived in Biblical times. Solomon,
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one of David's sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines.
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The Renaissance was an age in which more individuals felt the value
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of their human being. Martin Luther was nailed to the church door at
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Wittenberg for selling papal indulgences. He died a horribel death, being
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excommunicated by a bull. It was the painter Donatello's interest in
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the female nude that made him the father of the Renaissance.
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The government of England was a limited mockery. From the womb
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of Henry VIII Protestionism was born. He found walking difficult because
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he had an abbess on his knee.
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Queen Elisabeth was the "Virgin Queen." As a queen she was a success.
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When Elisabeth exposed herself before her troops, they all shouted "hurrah."
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Then her navy went out and defeated the Spanish Amarillo.
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It was an age of great inventions and discoveries. Gutenberg invented
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the Bible. Another important invention was the circulation of blood. Sir
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Walter Raleigh is a historical figure because he invented cigarettes and
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started smoking. And Sir Francis Drake circumcised the world with a 100-foot
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clipper.
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Meanwhile in Europe, the enlightenment was a reasonable time.
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Voltaire invented electricity and also wrote a book called Candy. Gravity
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was invented by Isaac Walton. It is chiefly noticeable in the autumn, when
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the apples are falling off the trees.
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Johann Bach wrote a great many musical compositions and had a large
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number of children. In between, he practiced on an old spinster which he
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kept up in his attic. Bach died from 1750 to the present.
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Bach was the most famous composer in the world, and so was Handel.
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Handel was half German, half Italian, and half English. He was very large.
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Beethoven wrote music even though he was deaf. He was so deaf he
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wrote loud music. He took long walks in the forest when everyone was
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calling for him. Beethoven expired in 1827 and later died for this.
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----------------------------------- 8< -----------------------------------
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--
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@ Harri Kiljander @ @
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@ hki@hupu @ Altos 3068 -- 99.6 % tyytyv{isi{ k{ytt{ji{. @
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@ t33872s@puukko @ @
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