textfiles/humor/speling.msk

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Here are some spellings and usages that indicate you're
reading Popular English; none that I know of is yet to be found
in any dictionary. While many distress me greatly when I see
them, I don't expect to change the world! For simplicity, I've
omitted commas and quotes in many places.
Spellings:
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alot compatable accidently incidently
soley accoustic asterik momento
imposter millenium (These two words are very rarely spelled
correctly; they don't really signify Popular English.)
Forward (The opening commentary about a book)
In Memorium (Personally, I find this insulting...)
Artic Antartic
ect. (Is this an abbreviation for "ectoplasm"? I doubt it!)
it's (for "its" and vice versa; the situation
hasn't yet settled down.)
of, to mean "off"
add, as a short form of "advertisement"
were for "we're" (or for where)
where for "were" (not too common, yet)
your (for "you are")
you're (for "your")
"silicon" and "silicone" confused with each other (The
scientist who coined the term "silicone" was hopelessly
optimistic about the literacy of the people who were
likely to use the term!)
visa versa (and variants) for "vice versa"
thats all (and any possessive with an omitted apostrophe)
"Pouring" through papers (seems to be a very corrosive liquid,
or, perhaps just making filtered coffee...)
Possessives with apostrophes omitted (This is a problem with a
surname such as "Gettys", because it is likely to be
confused with "Getty's")
Any ordinary, unabbreviated plural with an apostrophe before
the final "s" as in "These are the spoon's I told you about."
This extra apostrophe rarely happens predictably.
Usages:
-------
Omitted question marks
Omitted punctuation ("Happy birthday Jack" is how a robot
would say it in a feelingless monotone; "Happy birthday, Jack!"
shows human feeling.)
Double quotes for emphasis (Can be amusing, if sexist, when
referring to a "wife".)
A comma after the subject of a sentence (I'm utterly baffled
why people do this...)
"Comma splices" (commas where semicolons belong)
A semicolon after the salutation in a letter, as in
"Dear Jill; "
Semicolons in place of colons
"...add additional..."
ex. (instead of e.g., which is hopelessly academic from the
standpoint of just about all students, and probably many English
teachers)
Plurals that end in "...man", as in "ten fisherman" or
"six woman"
Singular forms that end in "...men", as in "A women has her
own right..."
Omitted middle syllables, as in "inconvience", "compability",
and "nutrious" (Indeed, this matter could be the subject of a
fairly-extensive commentary in itself. It's not rare. I've
even heard radio announcers do it!)
Omitting the final "s" in plurals, often the names of
professions, such as "scientists" (Listen carefully! You'll
hear this rather often. It also appears in print.)
(Spoken:) "nucular", "Febiewary", "Joolery", "Childern", etc.
Mislocated asterisks: Traditionally, within a body of text,
an asterisk was at the end of a word (or phrase) that was to be
commented on by another, often shorter item. The latter began
with an asterisk, and was below the last line of text, like a
footnote.
However, this convention is apparently unknown to many writers
of English today. Asterisks appear at either end of the
referring and the referred items, and the referred item might be
above or below the referred. It's sometimes quite distracting
to figure out which is which!
(Incidentally, I like to keep my closing double quote next to
the last letter of the quoted word or expression; I understand
this is a matter originating with traditional typography. I'm
following what I believe to be British practice.)
Edited and updated 910603
(I did have a duplication there, "Forward".)