64 lines
3.3 KiB
Plaintext
64 lines
3.3 KiB
Plaintext
CAUGHT RED HANDED
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In my city yesterday, a man robbed a bank. (I think it was the only bank
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robbery of the day, but don't guarantee it in case someone is later caught for
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having embezzled or otherwise stolen a bank's funds. I don't want to be made an
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accessory after the fact or anything.)
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Bank robberies aren't big news these days; rather they are relegated to that
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category of news which is important enough to report but not sufficient for a
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running story. (That's too bad, in a way. When I call to mind those long ago
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days when bank robbers were lionized in the press; when folk tales were built
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around the exploits of these criminals -- like Bonnie and Clyde Barrow -- I get
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kind of teary-eyed.)
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This particular bank robber, who got away with 'an undisclosed amount of
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money'--notice that the amount of money is rarely disclosed anymore in bank
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robberies probably because bankers have some kind of betting pool about it or,
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perhaps, don't feel it's good public relations -- also got away with a healthy
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coating of red dye on his body and on the money.
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The news stories weren't clear about how the cannister of red dye happened to
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get into the canvas money bag and explode all over the thief and the money, but
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it intrigued me. I wondered if, perhaps, some new technique is afoot among
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bankers which thwarts -- don't you love the word 'thwart'? -- the spending of
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stolen money. I mean, a thief can't paint the town red if everyone knows the
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red money he's spending is stolen and they'll get in trouble if they try to
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deposit it in the bank. Right?
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Now, I don't know for sure, but I would think a red thief would be pretty easy
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to identify. You might even say that this thief, when and if he is apprehended,
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will have been caught red-handed.
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Back to the point of all this, if someone actually did place a red dye bomb in
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the canvas bag that they proffered to the bank robber knowing that it would
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explode and incriminate him, wouldn't it then be logical to assume that the
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American Association of Bank Robbers might attempt to cover lots of innocent
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people with red dye so as to confusticate the constabulary?
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If you're on my wavelength, you are probably getting a touch paranoid right
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now wondering if there will be a red dye war in your city the next time somebody
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robs a bank. Like, you could be innocently walking along a city street or
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getting out of your car and find yourself covered in red just because a bunch of
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miscreants and criminals need to cover their tracks from a bank robbery earlier
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in the day.
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Imagine, then, that you happen to be one of the few people who were blasted
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with red dye who gets caught by the cops. How are you going to explain that
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your pinstriped business suit is splotched with the same red that your face,
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shirt and hands are? Trouble, I say.
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If you aren't apprehended right away, what are you going to do? I heard that
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the red dye is indelible and takes about a month to wear off. Imagine telling
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your boss that you can't come to work for a month because you were caught in the
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middle of a red dye war!
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Funny thing, it has been a couple of days and the bank heister who started all
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of this hasn't been caught.
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I frankly don't know whether I should stay home to keep from being dyed red,
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or take my chances on being arrested as a bank robber.
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What do you think?
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