31 lines
1.4 KiB
Plaintext
31 lines
1.4 KiB
Plaintext
Safety Tips for the Post-Nuclear Existence
|
||
(1) Never use an elevator in a building that has been hit by a nuclear
|
||
bomb; use the stairs.
|
||
(2) When you're flying through the air, remember to roll when you hit
|
||
the ground.
|
||
(3) If you're on fire, avoid gasoline and other flammable materials.
|
||
(4) Don't attempt communication with dead people; it will only lead to
|
||
psychological problems.
|
||
(5) Food will be scarce; you will have to scavenge. Learn to
|
||
recognize foods that will be available after the bomb: mashed
|
||
potatoes, shredded wheat, tossed salad, ground beef, etc.
|
||
(6) Put your hand over your mouth when you sneeze; internal organs
|
||
will be scarce in the post-nuclear age.
|
||
(7) Try to be neat; fall only in designated piles.
|
||
(8) Drive carefully in "Heavy Fallout" areas; people could be
|
||
staggering illegally.
|
||
(9) Nutritionally, hundred dollar bills are equal to ones, but more
|
||
sanitary due to limited circulation.
|
||
(10) Accumulate mannequins now; spare parts will be in short supply on D-Day.
|
||
|
||
Safety Tips for the Post-Nuclear Existence
|
||
Tip #1: How to tell when you are dead.
|
||
(1) Little things start bothering you: little things like worms, bugs, ants.
|
||
(2) Something is missing in your personal relationships.
|
||
(3) Your dog becomes overly affectionate.
|
||
(4) You have a hard time getting a waiter.
|
||
(5) Exotic birds flock around you.
|
||
(6) People ignore you at parties.
|
||
(7) You have a hard time getting up in the morning.
|
||
(8) You no longer get off on cocaine.
|
||
|