134 lines
6.3 KiB
Plaintext
134 lines
6.3 KiB
Plaintext
Life Placement Associates (adv)
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Dateline April 1, 1991:
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LIFE PLACEMENT ASSOCIATES
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by Daniel P. Dern
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(c) Copyright 1991 Daniel P. Dern
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May be reproduced and distributed freely in unmodified form
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on a noncommercial basis PROVIDED THAT this notice remains
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intact. All rights reserved; contact author (Daniel Dern,
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ddern@world.std.com, 617-926-8743) for any other intended
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usage, e.g., reprinting in trade or general press. Enjoy!
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My friend Eric recently got this great job offer -- bigger
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bucks, more responsibility, more fun, the whole shebang.
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Problem is, this great new job is twenty-two hundred miles
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away.
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And Eric's settled. Wife with her own career, two
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point six kids in a good school system, car mechanic and plumber
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who he can call on short notice -- even a babysitter.
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And he wants the job. It's a great opportunity, and he's
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ready for it. Problem is, the rest of his life wants to stay
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here.
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So I was quite surprised to get a call from Eric yesterday,
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suggesting we meet for lunch before he left for his new job.
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"What about your family?" I asked over a plate of pan-fried
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Chinese dumplings. "The plumber, the babysitter? What's your
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wife going to do? You're not just talking about a new job,
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you're talking a whole new life -- a whole new support
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structure!"
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"No problem," he assured me, stabbing for the last dumpling
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as a plate of crispy duck pieces approached the table. "All
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taken care of. Great little outfit."
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#
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We're all familiar with employment agencies. That's how I
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got my first job, that's how Eric found his new one, that's
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probably how you found at least one of yours.
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And in searching for housing, most of us have gone to rental
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or realty agents, or matching roommate services.
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Some, in these trickier times, have even sought out dating
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services.
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Well, Eric found a the ultimate agency -- a life broker.
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More specifically, an outfit called Life Placement Associates,
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which helped him find a new life situation to match his new job
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situation.
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#
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Between two-career relationships and increased job mobility,
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it was bound to happen. You hit a circumstance that calls for
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difficult decisions -- and sometimes, the job wins.
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"I didn't want to say no," Eric said. "It was a chance I
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might never get again."
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LPA found Eric an upscale recent divorcee in the right suburb
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of his new turf. The prospect's two kids and Eric's daughter
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immediately liked each other. She and Eric felt their lives
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could be fit together well enough. She had a house, a job, a
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plumber -- no reliable mechanic, but _two_ babysitters, and a
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neighbor's kid who mowed in summer and shoveled in winter.
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And Eric's wife was already interviewing prospects from LPA's
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client list looking for a comfortable situation in his soon-to-
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be-former area. One or two looked adequate or better.
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#
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"It seemed a bit weird at first," Eric admitted. "But it's a
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whole lot better than uprooting all these extra lives."
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#
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LPA's track record has been quite good to date, investigation
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shows. The agency goes to great lengths to match personalities,
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lifestyles, and goals. They also do rigorous financial
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counseling and contracting among all parties. "Basically, it
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amounts to a job-related divorce," Eric conceded. "LPA is
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helping us work it out equitably, and also extracted sizeable
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compensation from my new employer to smooth out the bumps."
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#
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Out of curiousity, I called Life Placement Associates myself.
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"We prefer to keep a low profile," the woman who answered the
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phone told me. "We keep busy through referrals, and by watching
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the Help Wanted, People columns, and write-ups of corporate
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mergers and RIFs in the newspapers and trade press."
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In fact, the agent noted, LPA has often been hard pressed
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to keep to its charter of assisting people caught by job-driven
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changes.
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"We periodically see people looking to shift up in lifestyle
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and social class, where the job change was a secondary
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motivation, or not of any concern. This is understandable,
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maybe, but too tacky for us to get involved in.
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"We also get some requests where the applicant is really
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looking to get out of their current relationship. We don't go
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looking for these, but sometimes the case has merit." And in a
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number of these, the agent noted, LPA takes the other party on as
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a client -- instead.
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"We do the best we can. Our track record is pretty good --
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you'd be surprised how important a stable life is to people. I'm
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not saying I agree with this. But our clients seem happier. And
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so do most of their kids."
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#
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So Eric heads off at the end of this week.
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He must be giving the agency some names, though. Another
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friend got a call, on behalf of a somebody looking for a new
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spouse -- would my friend consider relocating? LPA would work
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with a local employment agency to locate a new job, and provide a
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fee-paid search for my friend's current significant other...
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Apparently, my friend said, no thanks. But gave LPA the
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names of two neighbors and a co-worker he wouldn't mind seeing
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leave town. And he's thinking of submitting his manager's name,
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too.
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Come to think of it, I've got a few folks I wouldn't mind
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saying goodbye to, myself. Like Ko-Ko says in _The Mikado_,
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"They'd none of them be missed..."
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I hear the agency even gives commissions.
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- END -
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(A Massachusetts-based computer humorist, free-lance writer and
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PR maven, Daniel Dern is inspecting all potential job offers
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_very_ carefully...)
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Daniel Dern, Ministry of Public Relations (MiniPurl) (617) 926-8743
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High-tech journalism, PR and humor; substitute dance instructor
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Internet: ddern@world.std.com UncaSam: PO Box 114 Belmont MA 02178
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"I think I've found the new Doom Patrol headquarters -- this .sig file!"
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