textfiles/humor/icm.hum

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Another First for ICM
The Inoperable Computer Machines (ICM), which recently (MODERN DATA, April
1983) made headlines with its introduction of a truly third generation
computer, has again illustrated its pioneering spirit by developing a
radically new employee performance appraisal procedure. By reducing the
appraisal process to a simple chart scheme, shown below, the ICM has enabled
the manager to recognize quickly the strengths and weaknesses of his
employees.
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Performance Degrees
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Performance | Excellent Very Good Good Fair Unsatisfactory
Factors | (1 in 15) (3 in 15) (8 in 15) (2 in 15) (1 in 15)
| Far Exceeds Exceeds Job Meets Needs Does Not Meet
| Job Require- Require- Job Improve- Minimum
| ments ments Require- ment Requirements
| ments
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Quality | Leaps tall Must take Can only Crashes Walks
| buildings a runnung leap over into into
| with a start to a short barns walls
| single leap over garage
| bound a house
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Timeliness | Faster As fast Slower Slower Dances
| than a as a than a than a on
| speeding speeding cannonball freight three
| bullet bullet train feet
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Initiative | Stronger Stronger Stronger Shoots Has the
| than a than a bull than a the aroma of
| locomotive elephant bull bull a bull
_______________________________________________________________________________
Adaptability| Walks on Walks on Swims Passes Needs
| water water in in weak a
| emergencies water water bath
_______________________________________________________________________________
Communica- | Talks Talks Talks Argues Loses
tion | with with to with those
Skills | God angels himself himself arguments
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