77 lines
3.7 KiB
Plaintext
77 lines
3.7 KiB
Plaintext
|
||
|
||
Subject: Real Programmers
|
||
|
||
|
||
Real Programmers disdain structured programming. Structured programming
|
||
is for compulsive neurotics who were prematurely toilet-trained.
|
||
They wear neckties and carefully line up sharp pencils on an otherwise
|
||
clear desk.
|
||
Real Programmers don't believe in schedules. Planners make schedules.
|
||
Managers firm up schedules. Frightened coders strive to meet
|
||
schedules. Real programmers ignore schedules.
|
||
Real programmers don't bring brown-bag lunches. If the vending machine
|
||
sells it, they eat it. If the vending machine doesn't sell it, they
|
||
don't eat it. Vending machines don't sell quiche.
|
||
Real programmers don't comment their code. If it was hard to write,
|
||
it should be hard to understand.
|
||
Real programmers don't document. Documentation is for simps who can't read
|
||
the listings or object deck.
|
||
Real programmers don't draw flowcharts. Cavemen drew flowcharts and look
|
||
how much good it did them.
|
||
Real programmers don't eat quiche. In fact, real programmers don't know how
|
||
to spell quiche. They eat twinkles and szechuan food.
|
||
Real programmers don't play tennis or any other sport that requires you
|
||
to change clothes. Mountain climbing is OK, and real programmers wear
|
||
their climbing boots to work in case a mountain should suddenly spring up
|
||
in the middle of the machine room.
|
||
Real programmers don't write application programs. They program right down
|
||
to the bare metal. Application programming is for feebs who can't do
|
||
system programming.
|
||
Real programmers don't write in APL, unless the whole program can be
|
||
written on one line.
|
||
Real programmers don't write in BASIC. Actually, no programmers write in
|
||
BASIC, after the age of 12.
|
||
Real programmers don't write in COBOL. COBOL is for wimpy applications
|
||
programmers.
|
||
Real programmers don't write in FORTRAN. FORTRAN is for pipe-stress freaks
|
||
and crystallography weenies.
|
||
Real programmers don't write in LISP. Only faggot programs contain more
|
||
parenthesis than actual code.
|
||
Real programmers don't write in PASCAL or BLISS or ADA, or any of those
|
||
pinko computer science languages. Strong typing is for people with
|
||
weak memories.
|
||
Real programmers don't write in PL/1. PL/1 is for programmers who can't
|
||
decide whether to write in COBOL or FORTRAN.
|
||
Real programmers don't write in "C". There has to be something wrong
|
||
with a language who's next generation gets a low grade then its prior.
|
||
Real programmers write in the machine's native binary code, ASM macros are
|
||
those who can't divide HEX numbers in their head.
|
||
Real programmers don't write specs - users should consider themselves lucky
|
||
to get any programs at all and take what they get.
|
||
Real programmers like vending-machine popcorn. Coders pop it in the
|
||
microwave oven. Real programmers use the heat from the CPU. They can
|
||
tell which jobs are running from the rate of popping.
|
||
Real programmers never work 9 to 5. If any real programmers are around at
|
||
9am, it's because they were up all night.
|
||
Real programmers scorn floating-point arithmetic. The decimal point was
|
||
invented for pansy bed wetters who are unable to think big.
|
||
Real programmers' programs never work right the first time. But if you throw
|
||
them on the machine, they can be patched into working in `only a few'
|
||
30-hour debugging sessions.
|
||
|
||
|
||
.....Cheers,
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
Programmer Defined: Programmer n. 1. One who claims or appears to be engaged
|
||
in the perpetration of programs. 2. The systems analyst's diplomatic attache
|
||
at the alien court of the CPU. 3. One engaged in a practical, nonsystematic
|
||
study of the halting problem. 4. "A harmless druge."-Lord Bowden, 1953.
|
||
|
||
That ought to clear things up.....
|
||
|
||
|
||
|