111 lines
5.7 KiB
Plaintext
111 lines
5.7 KiB
Plaintext
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(C) 1991 THE FORCE AUSTRALIA
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Uploaded by Raphael - The Tremendous Trio
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H O W T O B E E L I T E
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Written by 808 STATE
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Uploaded - Raphael
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Edited - Raphael & 808 State
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Well, if you wanna be elite, ya gotta follow da rules! The first thing is to
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pick a name that strikes fear into the heart of all, hmmm, try naming
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yourself after a cheap shitty pair of sneakers sold in chainstores... for
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example, Aerosports, or maybe Trax. That's always a good start. If you
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can't find some sneakers, then give yourself a name that actually sounds
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scary. Hmmm, well, something like Future Man is pretty tough, and would
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really make most dudes say, "Wow! This guy MUST be elite!".
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Secondly, you must develop the right attitude. You can't be a nice guy to
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others, coz everyone else is lamer than you are. You must create your own
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imaginary world, and you must be god. This attitude means that when you
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program your terminal program macros, you need special phrases. Below are
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the suggested defaults for the person wishing to become elite:
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F1 "Fuck off! I'm a k-rad c00l elite dude!"
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F2 "Yes, I am the best."
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F3 "No applause thanx..."
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F4 "Yes, I am in X-NET"
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F5 "I am the best"
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F6 "I am the greatest"
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F7 "I can't talk to you. You are a lamer."
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F8 "I had that before you were born."
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F9 "No God got fired, I got the job now"
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F10 "Get fucked!"
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Once you have these, go into any chatboard and fire them, F1-F0.
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Guaranteed to raise ya status. Having developed this attitude, you can set
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about getting a reputation.
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The first and best way to do this is to abuse a lot of people. That way
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everyone hates you because they say you are an asshole, but you imagine
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that they hate you because they are jealous. Thus, you become a legend in
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your own eyes.
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Whenever you answer the phone, you must answer with specific words so all
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callers know you are hype. Try something like "Dion speaking, Fuck Off".
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It seemed to work very well for one member of the
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social/warez/phreak/hack/card/rape/anarchy/drugs/sex/petfood elite.
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Never ever say sorry. You must learn to accept the fact that you are elite
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and everyone else is not. So when you accidently kill ya best friend in a
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car accident, don't apologize. Just say politely to his parents, "Fuck
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off". They will respect you for it.
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Friends are people who are weaker than you, and so you must use them. Treat
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them like shit, because you are god. When they think they are in your
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"inner circle", tell them to fuck off. That way, you never let anyone get
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too close to your empire. The true elite have NO friends, because they
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don't need them.
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If you must run a board, then make sure you select only c00l k-rad users.
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The smaller the user base the better, as you get more users, tell them to
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fuck off. Ideally, you will get the userbase down to 1 person. That is
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what most of the true elite aim for, a 1 user base with 0 day warez.
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If you want to reach the top faster then run a network, set up a network of a
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few boards. The name is more important than the content. Choose a tough,
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elite-sounding name that commands immediate respect and attention, if you
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can't think of one, use letters from the alphebet. For example, you could
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call yourself A-NET, or X-NET. They are pretty elite sounding, you have to
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admit.
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If you can't trade warez, but still wanna be elite, then you gotta change
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your name. Choose a french name like Pierre, or Andre and be a real
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asshole, and everyone will look up to you like a God. Call yourself the
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godfather of phreaking and move to Montrose and you will be well on the way
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to becomming absolutely elite. If anyone rings you, you must test them to
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make sure they are elite enough to share the same trunk as you. To do
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this, you must ask questions, remembering that no-one, aboslutely no-one is
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as elite or even close to as elite as you. Ask questions that only the
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true elite can answer. Ask things like, "How many Potato-Trunks exist on
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a parsnip-bacon-exchange?", "How many feathers on a puruvian trunk?", "Can
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you rape a female macro-fish, or just a male macro-fish?", etc. Make up
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words that only you know. If they can answer them, respect them, if not,
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hang up. Always hang up immediately because otherwise they get a big head
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and will boast to their friends, "Ahhhh...I shared a trunk with Aerosport
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for thirty seconds...ahhhh". No, hang up right away.
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Knowing how to threaten is an important part of being elite. You must be
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able to scare anyone and everyone. Naturally, it helps if you are a fed
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informer, but naturally these places are very limited and competition is
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intense with everyone wanting to get in. If you can't get in, then you
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must be able to act tough. Sure, you don't need to carry out your threats,
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but you must be able to deliver them. Tell everyone you are a 25 year old
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boxer, with a black belt in everything, and you're taking enough steroids
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to kill a herd of sheep. The fact that you may be three feet tall, look
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like a dwarf, and live on a diet of cabbage and water, is neither here nor
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there. Afterall, if you are really elite, who will see you?
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Now, ring up in the middle of the night. Never call during the day,
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because if you are elite, the person being called should be happy to
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receive your call. When they pick up the phone, abuse them. This is tough
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and elite. Keep doing this for a short period, then hang up. They will
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respect you for it in the morning.
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If you follow the above steps you will be well on your way to becoming a
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member of the elite. If you have any problems, then contact either Future
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Man or Trax, both should be found on a BBS near you.
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