textfiles/humor/JOKES/twits.txt

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TWITS
1. Twits love DOWNLOADING. Uploading is for simpletons who can't tell
whether they are coming or going. If Twits designed modems, we'd all
have one which downloads at 18.2 K-Baud, and uploads at 300 baud. If
twits wrote protocols, the smallest block they could receive would
be 10 megs.
2. Twits can't READ or COUNT. This is evidenced by their total
inability to comprehend System Rules, or Upload / Download Ratio's.
But, for some strange reason, they can still use a computer.
3. Twits feel that the proper way to leave a board is to drop the
carrier. They do this because they don't want to waste their valuable
time exiting via the "Goodbye" command, when they could spend that
time calling another board.
4. Twits NEVER leave messages, unless it is rude, crude, or socially
unacceptable. If an exception to this exists, it will probably be a
creative one-liner such as "Hi!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!".
Twits rarely reply to messages. Unless they enter a one-liner such as
the one above.
5. Twits NEVER communicate with SysOps, unless it is to ask WHY such
and such file is unavailable, demand access to the "Private Area's",
or gripe about something. Mail from the SysOp is considered to be the
electronic equivalent of "Junk-Mail", and should be ignored. In fact,
there should be some form of law to stop it from being written.
6. Twits NEVER EVER pay for access to a computer system. They see
themselves as latter-day "Robin-Hoods", taking from the rich (SysOps)
and giving to the Poor (Themselves). Their motto: "If it isn't free,
it isn't worth having."
7. Twits NEED multiple user names and logon passwords on each board
they call. This is the measure of their Twit-dom, and reflects their
true status in the Twit-community. A Twit with only ONE user name and
logon password per board is a FAILURE, and faces censure and possible
expulsion from their peer group. (It is no wonder that Twits exhibit
schizo-tendancies).