105 lines
4.9 KiB
Plaintext
105 lines
4.9 KiB
Plaintext
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Tele-Communications Inc., the nation's largest cable television company,
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is in talks to launch a unique pilot project in conjunction with Pacific
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Gas & Electric Co. and Microsoft Corp. to design a "smart home." The home
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automation industry is expected to triple in size, from $1.7 billion this
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year to more than $5.1 billion by the year 2000.
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November 28, 1995
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Moved in at last. Finally, we live in the smartest house in the
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neighborhood. Everything's networked. The cable TV is connected to our
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phone, which is connected to my personal computer, which is connected to
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the power lines, all the appliances and the security system. Everything runs
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off a universal remote with the friendliest interface I've ever used.
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Programming is a snap. I'm, like, totally wired.
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November 30
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Hot stuff! Programmed my VCR from the office, turned up the thermostat
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and switched on the lights with the car phone, remotely tweaked the oven a
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few degrees for my pizza. Everything nice and cozy when I arrived.
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Maybe I should get the universal remote surgically attached.
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December 3
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Yesterday, the kitchen crashed. Freak event. As I opened the
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refrigerator door, the light bulb blew. Immediately, everything else
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electrical shut down - lights, microwave, coffee maker - everything.
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Carefully unplugged and replugged all the appliances. Nothing. Called the
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cable company (but not from the kitchen phone). They refer me to the
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utility. The utility insists the problem was in the software. So the
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software company runs some remote telediagnostics via my house processor.
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Their expert system claims it has to be the utility's fault. I don't
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care, I just want my kitchen back. More phone calls; more remote
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diagnostics.
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Turns out the problem was "unanticipated failure mode" - the network
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had never seen a refrigerator bulb failure while the door was open. So the
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fuzzy logic interpreted the burnout as a power surge and shut down the
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entire kitchen. But because sensor memory confirmed that there hadn't
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actually been a power surge, the kitchen's logic sequence was confused so it
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couldn't do a standard restart.
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The utility guy swears this was the first time this has ever
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happened. Rebooting the kitchen took over an hour.
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December 7
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The police are not happy. Our house keeps calling them for help. We
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discover that whenever we play the TV or stereo above 25 decibels, it
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creates patterns of micro-vibrations that get amplified when they hit the
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window. When these vibrations mix with a gust of wind, the security sensors
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are actuated, and the police computer concludes that someone is trying to
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break in. Go figure.
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Another glitch: Whenever the basement is in self-diagnostic mode, the
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universal remote won't let me change the channels on my TV. That means I
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actually have to get up off the couch and change the channels by hand. The
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software and the utility people say this flaw will be fixed in the next
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upgrade - SmartHouse 2.1. But it's not ready yet.
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December 12
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This is a nightmare. There's a virus in the house. My personal computer
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caught it while browsing on the public access network. I come home and the
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living room is a sauna, the bedroom windows are covered with ice, the
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refrigerator has defrosted, the washing machine has flooded the basement,
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the garage door is cycling up and down, and the TV is stuck on the home
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shopping channel. Throughout the house, lights flicker like stroboscopes
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until they explode from the strain. Broken glass is everywhere. Or course,
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the security sensors detect nothing.
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I look at a message slowly throbbing on my personal computer screen:
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"Welcome to HomeWrecker!!! Now the Fun Begins ... (Be it ever so humble,
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there's no virus like HomeWrecker ... )" I get out of the house. Fast.
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December 18
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They think they've digitally disinfected the house, but the place is a
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shambles. Pipes have burst and we're not completely sure we've got the part
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of the virus that attacks toilets. Nevertheless, the Exorcists (as the
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anti-virus SWAT members like to call themselves) are confident the worst
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is over.
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"HomeWrecker is pretty bad," one tells me, "but consider yourself lucky
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you didn't get PolterGeist. That one is really evil."
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December 19
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Apparently, our house isn't insured for viruses. "Fires and mudslides,
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yes," says the claims adjuster. "Viruses, no."
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My agreement with the SmartHouse people explicitly states that all
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claims and warranties are null and void if any appliance or computer in
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my house networks in any way, shape or form with a noncertified on-line
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service. Everybody's very, very sorry, but they can't be expected to
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anticipate every virus that might be created.
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We call our lawyer. He laughs. He's excited.
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December 21
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I get a call from a SmartHouse sales rep. As a special holiday offer, we
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get the free opportunity to become a beta site for the company's new
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SmartHouse 2.1 upgrade. He says I'll be able to meet the programmers
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personally. "Sure," I tell him.
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Michael Schrage is a columnist for the Los Angeles Times.
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Copyright 1993 The Washington Post
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