77 lines
2.8 KiB
Plaintext
77 lines
2.8 KiB
Plaintext
Subject: Salman Rushdie one-liners
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These are all from a newspaper feature article in the San Francisco
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_Chronicle_ Datebook, March 5, 1989, though I've heard at least three
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of the one-liners on the radio or TV. I don't feel too bad about
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extracting the best lines, since that's what the writer did with the
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comics. The entire article is a full page; these are just a few of
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the lines.
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I also violated the one-joke-per-submission rule, since these really
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all go together as a whole. Have fun.
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Offensive to Moslems/Iranians and bookburners, of course.
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------------------------- (cut here)----------------------
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>From the San Francisco _Chronicle_ Datebook section, March 5, 1989,
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"'The Satanic Verses' -- Comics Laugh It Off"
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(The names are Bay Area or nationally-known stand-up comics...)
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"Khomeini's idea of 'opening up to the West' means allowing
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non-Muslims to hunt Rushdie." --Don Stevens
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[Commenting on small nightclub crowd] "This looks like a Salman
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Rushdie book-signing party" --Fred Reiss
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"If there were a $6 million bounty on me, I'd kill myself just for the
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reward. For that much, I think the Muscular Dystrophy people ought to
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go after him." --David Feldman
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"If Rushdie's book got Khomeini mad, wait till he sees the swimsuit
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edition of the Koran." --Johnny Carson
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[Shaking his head] "...and wait until Khomeini finds out Safeway
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carries pork." --Bob Lacey
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[Answering machine tape] "We're not here right now; we've gone to
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England to kill Salman Rushdie." --Alex Reid
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"I translated 'The Satanic Verses' into Spanish, and now there's a
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10 million-peso price on my head. What an insult; I'm worth more than
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a nickel." --Jose' Simon
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--
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Subject: Another by Rushdie?
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This one was posted anonymously to a Minneapolis-Saint Paul area
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bulletin board system. I edited it a little.
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Salman Rushdie plans to release another book soon.
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It's tentatively titled, "Buddah, You Fat Slob".
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{ed Reportedly Herb Caen tells a similar joke.}
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--
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Subject: You ain't nothing but a Mahound-dog
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In Herb Caen's column (San Francisco Chronicle) 02/17:
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I know a way to make a quick million bucks. Have a bunch of T-shirts printed
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up that say "I am NOT Salman Rushdie"
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--
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Subject: Satanic Prose
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NEWSFLASH:
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Due to Brad Templeton's "outrageous, blasphemous,
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and obviously satanic" newsgroup, rec.humor.funny, the
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Ayatollah Khomeini has issued a statement denouncing Brad
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and everyone on USENET. "I will pay two million dollars
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to anyone who kills Brad Templeton," The Ayatollah said
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today in a news conference. "And another one million for
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anyone associated with the newsgroup. Why should the
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propagators get away with this racist filth?"
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As he turned to go, he was heard muttering, "and
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the damned moderator son-of-a-goat didn't even accept my
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joke."
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--
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