146 lines
5.5 KiB
Plaintext
146 lines
5.5 KiB
Plaintext
Subject: Sheriff's Log
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In a small midwestern town, nestled-up in the wee rolling hills of
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southern Indiana, there's a microcosm of all that is (and shall ever
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be) the Great Mid West. It's known as Brown County. Yup. That's
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my hometown!
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And if you want to know what's going on in Brown County, you only
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have to read the Sheriff's Log in the local paper, _The_Brown_County_
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Democrat_. Heck, even if you don't want to know what's going on, you
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still read it for the comic relief!
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This is a small collection of some of the *actual* phone calls received
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by the Sheriff's department in good 'ol Brown County, Indiana:
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Man on Bellsville Road reported someone has knocked down
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his mailbox and then came back and ran over it.
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11:14pm Man reports suspicious vehicle on Butler Road.
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11:34pm Deputy reports vehicle had a couple of "lovers"
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in it. They were advised to pull the car off the road.
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Man has found a couch hidden behind a wood pile.
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Woman's washing machine has overheated. Woman's unplugged
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it, but it is still smoking.
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Man is coming out of a man hole.
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Person calls to ask if it is raining.
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Man reports the covered bridge in Bean Blossom didn't feel
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right when he drove over it. County highway is advised.
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Someone reports nude swimmers at Pikes Peak -- two cars
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dispatched.
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Trouble reported at the county dump. Someone abandoned a
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person there.
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4:02am Caller reports a "boat just went through Morgantown
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at a high rate of speed," headed West.
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Woman phones that she has "found a bull."
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Man wanted to know if he could burn his house down. Was
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advised to talk to the fire department.
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Man complains on phone of noise pollution from helicopter.
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He said sheriff department should stop the helicopter.
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Someone on phone said, "I'd like to report a fire" and then
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hung up.
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2:20pm Woman on 135 north suspects radiator may have been
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stolen from auto.
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2:47pm Deputy reports radiator not stolen; woman was confused
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because radiator was not behind grill on transverse engine.
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Man wants to know if sheriff would like to come watch his
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snakes eat.
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Woman requests a deputy--her pussycat is sick and will not
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come out from under the bed. Deputy enroute.
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Cattle are out; Sheriff enroute to help round up the herd.
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4:11am Girls at a slumber party request assistance. Two
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deputies enroute.
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Man advises there may be domestic trouble soon at his home.
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6:41pm Woman on Three Notch Road phones that she accidentally
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grazed her husband while shooting hogs.
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6:51pm Woman phones again to advise disregard earlier phone
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call. Says her husband received only a couple of small scratches
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on his chest from ricocheting shotgun pellets.
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Man phones to say a dog has bitten his child. He shot dog and
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is taking its head to State Board of Health.
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Monroe County said a woman wanted us to be on the look out for
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her husband who is drunk. She said she was worried about the car.
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Man reports his son has run away with two girls.
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Man reports he will be burning his sister's barn on Valley
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Branch Road.
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Woman reports her husband may report his car stolen but she has
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it and he knows it.
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Man complained that a neighbor has got a dog in heat and his dog
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left because of it. He was advised to call the Humane Society
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because there is not much you can do about Mother Nature.
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A grouse flew through a window on Helmsburg Road setting off a
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burglar alarm, and cat ate the grouse.
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Woman on Artist Drive reported varmits in their flue.
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9:13am Eleven cows missing since last night on Green Valley Road.
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9:42am Disregard on missing cows. They have come home.
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Woman at Fruitdale complains that neighbor's dogs won't let her
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go to mailbox.
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Man advises that his dog, which bit a person has been alright
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since then.
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Man from Gnaw Bone advises that two unauthorized cows are on his
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property.
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Woman reports she found a dead dog in her bed. Deputy investigates.
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9:01am Cow is tearing up golf course.
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4:20pm Man who reported cow tearing up golf course reports a
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heard of cattle is now on the golf course.
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Woman reported several "sleazy" males at Long Mountain.
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Woman reported a party going on at Helmsburg with a bunch of kids
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and that one girl is parading around in her nighty with a beer in
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her hand.
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Woman reports car heading north from Stonehead. Two "scroungy"
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male subjects are in the vehicle driving very slowly. Also had
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a "tent-like affair" inside of car.
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"Seedy" looking subject reported at the corner of Helmsburg Road
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and Jackson Branch Road.
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Oak Ridge Road resident complains of car which has been "messing
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around" at night and early mornings.
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Man requests deputy to tell his wife he has two buildings on fire
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and doesn't know when he will be home.
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Prisoner released to the custody of father to register for college.
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And no, that last one wasn't me, either ;-)
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--
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