239 lines
6.0 KiB
Plaintext
239 lines
6.0 KiB
Plaintext
[This message is converted from WPS-PLUS to ASCII]
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Thoughts for the day
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Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.
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Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder...
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3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can't.
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Why is "abbreviation" such a long word?
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Don't use a big word where a diminutive one will suffice.
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....Every morning is the dawn of a new error...
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A flying saucer results when a nudist spills his coffee.
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For people who like peace and quiet: a phoneless cord.
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I can see clearly now, the brain is gone...
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The beatings will continue until morale improves.
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I used up all my sick days, so I'm calling in dead.
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Mental Floss prevents Moral Decay.
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Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change.
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Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.
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There cannot be a crisis today; my schedule is already full.
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I'd explain it to you, but your brain would explode.
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Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
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A conclusion is simply the place where you got tired of thinking.
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I don't have a solution but I admire the problem.
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Don't be so open-minded your brains will fall out.
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If at first you DO succeed, try not to look astonished!
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Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'...
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till you can find a rock.
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Diplomacy - the art of letting someone have your way.
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If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?
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If things get any worse, I'll have to ask you to stop helping me.
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If I want your opinion, I'll ask you to fill out the necessary forms.
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Don't look back, they might be gaining on you.
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It's not hard to meet expenses, they're everywhere.
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Help Wanted: Telepath. You know where to apply.
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Look out for #1. Don't step in #2 either.
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Budget: A method for going broke methodically.
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Car service: If it ain't broke, we'll break it.
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Shin: A device for finding furniture in the dark.
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Do witches run spell checkers?
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Demons are a Ghouls best Friend.
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Copywight 1994 Elmer Fudd. All wights wesewved.
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Dain bramaged.
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Department of Redundancy Department
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Headline: Bear takes over Disneyland in Pooh D'Etat!
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What has four legs and an arm? A happy pit bull.
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Cannot find REALITY.SYS. Universe halted.
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COFFEE.EXE Missing - Insert Cup and Press Any Key
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Buy a Pentium 586/90 so you can reboot faster.
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2 + 2 = 5 for extremely large values of 2.
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Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes.
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Computers are not intelligent. They only think they are.
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My software never has bugs. It just develops random features.
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C:\WINDOWS C:\WINDOWS\GO C:\PC\CRAWL
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C:\DOS C:\DOS\RUN RUN\DOS\RUN
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<-------- The information went data way -------->
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Best file compression around: "DEL *.*" = 100% compression
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The Definition of an Upgrade: Take old bugs out, put new ones in.
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BREAKFAST.COM Halted...Cereal Port Not Responding
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The name is Baud......, James Baud.
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BUFFERS=20 FILES=15 2nd down, 4th quarter, 5 yards to go!
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Access denied--nah nah na nah nah!
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C:\> Bad command or file name! Go stand in the corner.
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Bad command. Bad, bad command! Sit! Stay! Staaay..
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Why doesn't DOS ever say "EXCELLENT command or filename!"
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As a computer, I find your faith in technology amusing.
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Southern DOS: Y'all reckon? (Yep/Nope)
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Backups? We don' *NEED* no steenking backups.
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E Pluribus Modem
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.... File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N)
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Ethernet (n): something used to catch the etherbunny
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A mainframe: The biggest PC peripheral available.
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An error? Impossible! My modem is error correcting.
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CONGRESS.SYS Corrupted: Re-boot Washington D.C (Y/n)?
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Does fuzzy logic tickle?
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A computer's attention span is as long as it's power cord.
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11th commandment - Covet not thy neighbor's Pentium.
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24 hours in a day...24 beers in a case...coincidence?
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Disinformation is not as good as datinformation.
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Windows: Just another pain in the glass.
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SENILE.COM found . . . Out Of Memory . . .
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Who's General Failure & why's he reading my disk?
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Ultimate office automation: networked coffee.
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RAM disk is *not* an installation procedure.
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Shell to DOS... Come in DOS, do you copy? Shell to DOS...
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All computers wait at the same speed.
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DEFINITION: Computer - A device designed to speed and automate errors.
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Press <CTRL>-<ALT>-<DEL> to continue ...
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Smash forehead on keyboard to continue.....
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Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue...
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ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI!
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E-mail returned to sender -- insufficient voltage.
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Help! I'm modeming... and I can't hang up!!!
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All wiyht. Rho sritched mg kegtops awound?
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Error: Keyboard not attached. Press F1 to continue.
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"640K ought to be enough for anybody." - Bill Gates, 1981
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DOS Tip #17: Add DEVICE=FNGRCROS.SYS to CONFIG.SYS
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Hidden DOS secret: add BUGS=OFF to your CONFIG.SYS
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Press any key... no, no, no, NOT THAT ONE!
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Press any key to continue or any other key to quit...
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Excuse me for butting in, but I'm interrupt-driven.
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REALITY.SYS corrupted: Reboot universe? (Y/N/Q)
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Sped up my XT; ran it on 220v! Works greO?_~"
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Error reading FAT record: Try the SKINNY one? (Y/N)
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Read my chips: No new upgrades!
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Hit any user to continue.
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2400 Baud makes you want to get out and push!!
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I hit the CTRL key but I'm still not in control!
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Will the information superhighway have any rest stops?
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Disk Full - Press F1 to belch.
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Backup not found: (A)bort (R)etry (T)hrowup
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Backup not found: (A)bort (R)etry (P)anic
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(A)bort, (R)etry, (T)ake down entire network?
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(A)bort, (R)etry, (G)et a beer?
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If debugging is the process of removing bugs, then programming must be
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the process of putting them in.
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Programmers don't die, they just GOSUB without RETURN.
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Programmer - A red-eyed, mumbling mammal capable of conversing with
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inanimate objects.
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Real programmers don't document. If it was hard to write, it should be
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hard to understand."
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