1960 lines
78 KiB
Plaintext
1960 lines
78 KiB
Plaintext
MATH JOKES
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Words in {} should be interepreted as greek letters:
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Q: I M A {pi}{rho}Maniac. R U 1,2?
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o <- read as "U-not"
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A: Y ?
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o
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("I am a pyromaniac. Are you not one, too?" "Why not?")
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F U \{can\} \{read\} Ths U \{Mst\} \{use\} TeX
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("If you can read this, you must use TeX")
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--
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97.3% of all statistics are made up.
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----------------------------------------------------------------------------
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There was an Indian Chief, and he had three squaws, and kept them in
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three teepees. When he would come home late from hunting, he would not
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know which teepee contained which squaw, being dark and all. He went
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hunting one day, and killed a hippopotamus, a bear, and a buffalo. He
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put the a hide from each animal into a different teepee, so that when
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he came home late, he could feel inside the teepee and he would know
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which squaw was inside.
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Well after about a year, all three squaws had children. The squaw
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on the bear had a baby boy, the squaw on the buffalo hide had a baby
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girl. But the squaw on the hippopotamus had a girl and a boy. So what is
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the moral of the story?
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***********************
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The squaw on the hippopotamus is equal to the sum of the squaws on the
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other two hides.
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----------------------------------------------------------------------------
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-Did you hear the one about the statistician?
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-Probably....
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-------------------------------------------------------------------------
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There was once a very smart horse. Anything that was shown it,
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it mastered easily, until one day, its teachers tried to teach
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it about rectanguar coordinates and it couldn't understand them.
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All the horse's aquaintences and friends tried to figure out
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what was the matter and couldn't. Then a new guy (what the heck,
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a computer engineer) looked at the problem and said,
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"Of course he can't do it. Why, you're putting Descartes before
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the horse!"
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-----------------------------------------------------------------------
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"What do you get when you cross an elephant with a banana?
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Elephant banana sine theta in a direction mutually perpendicular to the two
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as determined by the right hand rule."
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---------
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TOP TEN EXCUSES FOR NOT DOING THE MATH HOMEWORK
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1. I accidentally divided by zero and my paper burst into flames.
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2. Isaac Newton's birthday.
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3. I could only get arbitrarily close to my textbook. I couldn't
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actually reach it.
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4. I have the proof, but there isn't room to write it in this margin.
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5. I was watching the World Series and got tied up trying to prove
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that it converged.
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6. I have a solar powered calculator and it was cloudy.
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7. I locked the paper in my trunk but a four-dimensional dog got in
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and ate it.
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8. I couldn't figure out whether i am the square of negative one or
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i is the square root of negative one.
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9. I took time out to snack a doughnut and a cup of coffee. I spent
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the rest of the night trying to figure which one to dunk.
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10. I could have sworn I put the homework inside a Klein bottle, but
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this morning I couldn't find it.
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A Physicist and a mathematician setting in a faculty lounge. Suddenly, the
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coffee machine catches on fire. The physicist grabs a bucket and
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leap towards the sink, filled the bucket with water
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and puts out the fire. Second day, the same two sit in the same lounge. Again,
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the coffee machine catches on fire. This time, the mathematician stands up,
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got a bucket, hand the bucket to the physicist, thus reduce the problem to
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a previousely solved one.
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An engineer, a mathematician, and a physicist are staying in three adjoining
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cabins at a decrepit old motel.
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First the engineer's coffee maker catches fire on the bathroom vanity. He
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smells the smoke, wakes up, unplugs it, throws it out the window, and goes
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back to sleep.
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Later that night the physicist smells smoke too. He wakes up and sees that
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a cigarette butt has set the trash can on fire. He says to himself, "Hmm.
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How does one put out a fire? One can reduce the temperature of the fuel
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below the flash point, isolate the burning material from oxygen, or both.
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This could be accomplished by applying water." So he picks up the trash
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can, puts it in the shower stall, turns on the water, and, when the fire is
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out, goes back to sleep.
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The mathematician, of course, has been watching all this out the window.
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So later, when he finds that his pipe ashes have set the bedsheet on fire,
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he is not in the least taken aback. He immediately sees that the problem
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reduces to one that has already been solved and goes back to sleep.
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So a mathematician, an engineer, and a physicist are out hunting
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together. They spy a *deer in the woods.
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The physicist calculates the velocity of the deer and the effect of
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gravity on the bullet, aims his rifle and fires. Alas, he misses;
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the bullet passes three feet behind the deer. The deer bolts
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some yards, but comes to a halt, still within sight of the trio.
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"Shame you missed," comments the engineer, "but of course with an
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ordinary gun, one would expect that." He then levels his special
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deer-hunting gun, which he rigged together from an ordinary rifle,
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a sextant, a compass, a barometer, and a bunch of flashing lights
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which don't do anything but impress onlookers, and fires. Alas,
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his bullet passes three feet in front of the deer, who by this
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time wises up and vanishes for good.
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"Well," says the physicist, "your contraption didn't get it either."
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"What do you mean?" pipes up the mathematician. "Between the two
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of you, that was a perfect shot!"
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-------------------------------
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*How they knew it was a deer:
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The physicist observed that it behaved in a deer-like manner, so
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it must be a deer.
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The mathematician asked the physicist what it was, thereby reducing
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it to a previously solved problem.
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The engineer was in the woods to hunt deer, therefore it was a deer.
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A mathematician and a physicist were asked the following question:
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Suppose you walked by a burning house and saw a hydrant and
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a hose not connected to the hydrant. What would you do?
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P: I would attach the hose to the hydrant, turn on the water, and put out
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the fire.
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M: I would attach the hose to the hydrant, turn on the water, and put out
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the fire.
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Then they were asked this question:
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Suppose you walked by a house and saw a hose connected to
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a hydrant. What would you do?
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P: I would keep walking, as there is no problem to solve.
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M: I would disconnect the hose from the hydrant and set the house on fire,
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reducing the problem to a previously solved form.
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A mathematician, a physicist and an engineer are given an
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identical problem: Prove that all odd numbers greater than
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2 are prime numbers. They proceed:
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Mathematician: 3 is a prime, 5 is a prime, 7 is a prime,
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9 is not a prime - counterexample - claim is false.
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Physicist: 3 is a prime, 5 is a prime, 7 is a prime,
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9 is an experimental error, 11 is a prime, ...
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Engineer: 3 is a prime, 5 is a prime, 7 is a prime,
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9 is a prime, 11 is a prime, ...
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A mathematician, a physicist, and an engineer were travelling through
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Scotland when they saw a black sheep through the window of the train.
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"Aha," says the engineer, "I see that Scottish sheep are black."
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"Hmm," says the physicist, "You mean that some Scottish sheep are
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black."
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"No," says the mathematician, "All we know is that there is at least
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one sheep in Scotland, and that at least one side of that one sheep is
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black!"
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A Mathemetician (M) and an Engineer (E) attend a lecture by a Physicist.
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The topic concerns Kulza-Klein theories involving physical processes
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that occur in spaces with dimensions of 9, 12 and even higher. The M
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is sitting, clearly enjoying the lecture, while the E is frowning and
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looking generally confused and puzzled. By the end the E has a terrible
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headache. At the end, the M comments about the wonderful lecture. The
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E says "How do you understand this stuff?"
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M: "I just visualize the process"
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E: "How can you POSSIBLY visualize somrthing that occurs in
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9-dimensional space?"
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M: "Easy, first visualize it in N-dimensional space, then let N go to
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9"
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======================================================================== 31
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There were once three acedimians, an engineer, a physicist, and a
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mathematician visiting a small town for a conference. They found themselves
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forced to share a room in one of the most dirty, dingy, and really low
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quality hotels that they had ever seen. The room that the had was on the
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third floor, and the nearest working bathroom was on the fourth.
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ate that night, the engineer awoke, and decided to avail himself of the
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lavatory facilities. Going up the stairs, he smelled smoke, and indeed, at
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the end of the hall he saw a fire. Finding a hose on the wall, he turned it
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on, ran down the hall, and extinguished the fire. He then visited the
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bathroom, and returned to bed.
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An hour later, the physicist awoke, and felt the call of nature. As he
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went upstairs, he smelled smoke, and found that there was a fire. Finding
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the hose, he whipped out his calculator, figured out the amount of water
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needed to extinguish a fire of that size, calculated the flow rate of the
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hose, turned it on for exactly 15.24 minutes, and extinguished the fire. He
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then used the bathroom, and returned to bed.
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ater still, the mathematician awoke and decided that he needed to use the
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bathroom. Going upstairs, he too found the olbligatory smoke and fire.
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ooking around in a panic, he found the fire hose. He then said, "Aha! A
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solution exists!" And after using the bathroom, he returned to bed.
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======================================================================== 59
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1)physicist and mathematician are given a task:
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to boil some water in a tea pot. They are both
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given empty tea pot.
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So they both fill it up with water and then
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put it on a stove and boil it.
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Now the problem becomes more complicated:
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The tea pot filled with water is standing
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on the stove. The task is the same.
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PHYSICIST: turns on a fire and heats the water.
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MATHEMATICIAN: Pours out the water and the
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problem is reduced to the previous one.
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2) (a little stupid)
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The guy gets on a bus and starts threatenning
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everybody: "I'll integrate you! I'll differentiate you!!!"
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So everybody gets scared and runs away. Only one person
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stays. The guy comes up to him and says:"Aren't you scared,
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I'll integrate you, I'll differentiate you!!!"
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And the other guy says; "No, I am not scared, I am e^x"
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( 1
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) ----- = log cabin
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cabin
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^
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Integral sign...
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--------------------
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8 5
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If lim - = oo (infinity), then what does lim - = ?
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x->0 x x->0 x
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answer: (write 5 on it's side)
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---------------------
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Why did the cat fall off the roof?
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Because he lost his mu. (mew=sound cats make, mu=coeff of friction)
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---------------------
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Q: What do you call a teapot of boiling water on top of mount everest?
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A: A HIGH-POT-IN-USE
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Q: What do you call a broken record?
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A: A Decca-gone
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--
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What follows is a "quiz" a student of mine once showed me (which she'd
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gotten from a previous teacher, etc...) It's multiple choice,
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and if you sort this letter (with upper and lower case disjoint,
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ie on an ASCII machine) questions and answers will come out next to each
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other. Enjoy...
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S. What the acorn said when he grew up
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N. bisects
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u. A dead parrot
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g. center
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F. What you should do when it rains
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R. hypotenuse
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m. A guy who has been to the beach
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H. coincide
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h. The set of cards is missing
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y. polygon
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A. The boy has a speech defect
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t. secant
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K. How they schedule gym class
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p. tangent
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b. What he did when his mother-in-law wanted to go home
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D. ellipse
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O. The tall kettle boiling on the stove
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W. geometry
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r. Why the girl doesn't run a 4-minute mile
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j. decagon
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A mathematician named Paul
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Has a hexahedronical ball
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And the square of it's weight
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Times his pecker plus eight
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Is his phone number, give him a call!
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When considering the behaviour of a howitzer:
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A mathematician will be able to calculate where the shell will land
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A physicist will be able to explain how the shell gets there
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An engineer will stand there and try to catch it
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A group of Polish tourists is flying on a small airplane through
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the Grand Canyon on a sightseeing tour. The tour guide anounces:
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"On the right of the airplane, you can see the famous Bright Angle
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Falls." The tourists leap out of their seats and crowd to the
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windows on the right side. This causes a dynamic imbalance, and the
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plane violently rolls to the side and crashes into the canyon wall.
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All aboard are lost. The moral to this episode is: always keep your
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poles off the right side of the plane.
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Caveat: While this joke mentions Polish people, it is not, in
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my opinion, in the catagory of the infamous Polish jokes. I hope
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no one is offended but only humored.
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Mrs. Johnson the elementary school math teacher was having children do
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problems on the blackboard that day.
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``Who would like to do the first problem, addition?''
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No one raised their hand. She called on Tommy, and with some help he
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finally got it right.
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``Who would like to do the second problem, subtraction?''
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Students hid their faces. She called on Mark, who got the problem but
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there was some suspicion his girlfriend Lisa whispered it to him.
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``Who would like to do the third problem, division?''
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Now a low collective groan could be heard as everyone looked at nothing
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in particular. The teacher called on Suzy, who got it right (she has been
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known to hold back sometimes in front of her friends).
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``Who would like to do the last problem, multiplication?''
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Tim's hand shot up, surprising everyone in the room. Mrs. Johnson finally
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gained her composure in the stunned silence. ``Why the enthusiasm, Tim?''
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``God said to go fourth and multiply!''
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==============================================================================
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A mathematician and a physicist agree to a psychological experiment. The
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mathematician is put in a chair in a large empty room and a beautiful naked
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woman is placed on a bed at the other end of the room. The psychologist
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explains, "You are to remain in your chair. Every five minutes, I will
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move your chair to a position halfway between its current location and the
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woman on the bed." The mathematician looks at the psychologist in disgust.
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"What? I'm not going to go through this. You know I'll never reach the
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bed!" And he gets up and storms out. The psychologist makes a note on
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his clipboard and ushers the physicist in. He explains the situation, and
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the physicist's eyes light up and he starts drooling. The psychologist is
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a bit confused. "Don't you realize that you'll never reach her?" The
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physicist smiles and replied, "Of course! But I'll get close enough for
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all practical purposes!"
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---
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Engineer, physicist and mathematican are asked to find the value of 2+2.
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Engineer (after 3 minutes, with a slide rule): "The answer is precisely
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3.9974."
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Physicist (after 6 hours of experiments): "The value is approximately 4.002,
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with an error of plus-or-minus 0.005."
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Mathematician (after a week of calculation): "Well, I haven't found an answer
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yet but I CAN prove that an answer exists."
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---
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Dean, to the physics department. "Why do I always have to give you guys so
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much money, for laboratories and expensive equipment and stuff. Why couldn't
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you be like the math department - all they need is money for pencils, paper and
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waste-paper baskets. Or even better, like the philosophy department. All they
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need are pencils and paper."
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---
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Engineer, physicist and mathematican are all challenged with a problem: to fry
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an egg when there is a fire in the house. The engineer just grabs a huge
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bucket of water and runs over to the fire, putting it out. The physicist
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thinks for a long while, and then measures a precise amount of water into a
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container. He takes it over to the fire, pours it on and with the last drop
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the fire goes out. The mathematican pores over pencil and paper. After a few
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minutes he goes "Aha! A solution exists!" and goes back to frying the egg.
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Sequel: This time they are asked simply to fry an egg (no fire). The engineer
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just does it, kludging along; the physicist calculates carefully and produces
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a carefully cooked egg; and the mathematican lights a fire in the corner, and
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says "I have reduced it to the previous problem."
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---
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Mummy snake to baby snakes: "Well, you're old enough now to survive in the real
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world. So here are the facts of life. Go forth and multiply."
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ittle snakes: "But we can't, we're adders."
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Mummy snake: "You can do it in logs."
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---
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Q: What's yellow and equivalent to the Axiom of Choice.
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A: Zorn's Lemon.
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---
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Q: What do you get if you cross an elephant with a zebra.
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A: Elephant zebra sin theta.
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Q: What do you get if you cross an elephant with a mountain climber.
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A: You can't do that. A mountain climber is a scalar.
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---
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Q: To what question is the answer "9W."
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A: "Dr. Wiener, do you spell your name with a V?"
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==============================================================================
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From: "29706::MLC" <mlc%29706.decnet@consrt.rockwell.com>
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A somewhat advanced society has figured how to package basic
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knowledge in pill form.
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A student, needing some learning, goes to the pharmacy and asks
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what kind of knowledge pills are available. The pharmacist says
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"Here's a pill for English literature." The student takes the
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pill and swallows it and has new knowledge about English
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literature!
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"What else do you have?" asks the student.
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"Well, I have pills for art history, biology, and world history,"
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replies the pharmacist.
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The student asks for these, and swallows them and has new
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knowledge about those subjects.
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Then the student asks, "Do you have a pill for math?"
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The pharmacist says "Wait just a moment", and goes back into the
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storeroom and brings back a whopper of a pill and plunks it on
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the counter.
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"I have to take that huge pill for math?" inquires the student.
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The pharmacist replied "Well, you know math always was a little
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hard to swallow."
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==============================================================================
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From: sven@cs.widener.edu (Sven Heinicke)
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Q:What did the acorne say when it grew up?
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A:Geomtry
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==============================================================================
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From: froberts@cheops.uvic.ca
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-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
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Q. What does a mathematician do when he's constipated?
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A. He works it out with a pencil.
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Joseph Costa, NOSC
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------------------------------------------------------------------------
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Three employees of NOSC (an engineer, a physicist and a mathematician) are
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staying in a hotel while attending a technical seminar. The engineer wakes
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up and smells smoke. He goes out into the hallway and sees a fire, so he
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fills a trashcan from his room with water and douses the fire. He goes back
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to bed. Later, the physicist wakes up and smells smoke. He opens his door
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and sees a fire in the hallway. He walks down the hall to a fire hose and
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after calculating the flame velocity, distance, water pressure, trajectory,
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etc. extinguishes the fire with the minimum amount of water and energy
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needed. Later, the mathematician wakes up and smells smoke. He goes to the
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hall, sees the fire and then the fire hose. He thinks for a moment and then
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exclaims, "Ah, a solution exists!" and then goes back to bed.
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Michael Plapp, NOSC
|
|
------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
|
|
|
"A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems"
|
|
-- P. Erdos
|
|
|
|
Jim Lewis, UC-Berkeley
|
|
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
|
|
|
Three standard Peter Lax jokes (heard in his lectures) :
|
|
|
|
1. What's the contour integral around Western Europe?
|
|
Answer: Zero, because all the Poles are in Eastern Europe!
|
|
Addendum: Actually, there ARE some Poles in Western Europe, but
|
|
they are removable!
|
|
|
|
2. An English mathematician (I forgot who) was asked by his very religious
|
|
colleague:
|
|
Do you believe in one God?
|
|
Answer: Yes, up to isomorphism!
|
|
|
|
3. What is a compact city?
|
|
It's a city that can be guarded by finitely many near-sighted
|
|
policemen!
|
|
|
|
Abdolreza Tahvildarzadeh, NYU
|
|
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
|
|
|
Q: What's purple and commutes?
|
|
A: An abelian grape.
|
|
|
|
Q: What's yellow, and equivalent to the Axiom of Choice?
|
|
A: Zorn's Lemon.
|
|
|
|
James Currie
|
|
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
|
|
|
Q: Why did the mathematician name his dog "Cauchy"?
|
|
A: Because he left a residue at every pole.
|
|
|
|
Q: Why is it that the more accuracy you demand from an interpolation
|
|
function, the more expensive it becomes to compute?
|
|
A: That's the Law of Spline Demand.
|
|
|
|
Steve Friedl, V-Systems, Inc.
|
|
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
|
|
|
"Algebraic symbols are used when you do not know what you are talking about."
|
|
|
|
Philippe Schnoebelen
|
|
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
|
|
|
Moebius always does it on the same side.
|
|
|
|
Heisenberg might have slept here.
|
|
|
|
Aaron Avery, University of Wisconsin
|
|
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
|
|
|
|
|
There was a mad scientist ( a mad ...social... scientist ) who kidnapped
|
|
three colleagues, an engineer, a physicist, and a mathematician, and locked
|
|
each of them in seperate cells with plenty of canned food and water but no
|
|
can opener.
|
|
|
|
A month later, returning, the mad scientist went to the engineer's cell and
|
|
found it long empty. The engineer had constructed a can opener from pocket
|
|
trash, used aluminum shavings and dried sugar to make an explosive, and escaped.
|
|
|
|
The physicist had worked out the angle necessary to knock the lids off the tin
|
|
cans by throwing them against the wall. She was developing a good pitching arm
|
|
and a new quantum theory.
|
|
|
|
The mathematician had stacked the unopened cans into a surprising solution to
|
|
the kissing problem; his dessicated corpse was propped calmly against a wall,
|
|
and this was inscribed on the floor in blood:
|
|
|
|
Theorem: If I can't open these cans, I'll die.
|
|
|
|
Proof: assume the opposite...
|
|
|
|
(name unknown), Reed College, Portland, OR
|
|
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
|
|
|
Here's a limerick I picked up off the net a few years back - looks better
|
|
on paper.
|
|
|
|
\/3
|
|
/
|
|
| 2 3 x 3.14 3_
|
|
| z dz x cos( ----------) = ln (\/e )
|
|
| 9
|
|
/
|
|
1
|
|
|
|
Which, of course, translates to:
|
|
|
|
Integral z-squared dz
|
|
from 1 to the square root of 3
|
|
times the cosine
|
|
of three pi over 9
|
|
equals log of the cube root of 'e'.
|
|
|
|
And it's correct, too.
|
|
|
|
Doug Walker, SAS Institute
|
|
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
|
|
|
There were two men trying to decide what to do for a living. They went to
|
|
see a counselor, and he decided that they had good problem solving skills.
|
|
|
|
He tried a test to narrow the area of specialty. He put each man in a room
|
|
with a stove, a table, and a pot of water on the table. He said "Boil the
|
|
water". Both men moved the pot from the table to the stove and turned on the
|
|
burner to boil the water. Next, he put them into a room with a stove, a table,
|
|
and a pot of water on the floor. Again, he said "Boil the water". The first
|
|
man put the pot on the stove and turned on the burner. The counselor told him
|
|
to be an Engineer, because he could solve each problem individually. The
|
|
second man moved the pot from the floor to the table, and then moved the
|
|
pot from the table to the stove and turned on the burner. The counselor
|
|
told him to be a mathematician because he reduced the problem to a previously
|
|
solved problem.
|
|
|
|
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
|
|
|
Three men are in a hot-air balloon. Soon, they find themselves
|
|
lost in a canyon somewhere. One of the three men says, "I've got an
|
|
idea. We can call for help in this canyon and the echo will carry
|
|
our voices far."
|
|
So he leans over the basket and yells out, "Helllloooooo!
|
|
Where are we?" (They hear the echo several times).
|
|
15 minutes later, they hear this echoing voice: "Helllloooooo!
|
|
You're lost!!"
|
|
One of the men says, "That must have been a mathematician."
|
|
Puzzled, one of the other men asks, "Why do you say that?"
|
|
The reply: "For three reasons. (1) he took a long time to
|
|
answer, (2) he was absolutely correct, and (3) his answer was
|
|
absolutely useless."
|
|
|
|
|
|
(I'm not sure if the following one is a true story or not)
|
|
The great logician Betrand Russell (or was it A.N. Whitehead?)
|
|
once claimed that he could prove anything if given that 1+1=1.
|
|
So one day, some smarty-pants asked him, "Ok. Prove that
|
|
you're the Pope."
|
|
He thought for a while and proclaimed, "I am one. The Pope
|
|
is one. Therefore, the Pope and I are one."
|
|
|
|
Donald Chinn, UC-Berkeley
|
|
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
|
|
|
THE STORY OF BABEL:
|
|
|
|
In the beginning there was only one kind of Mathematician, created by the
|
|
Great Mathamatical Spirit form the Book: the Topologist. And they grew to large
|
|
numbers and prospered.
|
|
|
|
One day they looked up in the heavens and desired to reach up as far as the
|
|
eye could see. So they set out in building a Mathematical edifice that was to
|
|
reach up as far as "up" went. Further and further up they went ... until one
|
|
night the edifice collapsed under the weight of paradox.
|
|
|
|
The following morning saw only rubble where there once was a huge structure
|
|
reaching to the heavens. One by one, the Mathematicians climbed out from under
|
|
the rubble. It was a miracle that nobody was killed; but when they began to
|
|
speak to one another, SUPRISE of all suprises! they could not understand each
|
|
other. They all spoke different languages. They all fought amongst themselves
|
|
and each went about their own way. To this day the Topologists remain the
|
|
original Mathematicians.
|
|
|
|
- adapted from an American Indian legend
|
|
of the Mound Of Babel
|
|
|
|
Mark William Hopkins, U. Wisconsin-Milwaukee
|
|
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
|
|
|
The ark lands after The Flood. Noah lets all the animals out. Says,
|
|
"Go and multiply." Several months pass. Noah decides to check up on the
|
|
animals. All are doing fine except a pair of snakes. "What's the problem?"
|
|
says Noah. "Cut down some trees and let us live there", say the snakes.
|
|
Noah follows their advice. Several more weeks pass. Noah checks on the
|
|
snakes again. Lots of little snakes, everybody is happy. Noah asks,
|
|
"Want to tell me how the trees helped?" "Certainly", say the snakes.
|
|
"We're adders, and we need logs to multiply."
|
|
|
|
Rolan Christofferson, U.Colorado, Boulder
|
|
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
|
|
|
What is "pi"?
|
|
|
|
Mathematician: Pi is thenumber expressing the relationship between the
|
|
circumference of a circle and its diameter.
|
|
|
|
Physicist: Pi is 3.1415927plus or minus 0.000000005
|
|
|
|
Engineer: Pi is about 3.
|
|
|
|
|
|
David Harr, Occidental College
|
|
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
|
|
|
emma: All horses are the same color.
|
|
|
|
Proof (by induction):
|
|
|
|
Case n=1: In a set with only one horse, it is obvious that all horses
|
|
in that set are the same color.
|
|
|
|
Case n=k: Suppose you have a set of k+1 horses. Pull one of these
|
|
horses out of the set, so that you have k horses. Suppose that all of
|
|
these horses are the same color. Now put back the horse that you took
|
|
out, and pull out a different one. Suppose that all of the k horses
|
|
now in the set are the same color. Then the set of k+1 horses are all
|
|
the same color. We have k true => k+1 true; therefore all horses are
|
|
the same color.
|
|
|
|
|
|
Theorem: All horses have an infinite number of legs.
|
|
|
|
Proof (by intimidation):
|
|
|
|
Everyone would agree that all horses have an even number of legs. It
|
|
is also well-known that horses have forelegs in front and two legs in
|
|
back. 4 + 2 = 6 legs, which is certainly an odd number of legs for a
|
|
horse to have! Now the only number that is both even and odd is infinity;
|
|
therefore all horses have an infinite number of legs.
|
|
|
|
However, suppose that there is a horse somewhere that does not have an
|
|
infinite number of legs. Well, that would be a horse of a different
|
|
color; and by the Lemma, it doesn't exist.
|
|
|
|
QED
|
|
|
|
|
|
Jerry Weldon, Livermore Labs
|
|
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
|
|
|
Several students were asked the following problem:
|
|
|
|
Prove that all odd integers are prime.
|
|
|
|
Well, the first student to try to do this was a math student. Hey
|
|
says "hmmm... Well, 1 is prime, 3 is prime, 5 is prime, and by
|
|
induction, we have that all the odd integers are prime."
|
|
|
|
Of course, there are some jeers from some of his friends. The
|
|
physics student then said, "I'm not sure of the validity of your proof,
|
|
but I think I'll try to prove it by experiment." He continues, "Well, 1
|
|
is prime, 3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, 9 is ... uh, 9 is an
|
|
experimental error, 11 is prime, 13 is prime... Well, it seems that
|
|
you're right."
|
|
|
|
The third student to try it was the engineering student, who
|
|
responded, "Well, actually, I'm not sure of your answer either. Let's
|
|
see... 1 is prime, 3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, 9 is ..., 9 is
|
|
.., well if you approximate, 9 is prime, 11 is prime, 13 is prime...
|
|
Well, it does seem right."
|
|
|
|
Not to be outdone, the computer science student comes along
|
|
and says "Well, you two sort've got the right idea, but you'd end up
|
|
taking too long doing it. I've just whipped up a program to REALLY go
|
|
and prove it..." He goes over to his terminal and runs his program.
|
|
Reading the output on the screen he says, "1 is prime, 1 is prime, 1
|
|
is prime, 1 is prime...."
|
|
|
|
------------
|
|
|
|
Ya' hear about the geometer who went to the beach to
|
|
catch the rays and became a tangent ?
|
|
|
|
------------
|
|
|
|
My geometry teacher was sometimes acute, and sometimes
|
|
obtuse, but always, he was right.
|
|
|
|
------------
|
|
|
|
And now, for some really bad picture jokes (that I heard at Cal Poly SLO) :
|
|
|
|
Q: What's the title of this picture ?
|
|
|
|
.. .. ____ .. ..
|
|
\\===/======\\==
|
|
|| | | ||
|
|
|| |____| ||
|
|
|| ( ) ||
|
|
|| \____/ ||
|
|
|| ||
|
|
|| ||
|
|
|| ||
|
|
|| ||
|
|
|| ||
|
|
|| ||
|
|
|| ||
|
|
|| ||
|
|
|| ||
|
|
|| (\ ||
|
|
|| ) ) ||
|
|
|| //||\\ ||
|
|
|
|
A: Hypotenuse
|
|
|
|
-------
|
|
|
|
Q: What quantity is represented by this ?
|
|
|
|
/\ /\ /\
|
|
/ \ / \ / \
|
|
/ \ / \ / \
|
|
/ \ / \ / \
|
|
/ \ / \ / \
|
|
/______\ /______\ /______\
|
|
|| || ||
|
|
|| || ||
|
|
|
|
A: 9, tree + tree + tree
|
|
|
|
Q: A dust storm blows through, now how much do you have ?
|
|
|
|
A: 99, dirty tree + dirty tree + dirty tree
|
|
|
|
Q: Some birds go flying by and leave their droppings,
|
|
one per tree, how many is that ?
|
|
|
|
A: 100, dirty tree and a turd + dirty tree and a turd
|
|
+ dirty tree and a turd
|
|
|
|
Naoto Kimura, Cal State-Northridge
|
|
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
|
|
|
A biologist, a statistician, a mathematician and a computer
|
|
scientist are on a photo-safari in africa. They drive out on the
|
|
savannah in their jeep, stop and scout the horizon with
|
|
their binoculars.
|
|
|
|
The biologist : "Look! There's a herd of zebras! And there,
|
|
in the middle : A white zebra! It's fantastic !
|
|
There are white zebra's ! We'll be famous !"
|
|
|
|
The statistician : "It's not significant. We only know there's one
|
|
white zebra."
|
|
|
|
The mathematician : "Actually, we only know there exists a zebra,
|
|
which is white on one side."
|
|
|
|
The computer scientist : "Oh, no! A special case!"
|
|
|
|
Niels Ull Jacobsen, U. of Copenhagen
|
|
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
|
|
|
I saw the following scrawled on a math office blackboard in college:
|
|
|
|
1 + 1 = 3, for large values of 1
|
|
|
|
Rob Gardner, HP Ft. Collins, CO
|
|
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
|
|
|
lim ----
|
|
8-->9 \/ 8 = 3
|
|
|
|
|
|
Donald Chinn, UC-Berkeley
|
|
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
|
|
|
lim 3 = 8
|
|
w->oo
|
|
|
|
(It is more obvious when handwritten...)
|
|
|
|
Jorge Stolfi, DEC Systems Research Center, Palo Alto, CA
|
|
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
|
|
|
Asked how his pet parrot died, the mathmatican answered
|
|
"Polynomial. polygon."
|
|
|
|
---
|
|
|
|
umberjacks make good musicians because of their natural
|
|
logarithms.
|
|
|
|
---
|
|
|
|
Pie are not square. Pie are round. Cornbread are square.
|
|
|
|
---
|
|
|
|
"The integral of e to the x is equal to f of the quantity
|
|
u to the n."
|
|
|
|
/ x n
|
|
| e = f(u )
|
|
/
|
|
|
|
---
|
|
|
|
A physics joke:
|
|
|
|
"Energy equals milk chocolate square"
|
|
|
|
Naoto Kimura, Cal State-Northridge
|
|
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
|
|
|
Russell to Whitehead: "My Godel is killing me!"
|
|
|
|
Dennis Healy, Dartmouth
|
|
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
|
|
|
A doctor, a lawyer and a mathematician were discussing the relative merits
|
|
of having a wife or a mistress.
|
|
|
|
The lawyer says: "For sure a mistress is better. If you have a wife and
|
|
want a divorce, it causes all sorts of legal problems.
|
|
|
|
The doctor says: "It's better to have a wife because the sense of security
|
|
lowers your stress and is good for your health.
|
|
|
|
The mathematician says: " You're both wrong. It's best to have both so that
|
|
when the wife thinks you're with the mistress and the mistress thinks you're
|
|
with your wife --- you can do some mathematics.
|
|
|
|
Bruce Bukiet, Los Alamos National Lab
|
|
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
|
|
|
Statisticians probably do it
|
|
|
|
Algebraists do it in groups.
|
|
|
|
Al Sethuraman, Calma Company, San Diego
|
|
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
|
Von Neumann and Nobert Weiner were both the subject of many dotty
|
|
professor stories. Von Neumann supposedly had the habit of simply
|
|
writing answers to homework assignments on the board (the method
|
|
of solution being, of course, obvious) when he was asked how to solve
|
|
problems. One time one of his students tried to get more helpful
|
|
information by asking if there was another way to solve the problem.
|
|
Von Neumann looked blank for a moment, thought, and then answered,
|
|
"Yes.".
|
|
|
|
Weiner was in fact very absent minded. The following story is told
|
|
about him: When they moved from Cambridge to Newton his wife, knowing
|
|
that he would be absolutely useless on the move, packed him off to
|
|
MIT while she directed the move. Since she was certain that he would
|
|
forget that they had moved and where they had moved to, she wrote down
|
|
the new address on a piece of paper, and gave it to him. Naturally,
|
|
in the course of the day, an insight occurred to him. He reached in
|
|
his pocket, found a piece of paper on which he furiously scribbled
|
|
some notes, thought it over, decided there was a fallacy in his idea,
|
|
and threw the piece of paper away. At the end of the day he went
|
|
home (to the old address in Cambridge, of course). When he got there
|
|
he realized that they had moved, that he had no idea where they had
|
|
moved to, and that the piece of paper with the address was long gone.
|
|
Fortunately inspiration struck. There was a young girl on the street
|
|
and he conceived the idea of asking her where he had moved to, saying,
|
|
"Excuse me, perhaps you know me. I'm Norbert Weiner and we've just
|
|
moved. Would you know where we've moved to?" To which the young
|
|
girl replied, "Yes daddy, mommy thought you would forget."
|
|
|
|
The capper to the story is that I asked his daughter (the girl in
|
|
the story) about the truth of the story, many years later. She
|
|
said that it wasn't quite true -- that he never forgot who his
|
|
children were! The rest of it, however, was pretty close to what
|
|
actually happened...
|
|
|
|
Richard Harter, Computer Corp. of America, Cambridge, MA
|
|
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
|
|
|
C programmers do it with long pointers.
|
|
|
|
(Logicians do it) or [not (logicians do it)].
|
|
|
|
Scott Horne
|
|
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
|
|
|
Theorem: a cat has nine tails.
|
|
|
|
Proof:
|
|
|
|
No cat has eight tails. A cat has one tail more than no cat. Therefore,
|
|
a cat has nine tails.
|
|
|
|
Arndt Jonasson
|
|
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
|
|
|
The USDA once wanted to make cows produce milk faster, to improve the dairy
|
|
industry.
|
|
|
|
So, they decided to consult the foremost biologists and
|
|
recombinant DNA technicians to build them a better cow.
|
|
They assembled this team of great scientists, and gave them
|
|
unlimited funding. They requested rare chemicals, weird
|
|
bacteria, tons of quarantine equipment, there was a
|
|
God-awful typhus epidemic they started by accident,
|
|
and, 2 years later, they came back with the "new, improved cow."
|
|
It had a milk production improvement of 2% over the
|
|
original.
|
|
|
|
They then tried with the greatest Nobel Prize winning chemists
|
|
around. They worked for six months, and, after requisitioning
|
|
tons of chemical equipment, and poisoning half the small town
|
|
in Colorado where they were working with a toxic cloud from
|
|
one of their experiments, they got a 5% improvement in milk output.
|
|
|
|
The physicists tried for a year, and, after ten thousand cows were
|
|
subjected to radiation therapy, they got a 1% improvement in output.
|
|
|
|
Finally, in desperation, they turned to the mathematicians. The
|
|
foremost mathematician of his time offered to help them with the problem.
|
|
Upon hearing the problem, he told the delegation that they could come back
|
|
in the morning and he would have solved the problem. In the morning,
|
|
they came back, and he handed them a piece of paper with the
|
|
computations for the new, 300% improved milk cow.
|
|
|
|
The plans began:
|
|
|
|
"A Proof of the Attainability of Increased Milk Output from Bovines:
|
|
|
|
Consider a spherical cow......"
|
|
|
|
Chet Murthy, Cornell
|
|
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
|
|
|
Theorem : All positive integers are equal.
|
|
|
|
Proof : Sufficient to show that for any two positive integers, A and B,
|
|
A = B. Further, it is sufficient to show that for all N > 0, if A
|
|
and B (positive integers) satisfy (MAX(A, B) = N) then A = B.
|
|
|
|
Proceed by induction.
|
|
|
|
If N = 1, then A and B, being positive integers, must both be 1.
|
|
So A = B.
|
|
|
|
Assume that the theorem is true for some value k. Take A and B
|
|
with MAX(A, B) = k+1. Then MAX((A-1), (B-1)) = k. And hence
|
|
(A-1) = (B-1). Consequently, A = B.
|
|
|
|
Keith Goldfarb
|
|
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
|
|
|
A bunch of Polish scientists decided to flee their repressive
|
|
government by hijacking an airliner and forcing the pilot to
|
|
fly them to a western country. They drove to the airport,
|
|
forced their way on board a large passenger jet, and found there
|
|
was no pilot on board. Terrified, they listened as the sirens
|
|
got louder. Finally, one of the scientists suggested that since
|
|
he was an experimentalist, he would try to fly the aircraft.
|
|
|
|
He sat down at the controls and tried to figure them out. The sirens
|
|
got louder and louder. Armed men surrounded the jet. The would be
|
|
pilot's friends cried out, "Please, please take off now!!!
|
|
Hurry!!!!!!" The experimentalist calmly replied, "Have patience.
|
|
I'm just a simple pole in a complex plane."
|
|
|
|
yle Levine, Washington University, St. Louis
|
|
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
|
|
|
Hiawatha Designs an Experiment
|
|
|
|
Hiawatha, mighty hunter,
|
|
He could shoot ten arrows upward,
|
|
Shoot them with such strength and swiftness
|
|
That the last had left the bow-string
|
|
Ere the first to earth descended.
|
|
This was commonly regarded
|
|
As a feat of skill and cunning.
|
|
Several sarcastic spirits
|
|
Pointed out to him, however,
|
|
That it might be much more useful
|
|
If he sometimes hit the target.
|
|
"Why not shoot a little straighter
|
|
And employ a smaller sample?"
|
|
Hiawatha, who at college
|
|
Majored in applied statistics,
|
|
Consequently felt entitled
|
|
To instruct his fellow man
|
|
In any subject whatsoever,
|
|
Waxed exceedingly indignant,
|
|
Talked about the law of errors,
|
|
Talked about truncated normals,
|
|
Talked of loss of information,
|
|
Talked about his lack of bias,
|
|
Pointed out that (in the long run)
|
|
Independent observations,
|
|
Even though they missed the target,
|
|
Had an average point of impact
|
|
Very near the spot he aimed at,
|
|
With the possible exception
|
|
of a set of measure zero.
|
|
"This," they said, "was rather doubtful;
|
|
Anyway it didn't matter.
|
|
What resulted in the long run:
|
|
Either he must hit the target
|
|
Much more often than at present,
|
|
Or himself would have to pay for
|
|
All the arrows he had wasted."
|
|
Hiawatha, in a temper,
|
|
Quoted parts of R. A. Fisher,
|
|
Quoted Yates and quoted Finney,
|
|
Quoted reams of Oscar Kempthorne,
|
|
Quoted Anderson and Bancroft
|
|
(practically in extenso)
|
|
Trying to impress upon them
|
|
That what actually mattered
|
|
Was to estimate the error.
|
|
Several of them admitted:
|
|
"Such a thing might have its uses;
|
|
Still," they said, "he would do better
|
|
If he shot a little straighter."
|
|
Hiawatha, to convince them,
|
|
Organized a shooting contest.
|
|
aid out in the proper manner
|
|
Of designs experimental
|
|
Recommended in the textbooks,
|
|
Mainly used for tasting tea
|
|
(but sometimes used in other cases)
|
|
Used factorial arrangements
|
|
And the theory of Galois,
|
|
Got a nicely balanced layout
|
|
And successfully confounded
|
|
Second order interactions.
|
|
All the other tribal marksmen,
|
|
Ignorant benighted creatures
|
|
Of experimental setups,
|
|
Used their time of preparation
|
|
Putting in a lot of practice
|
|
Merely shooting at the target.
|
|
Thus it happened in the contest
|
|
That their scores were most impressive
|
|
With one solitary exception.
|
|
This, I hate to have to say it,
|
|
Was the score of Hiawatha,
|
|
Who as usual shot his arrows,
|
|
Shot them with great strength and swiftness,
|
|
Managing to be unbiased,
|
|
Not however with a salvo
|
|
Managing to hit the target.
|
|
"There!" they said to Hiawatha,
|
|
"That is what we all expected."
|
|
Hiawatha, nothing daunted,
|
|
Called for pen and called for paper.
|
|
But analysis of variance
|
|
Finally produced the figures
|
|
Showing beyond all peradventure,
|
|
Everybody else was biased.
|
|
And the variance components
|
|
Did not differ from each other's,
|
|
Or from Hiawatha's.
|
|
(This last point it might be mentioned,
|
|
Would have been much more convincing
|
|
If he hadn't been compelled to
|
|
Estimate his own components
|
|
>From experimental plots on
|
|
Which the values all were missing.)
|
|
Still they couldn't understand it,
|
|
So they couldn't raise objections.
|
|
(Which is what so often happens
|
|
with analysis of variance.)
|
|
All the same his fellow tribesmen,
|
|
Ignorant benighted heathens,
|
|
Took away his bow and arrows,
|
|
Said that though my Hiawatha
|
|
Was a brilliant statistician,
|
|
He was useless as a bowman.
|
|
As for variance components
|
|
Several of the more outspoken
|
|
Make primeval observations
|
|
Hurtful of the finer feelings
|
|
Even of the statistician.
|
|
In a corner of the forest
|
|
Sits alone my Hiawatha
|
|
Permanently cogitating
|
|
On the normal law of errors.
|
|
Wondering in idle moments
|
|
If perhaps increased precision
|
|
Might perhaps be sometimes better
|
|
Even at the cost of bias,
|
|
If one could thereby now and then
|
|
Register upon a target.
|
|
|
|
W. E. Mientka, "Professor Leo Moser -- Reflections of a Visit"
|
|
American Mathematical Monthly, Vol. 79, Number 6 (June-July, 1972)
|
|
---
|
|
|
|
Dave Seaman, Purdue
|
|
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
|
|
|
An assemblage of the most gifted minds in the world were all posed the following
|
|
question:
|
|
|
|
"What is 2 * 2 ?"
|
|
|
|
The engineer whips out his slide rule (so it's old) and shuffles it back and
|
|
forth, and finally announces "3.99".
|
|
|
|
The physicist consults his technical references, sets up the problem on
|
|
his computer, and announces "it lies between 3.98 and 4.02".
|
|
|
|
The mathematician cogitates for a while, oblivious to the rest of the world,
|
|
then announces: "I don't what the answer is, but I can tell you, an answer
|
|
exists!".
|
|
|
|
Philosopher: "But what do you _mean_ by 2 * 2 ?"
|
|
|
|
ogician: "Please define 2 * 2 more precisely."
|
|
|
|
Accountant: Closes all the doors and windows, looks around carefully,
|
|
then asks "What do you _want_ the answer to be?"
|
|
|
|
Computer Hacker: Breaks into the NSA super-computer and gives the answer.
|
|
|
|
Dave Horsfall, Alcatel-STC Australia, North Sydney
|
|
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
|
|
|
Old mathematicians never die; they just lose some of their functions.
|
|
|
|
John C. George, U.Illinois Urbana-Champaign
|
|
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
|
|
|
|
|
During a class of calculus my lecturer suddenly checked himself and
|
|
stared intently at the table in front of him for a while. Then he
|
|
looked up at us and explained that he thought he had brought six piles
|
|
of papers with him, but "no matter how he counted" there was only five
|
|
on the table. Then he became silent for a while again and then told
|
|
the following story:
|
|
|
|
"When I was young in Poland I met the great mathematician Waclaw
|
|
Sierpinski. He was old already then and rather absent-minded. Once he
|
|
had to move to a new place for some reason. His wife wife didn't trust
|
|
him very much, so when they stood down on the street with all their
|
|
things, she said:
|
|
- Now, you stand here and watch our ten trunks, while I go and get a
|
|
taxi.
|
|
|
|
She left and left him there, eyes somewhat glazed and humming
|
|
absently. Some minutes later she returned, presumably having called
|
|
for a taxi. Says Mr Sierpinski (possibly with a glint in his eye):
|
|
- I thought you said there were ten trunks, but I've only counted to nine.
|
|
- No, they're TEN!
|
|
- No, count them: 0, 1, 2, ..."
|
|
|
|
Kai-Mikael, Royal Inst. of Technology, Stockholm, SWEDEN
|
|
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
|
|
|
What's nonorientable and lives in the sea?
|
|
|
|
Mobius Dick.
|
|
|
|
|
|
Jeff Dalton, U. of Edinburgh, UK
|
|
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
|
|
|
Philosopher: "Resolution of the continuum hypothesis will have
|
|
profound implications to all of science."
|
|
|
|
Physicist: "Not quite. Physics is well on its way without those
|
|
mythical `foundations'. Just give us serviceable mathematics."
|
|
|
|
Computer Scientist:
|
|
"Who cares? Everything in this Universe seems to be finite
|
|
anyway. Besides, I'm too busy debugging my Pascal programs."
|
|
|
|
Mathematician:
|
|
"Forget all that! Just make your formulae as aesthetically
|
|
pleasing as possible!"
|
|
|
|
Keitaro Yukawa, U. of Victoria, B.C, CANADA
|
|
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
|
|
|
Definition:
|
|
|
|
Jogging girl scout = Brownian motion.
|
|
|
|
Ilan Vardi, Stanford
|
|
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
|
|
|
The limit as n goes to infinity of sin(x)/n is 6.
|
|
|
|
Proof: cancel the n in the numerator and denominator.
|
|
|
|
Micah Fogel, UC-Berkeley
|
|
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
|
|
|
Two male mathematiciens are in a bar.
|
|
|
|
The first one says to the second that the average person knows very little
|
|
about basic mathematics.
|
|
|
|
The second one disagrees, and claims that most people can cope with a
|
|
reasonable amount of math.
|
|
|
|
The first mathematicien goes off to the washroom, and in his absence the
|
|
second calls over the waitress.
|
|
|
|
He tells her that in a few minutes, after his friend has returned, he
|
|
will call her over and ask her a question. All she has to do is answer
|
|
one third x cubed.
|
|
|
|
She repeats `one thir -- dex cue'? He repeats `one third x cubed'.
|
|
|
|
Her: `one thir dex cuebd'? Yes, that's right, he says. So she agrees,
|
|
and goes off mumbling to herself, `one thir dex cuebd...'.
|
|
|
|
The first guy returns and the second proposes a bet to prove his point,
|
|
that most people do know something about basic math.
|
|
|
|
He says he will ask the blonde waitress an integral, and the first
|
|
laughingly agrees.
|
|
|
|
The second man calls over the waitress and asks `what is the integral
|
|
of x squared?'.
|
|
|
|
The waitress says `one third x cubed' and while walking away, turns
|
|
back and says over her shoulder `plus a constant'!
|
|
|
|
ynn Marshall, Universite Catholique de Louvain, Belgium
|
|
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
|
|
|
|
|
==============================================================================
|
|
|
|
From: rawlins@iuvax.cs.indiana.edu (Gregory J. E. Rawlins)
|
|
|
|
Some years ago i came across "The Mathematics of Big Game Hunting"
|
|
(Aug-Sept. AMM, 446-447, 1938) and would like to see more examples.
|
|
Do you know of any?
|
|
greg.
|
|
|
|
For those not familiar with the above article here are some quotations:
|
|
|
|
The Method of Inversive Geometry: We place a spherical cage in the
|
|
desert, enter it, and lock it. We perform an inversion with respect to
|
|
the cage. The lion is then in the interior of the cage, and we are outside.
|
|
|
|
The Set Theoretic Method: We observe that the desert is a separable
|
|
space. It therefore contains an enumerable dense set of points, from
|
|
which can be extracted a sequence having the lion as limit. We then
|
|
approach the lion stealthily along this sequence, bearing with us
|
|
suitable equipment.
|
|
|
|
A Topological Method: We observe that a lion has at least the
|
|
connectivity of the torus. We transport the desert into four-space. It
|
|
is then possible to carry out such a deformation that the lion can be
|
|
returned to three-space in a knotted condition. He is then helpless.
|
|
|
|
The Dirac Method: We observe that wild lions are, ipso facto, not
|
|
observable in the Sahara Desert. Consequently, if there are any lions
|
|
in the Sahara, they are tame. The capture of a tame lion may be left as
|
|
an exercise for the reader.
|
|
|
|
The Thermodynamical Method: We construct a semi-permeable membrane,
|
|
permeable to everything except lions, and sweep it across the desert.
|
|
|
|
The Schrodinger Method: At any given moment there is a positive
|
|
probability that there is a lion in the cage. Sit down and wait.
|
|
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
|
The responses below mention the following works (a few added):
|
|
|
|
A Random Walk in Science - R.L. Weber and E. Mendoza
|
|
More Random Walks In Science - R.L. Weber and E. Mendoza
|
|
In Mathematical Circles (2 volumes) - Howard Eves
|
|
Mathematical Circles Revisited - Howard Eves
|
|
Mathematical Circles Squared - Howard Eves
|
|
Fantasia Mathematica - Clifton Fadiman
|
|
The Mathematical Magpi - Clifton Fadiman
|
|
Seven Years of Manifold - Jaworski
|
|
The Best of the Journal of Irreproducible Results - George H. Scheer
|
|
Mathematics Made Difficult - Linderholm
|
|
A Stress-Analysis of a Strapless Evening Gown - Robert Baker
|
|
The Worm-Runners Digest
|
|
Knuth's April 1984 CACM article on The Space Complexity of Songs
|
|
Stolfi and ?? Sigact article on Pessimal Algorithms and Simplexity Analysis
|
|
|
|
Here are the responses (edited):
|
|
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
|
[Rob Day, rpjday@watrose]
|
|
|
|
Ya know, if you really want, you can borrow my copy of "A Random Walk
|
|
in Science", which contains the article on lion hunting. Most of the humor in
|
|
this book is from the physics view, not the mathematical, but there is
|
|
the occasional gem.
|
|
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
|
[Bob Atkinson, rgatkinson@watmum]
|
|
|
|
There is always Knuth's recent CACM article on the analysis of recursive
|
|
christmas songs, or something like that. It was in the last 2 years or
|
|
so, anyway, and should be obvious if you go looking.
|
|
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
|
[Paul Fronberg, paf@unixprt]
|
|
|
|
One source of mathematical humor are the three books by Eves (Prindle, Weber &
|
|
Schmidt, inc.):
|
|
|
|
In mathamatical circles (2 volumes) SBN 87150-056-8
|
|
Mathematical circles revisited SBN 87150-121-X
|
|
Mathematical circles squared SBN 87150-154-6
|
|
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
|
[Mirthematic Frank, frank@zen]
|
|
|
|
I saw the same article, but in a collection of more and less serious
|
|
essays in science and mathemathics generally. It is:
|
|
|
|
A Random Walk In Science
|
|
compiled by R.L. Weber and edited by E. Mendoza
|
|
published by The Institute of Physics,
|
|
47, Belgrave Square, London, England, SW1X 8QX.
|
|
|
|
ISBN 0 85498 027 X [or 0 85498 029 6, if you believe the dustcover]
|
|
|
|
I can thoroughly recommend it to anyone with a general interest in science
|
|
and mathematics who also likes "fun" reading. Some of the essay names, just
|
|
as an example:
|
|
|
|
"When does jam become marmalade?"
|
|
"The theory of practical joking -- its relevance to physics"
|
|
"The uses of fallacy"
|
|
"On the nature of mathematical proofs"
|
|
"Arrogance on physics"
|
|
"Physics terms made easy"
|
|
"Standards for inconsequential trivia"
|
|
"Inertia of a broomstick"
|
|
"Theoretical zipperdynamics"
|
|
"The art of finding the right graph paper"
|
|
"On the imperturbability of elevator operators"
|
|
"Turboencabulator"
|
|
"A theory of ghosts"
|
|
"A stress analysis of a strapless evening gown"
|
|
"Do-it-yourself CERN Courier writing kit"
|
|
"Slidesmanship"
|
|
|
|
and many, many others besides. Although with a distinct physical bent,
|
|
there is more than enough maths stuff there to keep you laughing for
|
|
days.
|
|
|
|
It also has a companion volume, "More Random Walks In Science", same people,
|
|
same source, but I think it's a few hundred miles from my desk right now,
|
|
so can't tell you more than that it exists, and is good (but not, I feel, to
|
|
the standard of the first volume).
|
|
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
|
[Roy St. Laurent, roy@umnstat]
|
|
|
|
With regard to your request for humourous mathematics:
|
|
|
|
You might try the book _Fantasia mathematica_ edited by Clifton Fadiman
|
|
and published (my copy anyway: Coincedentally I just happened to find it
|
|
in a used bookstore this weekend) in 1958 by Simon and Schuster. It is
|
|
subtitled, "Being a set of stories, together with a group of oddments
|
|
and diversions, all drawn from the universe of mathematics." Not all of it
|
|
is humourous but entertaining nonetheless.
|
|
|
|
Here is a short example of one of the oddments:
|
|
|
|
_There Once Was a Breathy Baboon_ by Sir Arthur Eddington
|
|
|
|
There once was a breathy baboon
|
|
Who always breathed down a bassoon,
|
|
For he said, "It appears
|
|
That in billions of years
|
|
I shall certainly hit on a tune."
|
|
|
|
While this is not as thought provoking mathematically as the several
|
|
examples you gave, several others might be.
|
|
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
|
[Grace Tsang, gracet@vice.tek.com]
|
|
|
|
The defunct math mag, MANIFOLD, has a collection of funny things - all
|
|
published in a book called, Seven Years from Manifold, ed. by Jaworski.
|
|
It includes your big-game hunting example.
|
|
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
|
[Beth Kevles, beth@adelie.harvard.edu]
|
|
|
|
My best source of humorous math has been the book
|
|
|
|
A Random Walk Through Science
|
|
|
|
It is a compilation of very amusing articles pertaining to various
|
|
mathematical disciplines. I don't recall the editor or publisher, I'm
|
|
afraid. If you find these "trivial" facts necessary to locating the
|
|
book, write back and I'll get them from home. I have the book there. (I
|
|
stole it from my father a few years back...)
|
|
|
|
And then, of course, you might try back issues of the Journal of
|
|
Irreproducible Results, which occasionally has the mathematical article.
|
|
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
|
[Steve Koehler, koehler@telesoft]
|
|
|
|
I seem to recall that Lewis Carroll wrote a humorous essay or two on
|
|
mathematics.
|
|
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
|
[Hal Perkins, hal@cornell]
|
|
|
|
This isn't exactly math, but ...
|
|
|
|
The April, 1984 issue of the Communications of the ACM contains several
|
|
humourous Computer Science articles, including Don Knuth's "Complexity
|
|
of Songs" paper and others. Most of these are reprinted from sometimes
|
|
obscure sources.
|
|
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
|
[John J. Chew, poslfit@utcs.toronto.edu]
|
|
|
|
Someone in netland will no doubt be more specific, but there was a
|
|
followup to that old AMM article you mentioned, in the same journal
|
|
but some time in the last five years or so. If you don't get any
|
|
replies, let me know - I know a few people who are bound to have
|
|
copies.
|
|
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
|
[Michael Heins, heins@orion]
|
|
|
|
There is an anthology compiled by R.L. Weber entitled "A random walk
|
|
in science", published by Crane, Russak & Co. Inc., 347 Madison Ave.,
|
|
New York 10017 which contains a number of delightful humorous selections
|
|
in science and math. (133 selections total) Most relate to science, but
|
|
several may be of interest to you. I bought mine years ago at Kroch's
|
|
& Brentano's bookstore for $12.50. I have listed below a few of the titles:
|
|
|
|
"A contribution to the mathematical theory of big game hunting", H Petard
|
|
|
|
"On the nature of mathematical proofs", J E Cohen
|
|
|
|
"On the imperturbability of elevator operators: LVII", J Sykes
|
|
|
|
"A theory of ghosts", D A Wright
|
|
|
|
"A stress analysis of a strapless evening gown"
|
|
|
|
"The art of finding the right graph paper to get a straight line", S Rudin
|
|
|
|
"Slidesmanship", D H Wilkinson
|
|
|
|
Some selections are pure silliness, while others are true accounts of
|
|
humorous incidences, quotes, etc. One of my own favorites is
|
|
"The Chaostron. An important advance in learning machines",
|
|
J B Cadwallader-Cohen, WW Zysiczk, and RR Donelly condensed from
|
|
Journal of Irreproducible Results 10,30(1961). I don't know if this
|
|
journal is still being published, but it might be a source for more
|
|
humorous mathematics.
|
|
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
|
[Bill Jefferys, bill@astro.utexas.edu]
|
|
|
|
In article <33@orion.UUCP>, heins@orion.UUCP (Michael Heins) writes:
|
|
> []
|
|
> There is an anthology compiled by R.L. Weber entitled "A random walk
|
|
> in science", published by Crane, Russak & Co. Inc., 347 Madison Ave.,
|
|
> New York 10017 which contains a number of delightful humorous selections
|
|
> in science and math. (133 selections total) Most relate to science, but
|
|
> several may be of interest to you. I bought mine years ago at Kroch's
|
|
> & Brentano's bookstore for $12.50. I have listed below a few of the titles:
|
|
>
|
|
>
|
|
> "On the imperturbability of elevator operators: LVII", J Sykes
|
|
>
|
|
Unfortunately, the "author" listed above for this particular gem
|
|
is not the original "author", and therefore much of the joke
|
|
is missed. The original version of this paper was attributed to
|
|
one "S. Candlestickmaker", which is a thinly disguised corruption
|
|
of "S. Chandrasekhar", who won the Nobel Prize in Physics a few
|
|
years ago. It was printed in the format of the Astrophysical Journal,
|
|
(Chandrasekhar was editor at the time), and bears a strong resemblance
|
|
in its use of mathematics to Chandrasekhar's own papers. All of the
|
|
references in the paper give the same volume and page number; I
|
|
am told that if you find the right journal and look there, you will
|
|
find one of Chandrasekhar's few published errors (probably a typo).
|
|
I believe that the journal is Proc. Roy. Soc., but I am not sure.
|
|
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
|
[Terry L Anderson, tla@kaiser]
|
|
|
|
An older book of this nature is one entitled "Fantasia Mathematica"
|
|
by Clifton Fadiman" and published by Simon & Schuster in 1958. I
|
|
have no idea if it is still in print but you should find it in
|
|
a library. Many of the stories are written by non-mathematicians
|
|
but are about mathematics with some humorous twist. In fact many
|
|
of those authored by non-mathematicians I like better than those
|
|
by mathematicians. These are mostly short stories on a humorous
|
|
mathematical theme rather than the kind of humor in "A Random
|
|
Walk.."
|
|
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
|
[Bill Hery, wjh@bonnie]
|
|
|
|
In article <427@kaiser.UUCP>, tla@kaiser.UUCP (T Anderson) writes:
|
|
> An older book of this nature is one entitled "Fantasia Mathematica"
|
|
> by Clifton Fadiman" and published by Simon & Schuster in 1958. I
|
|
> have no idea if it is still in print but you should find it in
|
|
> a library.
|
|
|
|
A second book along the same lines by Fadiman is "The Mathematical Magpi;"
|
|
also probably out of print. I believe "Fantasia..." was released in a trade
|
|
paperback (possibly by Vintage) a few years ago. Check "Books in Print."
|
|
|
|
Another set of books of interest is "In Mathematical Circles" (2 volumes)
|
|
and "Mathematical Circles Revisited" by Eves, published by Prindle, Weber
|
|
and Schmidt. Each book has 360 anecdotes, pieces of humorous mathematical
|
|
writing, etc, many less than a page long. The article on lion hunting
|
|
mentioned in the original posting is included here. Since Eves is a
|
|
mathematician himself (with textbooks in advanced calculus, calculus, and
|
|
logic that I am aware of), some of the pieces relate to higher mathematics
|
|
than Fadiman's do, although many are accessible to general readers. I find
|
|
these books more intelligent and enjoyable than Fadiman's. Unfortunately,
|
|
these are probably out of print too.
|
|
|
|
BTW, Fadiman is best known for his work on the editorial committee
|
|
(selection committee) of the Book of the Month Club, and for work with early
|
|
radio and/or tv quiz shows.
|
|
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
|
[Stan Isaacs, isaacs@hpccc]
|
|
|
|
> There is an anthology compiled by R.L. Weber entitled "A random walk
|
|
> in science", published by Crane, Russak & Co. Inc., 347 Madison Ave.,
|
|
>
|
|
There is also a sequel called, I think, "More Random Walks in Science".
|
|
> ...
|
|
>
|
|
> "A contribution to the mathematical theory of big game hunting", H Petard
|
|
>
|
|
It is interesting to note that H. Petard was a pseudonym of Burbaki - perhaps
|
|
the only example of a double-pseudonym!
|
|
|
|
There have been several additions to the "contribution...", including fairly
|
|
recently in the A.M.M. with some new contributions of logic. (It has
|
|
references to 5 previous lists.)
|
|
|
|
Both the Worm-Runners Digest and the Journal of Irreproducible Results
|
|
have collections of articles published, and both contain some
|
|
mathimatical humour. So does the collection of essays from "Manifold".
|
|
I can get better references if needed, but they are at home.
|
|
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
|
[ki4pv!macs!mgb]
|
|
|
|
One of the funniest works of mathematical humor that I can recall
|
|
is a book called "Mathematics Made Difficult." It's hard to find,
|
|
but definitely worth the effort if you can find it. It was written
|
|
by a student of Halmos, Linderholm, I believe, and published by
|
|
World Press in the mid-'70's. It's truly hilarious. I can recall
|
|
crying, I laughed so much. I just wish *I* could find a copy now...
|
|
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
|
[David Fry, fry@huma1.harvard.edu]
|
|
|
|
Here's a fairly popular math story. Also, look at each year's MAA calendar for
|
|
some interesting, but often sophmoric humor.
|
|
|
|
Impure Mathematics
|
|
|
|
Once upon a time (1/t) pretty little Polly Nomial was strolling across
|
|
a field of vectors when she came to the edge of a singularly large matrix.
|
|
|
|
Now Polly was convergent and her mother had made it an absolute
|
|
condition that she must never enter such an array without her brackets on.
|
|
Polly, however, who had changed her variables that morning and was feeling
|
|
particularly badly behaved, ignored this condition on the grounds that it was
|
|
Znsufficient and made her way amongst the complex elements.
|
|
|
|
Rows and columns enveloped her on all sides. Tangents approached her
|
|
surface. She became tensor and tensor. Quite suddenly, three branches of a
|
|
hyperbola touched her at a single point. She oscillated violently, lost all
|
|
sense of directrix, and went completely divergent. As she reached a turning
|
|
point she tripped over a square root which was protruding from the erf and
|
|
plunged headlong down a steep gradient. When she was differentiated once more
|
|
she found herself, apparently alone, in a noneuclidean space.
|
|
|
|
She was being watched however. That smooth operator, Curly Pi, was
|
|
lurking inner product. As his eyes devoured her curvilinear coordinates a
|
|
singular expression crossed his face. Was she still convergent, he wondered.
|
|
He decide to integrate improperly at once.
|
|
|
|
Hearing a vulgar fraction behind her, Polly turned around and saw
|
|
Curly Pi approaching with his power series extrapolated. She could see at
|
|
once, by his degenerate conic and his disparitive terms that he was bent on
|
|
no good.
|
|
|
|
"Heureka," she gasped.
|
|
|
|
"Ho, ho," he said. "What a symmetric little polynomial you are. I can
|
|
see you're absolutely bubbling over with secs."
|
|
|
|
"O sir," she protested, "keep away from me. I haven't got my brackets
|
|
on."
|
|
|
|
"Calm yourself, my dear," said our suave operator, "your fears are
|
|
purely imaginary."
|
|
|
|
"I, I," she thought. "Perhaps he's homogeneous then?"
|
|
|
|
"What order are you?" the brute demanded.
|
|
|
|
"Seventeen," replied Polly.
|
|
|
|
Curly leered. "I suppose you've never been operated on yet?" he said.
|
|
|
|
"Of course not," Polly cried indignantly. "I'm absolutely convergent."
|
|
|
|
"Come, come," said Curly. "Let's off to a decimal place I know and
|
|
I'll take you to the limit."
|
|
|
|
"Never!" gasped Polly.
|
|
|
|
"Exchlf!" he swore, using the vilest oath he knew. His patience was
|
|
gone. Coshing her over the coefficient with a log until she was powerless,
|
|
Curly removed her discontinuities. He stared at her significant places and
|
|
began smoothing her points of inflection. Poor Polly. All was up. She felt
|
|
his hand tending to her asymptotic limit. Her convergence would soon be gone
|
|
for ever.
|
|
|
|
There was no mercy, for Curly was a heavyside operator. He integrated
|
|
by parts. He integrated by partial fractions. The complex beast even went all
|
|
the way around and did a contour integration. What an indignity, to be
|
|
multiply connected on her first integration. Curly went on operating until he
|
|
was absolutely and completely orthogonal.
|
|
|
|
When Polly got home that evening, her mother noticed that she had been
|
|
truncated in several places. But it was too late to differentiate now. As the
|
|
months went by, Polly increased monotonically. Finally she generated a small
|
|
but pathological function which left surds all over the place until she was
|
|
driven to distraction.
|
|
|
|
The moral of our story is this: If you want to keep your expressions
|
|
convergent, never allow them a single degree of freedom!
|
|
|
|
==============================================================================
|
|
From: fogel@math.berkeley.edu (Micah Fogel)
|
|
|
|
MATHEMATICS PURITY TEST
|
|
|
|
Count the number of yes's, subtract from 60, and divide by 0.6.
|
|
|
|
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
|
|
|
The Basics
|
|
|
|
1) Have you ever been excited about math?
|
|
2) Had an exciting dream about math?
|
|
3) Made a mathematical calculation?
|
|
4) Manipulated the numerator of an equation?
|
|
5) Manipulated the denominator of an equation?
|
|
6) On your first problem set?
|
|
7) Worked on a problem set past 3:00 a.m.?
|
|
8) Worked on a problem set all night?
|
|
9) Had a hard problem?
|
|
10) Worked on a problem continuously for more than 30 minutes?
|
|
11) Worked on a problem continuously for more than four hours?
|
|
12) Done more than one problem set on the same night (i.e. both
|
|
started and finished them)?
|
|
13) Done more than three problem sets on the same night?
|
|
14) Taken a math course for a full year?
|
|
15) Taken two different math courses at the same time?
|
|
16) Done at least one problem set a week for more than four months?
|
|
17) Done at least one problem set a night for more than one month
|
|
(weekends excluded)?
|
|
18) Done a problem set alone?
|
|
19) Done a problem set in a group of three or more?
|
|
20) Done a problem set in a group of 15 or more?
|
|
21) Was it mixed company?
|
|
22) Have you ever inadvertently walked in upon people doing a problem set?
|
|
23) And joined in afterwards?
|
|
24) Have you ever used food doing a problem set?
|
|
25) Did you eat it all?
|
|
26) Have you ever had a domesticated pet or animal walk over you while you
|
|
were doing a problem set?
|
|
27) Done a problem set in a public place where you might be discovered?
|
|
28) Been discovered while doing a problem set?
|
|
|
|
Kinky Stuff
|
|
|
|
29) Have you ever applied your math to a hard science?
|
|
30) Applied your math to a soft science?
|
|
31) Done an integration by parts?
|
|
32) Done two integration by parts in a single problem?
|
|
33) Bounded the domain and range of your function?
|
|
34) Used the domination test for improper integrals?
|
|
35) Done Newton's Method?
|
|
36) Done the Method of Frobenius?
|
|
37) Used the Sandwich Theorem?
|
|
38) Used the Mean Value Theorem?
|
|
39) Used a Gaussian surface?
|
|
40) Used a foreign object on a math problem (eg: calculator)?
|
|
41) Used a program to improve your mathematical technique (eg: MACSYMA)?
|
|
42) Not used brackets when you should have?
|
|
43) Integrated a function over its full period?
|
|
44) Done a calculation in three-dimensional space?
|
|
45) Done a calculation in n-dimensional space?
|
|
46) Done a change of bases?
|
|
47) Done a change of bases specifically in order to magnify your vector?
|
|
48) Worked through four complete bases in a single night (eg: using the
|
|
Graham-Schmidt method)?
|
|
49) Inserted a number into an equation?
|
|
50) Calculated the residue of a pole?
|
|
51) Scored perfectly on a math test?
|
|
52) Swallowed everything your professor gave you?
|
|
53) Used explicit notation in your problem set?
|
|
54) Puposefully omitted important steps in your problem set?
|
|
55) Padded your own problem set?
|
|
56) Been blown away on a test?
|
|
57) Blown away your professor on a test?
|
|
58) Have you ever multiplied 23 by 3?
|
|
59) Have you ever bounded your Bessel function so that the membrane
|
|
did not shoot to infinity?
|
|
69) Have you ever understood the following quote:
|
|
"The relationship between Z^0 to C_0, B_0, and H_0
|
|
is an example of a general principle which we have
|
|
encountered: the kernel of the adjoint of a linear
|
|
transformation is both the annihilator space of the
|
|
image of the transformation and also the dual space
|
|
of the quotient of the space of which the image is
|
|
a subspace by the image subspace."
|
|
(Shlomo & Bamberg's _A "Course" in Mathematics for
|
|
Students of Physics_)
|
|
|
|
==============================================================================
|
|
From: garym@cognos.uucp (Gary Murphy)
|
|
To: brister (James Brister)
|
|
Subject: Mathematical Jokes
|
|
Date: Thu, 21 Mar 91 10:07:34 EST
|
|
|
|
Not precisely pure-math, but ...
|
|
|
|
Fuller's Law of Cosmic Irreversability:
|
|
|
|
1 pot T --> 1 pot P
|
|
but
|
|
1 pot P -/-> 1 pot T
|
|
|
|
==============================================================================
|
|
From: robb@iotek.uucp (Robb Swanson)
|
|
|
|
A tribe of Native Americans generally referred to their woman by the
|
|
animal hide with which they made their blanket. Thus, one woman
|
|
might be known as Squaw of Buffalo Hide, while another might be
|
|
known as Squaw of Deer Hide. This tribe had a particularly large
|
|
and strong woman, with a very unique (for North America anyway)
|
|
animal hide for her blanket. This woman was known as Squaw of
|
|
Hippopotamus hide, and she was as large and powerful as the animal
|
|
from which her blanket was made.
|
|
|
|
Year after year, this woman entered the tribal wrestling tournament,
|
|
and easily defeated all challengers; male or female. As the men
|
|
of the tribe admired her strength and power, this made many of the
|
|
other woman of the tribe extremely jealous, . One year, two of
|
|
the squaws petitioned the Chief to allow them to enter their sons
|
|
together as a wrestling tandem in order to wrestle Squaw of the
|
|
Hippopotamus hide as a team. In this way, they hoped to see that
|
|
she would no longer be champion wrestler of the tribe.
|
|
|
|
As the luck of the draw would have it, the two sons who were wrestling
|
|
as a tandem met the squaw in the final and championship round of
|
|
the wrestling contest. As the match began, it became clear that
|
|
the squaw had finally met an opponent that was her equal. The two
|
|
sons wrestled and struggled vigorously and were clearly on an
|
|
equal footing with the powerful squaw. Their match lasted for
|
|
hours without a clear victor. Finally the chief intervened and
|
|
declared that, in the interests of the health and safety of the
|
|
wrestlers, the match was to be terminated and that he would
|
|
declare a winner.
|
|
|
|
The chief retired to his teepee and contemplated the great struggle he
|
|
had witnessed, and found it extremely difficult to decide a
|
|
winner. While the two young men had clearly outmatched the squaw,
|
|
he found it difficult to force the squaw to relinquish her tribal
|
|
championship. After all, it had taken two young men to finally
|
|
provide her with a decent match. Finally, after much
|
|
deliberation, the chief came out from his teepee, and announced
|
|
his decision. He said...
|
|
|
|
"The Squaw of the Hippopotamus hide is equal to the sons of the squaws
|
|
of the other two hides"
|
|
|
|
==============================================================================
|
|
From: shaw%WLBR@WLV.IMSD.CONTEL.COM (Howard Shaw)
|
|
Date: Thu, 21 Mar 91 13:16:18 -0800
|
|
|
|
Old mathematicians never die; they just lose thier functions... ;)
|
|
|
|
==============================================================================
|
|
From: wdr@wang.com (William Ricker)
|
|
|
|
Q. How many mathematicians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
|
|
A. One, who gives it to six Californians, thereby reducing it to the earlier
|
|
riddle.
|
|
|
|
-- from a button I bought at Nancy Lebowitz's table at Boskone
|
|
|
|
==============================================================================
|
|
From: Norman Danner <ndanger@ocf.Berkeley.EDU>
|
|
|
|
There are three kinds of mathematicians: those who can count
|
|
and those who cannot.
|
|
|
|
==============================================================================
|
|
From: Richard Bielak <richieb@bony1.bony.com>
|
|
|
|
1) A topologist is a man who doesn't know the difference between
|
|
a coffee cup and a doghunt.
|
|
|
|
2) A statistician can have his head in an oven and his feet in
|
|
ice, and he will say that on the average he feels fine.
|
|
|
|
3) To tell a difference between a mathematicians and an engineer
|
|
perform this experiment. Put a kettle full of water in the middle of
|
|
the kitchen floor and tell your subject to boil the water.
|
|
|
|
The engineer will put the kettle on the stove and turn the flame on.
|
|
The mathematician will do the same thing.
|
|
|
|
Next, put the kettle on the stove, and ask the subject to boil the
|
|
water. The engineer will turn the flame on. The mathematician will
|
|
move the kettle to the middle of the kitchen floor... thereby reducing
|
|
the problem to one that already has been solved!
|
|
|
|
4) What's purple and commutes? An abelian grape.
|
|
|
|
==============================================================================
|
|
From: IO70949@maine.maine.edu
|
|
|
|
This joke was floating around a few months ago:
|
|
A guy decided to go to the brain transplant clinic to refreshen his
|
|
supply of brains. The secretary informed him that they had three kinds
|
|
of brains available at that time. Doctors' brains were going for $20
|
|
per ounce and lawyers' brains were getting $30 per ounce. And then there
|
|
were mathematicians' brains which were currently fetching $1000 per ounce.
|
|
"A 1000 dollars an ounce!" he cried. "Why are they so expensive?"
|
|
--"It takes more mathematicians to get an ounce of brains," she explained.
|
|
|
|
==============================================================================
|
|
From: jsj@newt.phys.unsw.OZ.AU (John S. Jurcevic)
|
|
|
|
Okay.. this is something my Physics lecturer said.
|
|
|
|
There was an Indian Cheif, and he had three squaws. And kept them in
|
|
three tee-pees. When he would come home late from hunting, he would not
|
|
know which tee-pee contained which squaw.. being dark and all. He went
|
|
hunting one day, and killed a hippopotamus, a bear, and a buffalo. He
|
|
put the a hide from each animal into a different tee-pee, so that when
|
|
he came home late.. he could feel inside the tee-pee and he would know
|
|
which squaw was inside.
|
|
Well after about a year, all three squaws had children. The squaw
|
|
on the bear had a baby boy, the squaw on the buffalo hide had a baby
|
|
girl. But the squaw on the hippopotamus had a girl and a boy. So what is
|
|
the moral of the story?
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
The Squaw on the hippopotamus is equal to the sum of the squaws on the
|
|
other two hides.
|
|
|
|
==============================================================================
|
|
From: nehaniv@math.berkeley.edu (Chrystopher Lev Nehaniv)
|
|
|
|
Here is a joke I heard in Freiburg, Germany at the
|
|
Mathematics Dept. (from Susanne Press):
|
|
|
|
Q: What do a mathematician and a physiscist [or engineer, or
|
|
musician , or whatever the profession of the person
|
|
adressed] have in common?
|
|
|
|
A; They are both stupid, with the exception of the
|
|
mathematician.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|