2620 lines
96 KiB
Plaintext
2620 lines
96 KiB
Plaintext
12/15/92
|
||
|
||
The Complete Set Of Blonde Jokes
|
||
-----------------------------------
|
||
|
||
Q: How do blonde braincells die ?
|
||
A: Alone.
|
||
|
||
Q: How do you brainwash a blonde?
|
||
A: Give her a douche and shake her upside down.
|
||
|
||
Q: How do you change a blonde's mind?
|
||
A1: Blow in her ear.
|
||
A2: Buy her another beer.
|
||
|
||
Q: How do you measure a blonde's intelligence?
|
||
A: Stick a tire pressure gauge in her ear!
|
||
|
||
Q: How do you get a blonde pregnant?
|
||
A: Come in her shoes and let the flies do the rest.
|
||
|
||
Q: How do you get a blonde to marry you?
|
||
A: Tell her she's pregnant.
|
||
|
||
Q: What will she ask you?
|
||
A: "Is it mine?"
|
||
|
||
Q: How does a blonde kill a fish?
|
||
A: She drowns it.
|
||
|
||
Q: A blond going to London on a plane, how can you steal
|
||
her window seat?
|
||
A: Tell her the seats that are going to London are
|
||
all in the middle row.
|
||
|
||
Q: How do you amuse a blonde for hours?
|
||
A: Write 'Please turn over' on both sides of a piece of paper
|
||
|
||
Q: How does a blonde hold her liquor?
|
||
A: By the ears.
|
||
|
||
Q: How does a blonde moonwalk?
|
||
A: She pulls down her panties and slides her ass along the floor!
|
||
|
||
Q: Why are only 2% of blondes touch-typists?
|
||
A: The rest are hunt'n peckers.
|
||
|
||
Q: What do you call a blond mother-in-law?
|
||
A: An air bag.
|
||
|
||
Q: What nickname is most used by blondes in order to boost
|
||
their popularity?
|
||
A: B.J.
|
||
|
||
Q: Why are blonde's coffins Y-shaped?
|
||
A: Because as soon as they are on their backs, their legs open.
|
||
|
||
Q: Why should you never take a blonde out for coffee?
|
||
A: It's too hard to re-train them.
|
||
|
||
Q: What do blondes do for foreplay?
|
||
A: Remove their underwear.
|
||
|
||
Q: What's the mating call of the blonde?
|
||
A: "I'm *sooo* drunk!"
|
||
|
||
Q: What is the mating call of the ugly blonde?
|
||
A: (Screaming) "I said: I'm drunk!"
|
||
|
||
Q: What's the mating call of the brunette?
|
||
A: "All the blondes have gone home!"
|
||
|
||
Q: What's a brunette's mating call ?
|
||
A: Has that blonde gone yet?
|
||
|
||
Q: What is the brunette's mating call?
|
||
A: When is that blond bitch going to leave!?
|
||
|
||
Q: What's the mating call of the redhead?
|
||
A: "Next!"
|
||
|
||
Q: How do you make a blonde laugh on
|
||
Saturday?
|
||
A: Tell her a joke on Wednesday.
|
||
|
||
Q: What is the blonde doing when she holds
|
||
her hands tightly over her ears?
|
||
A: Trying to hold on to a thought.
|
||
|
||
Q: Why did the blonde stare at frozen orange
|
||
juice can for 2 hours?
|
||
A: Because it said 'concentrate'.
|
||
|
||
Q: Why don't blondes have elevator jobs?
|
||
A: They don't know the route.
|
||
|
||
Q: Why do blondes work seven days a week?
|
||
A: So you don't have to retrain them on Monday.
|
||
|
||
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and an ironing board?
|
||
A: It's difficult to open the legs of an ironing board.
|
||
|
||
Q: What is foreplay for a blonde?
|
||
A: Thirty minutes of begging.
|
||
|
||
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a broom closet?
|
||
A: Only two men fit inside a broom closet at once.
|
||
|
||
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a phone booth?
|
||
A1: You need a quarter to use the phone.
|
||
A2: Only one person can use the phone at once.
|
||
|
||
Q: What does the Bermuda Triangle and blondes have in common?
|
||
A: They've both swallowed a lot of semen.
|
||
|
||
Q: What did the blonde say when she knocked over the priceless
|
||
Ming vase?
|
||
A "It's OK Daddy, I'm not hurt."
|
||
|
||
Q: Why doesn't a blondes guts fall out of her twat when she stands?
|
||
A: Because the vaccum in her head keeps them in place.
|
||
|
||
Q: What's the difference between having sex with a blonde and
|
||
eating Jell-o?
|
||
A: Jell-o wiggles when you eat it.
|
||
|
||
Q: What do you get when you cross a blonde and a lawyer?
|
||
A1: I don't know, there are some things even a blonde won't do.
|
||
A2: Something that when it gives you a blow job, it won't
|
||
stop until it gets blood.
|
||
|
||
Q: Why was the blonde wearing her sunglasses?
|
||
A: She was having sunny periods.
|
||
|
||
Q: What two things in the air can get a blonde pregnant?
|
||
A: Her feet!
|
||
|
||
Q: How can you tell when a blonde is wearing pantyhose?
|
||
A: When she farts, her knees bag.
|
||
|
||
Q: What's the disease that paralyzes blondes below the waist?
|
||
A: Marriage.
|
||
|
||
Q: How is a blonde like a frying pan?
|
||
A: You have to get them hot before you put in the meat.
|
||
|
||
Q: How does a blonde interpret 6.9?
|
||
A: A 69 interrupted by a period.
|
||
|
||
Q: How do you make a blond laugh on Monday mornings ?
|
||
A: Tell them a joke on Friday night !
|
||
|
||
Q: How do you describe the perfect blonde?
|
||
A: 3 feet tall, no teeth, and a flat head to rest your beer on.
|
||
|
||
Q: How do you confuse a blonde?
|
||
A: You don't. They're born that way.
|
||
|
||
Q: Why do blondes hate M&Ms?
|
||
A: They're too hard to peel.
|
||
|
||
Q: How do you drive a blonde crazy?
|
||
A: Give her a bag of M&Ms and tell her to alphabetise them.
|
||
|
||
Q: Why does it work?
|
||
A: "Does 3 come before E, between M and W, or at the end?"
|
||
|
||
Q: How do you know when a blonde has been making chocolate
|
||
chip cookies?
|
||
A: You find M&M shells all over the kitchen floor.
|
||
|
||
Q: What job function does a blonde have in an M&M factory?
|
||
A: Proofreading.
|
||
|
||
Q: Do you know why the blonde got fired from the M&M factory?
|
||
A: For throwing out the W's.
|
||
|
||
Q: Why don't blondes like making KOOL-AID?
|
||
A: Because they can't fit 8 cups of water in the little
|
||
packet.
|
||
|
||
Q: Why does a blonde have fur on the hem of her dress?
|
||
A: To keep her ankles warm.
|
||
|
||
Q: How can you tell a blonde had a bad day?
|
||
A: Her tampon is behind her ear and she doesn't know what
|
||
she did with her cigarette.
|
||
|
||
Q: What does a blonde say after multiple orgasms?
|
||
A: Way to go team!
|
||
|
||
Q: How can you tell if a blonde has a vibrator?
|
||
A: By the chipped tooth.
|
||
|
||
Q: How do you keep a blonde in suspense?
|
||
A: (I'll tell you tomorrow.)
|
||
|
||
Q: How do you keep a blonde busy?
|
||
A: Write 'Please turn over' on both sides of a piece of paper.
|
||
|
||
Q: Why do blondes wear shoulder pads?
|
||
A: To keep from bruising their ears.
|
||
|
||
Q: Why do blondes have vaginas?
|
||
A: So guys will talk to them at parties.
|
||
|
||
Q: Why does the blonde stand in front of a window during a
|
||
thunder storm?
|
||
A: She loves taking pictures (flashes, got it?).
|
||
|
||
Q: What do you call a blonde with a runny nose?
|
||
A: Full.
|
||
|
||
Q: What does a blonde answer to the question "Are you sexually active?"
|
||
A: "No, I just lie there."
|
||
|
||
Q: What's the first thing a blonde says in the morning?
|
||
A: "Thanks, guys..."
|
||
|
||
Q: What do you call 10 blondes at the bottom of the pool?
|
||
A: Air pockets.
|
||
|
||
Q: What does "Bones" McCoy say before he performs brain
|
||
surgery on a blonde?
|
||
A: "Space. The final frontier......"
|
||
|
||
Q: How many blondes does it take to screw the entire Bengals
|
||
team?
|
||
A: Just One... Boomer Esiason.
|
||
|
||
Q: What's brown and red and black and blue?
|
||
A: A brunette who's told one too many blonde jokes.
|
||
|
||
Q: What do you call a brunette and three blondes on a corner?
|
||
A: You don't, you see if you've got 3 condoms.
|
||
|
||
Q: Why did the blonde keep ice cubes in the freezer?
|
||
A: So she could keep the refrigerator cold.
|
||
|
||
Q: How did the blonde break her leg playing hockey with the Toronto
|
||
Maple Leafs?
|
||
A: She fell out of the tree.
|
||
|
||
Q: How many blondes does it take to play Hide and Seek?
|
||
A: One.
|
||
|
||
Q: Why couldn't the blonde write the number ELEVEN ?
|
||
A: She didn't know what ONE came first...
|
||
|
||
Q: Why don't blondes talk when having sex?
|
||
A1: Their mothers told them not to talk to strangers.
|
||
A2: Their mothers told them not with their mouths full.
|
||
|
||
Q: What do you call a blonde with 90% of her intelligence gone?
|
||
A: Divorced.
|
||
|
||
Q: What do you call a blonde without an asshole?
|
||
A: Divorced.
|
||
|
||
Q: How many blondes does it take to make a circuit?
|
||
A: Two, One to stand in the bathtub, and another to pass her the
|
||
blow dryer!
|
||
|
||
Q: How is a blonde like a postage stamp?
|
||
A: You lick'm, stick'em, and send'em on their way.
|
||
|
||
Q: What's the difference between a prostitute, a nymphomaniac,
|
||
and a blonde?
|
||
A: The prostitute says "Aren't you done yet?"
|
||
The nympho says "Are you done already?"
|
||
The blonde says "Beige...I think I'll paint the
|
||
ceiling beige."
|
||
|
||
Q: What's the difference between Indiana and a blonde?
|
||
A: A blonde has larger hills and deeper valleys.
|
||
|
||
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a toothbrush?
|
||
A: You don't let your best friend borrow your toothbrush.
|
||
|
||
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and your job?
|
||
A: Your job still sucks after 6 months.
|
||
|
||
Q: What's the difference between a blond having her period and
|
||
a terrorist?
|
||
A: You can negotiate with a terrorist.
|
||
|
||
Q: What is the difference between a blond and a toilet?
|
||
A: A toilet won't follow you around after you use it.
|
||
|
||
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a rooster?
|
||
A: In the morning a rooster says, "Cock'll-doodl-doooo", while a
|
||
blonde says, "Any-cock'll-doooo."
|
||
|
||
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a limousine?
|
||
A: Not everybody has been in a limo.
|
||
|
||
Q: What is the difference between a blonde and a bowling ball?
|
||
A1: You can only get three fingers in a bowling ball.
|
||
A2: You can't fit the blonde in the bowling ball.
|
||
A3: There is no difference. They're both round and have
|
||
three holes to poke.
|
||
A4: You don't eat your bowling ball
|
||
|
||
Q: What is the difference between a blonde and the Grand Old Duke of
|
||
York?
|
||
A: The Grand Old Duke of York only 'had' 10000 men.
|
||
|
||
Q: What's the difference between a pit bull and a blonde with
|
||
PMS?
|
||
A: Lipstick.
|
||
|
||
Q: Why is it good to have a blonde passenger?
|
||
A: You can park in the handicap zone.
|
||
|
||
Q: Why is a blonde like a turtle?
|
||
A: They both get fucked up when they're on their back.
|
||
|
||
Q: Why should blondes not be given coffee breaks?
|
||
A: It takes too long to retrain them.
|
||
|
||
Q: Why does NASA hire peroxide blondes?
|
||
A: They're doing research on black holes.
|
||
|
||
Q: Why does a blonde insist on him wearing a condom?
|
||
A: So she can have a doggie bag for later.
|
||
|
||
Q: Why does a blonde only change her baby's diapers every
|
||
month?
|
||
A: Because it says right on it "good for up to 20 pounds."
|
||
|
||
Q: Why do blondes have see-through lunch box lids?
|
||
A1: So they know if it is morning or afternoon.
|
||
A2: So that when they're on the train they can tell
|
||
if they're going to work or coming home.
|
||
|
||
Q: Why do men like blonde jokes??
|
||
A: Because they can understand them.
|
||
|
||
Q: Why do blondes like lightning?
|
||
A: They think someone is taking their picture.
|
||
|
||
Q: Why do all blondes all have a dimple on their chin and a
|
||
flat forehead?
|
||
A: Finger on chin-I don't know. Hits forehead-Oh I get it!
|
||
|
||
Q: Why do blondes have little holes all over their faces?
|
||
A: From eating with forks.
|
||
|
||
Q: Why do blondes have more fun?
|
||
A: Because they don't know any better.
|
||
*A: They are easier to keep amused.
|
||
|
||
Q: Why do blonde's find it difficult to marry?
|
||
A: Because you don't have to marry them for sex!
|
||
|
||
Q: Why do blondes have legs?
|
||
A1: So they don't get stuck to the ground.
|
||
A2: To get between the bedroom and the kitchen.
|
||
A3: So they don't leave trails, like little snails.
|
||
|
||
Q: Why do blondes have two more brain cells than a cow?
|
||
A: So that when you pull their tits, they don't moo.
|
||
A2: So they don't shit everywhere when you pull their tits.
|
||
|
||
Q: Why do blondes drive BMWs?
|
||
A: Because they can spell it.
|
||
|
||
Q: Why do blonde girls have trouble achieving orgasm?
|
||
A: *Who cares?*
|
||
|
||
Q: Why do blondes have periods?
|
||
A: They deserve them
|
||
|
||
Q: Why do blondes have big bellybuttons?
|
||
A: From dating blonde men.
|
||
|
||
Q: What does a blonde and a tampon have in common?
|
||
A: They're both stuck up c*nts!
|
||
|
||
Q: Why do blondes wear tampons?
|
||
A: Because crabs like Bungie Jumping too.
|
||
|
||
Q: Why do blondes drive VW's
|
||
A: Because they can't spell PORSCHE!!
|
||
|
||
Q: Why do blondes put their hair in ponytails?
|
||
A: To cover up the valve stem.
|
||
|
||
Q: Why do blonds have square boobs?
|
||
A: Because they forgot to take the tissues out of the box.
|
||
|
||
Q: Why do Blondes take the pill?
|
||
A: So they know what day of the week it is.
|
||
|
||
Q: But why do brunettes take the pill ?
|
||
A: Wishful Thinking.
|
||
|
||
Q: Why do Blondes have TGIF on their shoes?
|
||
A: Toes go in first.
|
||
|
||
Q: Why do Blondes have TGIF on their shirts?
|
||
A: Tits go in front.
|
||
|
||
Q: Why do blondes like tilt steering?
|
||
A: More head room.
|
||
|
||
Q: Why do blondes drive cars with sunroofs?
|
||
A: More leg room.
|
||
|
||
Q: Why do blonds have orgasms ?
|
||
A: So they know when to stop having sex !
|
||
|
||
Q: Why do blondes wear underwear?
|
||
A: To keep their ankles warm.
|
||
|
||
Q: What's a blonde's favourite wine?
|
||
A: "Daaaady, I want to go to Miaaami!"
|
||
|
||
Q: What is the difference between a blond and a 747?
|
||
A: Not everyone has been in a 747
|
||
|
||
Q: What do you call a blonde touching her toes?
|
||
A: A brunette with bad breath.
|
||
|
||
Q: Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, a dumb blonde, and a smart
|
||
blonde are walking down the street when they spot a $10
|
||
bill. Who picks it up?
|
||
A: The dumb blonde! because, there is no such thing as Santa
|
||
Claus, the tooth fairy, or a smart blonde.
|
||
A2: None of them, two don't exist and the dumb blonde thought
|
||
it was a gum wrapper.
|
||
|
||
Q: If a blonde and a brunette are tossed off a building, who
|
||
hits the ground first?
|
||
A: The brunette. The blonde has to stop to ask for directions.
|
||
|
||
Q: What happens when a blonde gets Alzheimers disease?
|
||
A: Her IQ goes up!
|
||
|
||
Q: Whats the difference between a blonde and a Porsche?
|
||
A: You don't lend the Porsche out to your friend.
|
||
|
||
Q: What is the difference between butter and a blonde?
|
||
A: Butter is difficult to spread.
|
||
|
||
Q: What is the difference between a blonde and "The Titanic"?
|
||
A: They know how many men went down on "The Titanic".
|
||
|
||
Q: What is the difference between a smart blonde and Bigfoot?
|
||
A: Bigfoot has been spotted.
|
||
|
||
Q: Why is a washing machine better than a blonde?
|
||
A: Because you can drop your load in a washing machine, and it
|
||
won't follow you around for a week.
|
||
|
||
Q: What do you say to a blonde with no arms and no legs?
|
||
A: "Nice tits!"
|
||
|
||
Q: What does a blonde make best for dinner?
|
||
A: Reservations.
|
||
|
||
Q: What do Darren Millane (Collingwood footballer killed in a
|
||
recent car crash) and a blonde have in common?
|
||
A: Put either of 'em in a car and their fucked.
|
||
|
||
Q: What do blondes do with their arseholes in the morning?
|
||
A: Pack their lunch and send them to work.
|
||
|
||
Q: What does a blonde say when she gives birth?
|
||
A: Gee, Are you sure it's mine?
|
||
|
||
Q: What do blondes and cow-pats have in common?
|
||
A: They both get easier to pick-up with age.
|
||
|
||
Q: What does a blonde say when you ask her if her blinker is on?
|
||
A: It's on. It's off. It's on. It's off. It's on. It's off.
|
||
|
||
Q: What does a peroxide blonde and a 747 have in common?
|
||
A1: They both have a black box.
|
||
A2: Both have a cockpit.
|
||
|
||
Q: What do you get when you offer a blonde a penny for her
|
||
thoughts?
|
||
A: Change.
|
||
|
||
Q: What does a blonde say if you blow in his/her ear?
|
||
A: "Thanks for the refill!"
|
||
|
||
Q: What do blondes do after they comb their hair?
|
||
A: They pull up their pants.
|
||
|
||
Q: What do you call a skeleton in the closet with blonde hair?
|
||
A: Last years hide and go seek winner.
|
||
|
||
Q: What do you call a basement full of blondes?
|
||
A: A whine cellar.
|
||
|
||
Q: What do you call five blondes at the bottom of the pool?
|
||
A: Air bubbles.
|
||
|
||
Q: What do you call a room full of women, half with PMS, half
|
||
with yeast infections?
|
||
A: A whine and cheese party!
|
||
|
||
Q: What do you call 3 blondes, a chimp, and another blonde standing on a
|
||
street corner?
|
||
A: 4 f*cks, 4 f*cks, 4 f*cks, not for a zillion f*cks, 4 f*cks!
|
||
|
||
Q: What do you call a blonde lesbian?
|
||
A: A waste.
|
||
|
||
Q: What do you call 4 blondes lying on the ground?
|
||
A: An air mattress.
|
||
|
||
Q: What do you call a dumb blonde behind a steering wheel?
|
||
A: An Air Bag.
|
||
|
||
Q: What do you call a blonde between two brunettes?
|
||
A: A mental block.
|
||
|
||
Q: What do you call 10 blondes standing ear to ear?
|
||
A: A wind tunnel.
|
||
|
||
Q: What do you call 15 blondes in a circle?
|
||
A: A dope ring.
|
||
|
||
Q: What do you call an unmarried blond in a BMW?
|
||
A: Divorcee'
|
||
|
||
Q: What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells?
|
||
A: Pregnant.
|
||
|
||
Q: What do you call a blonde in an institution of higher
|
||
learning?
|
||
A: A visitor.
|
||
|
||
Q: What do you call a blonde with half a brain?
|
||
A: Gifted!
|
||
|
||
Q: What do you call a blonde with a dollar on the top of their
|
||
head?
|
||
A: All you can eat, under a buck.
|
||
|
||
Q: What do you call a brunette with a blonde on either side?
|
||
A: An interpreter.
|
||
|
||
Q: What do you call a blond with a bag of sugar on her head ?
|
||
A: Sweet Fuck All...
|
||
|
||
Q: What do you call a swimming pool full of blondes?
|
||
A: Frosted Flakes.
|
||
|
||
Q: What do you call 20 blondes in a freezer?
|
||
A: Frosted Flakes.
|
||
|
||
Q: What do you call a fly buzzing inside a blonde's head?
|
||
A: A Space Invader.
|
||
|
||
Q: What do you call a blonde in a tree with a brief case?
|
||
A: Branch Manager.
|
||
|
||
Q: What do you call a smart blond?
|
||
A1: A golden retriever.
|
||
|
||
Q: What does mother say to a blonde?
|
||
A: If you're not in bed by 12, come home.
|
||
|
||
Q: What's the Blonde's cheer?
|
||
A: " I'm blonde, I'm blonde, I'm B.L.O.N....ah, oh well..
|
||
I'm blonde, I'm blonde, yea yea yea..."
|
||
|
||
Q: Why did the blonde cross the road?
|
||
A: Never mind that! What was she doing out of the bedroom?!?
|
||
R: I don't know.
|
||
A: Neither did she.
|
||
|
||
Q: Why did the blonde scale the chain-link fence?
|
||
A: To see what was on the other side.
|
||
|
||
Q: Why did the blonde have a sore navel?
|
||
A: Because her boyfriend was also blond!
|
||
|
||
Q: Why did they stop doing the "WAVE" at BYU?
|
||
A: Too many blondes were drowning.
|
||
|
||
Q: Why did Bush want to send blondes with PMS over to Iraq?
|
||
A: They're mad enough to kill and they can retain water.
|
||
|
||
Q: Why did the blonde fail at being a prostitute?
|
||
A: Because she gave blow-jobs literally.
|
||
|
||
Q: Why did the blonde smile when she walked the marriage aisle?
|
||
A: She realized she gave her last blowjob.
|
||
|
||
Q: Why do blondes give such good blowjobs?
|
||
A: Because that's what they train for all their lives.
|
||
|
||
Q: Why did the blonde tattoo her zip code on her stomach?
|
||
A: So her male would get delivered to the right box.
|
||
|
||
Q: Why did the blonde have tire tread marks on her back?
|
||
A: From crawling across the street when the sign said
|
||
"DON'T WALK".
|
||
|
||
Q: Why did the blonde keep a coat hanger in her back seat?
|
||
A: In case she locks the keys in her car.
|
||
|
||
Q: Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?
|
||
A: So she wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills.
|
||
|
||
Q: Why did the deaf blonde sit on a newspaper?
|
||
A: So she could lip read.
|
||
|
||
Q: Why did God create blondes?
|
||
A: Because sheep can't bring beer from the fridge.
|
||
Q: Why did God create brunettes?
|
||
A: Neither could the blondes.
|
||
|
||
Q: Why did the blonde wear condoms on her ears?
|
||
A: So she wouldn't get Hearing Aides.
|
||
|
||
Q: Why did the blonde drive into the ditch?
|
||
A: To turn the blinker off.
|
||
|
||
Q: Why did the blonde try and steal a police car?
|
||
A: She saw "911" on the back and thought it was a Porsche.
|
||
|
||
Q: Why did the blonde scale the glass wall?
|
||
A: To see what was on the other side.
|
||
|
||
Q: Why did the blonde want to become a veternarian?
|
||
A: Because she loved children.
|
||
|
||
Q: Why did the blond take her typewriter to the doctor ??
|
||
A: She thought it was pregnant becaus missed a period.
|
||
|
||
Q: Why did they call the blond twinkie?
|
||
A: She liked to be filled with cream.
|
||
|
||
Q: Why did the blonde go half way to Norway and then turn
|
||
around and come home?
|
||
A: It took her that long to discover that a 14 inch Viking was
|
||
a television.
|
||
|
||
Q: Why didn't the blonde want a window seat on the plane?
|
||
A: She'd just dyed her hair.
|
||
|
||
Q: Why didn't the blonde want a window seat on the plane?
|
||
A: She'd just blow dried her hair and she didn't want it
|
||
blown around too much.
|
||
|
||
Q: Why did the blonde stop using the pill?
|
||
A: Because it kept falling out.
|
||
|
||
Q: Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished her
|
||
jigsaw puzzle in only 6 months?
|
||
A: Because on the box it said From 2-4 years.
|
||
|
||
Q: Why aren't there many blonde gymnasts?
|
||
A: Because when they do the splits, they stick to the floor.
|
||
|
||
Q: Why don't blondes like making KOOL-AID?
|
||
A: Because they can't fit 8 cups of water in the little
|
||
packet.
|
||
|
||
Q: What does a blonde say after multiple orgasms?
|
||
A: Way to go team!
|
||
|
||
Q: What's the differance between a fridge and a fanny?
|
||
A: A fridge dosn't fart when you take the meat out.
|
||
|
||
Q: How do you confuse a blonde?
|
||
A: Ask her to alphabetize a bag of M&Ms.
|
||
|
||
Q: Why does it work?
|
||
A: "Does 3 come before E, between M and W, or at the end?"
|
||
|
||
Q: Why did the blonde call the welfare office?
|
||
A: She wanted to know how to cook food stamps!
|
||
|
||
Q: What is the blonde's favorite potato chip?
|
||
A: Free-to-lay (Frito-Lay).
|
||
|
||
Q: What is the blonde's favorite battery?
|
||
A: Ever-ready.
|
||
|
||
Q: What is blond, brunette, blond, brunette, ....?
|
||
A: A blond doing cartwheels.
|
||
|
||
Q: What is the connection between a blonde and a halogen headlamp?
|
||
A: They both get screwed on the front of a Ford Escort.
|
||
|
||
Q: What do you call it when a blonde gets taken over by a demon?
|
||
A: A vacant posession.
|
||
|
||
Q: What does a blonde answer to the question "Are you sexually active?"
|
||
A: "No, I just lie there."
|
||
|
||
Q: How many blondes does it take to play Hide and Seek?
|
||
A: One.
|
||
|
||
Q: Why couldn't the blonde write the number ELEVEN ?
|
||
A: She didn't know what ONE came first...
|
||
|
||
Q: Why don't blondes talk when having sex?
|
||
A1: Their mothers told them not to talk to strangers.
|
||
A2: Their mothers told them not with there mouths full.
|
||
|
||
Q: What do you call a blonde with 90% of her intelligence gone?
|
||
A: Divorced.
|
||
|
||
Q: What do you call a blonde without an asshole?
|
||
A: Divorced.
|
||
|
||
Q: What did the blonde say when asked if she'd ever been
|
||
picked up by 'the fuzz'?
|
||
A: 'No. But I've been swung around by the tits.'
|
||
|
||
Q: What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of
|
||
Cheerios?
|
||
A: "Oh look! Donut seeds!"
|
||
|
||
Q: What did the blonde name her pet zebra?
|
||
A: Spot.
|
||
|
||
Q: What's a blonds' favourite rock group?
|
||
A: Air Supply.
|
||
|
||
Q: Whats black and fuzzy and hangs from the ceiling ?
|
||
A: A blond electrician
|
||
|
||
Q: Why are dumb blonde jokes so short?
|
||
A1: So brunettes can remember them.
|
||
A2: Because blonds are so SHALLOW a long joke wouldn't fit.
|
||
|
||
Q: Why wasn't the Virgin Mary a blonde ????
|
||
A: She wouldn't have been old enough to bear children!
|
||
|
||
Q: Why are blondes hurt by peoples words?
|
||
A: Because people keep hitting them with dictionaries.
|
||
|
||
Q: What did the blonde do when she got her period?
|
||
A: Looked around for the bastard that must have shot her?
|
||
|
||
Q: Why are blondes like cornflakes ?
|
||
A: Because they're simple, easy and they taste good.
|
||
|
||
Q: Why can't blondes put in light bulbs?
|
||
A: They keep breaking them with the hammers.
|
||
|
||
Q: What is a cool refreshing drink for a blonde?
|
||
A: Perri-air
|
||
|
||
Q: Did you hear about the blonde coyote?
|
||
A: Got stuck in a trap, chewed off three legs and was
|
||
still stuck.
|
||
|
||
Q: When is it legal to shoot a blonde in the head?
|
||
A: When you have a tire pump to reinflate it!
|
||
|
||
Q: What is a blonde's favorite part of a gas station?
|
||
A: The Air Pump!
|
||
|
||
Q: Why was the blonde upset when she got her Driver's License?
|
||
A: Because she got an F in sex.
|
||
|
||
Q: Did you here about the blonde who shot an arrow into the
|
||
air?
|
||
A: She missed.
|
||
|
||
Q: Why are there no dumb brunettes?
|
||
A: Peroxide.
|
||
|
||
Q: What did the blonde's right leg say to the left leg.
|
||
A: Nothing - they've never met.
|
||
|
||
Q: What is the blonde's chronic speech impediment?
|
||
A: She can't say "No".
|
||
|
||
Q: What is it called when a blonde blows in another blond's ear?
|
||
A: Data transfer.
|
||
|
||
Q: Whats the difference between a Blonde and a Supermarket
|
||
Trolley.
|
||
A: A supermarket trolley has a mind of its own.
|
||
|
||
Q: Why can't blondes be cattle ranchers?
|
||
A: They can't keep their calves together!
|
||
|
||
Q: What was the blond psychic's greatest achievment?
|
||
A: An IN-body experience!
|
||
|
||
Q: When does a brunette have 1/2 of a brain?
|
||
A: After a dye job.
|
||
|
||
Q: What's a blonde's favorite nursery rhyme?
|
||
A: Humpme Dumpme.
|
||
|
||
Q: What did the blonde customer say to the buxom waitress (reading
|
||
her nametag) ?
|
||
A: "'Debbie'...that's cute. What did you name the other one ?"
|
||
|
||
Q: What goes VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH?
|
||
A: A blonde going through a flashing red light.
|
||
|
||
Q: Why are there lip stick stains on the steering wheel after a
|
||
blonde drives a car?
|
||
A: Cause she blows the horn!!!!!
|
||
|
||
Q: Why is a blonde like a door knob?
|
||
A: 'Cause everybody gets a turn.
|
||
|
||
Q: Why is a blonde like railroad tracks?
|
||
A: 'Cause she's been laid all over the country.
|
||
|
||
Q: Did you hear about the blonde lesbian?
|
||
A: She kept having affairs with men!
|
||
|
||
Q: What does a blonde do if she is not in bed by 10?
|
||
A: She picks up her purse and goes home.
|
||
|
||
Q: Where do blondes go to meet their relatives?
|
||
A: The vegetable garden.
|
||
|
||
Q: What's the difference between a lesbian finger-fucking a blonde
|
||
and a Schwinn at the side of the road?
|
||
A: One's a bike in a ditch, and the other's . . . .
|
||
|
||
Q: Why do blondes occupy about 90% of the net bandwidth?
|
||
A: Because they keep accidentally deleting their copies of the
|
||
Blonde Joke List.
|
||
|
||
Q: Why did the blonde call the welfare office?
|
||
A: She wanted to know how to cook food stamps!
|
||
|
||
Q: What is the blonde's favorite potato chip?
|
||
A: Free-to-lay (Frito-Lay).
|
||
|
||
Q: What is the blonde's favorite battery?
|
||
A: Ever-ready.
|
||
|
||
Q: What do you call it when a blonde gets taken over by a demon?
|
||
A: A vacant posession.
|
||
|
||
Q: If an blonde and a brunette jumped off a bridge,
|
||
who would die first?
|
||
A: The brunette -- because the blonde would have to
|
||
stop and ask for directions.
|
||
|
||
Q: To a blonde, what is long and hard?
|
||
A: Grade 4.
|
||
|
||
Q: What is the definition of gross ignorance?
|
||
A: 144 blondes.
|
||
|
||
Q: Why is 68 the maximum speed for blonds?
|
||
A: Because at 69 they blow a rod...
|
||
|
||
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||
|
||
A dumb Blonde died and went to Heaven. When she got to the Pearly
|
||
Gates, she met Saint Peter who said, "Before you get to come into
|
||
Heaven, you have to pass a test."
|
||
"Oh, No!" she said but Saint Peter said not to worry he'd make it easy.
|
||
"Who was God's son?" said Saint Peter.
|
||
The dumb Blonde thought for a few minutes and said "Andy!"
|
||
"That's interesting... What made you say that?" said Saint Peter
|
||
Then She started to sing "Andy walks with me! Andy talks with me!
|
||
Andy tells me..."
|
||
|
||
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||
|
||
Did you hear about the blonde that went to library and checked out
|
||
a book called "How to Hug"? Got back to the dorm and found out it
|
||
was volume seven of the encyclopaedia...
|
||
|
||
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||
|
||
A blonde's response to the comment, "THINK about it!":
|
||
"I don't have to think -- I'm blonde!"
|
||
|
||
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||
|
||
A government study has shown that blondes do have more fun - they
|
||
just don't remember who with.
|
||
|
||
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||
|
||
... then there was the blonde who started the restaurant with the
|
||
slogan "Billions Served - just today"
|
||
|
||
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||
|
||
What about the blonde who gave birth to twins?
|
||
Her husband is out looking for the other man.
|
||
|
||
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||
|
||
A painting contractor was speaking with a woman about her job. In
|
||
the first room she said she would like a pale blue. The contractor
|
||
wrote this down and went to the window, opened it, and yelled out
|
||
"GREEN SIDE UP!" In the second room she told the painter she would
|
||
like it painted in a soft yellow. He wrote this on his pad, walked
|
||
to the window, opened it, and yelled "GREEN SIDE UP!" The lady was
|
||
somewhat curious but she said nothing. In the third room she said
|
||
she would like it painted a warm rose color. The painter wrote this
|
||
down, walked to the window, opened it and yelled "GREEN SIDE UP!"
|
||
The lady then asked him, "Why do you keep yelling 'green side up'?"
|
||
"I'm sorry," came the reply. "But I have a crew of blondes laying
|
||
sod across the street.
|
||
|
||
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||
|
||
Did you hear about the blonde who:
|
||
|
||
had more on her body than on her mind?
|
||
was called "Sanka" because she had no active ingredient in the bean?
|
||
took an hour to cook Minute Rice?
|
||
got into the taxi, and the driver kept the "Vacant" sign up?
|
||
was an M.D. - Mentally Deficient?
|
||
had a terrific stairway, but nothing upstairs?
|
||
thought nitrates was cheaper than day rates?
|
||
was told she was a silly puss, but insisted she didn't have a crazy cat?
|
||
after watching the ballerinas, wondered why they didn't get taller girls?
|
||
went to a nudist camp for a game of strip poker?
|
||
brought her cosmetics with her for a make-up exam?
|
||
|
||
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||
|
||
Two blondes observed in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of
|
||
their Mercedes with a coat hanger:
|
||
|
||
Blonde#1: I can't seem to get this door unlocked!
|
||
|
||
Blonde#2: Well, you'd better hurry up and try harder, its starting
|
||
to rain and the top is down!
|
||
|
||
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||
|
||
A blonde, a brunette and a redhead went into a bar and asked the
|
||
bartender:
|
||
|
||
Brunette: "I'll have a B and C."
|
||
Bartender:"What is a B and C?".
|
||
Brunette: "Bourbon and Coke."
|
||
Redhead: "And, I'll have a G and T."
|
||
Bartender: "What's a G and T?"
|
||
Redhead: "Gin and tonic."
|
||
Blonde: "I'll have a 15."
|
||
Bartender: "What's a 15?"
|
||
Blonde: "7 and 7"
|
||
|
||
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||
|
||
Two brunettes and a blonde are in the hospital awaiting the
|
||
arrival of their first children. The 1st brunette says, "I just
|
||
know I'm going to have a girl, 'cuz I conceived while I was
|
||
on my back". The 2nd brunette says, "Mine's going to be a
|
||
boy, 'cuz I was on top during conception". The blonde says,
|
||
"Uh-oh! I'm going to have a puppy!"
|
||
|
||
|
||
There were three women who were at the gynecologist having pre-natal
|
||
checkups. The doctor asked the first woman "in what position was the
|
||
baby conceived ?"
|
||
"He was on top ", she replied.
|
||
"You will have a boy !" the doctor exclaimed.
|
||
|
||
The second woman was asked the same question.
|
||
"I was on top ", was the reply.
|
||
"you will have a baby girl. " said the doctor.
|
||
|
||
With this, the third women, a blond, burst into tears.
|
||
"Whats the matter ?" asked the doc.
|
||
"Am I going to have puppies ?".....
|
||
|
||
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||
|
||
Blondes...
|
||
They take a lickin', and keep on...
|
||
Lickin!
|
||
|
||
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||
|
||
Did you hear the one about the blonde who thought that "love handles"
|
||
referred to her ears?
|
||
|
||
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||
|
||
Over the weekend I(can't remember name - on newsgrazer) heard a
|
||
blonde telling this joke:
|
||
*
|
||
*Blonde Asks: What do you call a blonde in between two
|
||
brunettes?
|
||
*Blonde Answers: An interprolater!
|
||
*
|
||
*We were laughing so hard we thought we were going to die. The
|
||
funny
|
||
*part was that she thought we were laughing at her joke.
|
||
|
||
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||
Did you here about the blonde that stayed up all night to see
|
||
where the sun went ? It finally dawned on here.
|
||
|
||
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||
|
||
A dumb Blonde died and went to Heaven. When she got to the Pearly
|
||
Gates, she met Saint Peter who said, "Before you get to come into
|
||
Heaven, you have to pass a test."
|
||
"Oh, No!" she said but Saint Peter said not to worry he'd make it easy.
|
||
"Who was God's son?" said Saint Peter.
|
||
The dumb Blonde thought for a few minutes and said "Andy!"
|
||
"That's interesting... What made you say that?" said Saint Peter
|
||
Then She started to sing "Andy walks with me! Andy talks with me!
|
||
Andy tells me..."
|
||
|
||
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||
|
||
Did you hear about the blonde that went to library and checked out
|
||
a book called "How to Hug"? Got back to the dorm and found out it
|
||
was volume seven of the encyclopaedia...
|
||
|
||
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||
|
||
A blonde's response to the comment, "THINK about it!":
|
||
"I don't have to think -- I'm blonde!"
|
||
|
||
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||
|
||
A government study has shown that blondes do have more fun - they
|
||
just don't remember who with.
|
||
|
||
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||
|
||
... then there was the blonde who started the restaurant with the
|
||
slogan "Billions Served - just today"
|
||
|
||
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||
|
||
What about the blonde who gave birth to twins?
|
||
Her husband is out looking for the other man.
|
||
|
||
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||
|
||
A painting contractor was speaking with a woman about her job. In
|
||
the first room she said she would like a pale blue. The contractor
|
||
wrote this down and went to the window, opened it, and yelled out
|
||
"GREEN SIDE UP!" In the second room she told the painter she would
|
||
like it painted in a soft yellow. He wrote this on his pad, walked
|
||
to the window, opened it, and yelled "GREEN SIDE UP!" The lady was
|
||
somewhat curious but she said nothing. In the third room she said
|
||
she would like it painted a warm rose color. The painter wrote this
|
||
down, walked to the window, opened it and yelled "GREEN SIDE UP!"
|
||
The lady then asked him, "Why do you keep yelling 'green side up'?"
|
||
"I'm sorry," came the reply. "But I have a crew of blondes laying
|
||
sod across the street.
|
||
|
||
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||
|
||
Did you hear about the blonde who:
|
||
|
||
had more on her body than on her mind?
|
||
was called "Sanka" because she had no active ingredient in the bean?
|
||
took an hour to cook Minute Rice?
|
||
got into the taxi, and the driver kept the "Vacant" sign up?
|
||
was an M.D. - Mentally Deficient?
|
||
had a terrific stairway, but nothing upstairs?
|
||
thought nitrates was cheaper than day rates?
|
||
was told she was a silly puss, but insisted she didn't have a crazy cat?
|
||
after watching the ballerinas, wondered why they didn't get taller girls?
|
||
went to a nudist camp for a game of strip poker?
|
||
brought her cosmetics with her for a make-up exam?
|
||
|
||
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||
|
||
Two blondes observed in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of
|
||
their Mercedes with a coat hanger:
|
||
|
||
Blonde#1: I can't seem to get this door unlocked!
|
||
|
||
Blonde#2: Well, you'd better hurry up and try harder, its starting
|
||
to rain and the top is down!
|
||
|
||
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||
|
||
A blonde, a brunette and a redhead went into a bar and asked the
|
||
bartender:
|
||
|
||
Brunette: "I'll have a B and C."
|
||
Bartender:"What is a B and C?".
|
||
Brunette: "Bourbon and Coke."
|
||
Redhead: "And, I'll have a G and T."
|
||
Bartender: "What's a G and T?"
|
||
Redhead: "Gin and tonic."
|
||
Blonde: "I'll have a 15."
|
||
Bartender: "What's a 15?"
|
||
Blonde: "7 and 7"
|
||
|
||
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||
|
||
Two brunettes and a blonde are in the hospital awaiting the
|
||
arrival of their first children. The 1st brunette says, "I just
|
||
know I'm going to have a girl, 'cuz I conceived while I was
|
||
on my back". The 2nd brunette says, "Mine's going to be a
|
||
boy, 'cuz I was on top during conception". The blonde says,
|
||
"Uh-oh! I'm going to have a puppy!"
|
||
|
||
|
||
There were three women who were at the gynecologist having pre-natal
|
||
checkups. The doctor asked the first woman "in what position was the
|
||
baby conceived ?"
|
||
"He was on top ", she replied.
|
||
"You will have a boy !" the doctor exclaimed.
|
||
|
||
The second woman was asked the same question.
|
||
"I was on top ", was the reply.
|
||
"you will have a baby girl. " said the doctor.
|
||
|
||
With this, the third women, a blond, burst into tears.
|
||
"Whats the matter ?" asked the doc.
|
||
"Am I going to have puppies ?".....
|
||
|
||
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||
|
||
Blondes...
|
||
They take a lickin', and keep on...
|
||
Lickin!
|
||
|
||
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||
|
||
Did you hear the one about the blonde who thought that "love handles"
|
||
referred to her ears?
|
||
|
||
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||
|
||
Over the weekend I(can't remember name - on newsgrazer) heard a
|
||
blonde telling this joke:
|
||
*
|
||
*Blonde Asks: What do you call a blonde in between two
|
||
brunettes?
|
||
*Blonde Answers: An interprolater!
|
||
*
|
||
*We were laughing so hard we thought we were going to die. The
|
||
funny
|
||
*part was that she thought we were laughing at her joke.
|
||
|
||
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||
Did you here about the blonde that stayed up all night to see
|
||
where the sun went ? It finally dawned on here.
|
||
|
||
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||
|
||
Hubby: As a start I think you should learn to "iron", then we
|
||
could do without the ironing lady.
|
||
Blonde Wife: Well, if you would learn to fuck me properly we
|
||
could do without the gardener.
|
||
|
||
------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||
|
||
A blonde and a brunette were discussing their boyfriends:
|
||
Brunette: Last night I had *three* orgasms in a row!
|
||
Blonde: That's nothing; last night I had over a hundred.
|
||
Brunette: My god! I had no idea he was that good.
|
||
Blonde: ( looking shocked ) Oh, you mean with one guy.
|
||
|
||
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||
|
||
Three blondes are attempting to change a light bulb. One of
|
||
them decides to call 911:
|
||
Blonde: We need help. We're three blondes changing
|
||
a light bulb.
|
||
Operator: Hmmmmm. You put in a fresh bulb?
|
||
Blonde: Yes.
|
||
Operator: The power in the house in on?
|
||
Blonde: Of course.
|
||
Operator: And the switch is on?
|
||
Blonde: Yes, yes.
|
||
Operator: And the bulb still won't light up?
|
||
Blonde: No, it's working fine.
|
||
Operator: Then what's the problem?
|
||
Blonde: We got dizzy spinning the ladder around and
|
||
we all fell and hurt ourselves.
|
||
|
||
------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||
|
||
There were three people stranded on an island, a brunette, a
|
||
redhead, and a blonde. The brunette looked over the water to the
|
||
mainland and estimated about 20 miles to shore. So she announced,
|
||
"I'm going to try to swim to shore." So she swam out five miles,
|
||
and got really tired. She swam out ten miles from the island, and
|
||
she was too tired to go on, so she drowned.
|
||
|
||
The second one, the redhead, said to herself, "I wonder if
|
||
she made it. I guess it's better to try to get to the mainland
|
||
than stay here and starve." So she attempts to swim out. The
|
||
redhead had a lot more endurance than the brunette, as she swam
|
||
out 10 miles before she even got tired. After 15 miles, she was
|
||
too tired to go on, so she drowned.
|
||
|
||
So the blonde thought to herself, "I wonder if they made it!
|
||
I think I'd better try to make it, too." So she swam out 5 miles,
|
||
ten miles, 15 miles, NINETEEN miles from the island. The shore
|
||
was just in sight, but she said, "I'm too tired to go on!" So
|
||
she swam back.
|
||
|
||
------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||
|
||
Teller: Why did the blonde move to L.A.?
|
||
Blonde: I don't know. Why?
|
||
Teller: It was easier to spell.
|
||
Blonde: Easier than what?
|
||
|
||
------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||
|
||
Two blondes were walking through the woods when one looked down
|
||
and said "Oh, look at the deer tracks." The other blonde looks
|
||
and says "Those arn't deer tracks, those are wolf tracks." "No.
|
||
Those are deer tracks." They keep arguing, and arguing, and one
|
||
half hour later they were both killed by a train.
|
||
|
||
------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||
|
||
The blonde came running downstairs, crying. Her mother asked what
|
||
was wrong and the blonde said her boyfriend had just dropped her.
|
||
Her mother (a blonde) nodded wisely and proceeded to tell her
|
||
about the birds and the bees and the blonde said: "No ma. I can
|
||
fuck and suck with the best of them. But he says I can't cook"
|
||
|
||
------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||
|
||
A blonde was telling a priest a Pollock joke, when halfway through the
|
||
priest interrupts her, "Don't you know I'm Polish?"
|
||
|
||
"Oh, I'm sorry," the blonde apologizes, "do you want me to start over
|
||
and talk slower?"
|
||
|
||
------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||
|
||
Three blondes were walking through the desert when found a magic genie's lamp
|
||
t he said, "I will grant three wishes, one for each of you." The first said,
|
||
"I wish I were smarter". So she became a redhead. The second blonde said "I
|
||
wish I were smarter than her." She became a brunette. The third blond said
|
||
"I wish I were smarter than both of them." So she became a man.
|
||
|
||
------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||
|
||
Confucious say: blonde who fly upside down have crack up.
|
||
|
||
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||
|
||
At a carwash in Burbank, there were two identical Hondas coming out
|
||
at the same time. A beautiful blond woman jumps into one and takes
|
||
off, leaving its owner rather perplexed. About three minutes later,
|
||
she reappears at the car wash yelling, "who ripped off my car phone!"
|
||
|
||
------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||
|
||
Last night I went home to my blonde girlfriend, and told her I was going
|
||
to screw her brains out. Then I realized I was too late.
|
||
|
||
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||
|
||
A blonde friend of mine was looking for some transportation, so I bought
|
||
her a Woody. I called her up later and asked how she like it. She told
|
||
me it was OK, but that it didn't look so good once she had taken it out
|
||
of the crate.
|
||
|
||
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||
|
||
This guy just started at his new job, working at a porno shop. His boss
|
||
comes out and tell him that he has to leave for a while, and "can you handle
|
||
it?" The new employee is somewhat reluctant, but with the boss's positive
|
||
comments he finally agrees.
|
||
So, the guy is there by himself for a little while and a white woman comes in.
|
||
A blonde goes into the drug store to buy some rubbers (so she can
|
||
practice safe sex). She walks up to the pharmicist and asks "How
|
||
much for a box of rubbers?"
|
||
"They're $1 for a box of 3," he replied, "Plus 6 cents for the tax."
|
||
"Oh," said the blonde, "I wondered how they kept them on."
|
||
|
||
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||
|
||
Another blonde, another store. She goes over to the deodorant display
|
||
and tells the clerk "I need to buy some deodorant for my husband."
|
||
"Does he use the ball kind?" enquired the clerk.
|
||
"No," replied the blonde, "The kind for under his arms."
|
||
|
||
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||
Finally, the guy's boss returns and asks, "How did you do while I was gone?"
|
||
To which the saleman responded, "I did really good, I sold one white dildo,
|
||
one black dildo, and I sold your thermos for $165!"
|
||
|
||
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||
|
||
Imitation of a blonde refuelling..
|
||
(Flap hand, blowing air into ears)
|
||
|
||
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||
|
||
After many hours of extremely acrobatic and exhausting sex with a blonde he
|
||
had just picked up, a man goes into the kitchen for some food to replenish
|
||
his just-spent energy. He pours himself a glass of milk and right before
|
||
drinking it, he realizes his manhood is still pretty hot, so he sticks
|
||
it in the glass to cool it off. Just then the blonde walks in
|
||
and says, "Oh, I always wondered how you refilled those."
|
||
|
||
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||
|
||
A blonde and a brunette were talking one day. The brunette said that
|
||
her boyfriend had a slight dandruff problem but she gave him "Head and
|
||
Shoulders" and it cleared it up. The blonde asked inquisitively,
|
||
|
||
"How do you give shoulders?"
|
||
|
||
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||
|
||
Person 1: What's the difference between a blonde and garbage?
|
||
Person 2: Garbage gets taken out at least once a week.
|
||
Person 1: Wrong. You tie the garbage up before you take it out.
|
||
|
||
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||
|
||
Did you hear what the blonde who was opening a new bar said when her
|
||
lawyer explained to her that she needed a liquor license?
|
||
|
||
"Oh, it's not gonna be THAT kind of a bar. That's disgusting!"
|
||
|
||
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||
|
||
There was a blonde driving down the road listening to the radio.
|
||
The announcer was telling blonde joke after blonde joke until the blonde
|
||
was mad enough she turned her radio off. A mile down the road, she saw
|
||
another blonde out in a corn field in a boat rowing. The blonde stopped
|
||
her car jumped out and yelled, "You bimbo, it's blondes like you that
|
||
give us all a bad name. If I could swim I'd come out there and give you
|
||
what's coming to you!"
|
||
|
||
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||
A dumb blonde was bragging about her knowledge of the state
|
||
capitals (or for Bill Clinton capitols). She proudly said," go ahead,
|
||
ask me, I know all of them."
|
||
A red head said, "O.K., what's the capital of Wisconsin?"
|
||
The blonde replied, "Oh, that's easy, 'W'."
|
||
|
||
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||
|
||
|
||
A blonde was walking along, when she looked up to observe a bird flying
|
||
overhead. Suddenly, the bird drops a load when it was directly over
|
||
her. The blonde says, "Good thing I had my mouth open, or that would've
|
||
hit me right in the face!!!"
|
||
|
||
Or: "Good thing that cows don't fly.
|
||
|
||
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||
|
||
Blonde Medical Terminology
|
||
|
||
Anally -- occurring yearly
|
||
Artery -- study of paintings
|
||
Bacteria -- back door of cafeteria
|
||
Barium -- what doctors do when treatment fails
|
||
Bowel -- letter like A.E.I.O.U
|
||
Caesarian section -- district in Rome
|
||
Cat scan -- searching for kitty
|
||
Cauterize -- Made eye contact with her
|
||
Colic -- sheep dog
|
||
Coma -- a punctuation mark
|
||
Congenital -- friendly
|
||
D&C -- where Washington is
|
||
Diarrhea -- journal of daily events
|
||
Dilate -- to live long
|
||
Enema -- not a friend
|
||
Fester -- quicker
|
||
Fibula -- a small lie
|
||
Genital -- non-Jewish
|
||
G.I. Series -- soldiers' ball game
|
||
Grippe -- suitcase
|
||
Hangnail -- coathook
|
||
Impotent -- distinguished, well known
|
||
Intense pain -- torture in a teepee
|
||
Labour pain -- got hurt at work
|
||
Medical staff -- doctor's cane
|
||
Morbid -- higher offer
|
||
Nitrate -- cheaper than day rate
|
||
Node -- was aware of
|
||
Outpatient -- person who had fainted
|
||
Pap smear -- fatherhood test
|
||
Pelvis -- cousin of Elvis
|
||
Post operative -- letter carrier
|
||
Protein -- favouring young people
|
||
Rectum -- damn near killed 'em
|
||
Recovery room -- place to do upholstery
|
||
Rheumatic -- amorous
|
||
Scar -- rolled tobacco leaf
|
||
Secretion -- hiding anything
|
||
Seizure -- Roman emperor
|
||
Serology -- study of knighthood
|
||
Tablet -- small tablet
|
||
Terminal illness -- sickness at airport
|
||
Tibia -- country in North Africa
|
||
Tumour -- an extra pair
|
||
Urine -- opposite of you're out
|
||
Varicose -- located nearby
|
||
Vein -- conceited
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
"I'd like to screw your brains out,
|
||
but some one has already beaten me to it !"
|
||
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||
|
||
(Should be sung loudly to the tune of "Oh Christmas Tree")
|
||
|
||
|
||
Oh Lady Di, Oh Lady Di,
|
||
I see thy future failing.
|
||
Oh Lady Di, Oh Lady Di,
|
||
Thy social image's ailing.
|
||
|
||
You married when, you were a child,
|
||
You should be cool, yet you are wild;
|
||
|
||
Oh Lady Di, Oh Lady diiiiii
|
||
Your bills, Chuck still is paying.
|
||
|
||
|
||
Oh Prince Chuckie, Oh Prince Chuckie.
|
||
Fret not, your ears aren't homely.
|
||
Oh Prince Chuckie, Oh Prince Chuckie.
|
||
I doubt that you'll be lonely.
|
||
|
||
With women all around thee mate,
|
||
While you were married, you liked to date.
|
||
|
||
Oh Prince Chuckie, Oh Prince Chuckieeeee...
|
||
You won't be king, I'm sorry.
|
||
|
||
|
||
Oh Dutchess Ferg, oh Dutchess Ferg,
|
||
I never really liked you.
|
||
Oh Dutchess Ferg, oh large ice-berg,
|
||
You're now ex-dutchess, boo-hoo.
|
||
|
||
You take your top off with your kids,
|
||
You date more men than Madonna did.
|
||
|
||
Oh Sara Ferg, oh Sara Ferg,
|
||
Whatever will you now do?
|
||
|
||
|
||
Oh Prince Andy, Oh Prince Andy,
|
||
You should have waited longer...
|
||
Oh Prince Andy, Oh Prince Andy,
|
||
Of porn stars you were fonder.
|
||
|
||
Life could be worse, from this point look,
|
||
At least your wife didn't write a book.
|
||
|
||
Oh Prince Andy, Oh Prince Andeeeee...
|
||
Although she's bigger, is she stronger?
|
||
|
||
|
||
Oh Princess Anne, Oh Princess Anne,
|
||
Why was your wedding tiny?
|
||
Oh Princess Anne, Oh Princess Anne,
|
||
You've got your man now finally! (?)
|
||
|
||
One's not enough, you need some more,
|
||
Perhaps you found your first a bore.
|
||
|
||
Oh Princess Anne, Oh Princess Anne,
|
||
The tabloids do not like thee.
|
||
|
||
|
||
Oh Queen Eliz, Oh Queen Eliz,
|
||
Your life must be quite shoddy.
|
||
Oh Queen Eliz, Oh Queen Eliz,
|
||
Your kids are most ungodly.
|
||
|
||
Your reign supreme, could be at end,
|
||
The British are not your best friend.
|
||
|
||
Oh Queen Eliz, Oh Queen Eliz....
|
||
How like thee taxes? From Steve.
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
The Complete Set Of Blonde Jokes
|
||
--------------------------------------
|
||
|
||
1. Q: What do you call a blonde with half a brain?
|
||
A: Gifted!
|
||
|
||
2. Q: How do blonde braincells die?
|
||
A: Alone.
|
||
|
||
3. Q: What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells?
|
||
A: Pregnant.
|
||
|
||
4. Q: How do you brainwash a blonde?
|
||
A: Give her a douche and shake her upside down.
|
||
|
||
5. Q: What do you call it when a blonde dies their hair brunette?
|
||
A: Artificial intelligence.
|
||
|
||
6. Q: How does a blonde part their hair?
|
||
A1: (Action of scissoring legs apart)
|
||
A2: By doing the splits.
|
||
|
||
7. Q: Why aren't blondes good cattle herders?
|
||
A: Because they can't even keep two calves together!
|
||
|
||
8. Q: What did the blonde's right leg say to the left leg?
|
||
A: Nothing. They've never met.
|
||
|
||
9. Q: Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink?
|
||
A: Because, that's where you're supposed to wash vegetables!
|
||
|
||
10. Q: When does a brunette have 1/2 of a brain?
|
||
A: After a dye job.
|
||
|
||
11. Q: Why didn't the blonde want a window seat on the plane?
|
||
A1: She'd just dyed her hair.
|
||
A2: She'd just blow dried her hair and she didn't want it blown around
|
||
too much.
|
||
|
||
12. Q: Why do blondes wear their hair up?
|
||
A: To catch everything that goes over their heads.
|
||
|
||
13. Q: Why is it good to have a blonde passenger?
|
||
A: You can park in the handicap zone.
|
||
|
||
14. Q: What was the blonde psychic's greatest achievment?
|
||
A: An IN-body experience!
|
||
|
||
15. Q: Why is a blonde like a turtle?
|
||
A: They both get fucked up when they're on their back.
|
||
|
||
16. Q: What do Darren Millane (Collingwood footballer killed in a
|
||
recent car crash) and a blonde have in common?
|
||
A: Put either of 'em in a car and their fucked.
|
||
|
||
17. Q: What's a blonde's favorite nursery rhyme?
|
||
A: Humpme Dumpme.
|
||
|
||
18. Q: How do you make a blonde's eyes light up?
|
||
A: Shine a flashlight in their ear.
|
||
|
||
19. Q: How do you get a blondes eyes to twinkle?
|
||
A: Shine a torch in her ears.
|
||
|
||
20. Q: Why should blondes not be given coffee breaks?
|
||
A: It takes too long to retrain them.
|
||
|
||
21. Q1 How can you tell if a blonde's been using the computer?
|
||
A: There's white-out on the screen.
|
||
Q2: How can you tell if another blonde's been using the computer?
|
||
A: There's writing on the white-out.
|
||
|
||
22. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a computer?
|
||
A: You only have to punch information into a computer once.
|
||
|
||
23. Q: What do a blonde and your computer have in common?
|
||
A: You don't know how much either of them mean to you until they go
|
||
down on you.
|
||
|
||
24. Q: What did the blonde think of the new computer?
|
||
A: She didn't like it because she couldn't get channel 9.
|
||
|
||
25. Q: Why do blondes wear shoulder pads?
|
||
A: (With a rocking of the head from side to side) I dunno!
|
||
|
||
26. Q: How do you kill a blonde?
|
||
A: Put spikes in their shoulder pads.
|
||
|
||
27. Q: How do blondes pierce their ears?
|
||
A: They put tacks in their shoulder pads.
|
||
|
||
28. Q: Why don't blondes eat Jello?
|
||
A: They can't figure out how to get two cups of water into those
|
||
little packages.
|
||
|
||
29. Q: What do you call a blonde with a dollar on the top of their head?
|
||
A: All you can eat, under a buck.
|
||
|
||
30. Q: Why don't blondes eat pickles?
|
||
A: Because they can't get their head in the jar.
|
||
|
||
31. Q: Why don't blondes eat bananas?
|
||
A1: They can't find the zipper.
|
||
A2: They cant find the pull tab.
|
||
|
||
32. Q: Why do blondes wear hoop earrings?
|
||
A: They have to have some place to rest their ankles.
|
||
|
||
33. Q: Why do blondes where big hoop earrings?
|
||
A: To put their feet through.
|
||
|
||
34. Q: What does a blonde put behind her ears to make her more attractive?
|
||
A: Her ankles.
|
||
|
||
35. Q: Why do blondes wear green lipstick?
|
||
A: Because red means stop.
|
||
|
||
36. Q: Why do blondes wear red lipstick?
|
||
A: Because red means "Stop, wrong hole."
|
||
|
||
37. Q: How can you tell if a blonde has been in your refrigerator?
|
||
A: By the lipstick on your cucumbers.
|
||
|
||
38. Q: Why don't blondes use vibrators?
|
||
A: They chip their teeth.
|
||
|
||
39. Q: Why do blondes wear underwear?
|
||
A: They make good ankle warmers.
|
||
|
||
40. Q: What do blondes do for foreplay?
|
||
A: Remove their underwear.
|
||
|
||
63. Q: What is the worst thing about sex with a blonde?
|
||
A: Bucket seats.
|
||
|
||
64. Q: What do blondes say after sex?
|
||
A1: "Thanks, Guys!"
|
||
A2: "Are you boys all in the same band?"
|
||
A3: Do you guys all play for the <team name>?
|
||
A4: Who were all those guys?
|
||
|
||
65. Q: Why is a blonde like a door knob?
|
||
A: Because everybody gets a turn.
|
||
|
||
66. Q: Why is a blonde like railroad tracks?
|
||
A: Because she's been laid all over the country.
|
||
|
||
67. Q: What important question does a blonde ask her mate before having sex?
|
||
A: Do you want this by the hour, or the flat rate?
|
||
|
||
68. Q: Why do blonde girls have trouble achieving orgasm?
|
||
A: *Who cares?*
|
||
|
||
69. Q: Why do blondes have orgasms?
|
||
A: So they know when to stop having sex!
|
||
|
||
70. Q: How do you tell when a blonde reaches orgasm?
|
||
A1: She drops her nail-file!
|
||
A2: Who cares?
|
||
A3: She says, "Next".
|
||
A4: The next person in the queue taps you on the shoulder.
|
||
A5: He's had his clothes for about 2 minutes.
|
||
A6: I mean, who really cares?
|
||
A7: The batteries have run out.
|
||
|
||
71. Q: What does a blonde say when you blow in their ear?
|
||
A: "Thanks for the refill!"
|
||
|
||
72. Q: What is it called when a blonde blows in another blonde's ear?
|
||
A: Data transfer.
|
||
|
||
73. Q: Why do blondes use tapons with extra long strings?
|
||
A: So the crabs can go bungee-jumping.
|
||
|
||
74. Q: How can you tell which blonde is the waitress?
|
||
A: She is the one with the tampon behind her ear, wondering
|
||
what she did with her pencil.
|
||
|
||
75. Q: What did the blonde customer say to the buxom waitress (reading her
|
||
nametag) ?
|
||
A: "'Debbie'...that's cute. What did you name the other one ?"
|
||
|
||
76. Q: Why do blondes have more fun?
|
||
A1: Because they don't know any better.
|
||
A2: They are easier to keep amused.
|
||
|
||
77. Q: How many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb?
|
||
A1: "What's a lightbulb?"
|
||
A2: One. She holds the bulb and the world revolves around her.
|
||
A3: Two. One to hold the Diet Pepsi, and one to call, "Daaady!"
|
||
|
||
78. Q: What's a blonde's favourite wine?
|
||
A: "Daaaddy, I want to go to Miaaami!"
|
||
|
||
79. Q: What do you call a basement full of blondes?
|
||
A: A wine cellar.
|
||
|
||
80. Q: Why are there no dumb brunettes?
|
||
A: Peroxide.
|
||
|
||
81. Q: Why does NASA hire peroxide blondes?
|
||
A: They're doing research on black holes.
|
||
|
||
82. Q: What does a peroxide blonde and a 747 have in common?
|
||
A1: They both have a black box.
|
||
A2: Both have a cockpit.
|
||
|
||
83. Q: What is the difference between a blonde and a 747?
|
||
A: Not everyone has been in a 747.
|
||
|
||
84. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a limousine?
|
||
A: Not everybody has been in a limo.
|
||
|
||
85. Q: What does a blonde say when she gives birth?
|
||
A: Gee, Are you sure it's mine?
|
||
|
||
86. Q: What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
|
||
A: "Are you sure it's mine?"
|
||
|
||
87. Q: What do you call 10 blondes standing ear to ear?
|
||
A: A wind tunnel.
|
||
|
||
88. Q: What do you call 15 blondes in a circle?
|
||
A: A dope ring.
|
||
|
||
89. Q: Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, a dumb blonde, and a smart
|
||
blonde are walking down the street when they spot a $10 bill.
|
||
Who picks it up?
|
||
A1: The dumb blonde! because, there is no such thing as Santa Claus,
|
||
the tooth fairy, or a smart blonde.
|
||
A2: None of them. There is no such thing as Santa Claus, the Tooth
|
||
Fairy or a smart blonde and the dumb blonde thought it was a gum
|
||
wrapper.
|
||
|
||
90. Q: Why did the blonde scale the glass wall?
|
||
A: To see what was on the other side.
|
||
|
||
91. Q: What do you do when a blonde throes a hand grenade at you?
|
||
A: Pull the pin and throw it back.
|
||
|
||
92. Q: Why do blondes take the pill?
|
||
A: So they know what day of the week it is.
|
||
|
||
93. Q: Why did the blonde stop using the pill?
|
||
A: Because it kept falling out.
|
||
|
||
94. Q: Why did the blonde have a sore navel?
|
||
A: Because her boyfriend was also blond!
|
||
|
||
95. Q: If a blonde and a brunette are tossed off a building, who hits the
|
||
ground first?
|
||
A: The brunette. The blonde has to stop to ask for directions.
|
||
|
||
96. Q: What happens when a blonde gets Alzheimers disease?
|
||
A: Her IQ goes up!
|
||
|
||
97. Q: What's the difference between Indiana and a blonde?
|
||
A: A blonde has larger hills and deeper valleys.
|
||
|
||
98. Q: Whats the difference between a blonde and a Porsche?
|
||
A: You don't lend the Porsche out to your friend.
|
||
|
||
99. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a toothbrush?
|
||
A: You don't let your best friend borrow your toothbrush.
|
||
|
||
100. Q: What is the difference between butter and a blonde?
|
||
A: Butter is difficult to spread.
|
||
|
||
101. Q: What is the difference between a blonde and a bowling ball?
|
||
A1: You can only get three fingers in a bowling ball.
|
||
A2: You can't fit the blonde in the bowling ball.
|
||
A3: There is no difference. They're both round and have
|
||
three holes to poke.
|
||
A4: You don't eat your bowling ball
|
||
|
||
102. Q: What do a bowling ball and a blonde have in common?
|
||
A: Chances are they'll both end up in the gutter.
|
||
|
||
121. Q: What did the blonde's mom say to her before the blonde's date?
|
||
A: If you're not in bed by 12, come home.
|
||
|
||
122. Q: What's the blonde's cheer?
|
||
A: " I'm blonde, I'm blonde, I'm B.L.O.N....ah, oh well..
|
||
I'm blonde, I'm blonde, yea yea yea..."
|
||
|
||
123. Q: What do you get when you offer a blonde a penny for her thoughts?
|
||
A: Change.
|
||
|
||
124. Q: How does a blonde moonwalk?
|
||
A: She pulls down her panties and slides her ass along the floor!
|
||
|
||
125. Q: Why do blondes find it difficult to marry?
|
||
A: Because you don't have to marry them for sex!
|
||
|
||
126. Q: What do you get when you cross a blonde and a gorilla?
|
||
A: Who knows, there is only so much a gorilla can be forced to do.
|
||
|
||
127. Q: Why does a blonde only change her baby's diapers every month?
|
||
A: Because it says right on it "good for up to 20 pounds."
|
||
|
||
128. Q: How did the blonde try to kill the bird?
|
||
A: She threw it off a cliff.
|
||
|
||
129. Q: How does a blonde kill a fish?
|
||
A: She drowns it.
|
||
|
||
130. Q: Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished her jigsaw
|
||
puzzle in only 6 months?
|
||
A: Because on the box it said From 2-4 years.
|
||
|
||
131. Q: What do you say to a blonde with no arms and no legs?
|
||
A: "Nice tits!"
|
||
|
||
132. Q: How does a blonde high-5?
|
||
A: She smacks herself in the forehead.
|
||
|
||
133. Q: How do you amuse a blonde for hours?
|
||
A: Write 'Please turn over' on both sides of a piece of paper.
|
||
|
||
134. Q: Why aren't there many blonde gymnasts?
|
||
A: Because when they do the splits, they stick to the floor.
|
||
|
||
135. Q: Why do blondes have legs?
|
||
A1: So they don't get stuck to the ground.
|
||
A2: To get between the bedroom and the kitchen.
|
||
A3: So they don't leave trails, like little snails.
|
||
|
||
136. Q: Why did the blonde go half way to Norway and then turn around
|
||
and come home?
|
||
A: It took her that long to discover that a 14-inch Viking was a
|
||
television.
|
||
|
||
137. Q: What is the irritating part around a blonde's vagina?
|
||
A1: The blonde!
|
||
A2: The other guys waiting their turn.
|
||
|
||
138. Q: How do you describe a blonde, surrounded by drooling idiots?
|
||
A: Flattered.
|
||
|
||
139. Q: Why do blondes always die before help arrives?
|
||
A: They always forget the "11" in "9-1-1".
|
||
|
||
140. Q: What did the blonde say when asked if she'd ever been picked
|
||
up by "the fuzz"?
|
||
A: "No. But I've been swung around by the tits."
|
||
|
||
141. Q: What do you call a swimming pool full of blondes?
|
||
A: Frosted Flakes.
|
||
|
||
142. Q: What do you call 20 blondes in a freezer?
|
||
A: Frosted Flakes.
|
||
|
||
143. Q: How does a blonde interpret 6.9?
|
||
A: A 69 interrupted by a period.
|
||
|
||
144. Q: What's the difference between a blonde having her period and
|
||
a terrorist?
|
||
A: You can negotiate with a terrorist.
|
||
|
||
145. Q: What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerios?
|
||
A: "Oh look! Donut seeds!"
|
||
|
||
146. Q: Why do blondes have two more brain cells than a cow?
|
||
A1: So they don't shit everywhere when you pull their tits.
|
||
A2: So that when you pull their tits, they don't moo.
|
||
|
||
147. Q: Why don't blondes breast feed?
|
||
A: Because they always burn their nipples.
|
||
|
||
148. Q: Did you hear about the blonde lesbian?
|
||
A: She kept having affairs with men!
|
||
|
||
149. Q: Why do blondes put their hair in ponytails?
|
||
A: To cover up the valve stem.
|
||
|
||
150. Q: What did the blonde name her pet zebra?
|
||
A: Spot.
|
||
|
||
151. Q: What do you call a fly buzzing inside a blonde's head?
|
||
A: A Space Invader.
|
||
|
||
152. Q: What's a blondes' favourite rock group?
|
||
A: Air Supply.
|
||
|
||
153. Q: What do you see when you look into a blonde's eyes?
|
||
A: The back of her head.
|
||
|
||
154. Q: Why do blondes drive VW's?
|
||
A: Because they can't spell PORSCHE!
|
||
|
||
155. Q: How do you make a blonde laugh on Monday mornings?
|
||
A: Tell them a joke on Friday night!
|
||
|
||
156. Q: Why did God create blondes?
|
||
A: Because sheep can't bring beer from the fridge.
|
||
Q: Why did God create brunettes?
|
||
A: Neither could the blondes.
|
||
|
||
157. Q: What do you call a blonde in a tree with a brief case?
|
||
A: Branch Manager.
|
||
|
||
158. Q: How did the dumb blonde break her leg raking leaves?
|
||
A: She fell out of the tree.
|
||
|
||
159. Q: Why do blondes have see-through lunch box lids?
|
||
A1: So they know if it is morning or afternoon.
|
||
A2: So that when they're on the train they can tell
|
||
if they're going to work or coming home.
|
||
|
||
160. Q: Whats black and fuzzy and hangs from the ceiling?
|
||
A: A blonde electrician.
|
||
|
||
161. Q: Why are dumb blonde jokes so short?
|
||
A1: So brunettes can remember them.
|
||
A2: Because blondes are so SHALLOW a long joke wouldn't fit.
|
||
A3: So men can understand them.
|
||
|
||
162. Q: Why wasn't the Virgin Mary a blonde?
|
||
A: She wouldn't have been old enough to bear children!
|
||
|
||
163. Q: What do you call a smart blonde?
|
||
A1: A golden retriever.
|
||
A2: A labrador.
|
||
A3: An indicator of a really bad hangover.
|
||
|
||
187. Q: What's the difference between a prostitute, a nymphomaniac,
|
||
and a blonde?
|
||
A: The prostitute says, "Aren't you done yet?"
|
||
The nympho says, "Are you done already?"
|
||
The blonde says, "Beige...I think I'll paint the ceiling beige."
|
||
|
||
188. Q: How do you get a blonde to marry you?
|
||
A: Tell her she's pregnant.
|
||
Q: What will she ask you?
|
||
A: "Is it mine?"
|
||
|
||
189. Q: What do you call a dumb blonde behind a steering wheel?
|
||
A: An air bag.
|
||
|
||
190. Q: Why are there lip stick stains on the steering wheel after a blonde
|
||
drives a car?
|
||
A: Cause she blows the horn!
|
||
|
||
191. Q: What does a blonde say when you ask her if her blinker is on?
|
||
A: It's on. It's off. It's on. It's off. It's on. It's off.
|
||
|
||
192. Q: Why did the blonde drive into the ditch?
|
||
A: To turn the blinker off.
|
||
|
||
193. Q: What goes VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH?
|
||
A: A blonde going through a flashing red light.
|
||
|
||
194. Q: What is happening when you hear varoom...screech, varoom...screech,
|
||
varoom...screech.....?
|
||
A: A blonde trying to drive through an intersection with a flashing
|
||
red light.
|
||
|
||
195. Q: Why did the blonde tattoo her zip code on her stomach?
|
||
A: So her male would get delivered to the right box.
|
||
|
||
196. Q: Did you hear about the blonde couple that were found frozen to death
|
||
in their car at a drive-in movie theater?
|
||
A: They went to see "Closed for the Winter".
|
||
|
||
197. Q: How can you tell when a blonde is dating?
|
||
A: By the buckle print on her forehead.
|
||
|
||
198. Q: How can you tell who is a blonde's boyfriend?
|
||
A: He's the one with the belt buckle the matches the impression in her
|
||
forehead.
|
||
|
||
199. Q: What is the blonde's chronic speech impediment?
|
||
A: She can't say "No".
|
||
|
||
200. Q: What did they name the offspring of a blonde and a Puerto Rican?
|
||
A: Retardo.
|
||
|
||
201. Q: What do you call a blonde in an institution of higher learning?
|
||
A: A visitor.
|
||
|
||
202. Q: Why did the blonde wear condoms on her ears?
|
||
A: So she wouldn't get Hearing Aides.
|
||
|
||
203. Q: How can you tell if a blonde works in an office?
|
||
A: A bed in the stockroom and huge smiles on all the bosses' faces.
|
||
|
||
204. Q: Why can't blondes put in light bulbs?
|
||
A: They keep breaking them with the hammers.
|
||
|
||
205. Q: What is a cool refreshing drink for a blonde?
|
||
A: Perri-air.
|
||
|
||
206. Q: Did you hear about the blonde coyote?
|
||
A: Got stuck in a trap, chewed off three legs and was still stuck.
|
||
|
||
207. Q: Why did the blonde take her typewriter to the doctor?
|
||
A: She thought it was pregnant because missed a period.
|
||
|
||
208. Q: When is it legal to shoot a blonde in the head?
|
||
A: When you have a tire pump to reinflate it!
|
||
|
||
209. Q: What is a blonde's favorite part of a gas station?
|
||
A: The Air Pump!
|
||
|
||
210. Q: How do you measure a blonde's intelligence?
|
||
A: Stick a tire pressure gauge in her ear!
|
||
|
||
211. Q: Why was the blonde upset when she got her Driver's License?
|
||
A: Because she got an F in sex.
|
||
|
||
212. Q: What do you call two nuns and a blonde?
|
||
A: Two tight ends and a wide receiver.
|
||
|
||
213. Q: Why did the blonde cross the road?
|
||
A1: Forget the road, what was she doing out of the bedroom!?
|
||
A2: I don't know.
|
||
R: Neither did she.
|
||
|
||
214. Q: Did you here about the blonde who shot an arrow into the air?
|
||
A: She missed.
|
||
|
||
215. Did you here about the blonde that stayed up all night to see
|
||
where the sun went ? It finally dawned on her.
|
||
|
||
216. A blonde was driving down the highway to Disneyland when she saw
|
||
a sign that said "DISNEYLAND LEFT". After thinking for a minute,
|
||
she said to herself "oh well !" and turned around an drove home.
|
||
|
||
On her way home the same blonde drove past another sign that said
|
||
"CLEAN RESTROOMS 8 MILES". By the time she drove eight miles, she
|
||
had cleaned 43 restrooms.
|
||
|
||
217. How about the suicide blonde,
|
||
she dyed by her own hand.
|
||
|
||
218. A brunette and a blonde are walking along in a park. The brunette
|
||
says suddenly, "Awww, look at the dead birdie." The blonde stops,
|
||
looks up, and says, "Where?"
|
||
|
||
219. A policeman pulled a blonde over after he/she'd been driving the
|
||
wrong way on a one-way street.
|
||
Cop: Do you know where you were going?
|
||
Blonde: No, but wherever it is, it must be bad 'cause all the
|
||
people were leaving.
|
||
|
||
220. A cop stops a blonde woman who was driving down a motorway.
|
||
"Miss, may I see your driver's licence please?"
|
||
"Driver's licence? What's that?..."
|
||
"It's a little card with your picture on it."
|
||
"Oh, duh! Here it is..."
|
||
"May I have your car insurance?"
|
||
"What's that?..."
|
||
"It's a document that says you are allowed to drive the car."
|
||
"Oh this? Duh! Here you go..."
|
||
The cop then takes his dick out of his pants, while the blonde
|
||
exclaims:
|
||
"Oh no, not another breathalyzer test!"
|
||
|
||
221. Hubby: As a start I think you should learn to "iron," then we
|
||
could do without the ironing lady.
|
||
Blonde Wife: Well if you would learn to Fuck me properly we could do
|
||
without the gardener.
|
||
|
||
222. A blonde and a brunette were discussing their boyfriends:
|
||
Brunette: Last night I had *three* orgasms in a row!
|
||
Blonde: That's nothing; last night I had over a hundred.
|
||
Brunette: My god! I had no idea he was that good.
|
||
Blonde: ( looking shocked ) Oh, you mean with one guy.
|
||
|
||
223. Three blondes are attempting to change a light bulb. One of
|
||
them decides to call 911:
|
||
|
||
227. Two blondes were walking through the woods when one looked down
|
||
and said "Oh, look at the deer tracks." The other blonde looks
|
||
and says "Those arn't deer tracks, those are wolf tracks." "No.
|
||
Those are deer tracks." They keep arguing, and arguig, and one
|
||
half hour later they were both killed by a train.
|
||
|
||
228. The blonde came running downstairs, crying. Her mother asked what
|
||
was wrong and the blonde said her boyfriend had just dropped her.
|
||
Her mother (a blonde) nodded wisely and proceeded to tell her about
|
||
the birds and the bees and the blonde said: "No ma. I can fuck and
|
||
suck with the best of them. But he says I can't cook."
|
||
|
||
229. Two blondes observed in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of
|
||
their Mercedes with a coat hanger.
|
||
|
||
Blonde#1: I can't seem to get this door unlocked!
|
||
|
||
Blonde#2: Well, you'd better hurry up and try harder, its starting
|
||
to rain and the top is down!
|
||
|
||
230. A blonde was walking along, when she looked up to observe a bird flying
|
||
overhead. Suddenly, the bird drops a load when it was directly over
|
||
her. The blonde says, "Good thing I had my mouth open, or that would've
|
||
hit me right in the face!!!"
|
||
|
||
Or: "Good thing that cows don't fly."
|
||
|
||
231. A dumb Blonde died and went to Heaven. When she got to the Pearly
|
||
Gates, she met Saint Peter who said, "Before you get to come into
|
||
Heaven, you have to pass a test."
|
||
"Oh, No!" she said but Saint Peter said not to worry he'd make it easy.
|
||
"Who was God's son?" said Saint Peter.
|
||
The dumb Blonde thought for a few minutes and said "Andy!"
|
||
"That's interesting... What made you say that?" said Saint Peter
|
||
Then She started to sing "Andy walks with me! Andy talks with me!
|
||
Andy tells me..."
|
||
|
||
232. Did you hear about the blonde that went to library and checked out
|
||
a book called "How to Hug"? Got back to the dorm and found out it
|
||
was volume seven of the encyclopaedia...
|
||
|
||
233. A blonde's response to the comment, "THINK about it!":
|
||
"I don't have to think -- I'm blonde!"
|
||
|
||
234. A blonde, a brunette and a redhead went into a bar and asked the
|
||
bartender:
|
||
Brunette: "I'll have a B and C."
|
||
Bartender:"What is a B and C?".
|
||
Brunette: "Bourbon and Coke."
|
||
Redhead: "And, I'll have a G and T."
|
||
Bartender: "What's a G and T?"
|
||
Redhead: "Gin and tonic."
|
||
Blonde: "I'll have a 15."
|
||
Bartender: "What's a 15?"
|
||
Blonde: "7 and 7"
|
||
|
||
235. A government study has shown that blondes do have more fun - they
|
||
just don't remember who with.
|
||
|
||
236. Two blondes were driving along a road by a wheat field when they saw
|
||
a blonde in the middle of the field rowing a row boat. The driver
|
||
blonde turned to her friend and said "You know - it's blondes like
|
||
that that give us a bad name!" To this the other blonde replied "I
|
||
know it, and if I knew how to swim I'd go out there and drown her."
|
||
|
||
237. ... then there was the blonde who started the restaurant with the
|
||
slogan "Billions Served - just today"
|
||
|
||
238. Q. How can you tell that a blonde's having a bad day.
|
||
A. She has a tampon tucked behind her ear, and she can't find her pencil.
|
||
|
||
239. Q: Why are only 2% of blondes touch-typists?
|
||
A: The rest are hunt'n peckers.
|
||
|
||
240. Q: What do you call a blond mother-in-law?
|
||
A: An air bag.
|
||
|
||
241. Q: Why should you never take a blonde out for coffee?
|
||
A: It's too hard to re-train them.
|
||
|
||
242. Q: What do blondes wear behind their ears to attract men.
|
||
A: Their heels.
|
||
|
||
243. Q: Why don't blondes have elevator jobs?
|
||
A: They don't know the route.
|
||
|
||
244. Q: Why do blondes work seven days a week?
|
||
A: So you don't have to retrain them on Monday.
|
||
|
||
245. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and an ironing board?
|
||
A: It's difficult to open the legs of an ironing board.
|
||
|
||
246. Q: What is foreplay for a blonde?
|
||
A: Thirty minutes of begging.
|
||
|
||
247. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a broom closet?
|
||
A: Only two men fit inside a broom closet at once.
|
||
|
||
248. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a phone booth?
|
||
A1: You need a quarter to use the phone.
|
||
A2: Only one person can use the phone at once.
|
||
|
||
249. Q: What does the Bermuda Triangle and blondes have in common?
|
||
A: They've both swallowed a lot of semen.
|
||
|
||
250. Q: What did the blonde say when she knocked over the priceless
|
||
Ming vase?
|
||
A: "It's OK Daddy, I'm not hurt."
|
||
|
||
251. Q: How does a blonde commit suicide?
|
||
A: She gathers her clothes into a pile and jumps off.
|
||
|
||
252. Q: How do you plant dope?
|
||
A: Bury a blonde.
|
||
|
||
253. Q: Why did god give blonds 2% more brains than horses?
|
||
A: Because he didn't want them shitting in the streets during parades.
|
||
|
||
254. Q: How do you get a one-armed blonde out of a tree?
|
||
A: Wave to her.
|
||
|
||
255. Q: How does a blonde measure his/her IQ?
|
||
A: With a tire gauge! (da da dum)
|
||
|
||
256. Q: How does a blonde get pregnant?
|
||
A: And I thought blondes were dumb!
|
||
|
||
257. Q: What do you call a blonde with ESP and PMS?
|
||
A: A know-it-all bitch.
|
||
|
||
258. Q: What's the difference between a counterfeit dollar and a
|
||
skinny blonde?
|
||
A: One's a phony buck.
|
||
|
||
259. Q: What's the difference between a chorus line of blondes and
|
||
a magician?
|
||
A: A magician has a cunning array of stunts.
|
||
|
||
260. Q: What is the best blonde secretary in the world to have?
|
||
A: One that never misses a period.
|
||
|
||
261. Q: What does a blonde think an innuendo is?
|
||
A: An Italian suppository.
|
||
|
||
262. Q: Why don't a blondes guts fall out of her twat when she stands?
|
||
A: Because the vaccum in her head keeps them in place.
|
||
|
||
280. Q: Why do men like blonde jokes??
|
||
A: Because they can understand them.
|
||
|
||
281. Q: Why do blondes like lightning?
|
||
A: They think someone is taking their picture.
|
||
|
||
282. Q: Why do all blondes all have a dimple on their chin and a
|
||
flat forehead?
|
||
A: Finger on chin-I don't know. Hits forehead-Oh I get it!
|
||
|
||
283. Q: Why do blondes have little holes all over their faces?
|
||
A: From eating with forks.
|
||
|
||
284. Q: Why do blondes have big bellybuttons?
|
||
A: From dating blonde men.
|
||
|
||
285. Q: Why do blondes wear tampons?
|
||
A: Because crabs like Bungie Jumping too.
|
||
|
||
286. Q: But why do brunettes take the pill ?
|
||
A: Wishful Thinking.
|
||
|
||
287. Q: Why don't blondes double recipes?
|
||
A: The oven doesn't go to 700 degrees.
|
||
|
||
288. Q: Why don't blondes make good pharmacists?
|
||
A: They can't get the bottle into the typewriter.
|
||
|
||
289. Q: Why don't blondes call 911 in an emergency?
|
||
A1: They can't remember the number.
|
||
A2: She can't find the number 11 on the telephone buttons.
|
||
|
||
290. Q: What do you call a blonde touching her toes?
|
||
A: A brunette with bad breath.
|
||
|
||
291. Q: What does a blonde make best for dinner?
|
||
A: Reservations.
|
||
|
||
292. Q: What do blondes do after they comb their hair?
|
||
A: They pull up their pants.
|
||
|
||
293. Q: What do you call five blondes at the bottom of the pool?
|
||
A: Air bubbles.
|
||
|
||
294. Q: What do you call 3 blondes, a chimp, and another blonde standing on a
|
||
street corner?
|
||
A: 4 f*cks, 4 f*cks, 4 f*cks, not for a zillion f*cks, 4 f*cks!
|
||
|
||
295. Q: What do you call a blonde lesbian?
|
||
A: A waste.
|
||
|
||
296. Q: What do you call 4 blondes lying on the ground?
|
||
A: An air mattress.
|
||
|
||
297. Q: What do you call an unmarried blond in a BMW?
|
||
A: Divorcee'
|
||
|
||
298. Q: What do you call a hooker and four blondes?
|
||
A: Regular price, four bucks, four bucks, four bucks,
|
||
four bucks.
|
||
|
||
299. Q: What does a blonde owl say?
|
||
A: What, what?
|
||
|
||
300. Q: What do you call a zit on a blonde's ass?
|
||
A: A brain tumor.
|
||
|
||
301. Q: What do you get when you turn 3 blondes upside-down?
|
||
A: Two brunettes.
|
||
|
||
302. Q: What do a blonde and President Gorbachev have in common?
|
||
A: They both got fucked by 10 men whilst on holiday.
|
||
Q2: What's the difference between a blonde and President Gorbachev?
|
||
A: He knows who the ten men were.
|
||
|
||
303. Q: Why did the blonde scale the chain-link fence?
|
||
A: To see what was on the other side.
|
||
|
||
304. Q: Why did they stop doing the "WAVE" at BYU?
|
||
A: Too many blondes were drowning.
|
||
|
||
305. Q: Why did Bush want to send blondes with PMS over to Iraq?
|
||
A: They're mad enough to kill and they can retain water.
|
||
|
||
306. Q: Why did the blonde have tire tread marks on her back?
|
||
A: From crawling across the street when the sign said
|
||
"DON'T WALK".
|
||
|
||
307. Q: Why did the blonde keep a coat hanger in her back seat?
|
||
A: In case she locks the keys in her car.
|
||
|
||
308. Q: Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?
|
||
A: So she wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills.
|
||
|
||
309. Q: Why did the blonde want to become a veternarian?
|
||
A: Because she loved children.
|
||
|
||
310. Q: If an blonde and a brunette jumped off a bridge,
|
||
who would die first?
|
||
A: The brunette -- because the blonde would have to
|
||
stop and ask for directions.
|
||
|
||
311. Q: To a blonde, what is long and hard?
|
||
A: Grade 4.
|
||
|
||
312. What are the worst six years in a blonde's life?
|
||
A: Third Grade.
|
||
|
||
313. Q: What is the difference between a blonde and a refrigerator?
|
||
A: A refrigerator doesn't fart when you pull your meat out of it.
|
||
|
||
314. Q: What is the definition of gross ignorance?
|
||
A: 144 blondes.
|
||
|
||
315. Q: Why is 68 the maximum speed for blonds?
|
||
A: Because at 69 they blow a rod...
|
||
|
||
316. Q: Why won't they hire a blonde pharmacist?
|
||
A: They keep breaking the prescription bottles in the typewriters.
|
||
|
||
317. Q: What is the definition of the perfect woman?
|
||
A: A deaf and dumb blonde nymphomaniac whose father owns a pub.
|
||
|
||
318. Q: Why is a blonde like an old washing machine?
|
||
A: They both drip when they're fucked.
|
||
|
||
319. Q: How would a blond punctuate the following?:
|
||
"Fun fun fun worry worry worry"
|
||
A: Fun period fun period fun NO PERIOD worry worry worry!
|
||
|
||
320. Q: Why is the blonde's brain the size of a pea in the morning?
|
||
A: It swells at night.
|
||
|
||
321. Q: A blonde is walking down the street with a pig under her arm.
|
||
She passes a person who asks "Where did you get that?"
|
||
A: The pig says, "I won her in a raffle!"
|
||
|
||
322. Q: A blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should
|
||
cut it in six or twelve pieces.
|
||
A: "Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces."
|
||
|
||
323. Q: What's a blonde's idea of safe sex?
|
||
A: Locking the car door.
|
||
|
||
324. Q: Why did the blonde keep failing her driver's test?
|
||
A: Because every time the door opened, she jumped into the back seat.
|
||
|
||
334. Blondes...
|
||
They take a lickin', and keep on...
|
||
Lickin!
|
||
|
||
335. Did you hear the one about the blonde who thought that "love handles"
|
||
referred to her ears?
|
||
|
||
336. Confucious say; blonde who fly upside down have crack up.
|
||
|
||
337. At a carwash in Burbank, there were two identical Hondas coming out
|
||
at the same time. A beautiful blond woman jumps into one and takes
|
||
off, leaving its owner rather perplexed. About three minutes latter,
|
||
she reappears at the car wash yelling, "who ripped off my car phone!"
|
||
|
||
338. This guy just started at his new job, working at a porno shop. His
|
||
boss comes out and tell him that he has to leave for a while, and "can
|
||
you handle it?" The new employee is somewhat reluctant, but with the
|
||
boss's positive comments he finally agrees.
|
||
A blonde goes into the drug store to buy some rubbers (so she can
|
||
practice safe sex). She walks up to the pharmicist and asks "How
|
||
much for a box of rubbers?"
|
||
"They're $1 for a box of 3," he replied, "Plus 6 cents for the tax."
|
||
"Oh," said the blonde, "I wondered how they kept them on."
|
||
|
||
339. Another blonde, another store. She goes over to the deodorant display
|
||
and tells the clerk "I need to buy some deodorant for my husband."
|
||
"Does he use the ball kind?" enquired the clerk.
|
||
"No," replied the blonde, "The kind for under his arms."
|
||
|
||
340. Another blonde in the porno shop:
|
||
She asks, "How much for the white dildo?"
|
||
He answers, "$35."
|
||
She: "How much for the black one?"
|
||
He: "$35 for the black one, $35 for the white one."
|
||
She: "I think I'll take the black one. I've never had a black one
|
||
before."
|
||
She pays him, and off she goes.
|
||
A little bit later a black woman comes in and asks "How much for the
|
||
black dildo?"
|
||
He: "$35."
|
||
She: "How much for the white one?"
|
||
He: "$35 for the white one, $35 for the black one."
|
||
She: "Hmmm...I think I'll take the white one. I've never had a white
|
||
one before..."
|
||
She pays him, and off she goes.
|
||
About an hour later a young blonde woman comes in and asks, "How much
|
||
are your dildos?"
|
||
He: "$35 for the white, $35 for the black."
|
||
She: "Hmmmmm....how much is that plaid one on the shelf?"
|
||
He: "Well, that's a very special dildo...it'll cost you $165."
|
||
She thinks for a moment and answers, "I'll take the plaid one, I've
|
||
never had a plaid one before...."
|
||
She pays him, and off she goes.
|
||
Finally, the guy's boss returns and asks, "How did you do while I was
|
||
gone?"
|
||
To which the salesman responded, "I did really good, I sold one white
|
||
dildo, one black dildo, and I sold your thermos for $165!"
|
||
|
||
341. After many hours of extremely acrobatic and exhausting sex with a blonde
|
||
he had just picked up, a man goes into the kitchen for some food to
|
||
replenish his justspent energy. He pours himself a glass of milk and
|
||
right before drinking it, herealizes his manhood is still pretty hot,
|
||
so he sticks it in the glass to cool it off. Just then the blonde walks
|
||
in and says, "Oh, I always wondered how you refilled those."
|
||
|
||
342. Blonde Medical Terminology
|
||
|
||
Anally -- occurring yearly
|
||
Artery -- study of paintings
|
||
Bacteria -- back door of cafeteria
|
||
Barium -- what doctors do when treatment fails
|
||
Bowel -- letter like A.E.I.O.U
|
||
Caesarian section -- district in Rome
|
||
Cat scan -- searching for kitty
|
||
Cauterize -- Made eye contact with her
|
||
Colic -- sheep dog
|
||
Coma -- a punctuation mark
|
||
Congenital -- friendly
|
||
D&C -- where Washington is
|
||
Diarrhea -- journal of daily events
|
||
Dilate -- to live long
|
||
Enema -- not a friend
|
||
Fester -- quicker
|
||
Fibula -- a small lie
|
||
Genital -- non-Jewish
|
||
G.I. Series -- soldiers' ball game
|
||
Grippe -- suitcase
|
||
Hangnail -- coathook
|
||
Impotent -- distinguished, well known
|
||
Intense pain -- torture in a teepee
|
||
Labour pain -- got hurt at work
|
||
Medical staff -- doctor's cane
|
||
Morbid -- higher offer
|
||
Nitrate -- cheaper than day rate
|
||
Node -- was aware of
|
||
Outpatient -- person who had fainted
|
||
Pap smear -- fatherhood test
|
||
Pelvis -- cousin of Elvis
|
||
Post operative -- letter carrier
|
||
Protein -- favouring young people
|
||
Rectum -- damn near killed 'em
|
||
Recovery room -- place to do upholstery
|
||
Rheumatic -- amorous
|
||
Scar -- rolled tobacco leaf
|
||
Secretion -- hiding anything
|
||
Seizure -- Roman emperor
|
||
Serology -- study of knighthood
|
||
Tablet -- small tablet
|
||
Terminal illness -- sickness at airport
|
||
Tibia -- country in North Africa
|
||
Tumour -- an extra pair
|
||
Urine -- opposite of you're out
|
||
Varicose -- located nearby
|
||
Vein -- conceited
|
||
|
||
343. Q: Why don't blondes like making KOOL-AID?
|
||
A: Because they can't fit 8 cups of water in the little
|
||
packet.
|
||
|
||
344. Q: How do you give a blonde a brain transplant?
|
||
A: Blow in her ear.
|
||
|
||
345. Q: Why does a blonde have fur on the hem of her dress?
|
||
A: To keep her ankles warm.
|
||
A2: To keep her neck warm
|
||
|
||
346. Q: How can you tell a blonde had a bad day?
|
||
A: Her tampon is behind her ear and she doesn't know what
|
||
she did with her cigarette.
|
||
|
||
347. Q: What does a blonde say after multiple orgasms?
|
||
A: Way to go team!
|
||
|
||
348. Q: How can you tell if a blonde has a vibrator?
|
||
A: By the chipped tooth.
|
||
|
||
365. Q: What do you call a brunette and three blondes on a corner?
|
||
A: You don't, you see if you've got 3 condoms.
|
||
|
||
366. Q: Why did the blonde keep ice cubes in the freezer?
|
||
A: So she could keep the refriderator cold.
|
||
|
||
367. Q: How did the blonde break her leg playing hockey with the Toronto
|
||
Maple Leafs?
|
||
A: She fell out of the tree.
|
||
|
||
368 Q: What can strike a blonde without her even knowing it?
|
||
A: A thought.
|
||
|
||
369. Q: How many blondes does it take to play Hide and Seek?
|
||
A: One.
|
||
|
||
370. Q: Why couldn't the blonde write the number ELEVEN ?
|
||
A: She didn't know what ONE came first...
|
||
|
||
371 Q: Why don't blondes talk when having sex?
|
||
A1: Their mothers told them not to talk to strangers.
|
||
A2: Their mothers told them not with there mouths full.
|
||
|
||
372 Q: What do you call a blonde with 90% of her intelligence gone?
|
||
A: Divorced.
|
||
|
||
373 Q: What do you call a blonde without an asshole?
|
||
A: Divorced.
|
||
|
||
374. A blonde and a brunette were talking one day. The brunette said that
|
||
her boyfriend had a slight dandruff problem but she gave him "Head and
|
||
Shoulders" and it cleared it up. The blonde asked inquisitively,
|
||
|
||
"How do you give shoulders?"
|
||
|
||
375. Person 1: What's the difference between a blonde and garbage?
|
||
Person 2: Garbage gets taken out at least once a week.
|
||
Person 1: Wrong. You tie the garbage up before you take it out.
|
||
|
||
376. Q: How many blondes does it take to make a circuit?
|
||
A: Two, One to stand in the bathtub, and another to pass her the
|
||
blow dryer!
|
||
|
||
|
||
377. Q: How is a blonde like a postage stamp?
|
||
A: You lick'm, stick'em, and send'em on their way.
|
||
|
||
|
||
378 Q: How do you describe 3 prostitutes and a blonde?
|
||
A: Ho, Ho, Ho, and to all a good night.
|
||
|
||
379. Did you hear what the blonde who was opening a new bar said when her
|
||
lawyer explained to her that she needed a liquor license?
|
||
|
||
"Oh, it's not gonna be THAT kind of a bar. That's disgusting!"
|
||
|
||
|
||
380. Q: What do you call a bunch of blondes with yeast infections?
|
||
A: A wine and cheese party!
|
||
|
||
381. Q: Why did the blonde fail her drivers liscence ?
|
||
A: She wasn't used to the front seat!
|
||
|
||
382. (Visual Joke)
|
||
Q: What did the blonde say when she tried driving stick for the first time?
|
||
A: "How do you shift this thing?" (you make jacking off motions)
|
||
|
||
383. Q: What does a blonde do if she is not in bed by 10?
|
||
A: She picks up her purse and goes home.
|
||
|
||
384. Q: Where do blondes go to meet their relatives?
|
||
A: The vegetable garden.
|
||
|
||
385. Q: How many blondes does it take to play tag?
|
||
A: One.
|
||
|
||
386. Q: What's the difference between a lesbian finger-fucking a blonde
|
||
and a Schwinn at the side of the road?
|
||
A: One's a bike in a ditch, and the other's . . . .
|
||
|
||
387. Teller: Why did the blonde move to L.A.?
|
||
Blonde: I don't know. Why?
|
||
Teller: It was easier to spell.
|
||
Blonde: Easier than what?
|
||
|
||
388. Q: Why did the blonde want to become a veterinarian?
|
||
A: She liked kids...
|
||
|
||
389 Q: What do you call four Blondes in a Volkswagon?
|
||
A: Far-from-thinkin
|
||
|
||
390 Q: Why don't they let Blondes swim in the ocean?
|
||
A: Because they can't get the smell out of the tuna.
|
||
|
||
391 Q: What happened to the blonde tap dancer?
|
||
A: She slipped off and fell down the drain.
|
||
|
||
392 A: Did you hear about the blonde who dropped out of nursing school?
|
||
|
||
She was doing great until she found out she would have to perform the Hymenlick
|
||
Manuever.
|
||
|
||
393 Q: Did you hear about the blond skydiver?
|
||
A: She missed the Earth!
|
||
|
||
|
||
394 Q: What do a moped and a blond have in common?
|
||
A: They're both fun to ride until a friend sees you on one.
|
||
|
||
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||
413. The new blonde secretary was having trouble in her new job, and heard
|
||
some of her co-workers laughing about how dumb she was. That evening she went
|
||
home and studied map of the United States.
|
||
The next day she went into the office and announced that she knew all 50
|
||
states and their capitols.
|
||
One of her office mates said, "OK, what's the capitol of Wyoming?"
|
||
and the blonde replied: "W."
|
||
|
||
414. Q: How do you know whether or not the blonde you slept with last night
|
||
gave you a good blow-job?
|
||
A: The sheets are sucked up your ass.
|
||
|
||
415. Q: Why did the blonde stare at the frozen orange juice can for 2 hours?
|
||
A: Because it said 'concentrate'.
|
||
|
||
416. Q: Why do blondes occupy about 90% of the net bandwidth?
|
||
A: Because they keep accidentally deleting their copies of the Blonde Joke
|
||
List.
|
||
|